Hoarders (A&E)

[bogey123]

I've watched every episode of Hoarders on A & E.

At times I felt my stomach in a knot, especially the episode of the woman who kept buying food and had both a fridge in the kitchen and basement that were absolutely filthy with rotten food. I was yelling at her on the TV to please throw out the bad stuff. It is so sad that she could not let go of her obsession.

A majority of the show's I watched left me feeling that the person was overwhelmed. I've yet to understand the dynamics of hoarding, but while viewing the show, felt very bad for them.

Well, it made me throw away some old clothes in the closet, and clean out my fridge!

[Fierce Critter]

My mother is a hoarder. My father, who lives with her, suffers as a result. They're in their 80's.

With my mother, it is paper materials. Flyers, catalogs, cards, magazines, books - it stacks up and overflows her room (she doesn't sleep in the same bedroom as my dad anymore), the basement, wherever she can get away with storing it.

It's a mental disorder. I am convinced of it. I had a recent conversation with my dad and tried to talk to him in psychological terms about her. He has some difficulty, or reluctance, in discussing things of a psychological nature. He doesn't understand the disconnect between SEEING what is around you and changing your behavior.

I tried to convince him that he has to make sure that she doesn't drag him down, that he finds the strength to live a vicarious, twilight life without her, even though they live in the same house. They don't get along anymore, but neither would ever leave the other one. She won't get help, and he can't think in the proper scientific/psychological way to understand that she's not doing this to HURT him.

I asked him if he watches Hoarders. Surprisingly, he does once in a while. I said to him, "do you realize that if you were not here for her, if we were not here for her, she would be as bad as the woman who had dead cats under all her stuff?" He sat on that a while, quiet, and I could see the understanding and the shock in his face.

I could go on and on. It's painful to watch. It's hard to try to help with. My husband and I gutted her bedroom and boxed up all her stuff and took it into the basement. This was a few years ago. Once again, her bedroom consists of a bed, a TV stand, and a huge stack of paper materials covering the rest of the floor & surfaces.

I watch Hoarders as a means of understanding my mother. And to try to find ways to help my dad.

An interesting note - my oldest sister also shows hoarder tendencies. I asked her the other week if she watches Hoarders. Her reaction was intense and surprisingly angry. "No. Those people are mentally ill and I don't like watching mentally ill people." Wow. I was amazed. It sorta reinforced my suspicions that she is as bad as my mother in her own way.

[Gala62]

One thing I have noticed on these shows is that even the bathrooms are loaded up with all sorts of stuff....to the point that the toilets, sinks, and tubs or showers are no longer usable. Where do these people bathe? Often they have no running water, and/or electricity, so how do they cook and keep foods refrigerated? Do they just eat take out food?
I can't even imagine what living under those conditions must be like.

My first husband was close to this level and lied to me about the condition of his house before I first saw it. He had paths from one room to another and the only bathroom was filled with junk, only the toilet was usable. To shower, we had to go into the unfinished basement and use a hose. Yeah, I married him, more fool I. I believed him when he said he would clean it all up before I moved in. He didn't. He only started cleaning when I said I was leaving. This was after I found mice droppings in all the frying pans. ugh.

It got manageable, but it was always a fight with him over keeping stuff. He literally would not let me throw anything away without his OK first. I'm actually amazed that I stuck it out for 10 years.

[Cornholio]

I have a couple of hoarders in my family too. My dad and my aunt. Both of them had the same strong negative reaction as Fierce's sister when I asked if they watched the show. Practically violent - I'm not interested in that. Why would I want to watch THAT! Hhhhm.... I'm fascinated by the show because I can feel tendencies in me to not want to throw things away... but I work hard to keep it under control. :-)

[NJ EJ]

I come from a long line of neat freaks & have no trouble throwing away my crap -- or anyone else's. (Two of my women friends have asked me to help them clear out ex-hubby stuff & it was my pleasure -- on several levels). There is a place for everything & everything had better be in the right place. And clean. I'd like to think I'm not completely nutty about it . . .

So it will come as no surprise that this show fascinates me to the point that I actuallly TALK TO THE TV! Guess we all have mental challenges.

