Paradise Hotel 09/23 Recap – The Witch is Dead… but the Witch Hunt Continues
The writers at the FORT are a sadistic bunch. If you’ve read many of the Paradise Hotel recaps, you’ll notice that PH doesn’t have a regular recapper. Instead we play a sick game of musical chairs that I have been fortunate enough to win week after week. Until now.
My reward? A special 2 hour episode of TV’s most embarrassing, but addictive, reality show. If any of your ‘realities’ include anyone like Zack, Amy or Toni, you have my deepest sympathies.
No One Cared The First Time He Was Kicked Out….
The show begins like it always begins. Recaps. Recaps that seem to stretch back further and further. Essentially, the returning houseguests couldn’t figure out to play the game the second time around and got kicked out again. Along with Tom and Desiree, who no one will miss anyhow. Amy was left with no friends but Scott, who didn’t appreciate the extra 2 seconds Dave took before deciding to boot out Beau instead.
The aftermath is wide spread, as expected, after a tragedy like Beau’s departure. It’s even storming… perhaps even God is crying for Amy. Or perhaps he’s crying for all of humanity now that this show has become so successful. Amy is devastated. You see, this is the first time she’s been alone since coming to Paradise Hotel and it’s been a fight for her ever since Zack left. I’m not sure if we’re to feel sorry for Amy since everytime I’ve seen her fighting with anyone it seems to be something she’s started. To further illustrate my point, Amy takes it upon herself to expose Dave’s duplicity. Amy rounds up Scott, and starts in on Dave. Amy tells Scott that Beau told her that Dave told him that Dave wanted to see Beau out before Scott. If you’ve ever played the telephone game in third game, you know this never ends well. Dave tells Amy to refrain from telling him what he told Beau and insists he didn’t betray anyone. Scott seems thoroughly confused, Amy rails about integrity and honesty some more and Dave walks away exasperated – but not before shooting Amy the finger behind her back. It was a beautiful moment and I’d like to think Dave did that for all of us.
Tara is unfortunate enough to have to spend her birthday at Paradise Hotel and Dave and Charla plan to do something special for her. Dave wants to give her the gift of song and runs it by Charla who is visibly not impressed. It’s not a good song and if it had any monetary value I’d recommend returning it. The group, minus Scott, gathers together to surprise Tara. She’s greeted with signs and presents (Barbies, of course) and in a display of true friendship, Keith joins Dave in singing the horrible song to Tara. In an effort to make up for the embarrassing song, Keith gives Tara a private dance for her and presumably an even more private dance back in the bedroom. I’m gonna guess she was happier with Keith’s gift than Dave’s.
Later on, they attend an Arabian Night themed costume ball, complete with dancers and snakes. Keith is terrified of snakes, despite a tattoo that appears to BE a snake on his upper chest. Charla dances with a snake and remarks to Dave how cool it felt on her bare skin. I guess the line on what Charla allows on her bare skin falls somewhere between reptiles and Dave.
Keep It Simple, Stupid
That night, still in full Arabian costume, they head to Pandora’s Box. Amy is asked if she still wants Keith out despite the fact they have been getting along better. Amy screws up her face a bit and then answers yes. Tara is asked who she’d send home first between Amy and Holly. Tara easily says Amy, thanks to all the horrible treatment she’s received at her hands. Charla is asked if she’s ever seduced anyone at the hotel and if it worked. Charla laughs and says Scott, who turned her down. Dave is asked why he sent home Beau and if his logic would apply to anyone else. Dave says he sent out Beau to protect himself and his alliance. For some reason, unbeknownst to me, Keith asks Scott if he really thought Dave would vote out Keith before Scott. Scott says no, but Dave jumps in and says not so fast. Again, for no reason I can think of, Dave lets Keith know that he DID consider voting out Keith to save Scott. Dave must really be in love with the sound of his own voice. Everyone is stunned, except Dave who thinks his reasoning makes perfect sense. Keith is then asked if it would be as easy to take out Dave as it was to take out Zack. Keith says if it’s the end game, yes.
Later, Tara and Keith discuss Dave and both think his confession during Pandora’s Box was uncool. Dave and Keith meet up later in the pool and Dave insists he would save Keith before Scott and is surprised Keith would doubt that. If Zack has lawyer in him, then Dave has politician in him, since his logic escapes any sort of rhyme or reason.
