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Thread: Paradise Hotel Premiere: It's no Fantasy Island

  1. #1
    COMBAT MISSIONS junkie! BravoFan's Avatar
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    Paradise Hotel Premiere: It's no Fantasy Island

    Eleven single men and women have been given the "opportunity" to lounge their days away at a super-exclusive, posh resort called Paradise Hotel as viewers watch their every move. The catch is that the number of men and women are not equal. Each week, the gender with the "extra" will have one of their own expelled if he/she is unable to hook up with another guest. It's sort of like Temptation Island, Bachelorettes in Alaska, and Big Brother rolled into one. If you can visualize that fiasco, no further comment is necessary.

    We meet our hostess, Amanda Byram, a UK television personality. She certainly comes across as one of the better female hosts that we have seen. Of course, with competition like Monica Lewinsky (Mr. Personality), and Alex McLeod (a nice enough gal with absolutely no role in the Joe Millionaire series), that's not really saying much for Ms. Byram.

    The guests
    We are introduced to the 6 women, and I find nothing very interesting about any of them. The 2 standouts for me were Amy (a 21 year old dental assistant and self-proclaimed tomboy) and Toni (a 28 year old Personal Trainer with arms that the Terminator himself would envy). Amy appears to be genuine and a likable person. Toni is tough and will definitely provide drama stating "if you come at me with attitude for no reason you'd better run, get on a flight and go back to wherever the hell you came from because I will tear you down." Okay, then....I guess some people's idea of paradise varies a little from mine.

    Now we meet the 5 guys. Yep, you guessed it - one of the women will be left out of the snugglefest this week. Honestly, all of the men blend together to me. 2 young blond guys, 1 young dark-haired punk, 1 slightly older blond dude, and 1 dark-haired rebel without a cause.

    The guys sit around in the lobby wondering where the women are. On cue, the women appear as the men gape at their slow-motion entrance with accompanying soft core porn music. They all hug and kiss as they introduce themselves to each other.

    Amanda appears to greet the orgy... I mean, group of guests, and to fill them in on a few surprises. The first "surprise" she tells them is their stay here is not guaranteed and one of the guests will leave each week forever. Some of the guests look surprised, and I think to myself....what the hell did they think this was? Did they honestly believe that they were so spectacular that they were just going on a permanent vacation on the Fox network dime? We also learn that they must obey all house rules or they're gone as well, but we are not privy to what those rules really are. The guests are told to put on their suits and hop in the pool, which they do amid cheers.

    Pool Party
    The scene in the pool looks like something out of a really bad Spring Break movie as we watch the hook-ups begin. At first we are led to believe that prissy guest Charla (who is still completely dry on a lounge chair) watches over the others scampering about in the pool. At some point she decides to join in the festivities and hones in on the man that Toni has her eye on. Cut to Toni at the bar smoking a cigarette making a mental note that everyone has paired off. She comments to herself that she's outta there.

    The big decision
    After playtime ends, it's time for the first assignment. Amanda (the host), gathers them in a room to inform them that they will be picking a roommate for the week. Because there are more women, each lady will choose a man that she wants to share a room with. If a man has more than one lady vying for his attention, the man will choose who he wants to share the room with. The odd lady out will be in a room by herself. At the end of the week, the lone lady will have to leave, meaning her only chance at staying is to break up one of the "couples."

    The women saunter through the men sitting on stools teasing many of them as they walk by before making their final decision. It's really quite the scene.

    Kristin picks Alex.

    Charla picks Beau and comments that the only reason she is picking Beau is because she knows Amanda will pick him and she just wants to irritate her because she doesn't like her. Yeah, that sounds like a great strategy.

    Toni kisses one of the blond guys and pats dark-haired punk on the chest before choosing Andon, the rebel with the tattoo.

    Melanie picks Scott.

    Zack (dark-haired punk guy) is the only remaining male and he is pissed. He had commented that he wanted Kristin or Amanda to choose him.

    Now it's Amy's turn and she walks past Zack but then ends up picking him in the end.

    Amanda is the final gal. All of the men are taken, so she will be picking someone to compete with. She chooses Beau exactly as Charla had predicted.

    Beau pretends to think about it before choosing Amanda, commenting that he can only make his decision based on who he got to know better, and hopes there are no hard feelings.

    At this point, I look at the clock and start to cry, realizing this show is only half over.

    Evening at the hotel
    After the picking ceremony, all the guests get together for dinner and drinks. Zack complains to his new roommate (Amy) that he is disappointed that Kristin or Amanda didn't pick him. Then one of the girls tells Zack that looks aren't everything! People are starting to feel a little uncomfortable with Zack's whining about his misfortune. Perhaps because Amy is right there listening to all of it?

    Toni approaches Charla who is off pouting by herself and tells her that she needs to "play the game" and offers to help her come up with a strategy. Charla snaps back that she doesn't need a strategy (obviously).

