1st Annual Miss Dog Beauty Pageant: Being Dog Gone Pretty Pays Off

[Wolf]

Yes, folks it doesn’t get better than this. A beauty pageant for dogs. Fox just keeps spitting out these quality shows. Eric Schotz, the creator of Boot Camp, is the man behind this canine pageant. How did he go from creating a military reality TV show to a dog pageant? Somehow, the dog tags must be the connection. Anyway, being the dog lover that I am, I just had to check it out. After all, it can’t be more ridiculous than Joe Millionaire or Mr. Personality, right?

The 1st annual Miss Dog Beauty Pageant was held in sunny California on May 8, 2003. Fifty-one dogs representing each state and from District of Columbia will compete for the coveted crown and title of Miss Dog. The winner will also take $10,000. Imagine all the Scooby snacks the winner can gorge on. Each of the doggie delegates will be judged in the category of Beauty, Poise, Talent, and as silly as it sounds, Evening Wear. The pageant wouldn’t be complete without one. Each category is worth 25% of the total score. The contestant with the highest score wins the Miss Dog title.

Hosts
Hosting the pageant is John O’ Hurley, best known for his role on Seinfeld as J. Peterman, Elaine’s boss, and Jillian Barberie from “Good Day Live” and “Ex-treme Dating”. Money must really be tight if these two had to take this gig.

Judges
It will be up to these judges to select the winner of Miss Dog. From their credentials, I think they might be up to the task.
Jon Van Dyke - animal trainer who has worked with dogs on the set of Friends and T2.
Mathilde DeGagney - animal trainer that handles “Eddie”, the dog on Frasier.
Shelby Marlo - Professional dog trainer and dog behavioral specialist. Clients include
Jennifer Aniston, Halle Berry, and Arnold Schwazenneggar.
Madeleine Patterson - professional handler (25 years) and judge for the American Kennel Club.

Meet the Bitches
It’s time to meet the female dogs competing for the title. They are led into the stage by Private 1st Class Molly, a bulldog who is the mascot of the US Marines, and her Marine handler. Molly is looking spiffy in her Marine uniform. All the four-legged beauty queens parade onto the stage with their handlers and they are sporting the traditional sashes representing their state. This is a sight to see.

From a Yorkie to a Great Dane, there is every size, and type of dog, purebreds and mutts, representing the 50 states and one representing the District of Columbia.

That’s a lot of tail waggin’. Someone better have the pooper-scooper handy! It’s good to see that this competition is open to all dogs, purebred and mixed alike, unlike other competitions where bloodline and beauty are the only way to get in.

Who let the Dogs Out
Before the competition resumes, we are shown clips of the canines arriving at the hotel in a limousine . Once the dogs are let out of the limo, the fur balls are running all over the lobby, riding on luggage carts, and jumping on counters. The Chinese Crested dog registers at the front desk, and then it’s time to freshen up before heading to the tour of Beverly Hills. The pack of beauties get the whole star treatment. They ride in a convertible through town. They get together at Pinky’s to enjoy some hot dogs. Dogs eating hot dogs just doesn’t sound right. It’s then time to head over to the Walk of Fame to trance all over Lassie’s and Rin Tin Tin’s star. After a long tiring day, the pooches relax by the pool with their cocktails and snacks. Some of the dogs are wearing their shades and bathing in the sun, and others are splashing in the pool. This hotel will have some major clean-up.

The K9 Finalists
We’re ready for the first cut of the evening. After their first impression of the dogs, the judges have chosen 9 finalists. In no random order, they are:
Anastasia from New York
Swee’ Pea from Illinois
Dana from Michigan
Disco from Iowa
Daisy from Oregon
Tippy from Alabama
Morgan from Colorado
Lady from Pennsylvania
Suzi from Missouri

These nine obviously caught the judges eyes, but I was a little disappointed that Cleo the Sheltie mix from Dallas, Marga the malamute from Alaska, and Pistol Blue the Afghan Hound from Oklahoma didn’t make the cut. Okay, so I’m a little bit partial to large dogs.

Will Work For A Milkbone
Oh Goodie! It’s time for the Talent competition. Sillyness is sure to ensue. Each dog will try to impress the judges with their unique talent.

First up is Miss Illinois. Swee’ Pea is a 3 1/2 year old Austrailian Shepherd/Border Collie Mix who loves to baby-sit a kitten, and enjoys the nightlife of Chicago.

Swee’ Pea will showcase her powerful hind legs. There is a staircase consisting of 12 steps, and Swee’ Pea is sitting at the top. She then stands on her hind legs and start walking down the stairs very carefully. Much like an old granny would. She makes it all the way to the bottom on only her hind legs. The crowd is amazed, and so am I. Swee’ Pea then goes up the stairs using only her hind legs again, and this time she’s walks a
little bit faster. Give her a trenchcoat and hat, and Swee’ Pea could pass for a small human. The crowd is in awe again, and they start cheering wildly for Swee’ Pea. Judges award her: 9.5, 8.5, 8.1, 8.2

Second is Miss Iowa. Disco is a 2 year old Golden Retriever who loves to chew on her toys.