[Brandy]

Does anyone else think hoarding has something to do with insecurity? As if they are literally creating walls around themselves.

[Fierce Critter]

Does anyone else think hoarding has something to do with insecurity? As if they are literally creating walls around themselves.

I'm sure that's one aspect of the disorder.

My mother sure does that. It makes sense in the terms you put it.

Insecurity in general is often described as the basis behind it. For instance, growing up during the depression. That's my mother's generation. It definitely factors into her hoarding.

Also, it's a way of maintaining a sort of control when other things are out of your control. I've heard of anorexia described in that way. Hoarding can be similar.

Something else that resonated with me when I watched this season's premiere: the description of the woman's sense of entitlement. My mother is EXACTLY like that. Even when people are trying to help her, she can be very unappreciative, as if people SHOULD go out of their way to help her deal with her crap.

It's one of the most maddening problems - to those who aren't even the sufferers themselves.

[Jamie5632]

We moved out everything from our living room, breakfast nook and kitchen to paint last week, which is a good idea. What is a bad idea is watching an episode of Hoarders when three large rooms of stuff you use on a regular basis is crammed into one small room you have to go through to get outside or upstairs! It was funny at first, then I started mildly freaking out about it - especially after I realized I COULD function with it like that because I at least knew where everything was. Good thing hubby watches it with me, he totally got what I meant when I said 'can you move the microwave you just put down here to over there? Otherwise its going to feel like a path and not storage and I'm going to freak out'

And I'm just sure the Fed Ex guy watches Hoarders and went home and told his wife "I totally saw a Hoarders house today!!" because when he was there was during the eight minutes that day we weren't covered in paint and from the front door, the project was not obvious. *sigh*

At least I moved it all back IMMEDIATELY when I could and am happy to say, not all of it went back, some of it is being donated.

[kjfras]

This last episode was interesting. The family obviously has some serious issues - alcoholism, depression, hoarding and then attempted suicide. There are major deep rooted issues these father/mother need help on. You can already tell the kids (mostly the little one, Sam) is deeply affected by all this. The poor kid kept crying - and doing all the work while the parents just stood there and smoked. Give me a break! They need to grow up and learn how to be parents, especially since they are almost 50! I hope for the sake of all involved that they go to therapy as it stated and don't let the house get back to the way it was. They weren't even able to clear it all out in time so the bedroom upstairs had tons of boxes on either side of a small pathway toward the bed - I wonder if they ever thre the stuff away or if it's still there and then some???

The guy and his daughter - that one wasn't so bad. He had a ton of paperwork and stuff and you could obviously tell he was lonely and kept everything for his memories. It was really kinda sad and I felt a bit bad for him.

Next weeks looks interesting.....

[Fierce Critter]

I think I was watching the rerun that came on after last night's new show. One of the experts commented to one of the hoarders that they seem to be living in a state of future/past, without present.

I am living exactly that way. But I realize it. My reasons for doing so is because we're currently in a rental and unemployed. So no money for better living conditions or for particular types of storage/furniture. We have cats, so absolutely NO keepsakes are being unpacked from boxes until we can afford curio cabinets in which they can be displayed safely. No doors on the bedroom, so keepsake linens are packed away waiting for when we live somewhere where cats can't lay around and get fur on everything. Horrible kitchen set-up with very little storage or counterspace. So brand-new appliances and cookware are packed away, waiting for the day we have the counters and cabinets we need.

In our present living conditions, I am hoarding. We are moving soon so I have had to go through boxes and boxes and bins and bins of stuff and get VERY unsentimental about what I keep. I gave away or sold off massive amounts of things I wanted to keep "for when..." But I have to draw a line. I'm not going to get rid of my grandpa's pipe that still smells of his cherry tobacco because I don't have a curio cabinet in which to store it. I got rid of the gorgeous artificial Christmas Tree, but I'm not going to whittle down my bins of keepsake & handmade ornaments because I haven't been able to put a tree up in 5 years.

Once we're established in a rental or purchased home, the amount of "stuff" we have will seem small. Right now though, it can appear overwhelming due to the cramped quarters.

I have the "gene," I'm sure. But I recognize the tendency so I police myself.