6/25 Episode Recap
Hello everyone! Duckgirl here, your friendly neighborhood recapper for this episode of Paradise Hotel. No time like the present to get started.
Major props to Bill & JR, they know why.
Previously on Paradise Hotel: JR wrote a recap.
As we join the episode, we find our hostess Amanda rehashing the entire process again that led to Dave’s selection, and to remind us yet again that he gets to choose any lady he wishes as his roommate. That whole discussion has an ominous tone to it, and the ladies seem to be running scared already.
Cut to the guys in the hotel, hanging by the pool and speculating on who Dave is going to pick. Alex, who is rooming with Kristen now, would prefer not to lose his hottie roommate, so he develops a master plan… yes, he will tell Dave that Kristin farts in her sleep. Yup, that should do it. Alex, your Mensa application is in the mail!
Meanwhile, Toni is distraught over the changes that are about to occur. She says that the current hotelers have been through a lot together. What? A lot together? Like what? Did the hot tub go out? Cold coffee? The horror of tan lines? This isn’t the Donner Party people, get a grip!
Dave arrives, and he is… not attractive… He used to be the Crunch & Munch guy at the Fleet Center in Boston. He would run up and down the aisles and say dumb stuff like, “It’s nutritious and delicious!” Everyone hated him, so he should feel right at home here.
After some prodding from Amanda, perhaps cattle prodding is more accurate, the hotelers decide to welcome him. Toni hugs Dave, and her arms are bigger than his. Heck, her arms are bigger than his legs. Kristen knows just how to make someone feel at home, she says Dave needs a tan.
Dave wants to know who has been hooking up already in the hotel, and he learns that nearly everyone has kissed each other. Dave’s eyes light up. No Dave, this isn’t what you think it is, and even if it were, I am betting you would not be invited. So settle down big guy, settle down.
Dave is an upstanding guy, he says that he will not being lying in the hotel, and further, he will not be making an ass out of himself. Foreshadowing crashes through my ceiling.
Zach is looking for a new friend, so he takes it upon himself to give Dave a tour of the hotel. Dave is all too happy to have some time to talk to Zach. He is in awe of Zach having sex with Amy their first night as roommates. Dave probably is looking for tips. Zach has a different agenda. He wants to talk about what a snot Charla is.
Speak of the devil, Charla is in a bathroom and she is getting a tag team earful from Toni and Amy. Basically they let her know that “everyone” at the hotel is fed up with her. Wow, that Charla, she sure is a bitch for trying to stay in the game. Doesn’t she know that everyone else was one big happy family until she had to go and butt in? I mean they have been there for a week now, those are bonds that should never be broken.
Amanda & Beau are nervous that Dave will pick her. Amada says she’ll be sad if Beau leaves. Oh give it up. I am willing to wager that Amanda would find a way to move on with her life… like on to Alex or Andon.
Now Dave is talking to Charla about how she seems “different” from the other girls. Different is right, she is a social outcast. Dave should relate well to that. Charla has finally clued in that “The Bathroom of Being Told Off” is not a good place to hang out. Charla rants about the roommates. “Do not trust anybody,” she says to Dave. “Except you?” he asks, but she says nothing. Dave says whoever he picks to room with isn’t who he actually wants to room with. Charla practices her lying skills and says “I would love to share a room with you” and doesn’t want Dave to pick her if that’s the case. They pinky swear on it.
The guys and Dave are in the pool. I can’t recap anymore of this scene, sorry, the incredible blinding whiteness that is Dave has scarred my retinas. Especially when he gets out of the pool and says, “I have manboobs.” I wouldn’t be bragging about that.
Amanda shows up and tells everyone it’s time for Dave to make his pick. They all sit around, looking concerned, as Dave gives a little speech and then picks… PARADISE HOTEL!! Oh wait. No he doesn’t. They’ve just cut to commercial, “building tension.” Back from commercial, he picks Amada, sending Beau to the Room Of Shame. Amanda looks sort of grossed out.
Cue the melodramatic piano of its been a week!!! Dave is talking to Beau but Beau is trying to run away from Dave and all his dude-s.
Andon is pixel-mouthing to Scott about Dave’s pick. They decide he’s either smart, has really big balls, or is really stupid, covering all of their bases. They continue talking about hazing, but they cut to Dave poking out his disgusting pointy tongue and I barf.
Amanda and Dave are talking. Well, Dave is talking, and Amanda is restraining herself from kicking him. Dave doesn’t bother with a “How are you doing?” just asks how many guys she’s hooked up with. Beau is sitting down bar from them, and makes it clear he thinks Dave is an ass.
Back at dinner, Zack is giving a toast. Dave talks with his mouth full, causing me to barf yet again. It’s the Paradise Hotel weight loss plan. Dave gets in an argument with Scott about Scott’s job, pissing Scott off in the process. Dave then asks “How many people have you had sex with?” to Amanda, and everyone is taken aback. Amanda tells him to be careful. It starts pouring rain, and Scott blames Dave. Dave continues to be an ass, discussing Andon and Toni’s relationship with Charla.
