Just like some of you, watching Dr. Greg's struggle with his father reminded me of my own childhood and my struggles growing up with an ice cold mother and an abusive step-father. I was terrified of my step-father and did not have the nerve to confront him until I was in my 40s. At first (like most abusers) he claimed he didn't know what I was talking about, but when I insisted on discussing it, he came around to apologizing for, as he put it: "whatever I might have done" --- but he still claimed he didn't remember having done anything to me. At that point, I literally started reminding him of the DETAILS of MULTIPLE incidents and FINALLY, he really did start to remember some of them, and then there were a lot of silences and a lot of tears, but he genuinely seemed to feel very remorseful and gave me a heartfelt apology.
Here's the odd thing though. . . you'd think that after finally getting the acknowledgement and the apology that I had waited so long for, I'd feel some sense of relief, or vindication, or something, but what actually happened was, after that talk was over, I felt pretty much nothing, and it's been quite a few years since that day, and I still haven't really had any emotional satisfaction out of it. But the one good thing that came out of it, was that even though we never spoke of that topic again (!) it did seem to 'lighten up' my relationship with him a bit, and I was even able to enjoy his company a little bit from time to time in his later years. The bottom line, for me though, was that I finally realized that because the apology and the vindication didn't turn out to really help me feel any better, I had to just let my hurt feelings go, in my own mind, in order to have any chance of peace of mind for the future.