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Thread: Paradise Hotel, Episode 3 Recap: Pandora, Please Shut Dave Up

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    Paradise Hotel, Episode 3 Recap: Pandora, Please Shut Dave Up

    Paradise Hotel
    6/25 Episode Recap

    Hello everyone! Duckgirl here, your friendly neighborhood recapper for this episode of Paradise Hotel. No time like the present to get started.

    Major props to Bill & JR, they know why.

    Previously on Paradise Hotel: JR wrote a recap.

    As we join the episode, we find our hostess Amanda rehashing the entire process again that led to Dave’s selection, and to remind us yet again that he gets to choose any lady he wishes as his roommate. That whole discussion has an ominous tone to it, and the ladies seem to be running scared already.

    Cut to the guys in the hotel, hanging by the pool and speculating on who Dave is going to pick. Alex, who is rooming with Kristen now, would prefer not to lose his hottie roommate, so he develops a master plan… yes, he will tell Dave that Kristin farts in her sleep. Yup, that should do it. Alex, your Mensa application is in the mail!

    Meanwhile, Toni is distraught over the changes that are about to occur. She says that the current hotelers have been through a lot together. What? A lot together? Like what? Did the hot tub go out? Cold coffee? The horror of tan lines? This isn’t the Donner Party people, get a grip!

    Dave arrives, and he is… not attractive… He used to be the Crunch & Munch guy at the Fleet Center in Boston. He would run up and down the aisles and say dumb stuff like, “It’s nutritious and delicious!” Everyone hated him, so he should feel right at home here.

    After some prodding from Amanda, perhaps cattle prodding is more accurate, the hotelers decide to welcome him. Toni hugs Dave, and her arms are bigger than his. Heck, her arms are bigger than his legs. Kristen knows just how to make someone feel at home, she says Dave needs a tan.

    Dave wants to know who has been hooking up already in the hotel, and he learns that nearly everyone has kissed each other. Dave’s eyes light up. No Dave, this isn’t what you think it is, and even if it were, I am betting you would not be invited. So settle down big guy, settle down.

    Dave is an upstanding guy, he says that he will not being lying in the hotel, and further, he will not be making an ass out of himself. Foreshadowing crashes through my ceiling.

    Zach is looking for a new friend, so he takes it upon himself to give Dave a tour of the hotel. Dave is all too happy to have some time to talk to Zach. He is in awe of Zach having sex with Amy their first night as roommates. Dave probably is looking for tips. Zach has a different agenda. He wants to talk about what a snot Charla is.

    Speak of the devil, Charla is in a bathroom and she is getting a tag team earful from Toni and Amy. Basically they let her know that “everyone” at the hotel is fed up with her. Wow, that Charla, she sure is a bitch for trying to stay in the game. Doesn’t she know that everyone else was one big happy family until she had to go and butt in? I mean they have been there for a week now, those are bonds that should never be broken.

    Amanda & Beau are nervous that Dave will pick her. Amada says she’ll be sad if Beau leaves. Oh give it up. I am willing to wager that Amanda would find a way to move on with her life… like on to Alex or Andon.

    Now Dave is talking to Charla about how she seems “different” from the other girls. Different is right, she is a social outcast. Dave should relate well to that. Charla has finally clued in that “The Bathroom of Being Told Off” is not a good place to hang out. Charla rants about the roommates. “Do not trust anybody,” she says to Dave. “Except you?” he asks, but she says nothing. Dave says whoever he picks to room with isn’t who he actually wants to room with. Charla practices her lying skills and says “I would love to share a room with you” and doesn’t want Dave to pick her if that’s the case. They pinky swear on it.

    The guys and Dave are in the pool. I can’t recap anymore of this scene, sorry, the incredible blinding whiteness that is Dave has scarred my retinas. Especially when he gets out of the pool and says, “I have manboobs.” I wouldn’t be bragging about that.

    Amanda shows up and tells everyone it’s time for Dave to make his pick. They all sit around, looking concerned, as Dave gives a little speech and then picks… PARADISE HOTEL!! Oh wait. No he doesn’t. They’ve just cut to commercial, “building tension.” Back from commercial, he picks Amada, sending Beau to the Room Of Shame. Amanda looks sort of grossed out.