So Long, Farewell
The girls all get their notices that a woman will be leaving that night. At breakfast, Charla tells Amy she thinks she’s safe. Apparently this is the wrong thing to say to Amy since she proceeds to storm off. Is this girl ever NOT in tantrum mode or is she just always practicing for her future job as ‘Jerry Springer Guest’?
Tara and Charla decide to have some fun with it and practice their walk of shame, or as Charla calls it, the walk of freedom. I must say, if Amanda ever decides to vacate the job as host for PH2, Tara could easily step in. She does a killer impression. Neither Dave, nor Amy is impressed with the girls practicing. Dave, because he’s wetting his pants at the thought of Charla leaving and Lord knows this guy doesn’t need any more embarrassment in his life and Amy, well, I’m not sure why Amy got so annoyed. She later admits that she is hanging on because she doesn’t feel that Keith, Tara, Charla and possibly Dave deserve to be here. I guess sitting through Amy’s endless tantrums does score Dave a few points after all.
Amy is not the only irritable one around Paradise Hotel; it’s spread to Holly. Holly gives Scott the silent treatment and then gets upset with Scott when he plans to give her some space. Would it have been too much for the hotel staff to throw some Midol in the orange juice? We never do discover why Holly is so annoyed, but if this is some strategy to stay in the game, I must say it sucks. After all, alienating the ONE person that would possibly save you is certainly not a strategy I would employ.
Tara and Keith continue to worry if Dave is plotting against them. Tara thinks that Dave wrote her question the night before so Amy would target Tara, rather than Charla if Amy found herself in a position of power. Keith and Tara share their concerns with Charla who then reports back to Dave. Seems like Dave doesn’t trust Keith either as Dave says he thinks Keith would send home Charla and Dave. Dave is losing what little grip on reality he already had.
We WILL See
At the roommate selection Amanda explains that the person without a roommate leaves Paradise Hotel. Amy gets to select first. She heads on over to Keith. Amanda asks why and Amy says she wouldn’t want to make Scott choose and that everyone picks Dave when they have no one else. Ouch. Charla chooses next, flashes her Dave bracelet and heads over to join her good buddy. Tara joins Amy at Keith’s side and says she picked him because he’s sweet and thoughtful and wants the chance to room with him again. I’m sure his dance for her the other night didn’t hurt either. Holly heads over to Scott, who doesn’t look too pleased. Holly explains that it’s been a bumpy ride, but there have been more ups than downs. Please Holly, save the stories for Penthouse. It’s obvious that Amy thinks there will be a twist as she grins away, waiting for Keith to decide between Tara and herself. Keith naturally picks Tara, but says he doesn’t want to send Amy home because she has a good heart. Apparently by ‘good heart’, Keith means ‘raving psychopath’. Amanda confirms that Amy is indeed leaving, lest you anticipated some cruel twist, and Amy takes the opportunity to proclaim her love for Zack. We’re treated to all the nauseating flashback of Amy’s life at Paradise including the infamous ‘we’ll see’ fight with Keith. I guess Keith DID see after all. Amanda finally tells the skag to check out and Amy reluctantly hugs everyone good-bye and takes her walk of shame. I wonder if the extra hour was really to celebrate Amy’s departure.
How To Dig Your Own Grave
After Amy leaves, Amanda informs the remaining six that one person will have the power to force out one couple at the next elimination. All feign shocked and nervous glances before heading down to celebrate. They receive news that they are going on a 24 hour excursion the next day and to be ready by 7am. Keith decides this is a good time to approach Scott, should he get the power, and begins to tell Scott that Dave can’t be trusted. Before they get a chance to discuss anything, Dave interrupts and realizes, with a little common sense and Keith’s panicked expression that Keith was plotting against him.
The 6 remaining guests leave the next morning in 6 separate cars for their 24 hour excursion. In a bizarre, Temptation Island sort of twist, the couples are mixed up on private dates. Scott and Tara go boating, Keith and Charla have a spa date and Dave and Holly don’t do much but eat and drink.
Keith and Charla are relieved since they thought they’d meet up with the ex-guests again. Keith speculates that Dave is probably working on Holly and he hopes Tara is working on Scott. Charla defends her teammate and says that Dave is still loyal to Tara and Keith; he’s just playing the game. She insists Keith has nothing to worry about.
Meanwhile, Dave fails in his attempt to seduce Holly when she doesn’t buy his explanation that mussels are aphrodisiacs. Once he realizes he won’t be getting any loving from Holly, Dave resorts back to the game. He gets Holly to admit that she’d save Dave and Charla and tells her he’d do the same for her. Holly, in a rare moment of clarity, points out that Charla would never let him do that. He says that he would consult with Charla, but he would have the last say. Dave maintains that he does not do Charla’s bidding and tells Holly that she and Scott have nothing to worry about.