Amanda gets up and leaves the table, having had enough of Dave and his idiocy. Dave continues to be an ass, talking about who he wants to have sex with until everyone convinces him shutting up is a good idea. Foreshadowing is mocking me and drinking all of my diet coke.
Beau and Toni are disgusted at Dave’s antics. So is everybody else sitting around that table, and watching at home cleaning up their vomit. Scott tells Andon Dave has to earn his respect and he hasn’t done that yet, especially not after the way Dave was a jerk about what Scott’s job is.
Back at the Table Of Losers, Dave asks Charla if they like him. Charla takes a BIG gulp of her drink and gives a diplomatic “they weren’t planning on you being this aggressive” answer. Dave claims he doesn’t think he’s being aggressive. Which is true, he’s being an ass.
Beau is back in his room, packing up with Amanda. Dave is trying to be helpful, but says they aren’t the married couple anymore, which pisses Amanda off. Beau warns Dave that everything is a fight with Amanda. Dave helps Beau move his things to his new room.
Amanda is, basically, grossed out that she has to room with Dave. She BS-es about not being comfortable, but really she just thinks Dave is ugly and that Beau isn’t so bad anymore.
Beau goes to bed alone, holding a picture in one hand, and putting a pillow between his legs. Oh, gross. I feel dirty.
The next morning, Envelope #1 arrives. Kristin reads a blurb about the legend of Pandora’s Box, and then reads that the guests will each write a question on a card and put it in a box before dinner. And… apparently everyone did, because it’s question time.
Alex reads question 1 to Beau. Besides Amanda, what woman would you pick to room with? Beau chooses his words carefully, saying that if he couldn’t have Amanda, he would pick Amy because she seems like a fun girl. Everyone is accepting of that answer. Andon hops up and reads the second question. It’s for Kristin. It seems that Kristin is a bit of a tease to poor Alex, and Kristin admits she is a bit of a flirt, babbles something about Alex making the first move. Alex denies this, saying Kristin is a tease. Zack hops up to read the third question, for Amanda. “Would you ever cheat on Beau with a guy at the hotel?” Amanda says, it’s just a matter of keeping me happy, and that if I’m happy I won’t cheat. Uh, wrong answer. Beau is incredulous, saying you don’t cheat on someone if you’re not happy, you break up with them. You know, the mature thing to do. I guess fun time is over, because there are no more questions.
Back around the pool, everyone is still buzzing about Amanda’s revelation. Everyone seems to think she was in the wrong. Alex teases one of the girls about not cheating on him if she’s not happy, and Amanda, sitting two seats away, storms off. Uh, princess, you’re in the wrong here.
Beau and Amanda get into an argument. Looks like the honeymoon is over. Beau says that any possibility of something developing went out the window when she said she would cheat on him if she wasn’t happy and that he can’t look at her the same anymore.
The next day, envelope #2 arrives. Dave gets to take two ladies on a shopping spree, and he picks Charla and Amy. Cue lame “trying on outfits” shopping spree, complete with Pretty Woman music.
Back at the hotel, Zack jokes to one of the girls about Amy coming back in love with Dave.
The three on the spree (hey, catchy) are having dinner. Dave says he’s never been on a date with two beautiful women. He’s probably never been on a date with ONE beautiful woman. Amy wants to know why Dave picked her, and he says it’s because everyone is always talking about how fun she is. I suspect Amy is getting sick of hearing that. Dave says he brought Charla because she made the effort to welcome him, and in one of the funniest moments of the episode, he puts a hand on Charla’s thigh and she quickly pushes it away, forcing a smile at him.
The three are no longer on their spree, arriving back at the hotel. Amy makes the rounds, getting hugs from everyone, stopping at Zack last. Zack gets snitty about it, even after Amy explains that she wanted to come to him last so they could talk the most.
Back in their room, Andon tells Toni he’s worried that he’ll be sent home because Alex had a bad dream about him, and then he had a bad dream about himself too.
Dave and Charla are having a talk. Dave is nervous about being sent home, finally clueing in that sweet Charla isn’t so sweet. Scott walks over, and they remark that this place is addictive. Charla says, “You know it’s not good for you but you don’t want to leave.” Hon, I can’t WAIT to be done with this show.
Amanda and Dave are hanging out by the pool, watching Andon and Charla having a conversation. There’s a lot of “Dave is an outsider” talk going on among them. Dave is incredibly jealous of Andon, and it’s hilarious. He’s acting like he’s been betrayed, getting pixel mouthed. Charla dances for Andon, and he seems pretty thankful. They walk past where Dave and Amanda are sitting, and Dave says he’ll throw down with Andon. Oh Dave, you so funny.
OH THANK GOD, it’s Amanda Byram. She says, next week one guy leaves and one girl arrives at Paradise Hotel, and I am out of here, turning the reins over to John.