Disco will show us her dancing movies. With the music blaring on, Disco and her handler walk forward, backwards, sideways. Disco then runs backwards around her handler several times, and then finally ends up going underneath her handler’s legs, still running backwards. She then lifts her front paws and starts jumping backwards. She looks like a bunny hopping. Disco’s got better moves than Clay and Ruben from American Idol. Judges award her: 9.5, 8.0, 7.5, 8.3

Miss New York is third in line. Anastasia is a 1 year old Jack Russell Terrier who loves to play with her friends, jump on trees like a cat, and who loves massages and baths.

Anastasia’s talent is popping balloons. A bouquet of 6 red balloons are floating in the center of the stage. Anastasia anxiously comes running out and immediately jumps and pops a balloon. She goes crazy jumping up and down trying to pop the balloons. She’s down to the last balloon and this one floats higher than the others did. Anastasia starts barking as if saying, “I’m going to get you, sucker!”. Finally she jumps really high, manages to bring down the balloon, but the balloon won’t pop. She runs in circles with the balloon until the it pops. Here’s one lady that knows how to have fun. Anastasia’s enthusiasm energized the crowd. Judges award her: 7.6, 7.9, 7.4, 7.5

Next is Miss Missouri. Suzi is an 11 year old Boston Terrier who likes to travel and take naps. Suzi is old. No wonder she was dragging her paws at the parade during the opening of the show.

Suzi will show us her singing talent. The handler starts singing a country song, and she ain’t no Nashville Star. Suzi chimes in with these horrendous cries. It sounds more like she’s in terrible pain than singing. This goes on, and Suzi sounds worse every minute. Sometimes her howl sounds like a little kid crying. Other times, she sounds like a parrot getting strangled. Freaky. The whole crowd, and even the judges can’t help but laugh at this. It’s painful and funny at the same time. Paula from American Idol would’ve probably told Suzi that she was wonderful and that she made this song her own. Judges award her: 7.8, 7.5, 7.2, 7.5

Miss Colorado is up next. Morgan, a 3 year old Great Dane who loves playing in the snow, loves being a big sister to a puppy beagle, and loves to relax on her favorite chair after a long day of play.

Morgan will showcase her agility talents. There is an agility course laid out on the stage, and Morgan starts running through the course. She jumps over some hurdles, zig zags through some poles, runs through a tunnel, and does some more jumping through more hurdles. Very impressive run. Judges award her: 6.9, 7.8, 7.4, 7.0

It’s Miss Alabama’s turn. Tippy is a 9 year old Havanese who likes to work out on the agility course, so she can keep up with her 14 children and 3 grandchildren. Wow! It’s good that she keeps in shape with all that running around she has to do.

Tippy stands on her little hind legs and starts pawing really fast. She looks like one of those professional boxers hitting on a punching ball. All of a sudden, Tippy drops to the ground and rolls over 3 times. Next she jumps through a couple of hoops, followed by some quick rollovers. For a grandma, she sure is pretty fast with her moves. Judges award her: 6.7, 7.7, 7.2, 7.9

Next is Miss Michigan. Dana is a 5 year old Border Collie mix who likes to eat oatmeal, and hangs out with her friends, Taja, the tiger and Nike, the hawk.

Dana will display her acting abilities. There had to be one in the bunch that got bedazzled by the Hollywood limelight. Dana’s handler asks her to smile, and Dana shows her teeth. Umm..I would be scared if she smiled at me. The handler sneezes and Dana brings her a tissue. Then, the handler pretends to shoot Dana, and Dana falls to the ground sideways. She shoots again, and Dana, still on the floor, turns on her back with her little paws in the air. The handler tells Dana to walk, but to remember that she is wounded. Dana, being the actor that she is, starts limping. Awww...it’s so cute. Dana also crosses her paws, and speaks in a loud and soft voice, and gives her handler a big hug. I think this dog deserves an Oscar. Judges award her: 8.0, 8.0, 8.1, 8.5

Next up is Miss Oregon. Daisy is a 3 year old Beagle that loves to eat grapes and take bubble baths.

Daisy will show us her walking talent. The handler puts Daisy at the top of a flight of stairs. She stands on her two front paws with her hind legs up in the air, and starts walking, make that running, down the stairs. The traveling circus might have an interest in this act. Judges award her: 8.6, 8.8, 8.5, 8.5

Lastly, but not least, is Miss Pennsylvania. Lady is a 3 year old Jack Russell Terrier who likes to chew on her toys, and gets along with everyone. A video clip of Lady is shown where she tries to befriend a cat, and the cat is hissing and clawing at her. This just re-enforces the myth that cats are evil.

