Hi all! Well I get to lose my virginity to Paradizzle tonight since I picked the short straw this week. Like some others before me, I have not had the pleasure of watching this crizaptacular show on Mondays and Wednesdays, so please forgive me if I do not understand all of the goings on of the past couple weeks. Like I said, I’m losing my virginity on this one, but I’ll try to get into it so we can all enjoy ourselves.
Huevos Rancheros and Cheese
Let me first state that I am truly thankful they showed everyone’s names and faces at the beginning to get me caught up, although I really could have done without the cheesy intro a la Beverly Hills 90210, but hey, this is FOX. We are reminded that Melanie and Desiree were the last to be eliminated from Paradise, which left Tom without a partner. I, myself, am not too disappointed by this occurrence since it is two faces I don’t have to remember.
The day starts with a breakfast of huevos rancheros, and Tom immediately starts strategizing with Dave about getting one of the girls to stay with him so as to avoid being eliminated. Dave will see what he can do. The girls are eating breakfast in another nook of Paradise. Amy arrives last and immediately begins shoving her face with food. Now I’ve read a little on this Amy chick and her unfortunate acne, but if she’s going to stuff her face with all that crap then there is obviously no help for her. Amy announces, “This is weird. This is too weird for me. This isn’t paradise. Zack is my paradise.” Wow. Yeah. Wow. This is going to be a little over the top for me. Tara and Charla decide they are too cool for Amy and Holly, so they go off and paint flames and arrows on one another’s bodies.
Later we see Amy complaining again to Beau, her roommate. She can’t wait for this game to end. Beau believes she is being ridiculous. He says, “Because the strong Amy I know. . . I don’t know where she is; I don’t think you know where she is.” This is when I start believing this must be scripted because I would have gone off on a friend if they said anything as remotely cheesy as that to me.
Close Encounters of the Psychic Kind
Later that day, Beau reads a letter out loud to the group announcing there will be a séance with Madame Judith. (At this point, I get very pissed that I am going to have to look up the spelling of séance, but as I am just typing it out phonetically on my computer, it does it for me along with the accent. Excellent! This definitely makes up for the crap I’m being forced to watch.)
Madame Judith tells each contestant how his or her future lives will be affected. For some reason, FOX couldn’t find an English-speaking medium so Pedro interprets for her, although personally I would specifically interpret incorrectly just to get a few giggles out of this torture. Anyway, Tara is told that she is going to have problems with matters of the heart. We go to flashbacks of her hooking up with everyone, so I’m guessing it means she might get some fatal sexually transmitted disease? Is there one? I’m left to ponder. Amy is told she will have a better understanding of her personal “stuff” (Excellent, Madame Judith. Don’t be too specific otherwise we might think you’re a fake.) Amy will also experience less depression, which leads us to a flashback of Amy crying multiple times. Scott is told there will be a lot of surprises that will bring him money. Hi, Foreshadowing, I don’t believe we’ve met. Holly is then told she will become a woman involved in politics, which leads to a flashback of her on a boat and then writhing around on a boat. I guess she will be politically involved in the Gary Hart/Donna Rice sort of way. Keith is told he will be in a lot of power and unfinished projects will get finished. Charla is lastly told that she will be on a higher level than other people and will be triumphant over her enemies. Charla gives a smirk that shows she is pleased with this realization. For some reason, Tom is not told a future, but instead gets to talk with his grandfather. Tom never got to say good-bye to him and is teary eyed at the opportunity to do so. Again, Madame Judith plays it sly by saying his grandfather loves Tom very much and is going to take care of him always. She’s no John Edwards, but Tom believes every word.
Monkey Love Party
The next day we see Holly and Scott taking a walk in Paradise. Holly mentions that Scott only pays attention to her when he wants to talk about the game or strategy. She says she feels they are in a rut, that they are more than friends but not in a relationship. It’s called being contestants on a cheesy reality show, which could also explain why he only talks to you about the game and strategy. I’m no rocket scientist though. We then go to Charla and Dave getting ready. Well actually it’s Charla getting ready, with Dave ogling in the background. Dave gives this speech about how Charla could never look unattractive basically even if nuclear waste fell on her. Now I see why Charla picked him. There is a lot of power when someone is wrapped around your finger. Her response is a very unappreciative, “Thanks, Dave.”
The group then heads over to a party that Tom is throwing with his stuffed monkey, Smokey. I am sure there is a story behind this, but again I’m a virgin to this, so any monkey named, Smokey, is a little too much for me to handle right now. Craziness ensues at this party with alcohol being poured down an ice luge and Amy twirling a stick like a baton. It all climaxes to a silly string fight with Charla getting the brunt of the string. This leads her to say, “I guess I know what people really think of me”. No Charla, you stood there like an idiot and didn’t shoot back.
Dave pulls Beau aside and tells him he has felt guilty ever since he voted him out. He is so glad he is back. Beau responds he never played the game before, basically saying that he won’t be fooled again. After getting all the silly string out of her hair, Charla calls Dave from her room and tells him she’s lonely, and Dave responds he’ll be there soon. Amy makes whipping sounds then asks, “Does she ever do anything for you?” Dave doesn’t answer. The others end up teasing Dave saying he isn’t acting upon his feelings for her, and he should get drunk then accidently fall on her. Somehow Dave thinks this is a good idea and brings Charla three drinks.
