Wow, last night's show... where do I begin? I went into it knowing that it was going to be quite the twist and it did not disappoint. The Originals are just as bitter as ever, so that was no surprise. But what DID surprise me was that as I sat and watched, I found myself disliking the Outsiders less as well. By the end of it, I had decided that I pretty much can't stand any of them now.
Charla - I've gone all the way around as far as you go. At first I thought you were a spoiled princess who didn't want to dirty yourself in associating with the "little people". And I still remember the first episode where you picked Beau just because you "didn't like Amanda". You were always by yourself and refused to associate with anyone. Then Dave showed up and immediately you had a follower. Someone who would talk to you whether you liked it or not (and most of the time you made it pretty clear that you didn't like it). But you opened up a little and I actually saw some brains behind that pretty face and those sunglasses. Not only that, but the other guests started showing their true colors and I began to think that maybe you were right when you said they were all a bunch of high schoolers. While I still agree with that, I don't think you're any different than they are. You pretend to be Dave's friend, but then talk bad about him behind his back. The guy goes out of his way for you and you don't even appreciate it. So Dave's a goofy-looking annoying dork. So what? Looks will fade and eventually even you won't be that pretty anymore. And what's with all the pouting, crying, and being off by yourself? I can understand that you're not as wild as everyone else. That's fine. I wouldn't want to play all the wild sex and booze games either (well, maybe the booze games, but not the sex ones), but you could at least have tried to be sociable. Scott's not really into all that crap, but he's still liked by the Originals, because he made the effort to get to know them. It's your own fault they don't like you.
Dave - The Pendulum Man, so-called because I swing back and forth on him. Physically and socially, you're the one I most identify with. I don't have model looks either and I feel awkward in social situations involving the opposite gender. But that's where the similarity ends. You ended up on the show and I immediately adopted you as my mascot. Dorks, unite! But you proceeded to make a complete ass of yourself and I was horrified. This was not who I wanted representing my people. But then you settled down and I thought you had your act together. Little did I know how wrong I was. Get a clue, Dave: Charla doesn't like you and she never will. She's just using you as a safety net, because she knows you'll do anything for her. Tattoo Freak, even though he was a rude jackass about it, was right. You're being used, and if you can't see that, then you're dumber than I thought.
Keith - You're the only one who's ever been totally up front about "playing the game". You're always a few moves ahead of everyone else. You held your ground in the face of fierce enemy fire, and that stolid emotionless expression will always be a classic moment in Paradise Hotel History. You may be the only one now that I'm not totally disgusted with (with the possible exception of Scott and Amanda). A word of advice, though: next time Amy asks if you're God, you say "Why, yes I am" and laugh maniacally.
Tara - Physically attractive, but I don't think you can be trusted. You saw off Amanda after promising she'd be there, and you've wavered several times on the Outsider Alliance. Sure, you got rid of Alex and that's a plus, but I see that dagger you're hiding in your bra (Is that a dagger I see before me, the handle towards my hand? Come, let me clutch thee. I can touch thee not but yet I see thee still...).
Tom (and Smokey) and Desiree - Goodbye, newbies. You're in way over your heads. If you think for one minute that the Originals will take you in, you'll soon find out what a mistake it was to think that. By the way, was Tom even at the Hotel last night?
I've made it no secret how much I dislike the Originals, so I won't recap that here. But I will say this: Amanda was the only one that I wasn't disgusted with last night. She was the only Original there that didn't insult or degrade anyone. Props to Amanda. Everyone else, you disgust me.