The 6 guests separate again and move on to phase two of musical couples. Charla finds Scott waiting for her; Tara meets up with Dave while Keith and Holly pair up. Everyone seems pleased to see each other with the exception of Holly and Keith who begin to argue in the pool. Keith tells Holly that Dave would save Keith over Dave and Holly starts screaming for no apparent reason. The two continue screaming and Scott and Charla spend the rest of the night eavesdropping.
Yes, I Lied – That’s No Reason Not To Trust Me!
Upon their return, Keith seeks out Dave and asks him if he’d save Keith over Scott. Dave says yes. Keith asks Dave to find Scott and tell him as much. Dave refuses and Keith gets pissed off. Dave doesn’t seem to get that the numbers are still in his favour and he doesn’t need to keep sucking up to Scott. Holly reports to Scott that Dave promised their safety while they were out on their excursion. Armed with this information, Scott summons Keith to their room and fills him in on what Dave promised Holly. Keith and Scott are both pissed that Dave’s trying to play both sides against the middle. Keith again confronts Dave and Dave insists he’s just playing the game. Once again he swears his allegiance to Keith and explains that Scott protected him and Dave feels he owes Scott. You see, now that everyone else Scott hang around with is gone, Dave can hang with the cool kids… or cool kid. Dave doesn’t understand why Keith is taking this so personally. Keith asks Dave to explain why he feels it necessary to lie to Scott. Dave says he has too much on his mind and can’t talk about it right now. In other words, his lies are catching up to him and he has to run and hide in the bathroom.
The Whole Truth And Nothing BUT The Truth
Life doesn’t get any easier for Dave at Pandora’s box. Charla is asked who should go home. She said she doesn’t want to send anyone home, but knows she will not send Tara and Keith home. Keith is asked if his trust in Dave has changed. Keith says the last Pandora’s Box was hard… he hopes he can trust Dave but thinks Dave should have worded what he meant a little better. Scott is asked who he trusts and says neither Charla nor Tara have backstabbed him, but he has no reason not to trust Charla. Interesting that he doesn’t mention either Keith, who’s preached honesty to him, or Holly… well, maybe it’s not that interesting. Dave is asked why Holly and Scott should give him the power if it was up to them. Dave explains he’s sent a lot of people home already and he doesn’t want the power. Good answer Dave, good answer. Amanda rejoins the group and tells them that they have one hour to decide who they want to give this magical power of elimination to. They cannot vote for themselves, nor for their teammates and are sent off to consider their decision.
While the group is off agonizing over their decisions, Scott informs Keith that he and Holly will be voting for Keith. Of course, Scott explains he wants Keith to vote out Dave. Scott tries to guilt Keith into keeping him because, unlike Dave, Scott has integrity. You see, Dave led Scott to believe that he would save him, but he lied. Keith has never promised Scott anything, and therefore, he did not lie. Scott will reward this behaviour by giving him the power to eliminate a couple because Keith has never falsely promised him anything. Despite the fact that Scott is well aware of the alliance between Dave and Keith, Scott believes Keith owes him. Ah, guilt - the strategy that all the originals eventually use.
During this last hour, Dave, ever the master planner, takes this opportunity to alienate the one person who is firmly on his side. He explains to Charla how much she’s hurt him. He complains about feeling rejected by her time and time again. Charla points out that she’s never given him any indication she wants anything more than friendship and that she intends to be great friends with him after they go home.
The night gets worse for Dave as everyone assembles in Dave and Charla’s room to rag on Dave. Dave is confronted with all of his lies and eventually admits that he had an alliance with Keith and Tara, but never made them any promises. Finally, he admits that he lied, but he would never vote out Tara and Keith.
Who Do You Love?
The group assembles for the elimination ceremony and Amanda asks them for their vote. Scott, Holly, Dave & Charla all vote for Keith. Tara and Keith vote for Charla. Keith is called upon to decide which couple is sent home.
Of course, we’re not actually going to find out NOW. You mean you sat through this entire recap thinking you’d get an answer? Hahahaha. No. We’ll find out next week during the two hour season finale next week who Keith eliminates…. Oh, along with the winners of Paradise Hotel, of course. We also get to find out what the Ultimate Prize will be.
Hopefully it’s free rehab for all us pathetic viewers.
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