Tom, Beau, and Amy decide to head up to Dave and Charla’s room to have a little fun. When they arrive, they all jump on Dave’s bed and start teasing him about what he is wearing. While this mayhem continues, Charla decides she doesn’t want to be a part of it and heads over to Tara and Keith’s room. Realizing Charla left, Dave finally asks Tom, Beau, and Amy to please leave. Dave then heads over to Tara and Keith’s room and asks Charla to come back and sleep in their room. Charla does not understand why she needs to do that since they don’t even sleep in the same bed. This is where I get a little confused. Isn’t the point of this game to hook up? Don’t people get eliminated if they don’t have a partner? Charla must really think she has Dave wrapped around her finger to be pulling stunts like this.
Dave heads back to his room pissed. Charla decides to come back. She gets ready for bed silently, and then says a quick “Good night”. Dave stays sitting up in bed leading Charla to finally question, “Are you still sitting?” Dave answers yes, and Charla wonders why? “I’m thinking”. Confused, Charla asks, “What is there to think about?” How about how you play Dave for your benefit and maybe he’s realizing it’s payback time? Dave tells Charla that he’s hurt she doesn’t take his feelings into account. Charla doesn’t understand why sleeping in Tara’s room would affect the way she felt about him especially when they don’t even sleep in the same bed. Dave then mentions, “Everyone thinks our relationship is completely one-sided.” Charla doesn’t say anything, but I bet she is wondering how this is going to affect her now.
How about we eliminate “surprise” twists?
The gentlemen of Paradise receive a letter informing them one of them will be eliminated tonight so they better get to steppin’ with their packing. Some start to speculate who will be heading home tonight. Beau and Tom say they don’t want to go home. Tara says she’ll be pissed if Keith is eliminated. They both think it might be Dave. Once Dave realized it would be a gentleman eliminated that night, he starts backpedaling like a speedboat in reverse. He immediately starts apologizing to Charla for last night, and tells her he fears he’ll be the one eliminated. Charla says “What do you think I’m going to do without you?” I’m wondering that too. She has put far too much energy wrapping Dave around her finger that there is not enough time to start on a new project.
That night Amanda instructs the gentlemen to pick a roommate. Since Tom has been the one without a roommate, he gets to pick first. He chooses Charla. His reason is basic. He has roomed with all the other girls except Charla. Amanda asks if there are any other reasons, and Tom says no. Tom is clearly the lady’s man, and Charla seems warmed by his intentions.
The rest of the gentlemen pick. Obviously, Dave picks Charla, Beau picks Amy, Keith picks Tara, and Scott picks Holly. Therefore, leaving Charla with a decision to make between Tom and Dave. Since Dave is her “best friend” and Tom didn’t really give a great reason for picking her, she ends up choosing Dave. Tom has nothing to say about his elimination except hugs for all the guys.
Random bad infomercial voiceover man: But wait! There’s more!
Tonight someone will join Tom in the elimnation. Amanda asks Tom who he thinks should be eliminated. Tom thinks none of them should, but he eventually chooses Dave. Dave seems surprised, but understanding.
Random bad infomercial voiceover man: But wait! There’s STILL more!
Dave reads the contents of an envelope announcing he will not be eliminated but instead has to pick someone else to leave Paradise. At this point, I’ve given up getting into it anymore. The overdramatic production and cheesy twists leave my first experience with Paradise Hotel quite unsatisfying. But the show is not finished yet. Dave is quite relieved, but Tom still has to exit Paradise. Unexpectedly, at least for me, Tom runs off with his arms up in the air like he’s hearing the theme to “Rocky” playing in his head. Maybe his tears and sorrow were all a ruse. Who knows? Back to the drama.
Dave admits this choice is really hard and he hates doing this. Beau mentions what Dave said the other night about regretting eliminating him. He reminds Dave he won’t do the same. Dave says, “No matter what I do, people are going to get pissed and people are going to be disappointed.” He eventually picks Beau. Beau, realizing he has been played out twice, is quite pissed but remains calm. He tells Dave he is not a man of his word. Amy is left crying as Beau leaves Paradise.
Later that night, Dave tells Tara and Keith that he eliminated Beau so he could keep Scott for Holly. (I can’t believe I am actually remembering who all these people are without watching a single episode.) Dave hopes those two remember that and cover his back when the time comes. Scott does ask Dave why he took so long in deliberating. Dave never answers, and Scott doesn’t seem too thrilled. So we’ll see if Dave’s plan works.
Amy is quite upset with the elimination and continues to stuff her face with food. She talks with her mouth full also, which I find quite disgusting. Charla mentions to someone off camera that Amy has survived all of her friends being eliminated. Charla believes Amy is strong and has what it takes to win.
So could this be foreshadowing for the “Supersized” Paradise Hotel next Monday? Who knows, I’m spent from this momentous occasion in my life. The finale, though, has arrived and will start next Monday, so tune in to see who will be the final couple left.
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