I will have to admit this is my first real look at Paradise Hotel. And now after a complete viewing I want to vomit from my eyeballs. I didnít really know this was on prime-time television. It is like a soap opera of wild on spring break. This week opens with Keith the new guy telling Kristin that it sucks that somebody has to go home. Why does that suck, I am thinking get these people out of here the quicker the better! Keith tells us he is more than aware of the cliques/alliances that exist in Paradise.
Back at Hotel Hell, I mean Paradise Hotel, Zack gets in a screaming match with Amy telling her she is a treasure to be found and he is the one for her but gets nothing back from her. He screams she screams they decide they are best friends and resort to physical contact because it is obvious they canít communicate verbally.
At breakfast Keith is told he will get a private day trip on a boat with the girl of his choice. He is also told there will be pictures of the day for posterity. Keith decides to get some input about his trip from Tara and Charla. Keith decides to take Kristin and goes and asks her and she appears to be very happy. Keith wants her to bring multiple changes of clothes for their big photo session. Kristin does the typical girl whine about having nothing sexy to wear. Keith informs Toni she was his second choice.
THIS MESSAGE WILL SELF DESTRUCT
Clique one gets a little huddle together with Kristin and gives her the secret mission for her trip Zack informs her she has a lot of information gathering to do today. Alex thinks Keith wants him gone, and Kristin says it's all about kicking out the guy he doesn't like. Zack thinks it will be him and emphasizes how he is more of everything than Keith. There is a flashback to the selection is shown, where Zack claimed Keith didn't have abs and Keith took off his shirt to show them, nice abs by the way. Zack isn't going to let that "little bitch" have power over him. Everyone starts referring to Keith as having all the power, the POWER; itís like the force or something. One week at Paradise Hotel obviously makes you a Jedi.
SMILE FOR THE CAMERA
During Keith and Kristinís trip Keith gets pretty handsy for the photo shoot. Zack tells the group back at the hotel he thinks Keith is playing with them by taking Kristin. He predicts Keith will drop a major bomb. Zack proclaims that Keith will be in a world of hurt if he picks him, Scott, or Alex to send home. What exactly is a world of hurt? I can only see that Keithís world will get less painful by sending Zack. So, if Zack is picked will Zack beat him up? Out on the boat Kristin informs Keith that everybody wants Dave out this week, Charla out the next week, and Beau out after that. Keith notes that Dave broke up Amanda and Beau when he came, and he's still there. Me thinks Keith listened to old master Yoda and is not afraid of the dark side!
I WAS A GOOD GIRL, PROMISE
Kristin and Keith return from the trip and Kristin runs around saying how much fun it was; Keith agrees. Kristin exclaims breathily to Alex she didnít do anything wrong. Wait till he sees the photos of Keithís hands, and their lips locked together. Alex thinks he'll be going home after hearing about the trip. When the photos arrive the next day Alex laughs because Kristin claimed they didn't do anything as the photos show Keith and her kissing, his hand down her top, and all the other various poses of their girls gone wild shoot.
Scott's says that the men, including himself, are starting to freak out about Keith. Keith tells the group to leave him alone and doesn't want to discuss it anymore. Nothing is going to change his mind. He goes over to sit with the men and Toni whips the women into frenzy about the way Keith left the table. Toni keeps calling Keith back but he wonít move. Toni says she'll get him later. The old Toni would let it go, but not this Toni. "Bitch," says Keith, as Toni leaves the room. Kristin attempts to push Keith into the pool and he pulls her in with him.
Toni and Charla charge into Keithís room. Toni says that s if he ever disrespects the women again like he did tonight, she'll flip out on him. she going to do And what exactly is she doing now I am thinking. This girl is a freak. She appears to be going gray from the stress of the show, she walks around like a she-man and wants to frighten the ď new kidĒ There is a proper way to leave the table when Toni is present and he didnít do it right. Keith is having none of that and tells Toni to get out of his face that she isnít always right. Toni thinks Keith is abusing his power, or perhaps she's a paranoid nightmare. Well, yes Toni is a nightmare to most people and how she has stayed around this long is baffling to me. Call me crazy but I would be jumping to leave this place.
I WIN, I WIN
Dave the sort of token geek makes a bet with Zack to play tennis. Zack will wear a thong if Dave beats him. Well naturally Dave beats Zack and Zack refuses to ďpay upĒ. Alex then says he will do it if Dave can beat him and Dave tells the camera Alex played ďvarsity in High School. I am thinking if this is all Paradise has to offer in the way of entertainment, I am going to Hell. Again, Dave wins and produces signed agreements to wear thongs from Zack and Alex.
MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU
A waiter hands out envelopes telling the men to pack up as one of them will leave tonight. Zack's jumps on the theme of Keith having all the power and using it in a strange way. Scott agrees in voiceover and me thinks the dark side feels a strange movement in the force. Alex and Zack pay up their bet at dinner by putting on panties and stuffing the front of them to enhance their "package.Ē
It is a rainy night at Paradise Hotel and the hostess Amanda tells us that one of the longstanding guests (not original, since Dave was the first new guest) will be going home. She asks Keith how he feels; he says he's not sweating the way the others are. He will pick last, breaking up a couple and sending a man home. Alex has first selection, and takes Kristin, which isn't surprising since they've been joining forces apparently if you know what I mean. Beau is next, and Amanda asks him if he'll return the favor to Tara, since she picked him last week. He says she'll have to find out, and walks over to Tara as his choice. Amanda asks Tara what happened to make such an impression on Beau. Flashbacks of Alex and Tara on the bed kissing. Beau says she is truthful and honest and he respects that. Yea, honestly good at it! Scott's turn. He picks Toni. Zack selects Amy and says they get along great, despite their arguments. Dave is the last at-risk man to select, and Charla is the only woman without a room-mate and he chooses her.
THE JEDI DECIDES
It's time for Keith to pick his roommate. The guys all admit confessional style that again Keith has the power and they are all nervous. There is a flashback of Amy telling Zack that Keith won't pick her. Kristin's warning on the sailboat is played, while Charla indicates she'll be upset if Dave leaves. There are multiple flashbacks of conversations with Keith and the girls shuddering and weeping at the possibility of losing their men. Can we move on? Keith's turn is finally here. He picks... Amy! Amy looks at Keith as if he's just morphed a second head and says something that is censored. Amy then turns on the waterworks. Amanda tells all the couples to take a seat on the couch, but Amy won't go and keeps bawling. Amanda asks Keith why he picked Amy. He says that nobody deserved to go more than any other person and he's just trying to play the game. Amanda tells him he did pick Amy, and they will be roommates for the week, so they need to join the other couples on the couch. Amy hugs Zack goodbye. Amanda tells Zack he's the last man standing and it must break his heart to see Amy like that. "Totally," he replies. He takes a parting shot at Keith, claiming he was intimidated by him, and says he loves all the guests in a different way. Amanda tells him he must now check out of Paradise. He hugs everybody goodbye and asks Amy not to cry since it hurts him even more. I am shivering from the dry heaves I have. So I am to believe that these people have fallen for each-other in their lust induced, bed hopping brief stay so far at Paradise Hotel?
WHAT THE @#$$??
Toni tries to make Amy feel better, but she says she's not having fun wow when my five year old says that I threaten to give away her toys I wonder if that would help here? Amy if you donít go find something fun to do her in Paradise we are going to take away the pool, the free fine dining, the luxury room, and all the other free activities perhaps you would like to switch over to a maid role? Hmmmm?? Eyes and muscles bulging Toni storms into Keithís room wanting to know what he was thinking. Keith wants to know why she's yelling, and she says it's because a friend of hers is crying her eyes out. She wants him to make her understand why he did it. He tells her he has nothing to say to her. Then he puts away his light saber. Keith tells us itís a game and he's playing it. It would have been easier if he'd eliminated Dave or Beau, but he's not doing it to satisfy anybody else.
MASTER MAY I SPEAK?
Dave talks with him next, saying it was a huge shock. He asks why he did it, and the calm approach must be what works with this Jedi since Keith chooses to answer. He says he couldn't trust four people that had been together since Day One. Outside, Tara, Kristin, Toni, and Alex chat, with Kristin indicating she warned him twice what would happen to him if he didn't make their decision. So what will happen? Will they hurt him? I like Keith! Alex points out that the girls voted for Keith, and calls Keith a "creep." Basically the group throws a huge baby fit. Beau is soooo mad and thinks that Keith doesn't deserve to be at Paradise Hotel. Because anyone on the show deserves to be there? Did Beau save a baby seal? Charla's confessional has her saying she never told Keith what to do, and he never asked her. She's scared. Keith says that Tara and Charla have his back. He hopes they'll help finish what he started. Charla tells Tara that us "little people" are trained to be intimidated by the foursome. She wants to keep Tara at the hotel.
IíLL GET YOU AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO!
Amy, Toni, and Kristin talk, with Amy saying her feelings for Zack were real, and Toni says not to worry they will get rid of that big bad Keith as soon as possible. Keith tells us that he knows it will be hell on him, but he thinks the tables might turn. He wants to be there at the end, and again says it's a part of the game they signed up for. I think Keith may have just brought a little maturity to the hotel.
Next week, Amy has a hissy fit and promises Keith his time in Paradise will be a living nightmare. Watch out Keith she might short sheet your bed, or put your tooth-brush in soap. Of course Keith might be hurt that the two raunchiest girls on the show donít like him waaaaaaaa poor Keith, he wonít have a chance with Herculetta and her little flying monkey side kick. Keith says the alliance people are acting like two year olds. Keith is a smart old Jedi master!