Sister Wives

[Debb70]

As far as the state is concerned, the only legally married Brown couple are Meri and Kody. So, if Meri divorces Kody (or dies), Kody is no longer a polygamist, under the law. Utah has some peculiar "cohabitation" test for polygamy but where there is no legal marriage at all, it's doubtful that it could be enforced.

I wondered about this. I did hear on tv that under Utah law, it was still illegal to live together as if you married, if you are married to someone else.

I know that my state of NC has an adultery statute. It is actually illegal to commit adultery, however, no one is ever prosecuted for it.

It's difficult to get correct infomation about legal matters from the media, I have found. I don't know if the reporters just don't understand the law or they ask the wrong people for answers. Either way there is much misformation provided by the media on things like jail v. prison, not guilty v. innocent, arrest warrant v. indictment, etc. They seem to go with what they think sounds right or what they saw on Law & Order and it's not actually like that.

[Poppy Fields]

I'm pretty sure everyone here knows that I support equal rights for all and, thus, I support gay marriage (as long as marriage continues to be recognized by the state and is only offered to one particular group) , polygamy (if voluntary), etc... But what I have yet to see is scientific proof that being gay is programmed in our DNA. I know there have been studies and other scientific inquiries about the subject and I agree it would be nice to know if it was biological, but, it is not a scientific certainty. Personally, as I have stated many times before, it doesn't matter either way to me...BUT I do dislike seeing it as a topic of discussion so often because I feel like it shouldn't matter if people are wired that way or if it is a choice--we should not be able to restrict another human being's rights based on our personal beliefs.

And, don't get me wrong, I understand it would strengthen our position if we could absolutely prove that it is a biological determination (as another poster pointed out) but we should be careful using this argument because I think it provides people who wish to restrict the rights of others with talking points since there is not one study that has absolutely proven that this is a result of genetics (although I do recall a few years ago that a geneticist thought they may have discovered a gene linking the two). With regards to this thread, I brought up the parallels between homosexual and polygamous marriages because I think they are very similar in terms of being lifestyle choices that remain on the peripheries of our "heteronormative" society...situations that are scrutinized by the majority primarily because of our culture and traditions. Most interestingly, it strikes me as unusual that many citizens are for same-sex marriages but find sister wives "distasteful." I'd also like to chime in and agree with PWS about the brother husbands...I wonder how many of us would be absolutely fine with that scenario?

I really enjoy these discussions!

Mindy, I completely agree with you. And it should make no difference if it is genetics that dictates our sexual orientation or our own will!

It's not a choice I was ever confronted with, but if I was - if I had to make up my mind as to what my sexual gender preference would be, why should I be obligated to choose what someone else thinks it should be?

FORT member Rattus has a great signature quote:

I like to pigeonhole people, and then judge them. - Stephen Colbert.

I hope to live to see the time when we've evolved to the point that none of this matters.

[mindy384]

I find it interesting how the teenage girls reacted to their father's new girlfriend--I think that was REAL. They were very honest about how they felt like it was strange, etc... (they said "weird, "that's young," "she could be my sister").

Makes me think that the women are being honest in their interviews--I feel like they have really instilled a sense of freedom and choice in their kids.

I know Meri said one of the reasons she believes in this lifestyle is the fact that there is someone there to help with your kids (particularly since her bilogical sister died and had a sister wife to mother her children that she left behind) but I wonder if they dont confuse this concept with that of dear/best friends...I know there are some people in my life whom I love dearly and I am 100% sure they would do anything for me and be there for my [hypothetical] children, but I don't feel like we need to share a spouse. Would love to know if there are godparents (seems like it would be moot concept) in the fundamentalist mormon church and how early these relationships (particularly how sister wives are best friends) are taught?

I was also reminded tonight that Kody was not raised in the church--he conveniently adopted it when he met Meri who apparently indicated that she would be ok (or perhaps expected it, since she was raised this way) with the lifestyle...interesting.

[PWS]

Hi mindy--I agree, it shouldn't matter whether it is built in or tied to something that happens early or an actual voluntary choice... Just trying to say that when someone uses the word lifestyle that implies it IS a choice. While it isn't clear whether it's biologically based (genetically or through a prenatal experience) what is clear it that for very few people is it a choice, anymore than it is for straight people. It just IS. FYI from what I read the evidence for the bio side is much stronger for men than for women who seem more "flexible".
But anyway, back to polygamy! Still waiting to hear if brother husbands elicit the same ewww and ick factor responses!