Lady will show us her rescuing abilities. There is a baby carriage centered in the middle of the stage and behind it, there is a tight rope contraption. Lady runs up to the carriage, gets on its hind legs, and starts pushing it. She looks adorable. The mean old handler kidnaps the baby stuffed animal from the carriage and places it on a platform at the end of the tight rope contraption. Like the good mother that she is, Lady goes up the ladder, and gets up to the platform. There are two tight ropes so she can walk on all fours. You can feel the suspense when Lady is about to get on the tight ropes and her paw misses the tight rope. Don’t worry folks. She’s a professional. Her three other paws are still on the platform. Lady gets her composure and starts walking on the tight ropes. She finally gets to the other side of the platform and picks up the baby stuffed animal with her mouth. Slowly she climbs down the ladder with baby in tow. She runs and puts the baby stuffed animal in the baby carriage, gets on her hind legs and starts pushing the carriage again. Move over Lassie. There is a new hero in town. Judges award her: 8.2, 8.0, 8.2, 8.6

They Really Like Me
Earlier in the show, the judges handed out some awards. Miss Florida, Lady Bug the Collie, ended up taking the title of Miss Congeniality. Miss Washington, Stella the Chinese crested dog, took home the title of Miss Photogenic. They each got a
bowl-shaped trophy.

I’m too Sexy For This Dress
The long-awaited evening wear competition is next on the program. The doggie delegates will be wearing designs by Sharon Day. I bet it will be a howl watching these canines prancing around in evening gowns. Jillian enthusiastically describes what each contestant is wearing.

Miss Illinois: Swee’ Pea has a red satin skirt and a pinkish top with shiny sequins. Swee’ Pea shows the design by sitting on her hind legs. Judges give her: 7.5, 7.5, 8.7, 9.0

Miss Colorado: Morgan is wearing a a red velvet top with shiny sequins, and a tulle skirt. She’s a real beauty showing of her long legs. Morgan is a natural on the catwalk. She seems to enjoy all the admiration she’s getting. Judges give her: 8.0, 8.9, 8.4, 8.5
.
Miss Alabama: Tippy is wearing a vintage white satin dress, yellow tulle with an antique-beaded trim. A rhinestone buckle on her waist tops off the dress. Tippy just looks
too cute. Judges give her: 8.9, 8.8, 8.0, 8.6

Miss Missouri: Suzi is sporting a red blackish top with black beads, and a puffy skirt with a larger-than-life bow. Suzi does not look happy and she is reluctant to come out. Her handler picks her up and brings her towards the front. Suzi looks up at her handler as if saying, “What did I do to deserve this humiliation?” Judges give her: 8.0,
9.5, 9.1, 9.0

Miss Oregon: Daisy is wearing a sheer silver top and silver pleated skirt accentuated with a hunter green bow. Daisy tries to shake off her dress. The tabloids would’ve had a a field day with this if she had succeeded. Judges give her: 7.6, 7.5, 8.6, 7.9

Miss Iowa: Disco looks lovely in a copper top with a darker copperized skirt, along a with a rose topaz corsage pinned at her waist. Disco shows that she is not shy, and she wears her dress proudly. She evens wags her tail all throughout her walk. Judges give her: 7.6, 8.7, 7.8, 8.0

Miss New York: Anastasia, like a true Jack Russell terrier, is anxious to come out, and pulls her handler towards the center of the stage. She is wearing a green sparkly dress with a puffy bouquet of green woven roses at the waist. She looks like a princess. A dog princess, mind you. Judges give her: 7.4, 8.8, 8.1, 8.0

Miss Michigan: Dana is wearing a cascading 3 layer black chiffon skirt with an aqua sequined colored top. Judges give her: 7.6, 8.5, 7.9, 7.7

Miss Pennsylvania: Lady is sporting an oil-slick blue bodice covered with sequins, and a black satin skirt with an underskirt of fushia and navy colors. Judges give her: 7.8, 8.6, 8.5, 8.2

Pick of the Litter
These beauty queens are no tramps. They are dressed to kill, but unfortunately, four of them will be eliminated. John announces the top 5 to advance to the finals. Everytime John speaks, I can’t help to think of his character, J. Peterman, on Seinfeld. It's frankly pretty annoying. But let's move on. In no particular order, the top 5 are:
Disco, Miss Iowa
Swee’ Pea, Miss Illinois
Daisy, Miss Oregon
Lady, Miss Pennsylvania
Suzi, Miss Missouri

Silly Humans! Tricks are for Dogs
The Beauty and Poise competition is the last chance that these four-legged beauty queens have to make a lasting impression on the judges. It’s also a last chance for us to amuse ourselves at the expense of these loving dogs.