    Cue the melodramatic piano of its been a week!!! Dave is talking to Beau but Beau is trying to run away from Dave and all his dude-s.

    Andon is pixel-mouthing to Scott about Dave’s pick. They decide he’s either smart, has really big balls, or is really stupid, covering all of their bases. They continue talking about hazing, but they cut to Dave poking out his disgusting pointy tongue and I barf.

    Amanda and Dave are talking. Well, Dave is talking, and Amanda is restraining herself from kicking him. Dave doesn’t bother with a “How are you doing?” just asks how many guys she’s hooked up with. Beau is sitting down bar from them, and makes it clear he thinks Dave is an ass.

    Back at dinner, Zack is giving a toast. Dave talks with his mouth full, causing me to barf yet again. It’s the Paradise Hotel weight loss plan. Dave gets in an argument with Scott about Scott’s job, pissing Scott off in the process. Dave then asks “How many people have you had sex with?” to Amanda, and everyone is taken aback. Amanda tells him to be careful. It starts pouring rain, and Scott blames Dave. Dave continues to be an ass, discussing Andon and Toni’s relationship with Charla.

    Amanda gets up and leaves the table, having had enough of Dave and his idiocy. Dave continues to be an ass, talking about who he wants to have sex with until everyone convinces him shutting up is a good idea. Foreshadowing is mocking me and drinking all of my diet coke.

    Beau and Toni are disgusted at Dave’s antics. So is everybody else sitting around that table, and watching at home cleaning up their vomit. Scott tells Andon Dave has to earn his respect and he hasn’t done that yet, especially not after the way Dave was a jerk about what Scott’s job is.

    Back at the Table Of Losers, Dave asks Charla if they like him. Charla takes a BIG gulp of her drink and gives a diplomatic “they weren’t planning on you being this aggressive” answer. Dave claims he doesn’t think he’s being aggressive. Which is true, he’s being an ass.

    Beau is back in his room, packing up with Amanda. Dave is trying to be helpful, but says they aren’t the married couple anymore, which pisses Amanda off. Beau warns Dave that everything is a fight with Amanda. Dave helps Beau move his things to his new room.

    Amanda is, basically, grossed out that she has to room with Dave. She BS-es about not being comfortable, but really she just thinks Dave is ugly and that Beau isn’t so bad anymore.

    Beau goes to bed alone, holding a picture in one hand, and putting a pillow between his legs. Oh, gross. I feel dirty.

    The next morning, Envelope #1 arrives. Kristin reads a blurb about the legend of Pandora’s Box, and then reads that the guests will each write a question on a card and put it in a box before dinner. And… apparently everyone did, because it’s question time.

    Alex reads question 1 to Beau. Besides Amanda, what woman would you pick to room with? Beau chooses his words carefully, saying that if he couldn’t have Amanda, he would pick Amy because she seems like a fun girl. Everyone is accepting of that answer. Andon hops up and reads the second question. It’s for Kristin. It seems that Kristin is a bit of a tease to poor Alex, and Kristin admits she is a bit of a flirt, babbles something about Alex making the first move. Alex denies this, saying Kristin is a tease. Zack hops up to read the third question, for Amanda. “Would you ever cheat on Beau with a guy at the hotel?” Amanda says, it’s just a matter of keeping me happy, and that if I’m happy I won’t cheat. Uh, wrong answer. Beau is incredulous, saying you don’t cheat on someone if you’re not happy, you break up with them. You know, the mature thing to do. I guess fun time is over, because there are no more questions.

    Back around the pool, everyone is still buzzing about Amanda’s revelation. Everyone seems to think she was in the wrong. Alex teases one of the girls about not cheating on him if she’s not happy, and Amanda, sitting two seats away, storms off. Uh, princess, you’re in the wrong here.

    Beau and Amanda get into an argument. Looks like the honeymoon is over. Beau says that any possibility of something developing went out the window when she said she would cheat on him if she wasn’t happy and that he can’t look at her the same anymore.

