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Thread: 7/7 Recap - Is That A Lawyer In Your Pocket?

  1. #11
    That's all folks! Unklescott's Avatar
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    He reminds Amy once more that heís reached 24 years of age (I can see why heíd be excited about this, actually)

    Reading the sarcasm and wit on the recaps is as much fun as watcing this show. Did Toni even cry this week?

  2. #12
    everyone's a critic... holly71's Avatar
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    quote from Paulie's recap: "After watching Kavita disappear up the Ascending Staircase of Anonymity"
    =========================

    Paulie, you forgot to say she would have to leave paradise FOREVER!
    Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

  3. #13
    Play ball!! melpepinla's Avatar
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    Once again, I have to to the writers for taking on this deliciously sinful and horrible show! Your recap was better than the show Paulie! I can't stop watching this thing...do I tape this or Big Brother?? for being so addicted...
    I think Johnny Damon has the SWEETEST mullet in major league baseball!

  4. #14
    Evil Slash Crazy Miss Filangi's Avatar
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    Our host, Amanda Whatís-her-face, eagerly informs us that Kavitaís stay in Paradise was the shortest ever! Well, now, how about that? My first episode, and it turns out I get to witness a new standard for the venerable Paradise Hotel record book!

    Paulie, you are the king.

    You can take that anyway you want to!

  5. #15
    It ain't easy being green Wayner's Avatar
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    Paulie, the feigned excitement you build as you describe this show was killing me! The whole "you canít strategize because this game is a bitch and what-not" and "Boy, this game is a bitch and so forth" was just too good.

    I'd go on, but hopefully you were able to decipher the words of praise I left you in voicemail as I uttered them through stiffled giggles as the tears streamed down my face.

  6. #16
    COMBAT MISSIONS junkie! BravoFan's Avatar
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    I'm actually enjoying the show just to read these fantastic recaps!

    Outstanding, Paulie.
    Here are some of my favorite moments.


    The ďtennisĒ match begins, and Iím struck by how little it actually resembles tennis. The game takes place on a small Battlebots court surrounded by chain link. A single white line bisects the court at right angles to the net. The racquets are small and super-bouncy. Balls hit off the wall are evidently playable (I cross my legs). And the score when the women arrive to view the final few points is ďdeuce against deuce.Ē I donít know what this game is, but itís not tennis.

    Somebody out there holds the key to this exquisite puzzle. I feel like the Key-Master of Gozer, awaiting the arrival of the real Plan-Maker in one of her three pre-chosen forms.

    And now Ė finally! Ė itís time for the big strategic blowout of the show. The moment Iíve been waiting for! The Paradise equivalent of Tribal Council! Itís the ďWho Gets To Sleep With Whom?Ē ceremony! Here we go!

    But, then again, heís not Zack. He has no lawyer in him.

    Beads of sweat form on Scottís forehead. His face softens into a mask of mingled terror and confusion. Itís like high school trigonometry all over again, only this time thereís no sympathetic math teacher/football fan willing to turn the other cheek.

    He punctuates his Kristen put-down with a quick imitation of a frog lancing a fly out of the air with its tongue. God knows why he thought we wanted to see that.

    I like a guy who wears a mnemonic to help you distinguish him from just another complete nobody.

    Give Matt bonus points for at least remembering to close his eyes earnestly in the middle of his song. Iím sure some impressionable young Clay Aiken fan swooned when he did that.

    And one last time, we are reminded of the 90-minute extravaganza on Wednesday and the arrival of the mystery guest! The drama of the mystery guest is overwhelming? Who could it be? Interplanet Janet? Ricardo Montalban? Satan himself?
    "They can only edit what you give them. They cannot manufacture a fictional character out of thin air." (Bill Rancic - 4/04)
    Regarding editing reality TV: "You can't edit IN a bad personality." ("Cali"-11/02)
    BB8 - A "conveyor belt of human garbage." ("Pono" - 9/07)

  7. #17
    FORT Newbie Amuse80's Avatar
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    Previews are spoilers!

    Great recap!
    Does anyone else ever notice that when they break away for commercial and leave us hanging over whether it will be Toni or Kavita going home (like, duh), we see previews for the next week where apparently Toni is still in the Hotel!! Obviously giving away the fact that Kavita is sent packing?
    Then they return to the show to show that ...Taa Daaa, Toni is picked to stay.
    Do they think the viewers are idiots???

  8. #18
    FORT Fan KMK0902's Avatar
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    Yes, Amuse they believe we're idiots!! Why on earth would we be watching otherwise......


    K

  9. #19
    Play ball!! melpepinla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amuse80
    Great recap!
    Does anyone else ever notice that when they break away for commercial and leave us hanging over whether it will be Toni or Kavita going home (like, duh), we see previews for the next week where apparently Toni is still in the Hotel!! Obviously giving away the fact that Kavita is sent packing?
    Then they return to the show to show that ...Taa Daaa, Toni is picked to stay.
    Do they think the viewers are idiots???
    Ugh! I hate when the DVM does the "coming up next on Paradise Hotel" or "next time on Paradise Hotel" during commercial breaks. I just change the channel so I don't get "surprised" when they actually show it!
    I think Johnny Damon has the SWEETEST mullet in major league baseball!

  10. #20
    Retired! hepcat's Avatar
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    Great recap, Paulie! I now officially do not have to watch this show. *whew* Thank you for taking on this toxic waste and filtering it for human consumption.
    You've gotta hustle if you want to earn a dollar. - Boston Rob

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