Miss Oregon: Disco comes out strutting her stuff, and does the same dance routine as in the talent competition.

Miss Illinois: Swee’ Pea balances a cup filled with a soft drink on her nose. Another impressive performance by this amazing dog.

Miss Oregon: Daisy does pretty much the same routine as in the talent show, but his time she just walks on the stage on her two front paws instead of walking down the stairs.

Miss Pennsylvania: Lady shows her ability to jump rope. Two handlers swing the jumping rope while Lady jumps.

Miss Missouri: Suzi decides to sing again. Get your earplugs ready, people! Her handler starts singing Sola Mia, and Suzi joins in with her cringe-sounding howls. Simon would be appalled if he heard this. The crowd is laughing or crying. I’m not sure.

Nothing to Wuff About
The votes are tabulated, and it’s time to find out who the winner is. John, with that annoying voice of his, says that the years of sacrifice will finally pay off for one lucky dog. Nope. No drama queens here like in the Miss America pageant.
The runner-ups are:
4th runner up - Miss Oregon, Daisy (Beagle)
3rd runner up - Miss Iowa, Disco (Golden Retriever)
2nd runner up - Miss Missouri, Suzi (Boston Terrier)
1st runner up - Miss Pennsylvania, Lady (Jack Russell Terrier)

And the Top Bitch is
The winner of the Miss Dog is none other than amazing Swee’ Pea, Miss Illinois (Aussie/Border Collie Mix). She gets the “Miss Dog” sash along with a little sparkling crown. Swee’ Pea along with her handler make the traditional walk through the stage.

John O’ Hurley starts singing a cheesy pageant song. He’s even more horrid than Suzi’s howling (Miss Missouri). All the dogs come out to congratulate the winner. Swee’ Pea, judging by the look on her face, is ready to go home. She seems to be puzzled by the crazy humans clapping like seals. The quote by John Steinbeck never rung more true than tonight. : ‘I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.”

I could’ve done without the evening wear competition, but all in all, this was actually a pretty amusing show. I was surprised at how well the dogs behaved. There was no out-of-control barking or cat-fights behind the scenes, at least that I know of. I’ll take this show anytime over the dull “Miss America” or “Miss Universe” pageant. See you at the Second Miss Dog Beauty Pageant. Don't step on that poop!

To contact the author, please send an e-mail to wolf@fansofrealitytv.com

[Google]

 

[John]

Great job, Wolf! I couldn't help but notice that judge #2, who was probably the Eddie trainer, consistently gave some of the top scores for every dog. Funny stuff.

Wish my homestate girl would have gone all the way, though, she sounded talented.

[fluff]

great job Wolf.

Wish I'd seen the show.

[Wolf]

Originally posted by John
I couldn't help but notice that judge #2, who was probably the Eddie trainer, consistently gave some of the top scores for every dog.

Yes, that score was given by judge #2. I should've pointed out that the scores were listed in the order of each judge I listed under the Judge section.

Fluff, it was a hoot watching these dogs parade around like beauty queens. It was even funnier looking at their puzzled face wondering what the whole hoopla was about.

[nofx242]

What I dont understand is the scores they gave the dog with the highwire act. That had to be the best trick of the night and she was beat out by a dancing dog. It was a pretty cheesy show but as a dog owner I watched and licked it.

[Wolf]

This was definitely a cheesy show, but I found it rather adorable and amusing.

Here are a few pictures I found of the contestants:
[IMG]images/img/anastasia.jpg[/IMG]
Anastasia from New York

[IMG]images/img/morgan.jpg[/IMG]
Morgan from Colorado

[IMG]images/img/suzi.jpg[/IMG]
Suzi from Missouri

[IMG]images/img/tippy.jpg[/IMG]
Tippy from Alabama

[IMG]images/img/stairs2.jpg[/IMG]
Swee’ Pea from Illinois (Miss Dog winner)

I couldn't find a picture of the winner, so I had to take a picture of the tv screen with my digital camera.

[Bill]

Five Paws Up for a great recap Wolf!

[cali]

I almost watched, now I wish I had!
Great recap. Loved the titles you gave each section

[Bliss]

Tippy from Alabama
So pretty

[Wolf]

Here's an update on what Dana, Miss Michigan, has been up to since the pageant.

Dana (the actor) has appeared in the Gong Show, as well as, the Jay Leno show. Swee' Pea (the winner), Suzy (the singer) and Disco (the dancer) also appeared on Leno alongside Dana.

Next stop for this busy little border collie mix is Ripley's Believe It Or Not which airs Aug 6th. Don't miss it!!

Thanks to Claire, Dana's owner, for the update, as well as this great picture of Dana wolfing down some hot dogs at Pinks in L.A. during the filming of the pageant. Cameras don't bother her, so I know Dana is ready to take on the paparazzi!