    The next day, envelope #2 arrives. Dave gets to take two ladies on a shopping spree, and he picks Charla and Amy. Cue lame “trying on outfits” shopping spree, complete with Pretty Woman music.

    Back at the hotel, Zack jokes to one of the girls about Amy coming back in love with Dave.

    The three on the spree (hey, catchy) are having dinner. Dave says he’s never been on a date with two beautiful women. He’s probably never been on a date with ONE beautiful woman. Amy wants to know why Dave picked her, and he says it’s because everyone is always talking about how fun she is. I suspect Amy is getting sick of hearing that. Dave says he brought Charla because she made the effort to welcome him, and in one of the funniest moments of the episode, he puts a hand on Charla’s thigh and she quickly pushes it away, forcing a smile at him.

    The three are no longer on their spree, arriving back at the hotel. Amy makes the rounds, getting hugs from everyone, stopping at Zack last. Zack gets snitty about it, even after Amy explains that she wanted to come to him last so they could talk the most.

    Back in their room, Andon tells Toni he’s worried that he’ll be sent home because Alex had a bad dream about him, and then he had a bad dream about himself too.

    Dave and Charla are having a talk. Dave is nervous about being sent home, finally clueing in that sweet Charla isn’t so sweet. Scott walks over, and they remark that this place is addictive. Charla says, “You know it’s not good for you but you don’t want to leave.” Hon, I can’t WAIT to be done with this show.

    Amanda and Dave are hanging out by the pool, watching Andon and Charla having a conversation. There’s a lot of “Dave is an outsider” talk going on among them. Dave is incredibly jealous of Andon, and it’s hilarious. He’s acting like he’s been betrayed, getting pixel mouthed. Charla dances for Andon, and he seems pretty thankful. They walk past where Dave and Amanda are sitting, and Dave says he’ll throw down with Andon. Oh Dave, you so funny.

    OH THANK GOD, it’s Amanda Byram. She says, next week one guy leaves and one girl arrives at Paradise Hotel, and I am out of here, turning the reins over to John.

    duckgirl@fansofrealitytv.com

  2. #2
    Starbucks is your friend Bill's Avatar
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    Wow, amazing good recap Ducky!

    This had me

    The guys and Dave are in the pool. I can’t recap anymore of this scene, sorry, the incredible blinding whiteness that is Dave has scarred my retinas. Especially when he gets out of the pool and says, “I have manboobs.” I wouldn’t be bragging about that.
    "George Oscar Bluth II, aka GOB, featured magician in the best selling videotape, "Girls With Low Self Esteem" invites you to enter his world.
    -- Arrested Development, Season III

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    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    Beau goes to bed alone, holding a picture in one hand, and putting a pillow between his legs. Oh, gross. I feel dirty.
    I think a course of penicillin should be required for anyone recapping the show. I'm starting mine now, in preparation for Monday. Great job, Ducky! Your first recap - that's so sweeeet.

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    Bandgeek Mom slightlyshady's Avatar
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    I missed this episode, dang it! Thanks for the excellent recap. I am greatful that I didn't miss any Toni eyepops but I did miss her bullying of Charla. Can't wait for next week.

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    Bandgeek Mom slightlyshady's Avatar
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    Duh! Misspelled grateful.

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    What is reality anyway? Hillary's Avatar
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    Hey Duckgirl! I'll give you a B-quack for that one! :cool:

    And oh, Andon was the one who said Dave brought the rain and thunder, Alex is the one who joked to Kristen about Amy or Charla falling in love with Dave (nice editing adding mirth and merriment albeit in a cruel way!) and Charla "dances?"

    Please! If that's dancing, Dave is charming! She climbs all over Andon who, if you notice, doesn't lift his arms from the table he's sitting on, and she turns around and does the Tahitian shake! "Dancing?" --- perhaps she got the idea from that little Ray Liotta mini-clone they didn't pick.

    And let's not forget the Toni and Beau scene where our favorite drama queen reflects the true sense of bonding and comaraderie and whines that she'll simply cry if any of the original males leave!