[mindy384]

Is it bad to say that I would really enjoy brother husbands? I would be so proud of the girl in charge!

[Imperfect1]

Is it bad to say that I would really enjoy brother husbands? I would be so proud of the girl in charge!

Me too!! But here's the difference that I think we all need to remember when we're comparing multiple husbands to multiple wives. The social, emotional and historical dynamics are very different. Men have not had to overcome the stigma of being considered chattel, and have not, historically, been abused the way women have, and in some parts of the world, still are. So for women in polygamous marriages, you have the whole issue of women's abuse to deal with, in ADDITION to the expected emotional issues of having to share their man with other women. Even today, the primary complaint that I hear is that the husband is using the women, taking advantage of them, not giving them equal power, etc. So we, as women, are very sensitive to being used and abused by men, and bristle at the very thought of it!

With one woman having multiple husbands, I think the complaints are very different. The woman isn't necessarily thought to be 'using' the men, but instead, the focus is more on the fact that many people are uncomfortable with the idea that the wife is enjoying sex and intimacies with more than one man at a time.

[VelvetRed]

all of the women will wind up on DWTS and they will be sharing one male dance partner

That was brill.

I pop in now and then to see what is going on with this family and show. Don't have cable, so I guess that is a blessing...can't watch it.

[AZChristian]

Having had a chance to watch the last 2 episodes, I have a suspicion that Robyn is going to not fit in well with the family dynamic. She had this pretend bonding experience with the other wives while shopping for the wedding gown, then went back with Kody to actually allow him to choose the dress. He thought it was a great surprise to "drop the bomb" and seemed really unhappy that at least two of the other wives were upset by that. And then Robyn said she didn't think it was necessary to share that information with the other wives. So she wants to have secrets with Kody before they're even "married." Hmmm, keeping secrets from the wife/wives of a married man is a good idea because . . . ?

Also, she seems to have a lot of crying episodes with no tears. They're just something "not real" about her. I also worry about her son with Asperger's Syndrome. Those kids don't usually handle big changes very well, and putting him into this entirely new "home" environment has got to be a major stress for him. If she had to choose between her "marriage" with Kody or stability for her son, I can't see how moving him away from his environment and adding 13 new siblings is going to be a good thing for him. I hope I'm wrong.

Kody also seems fake. He acts like he's the perfect husband, but it comes across as an act. And he's dealing with the real emotions of 4 women, and they don't seem to be following his "our life is perfect" script.

[mindy384]

Having had a chance to watch the last 2 episodes, I have a suspicion that Robyn is going to not fit in well with the family dynamic. She had this pretend bonding experience with the other wives while shopping for the wedding gown, then went back with Kody to actually allow him to choose the dress. He thought it was a great surprise to "drop the bomb" and seemed really unhappy that at least two of the other wives were upset by that. And then Robyn said she didn't think it was necessary to share that information with the other wives. So she wants to have secrets with Kody before they're even "married." Hmmm, keeping secrets from the wife/wives of a married man is a good idea because . . . ?

Also, she seems to have a lot of crying episodes with no tears. They're just something "not real" about her. I also worry about her son with Asperger's Syndrome. Those kids don't usually handle big changes very well, and putting him into this entirely new "home" environment has got to be a major stress for him. If she had to choose between her "marriage" with Kody or stability for her son, I can't see how moving him away from his environment and adding 13 new siblings is going to be a good thing for him. I hope I'm wrong.

Kody also seems fake. He acts like he's the perfect husband, but it comes across as an act. And he's dealing with the real emotions of 4 women, and they don't seem to be following his "our life is perfect" script.

MY reaction to last two episodes was EXACTLY the same. I do not think Robyn is going to fit really well with the family. I believe that the wives see her as a threat and if they really sit and consider "what ifs" I think they believe if Kody had to pick only ONE wife right at this moment there is a good chance it would be her--that has to be a huge blow.

I also get this feeling that Meri is considering leaving the family, and a lot of signs point that way: comments about sticking around just for her daughter, the jealousy issues and the fact that she is trying to begin a career by educating herself NOW. I think it would be wonderful if she had the strength to leave if that is what she wants to do.

ps-what kind of dog is that AZ--so CUTE!?

[AZChristian]

ps-what kind of dog is that AZ--so CUTE!?

Thanks! That's our much-loved, 10-year-old Yorkie - Summer. She's big for a Yorkie (15 pounds), but her parents were large as well. She's smart, sweet, and has us well-trained.