    As they all retire for the night they enter lush rooms that have 1 king size bed and a little single cot in the corner. We are shown Charla in her room by herself struggling to get the curtains closed for about 3 hours. Each of the guests make their decision on where to sleep.

    Beau and Amanda - start out in separate beds, but I believe they end up together after Beau hops in the single bed with Amanda and then they wrestle and start chasing each other around the room.

    Alex and Kristine are in separate beds.

    Scott and Melanie are in separate beds.

    Amy and Zack end up in bed together after making up. We are then given subtitles to a conversation that is supposed to make us believe there was a sexual act involved. I'm not falling for it...

    Andron and Toni end up in bed together and snuggle although both of them comment that they think of each other as a sibling.

    The morning after
    The next morning, Beau and Amanda arrive together arm in arm. The guests have breakfast separately, women talking about the men, and men talking about the women. The guys tease Beau that he has made a tactical error in establishing a bond with 1 woman so early on.

    Toni and Amy chat by the poolside as Toni comments things are going to get evil. At the same time, Melanie is chatting with Charla and Charla reveals her strategy to flirt more and make the guys want to spend time in a room with her. Looks like her target is Andon (Toni's current roommate).

    On the next episode
    Charla begins the hunt
    One of the guests will leave (forever, we are reminded again), and a new male will arrive -- chosen by the existing guests.

    Tune back in to the FORT next week, where just like on the show, a new recapper will be added each episode. Next week, look forward to JR's account of Paradise Hotel!

    To contact the author of this article, please send an e-mail to BravoFan@fansofrealitytv.com
    "They can only edit what you give them. They cannot manufacture a fictional character out of thin air." (Bill Rancic - 4/04)
    Regarding editing reality TV: "You can't edit IN a bad personality." ("Cali"-11/02)
    BB8 - A "conveyor belt of human garbage." ("Pono" - 9/07)

  2. #2
    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    Great job.

    Now, you never have to watch this ever again
    "That's Numberwang!"

  3. #3
    JR.
    JR. is offline
    Drummer / Model JR.'s Avatar
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    Way to take one for the team BF!

    Lord, give me strength...

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    C'mon Without Cmon Within QuinntheEskimo's Avatar
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    JR, we are all praying for you next week...

    it just keeps getting worse and worse...

  5. #5
    King of the world holiday's Avatar
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    it was alright. can't believe tony(i?) is back on my TV again. Didn't like her the first time, still don't like her now. This show features no standouts thusfar, all the guys seem just average and the girls are not any better, hopefully some superstars will get brought into the mix in the weeks to come.





    Last edited by Ilikai; 06-19-2003 at 02:06 PM.

  6. #6
    Can They Do It?? mrdobolina's Avatar
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    Is Toni from Tempatation Island?

    Why are you guys complaining about having to watch the show to recap it?? This show is WAAAY better than Rob and the rest of the uncomfortable crowd at FLOM. And so far, it seems much better than Joe M$.

    As I watched FLOM the other day, I kept thinking to myself that there needs to be a show that isnt as contrived as "one bachelor, and we picked 15 women for him". A show where the idea is mostly to hang out and get to know the possible love interests in a more casual manner. No "you get to double date" or "pick 5 women to eliminate after only meeting them all for 5 minutes".

    The great thing about this show is the fresh meat factor. We are not going to just whittle down the choices over the weeks. Each week there will be someone new. Not only is that great, but it also seems like this show could continue on in perpetuity. Its not so much about "winning the prize" as it is about making a genuine connection.

    The funny thing is, I dont usually like these "possible romance/marriage" type reality shows.
    "You don't own a TV?!? What's all your furniture pointed at?" Joey Tribianni

    It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you.

  7. #7
    COMBAT MISSIONS junkie! BravoFan's Avatar
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    I didn't realize Toni was from another reality show. Hmmm, that's interesting.
    "They can only edit what you give them. They cannot manufacture a fictional character out of thin air." (Bill Rancic - 4/04)
    Regarding editing reality TV: "You can't edit IN a bad personality." ("Cali"-11/02)
    BB8 - A "conveyor belt of human garbage." ("Pono" - 9/07)

  8. #8
    C'mon Without Cmon Within QuinntheEskimo's Avatar
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    i read somewhere that Toni is from the Love Boat knockoff... Love Cruise? i never saw the show...

    she liked the first go around so much that she gets another chance...

    btw: it was refreshing to see that the girls fell squarely in the average category... none of them were stunning, or even great looking...

  9. #9
    King of the world holiday's Avatar
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    just type in 'toni love cruise' on google and you will have many links of entertainment

  10. #10
    Loaded God Complex MajiH's Avatar
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    Nice recap. Would much rather watch this than FLOM. At least these folks are entertaining me. Can hardly wait until they start bringing people in from the outside!

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