    Now lets just for a second, pretend you're a normal young person who's never been on TV (except Toni), never experienced a luxury hotel without even considering the bill, and that more importantly, you're being watched, filmed, and directed through your whole group and couple experience. I would imagine that this form of bondage, almost like a scene out of an early 70's Star Trek episode of beautiful people on an Eden world eating fruit and cavorting amidst the palms and fountains with no stress, no thought, no free will, no contact with other beings and always something missing like children or elders and monitored by the god in charge-- eerie -- anyway, in this more conscious grouping this kind of pressure creates quite a beaker full of chemical reactions!

    What I find revealing is that any of these girls (or guys) would actually take seriously and become involved in their hearts with any of the guests, knowing this is all for the entertainment of others at their personal expense! You'd think they'd resign themselves to acting rather than allowing their hearts to rule. But yet, these are mostly girls with romantic leanings, and guys who, well, are just guys going with the flow open to whatever -- such is youth!

    And do you think the guests get paid what they truly deserve? No way! I have inside information that they do get paid, but at a rate far below a fair percentage of the profits just off their commercial spots alone. This hotel is similar to a cruise situation, but no docking, no change of scenery, no interaction with the locals or the cultures, sights, and no communication with anyone outside this construct and far fewer individuals with whom to interact. I might also add, there's no live entertainment, either, no nightclub or dance place -- that would have been fun.
    And of course they are offered a steady stream of alcohol all day. If they go into this beaker without an alcohol addiction, they just might exit with one -- the only way to escape for a minute. So they're all taken advantage of and perhaps the realization of this creates a sense of bondedness in itself.

    They're victims and they're privileged, but the luxury falls flat in time without change and so the relationships become the main focus -- their only form of entertainment and human connection and with no choice in that either. At least in Survivor they bonded over the mutual goal of survival and gamesmenship in a harsh environment, but here, all basic needs are met and temptation added. The new catalysts (guests) are thrown in over time to change the chemical mix, and off we go, bubbling and churning.

    I find the concept brilliant in a diabolical way! And yet each participant, fully briefed in advance, jumps through hoops to be a part of it and experience this microcosm of humanity, legally agreeing to allow their image and personality to be distorted and edited at the whim of these mini-gods in control, carrying naive expectations and visions of glory! Ha!

    So all in all, the social bonding could be very real and very intense indeed, especially the original cast. I empathize with these experiencers. They obviously live in the moment experiencing their social experiment to the fullest and will have stories to tell about what really went on behind the scenes. They'll learn tons about themselves and when they check out and look back and see the tapes, they'll learn even more. And I hope each one of them will laugh -- even Dave and the guests to come! Fascinating!





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    In my own Reality Karkar's Avatar
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    Thanks for the recap Duckgirl! I missed some of the action...and would feel lost without knowing all the drama.

    I'm really curious which guy is going next week. I'm going to hope it is Dave...he just came off as an a**.

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    It ain't easy being green Wayner's Avatar
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    Dave is an upstanding guy, he says that he will not being lying in the hotel, and further, he will not be making an ass out of himself. Foreshadowing crashes through my ceiling.

    Foreshadowing is mocking me and drinking all of my diet coke.
    Great job, Ducky! I loved the whole thing, but the foreshadowing lines had me rolling.

  9. #9
    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    Meanwhile, Toni is distraught over the changes that are about to occur. She says that the current hotelers have been through a lot together. What? A lot together? Like what? Did the hot tub go out? Cold coffee? The horror of tan lines? This isn’t the Donner Party people, get a grip!
    Excellent

    Dave talks with his mouth full, causing me to barf yet again. It’s the Paradise Hotel weight loss plan.
    They should have marketedthe show that way.
    They'd have probably got more viewers.

    Excellent job Ducky.

    I'm with Wayner on the foreshadowing comments - hilarious
    "That's Numberwang!"

  10. #10
    JR.
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    Dave arrives, and he is… not attractive…
    Ha, that's putting it mildly.

    I knew you could do it

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