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Thread: Ruby

  1. #121
    FORT Fogey causingchaos's Avatar
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    Re: Ruby

    I agree Critical. If she is essentially "relapsing" with her food issues here due to the crap being put in front of her that's a problem. And I'm quite sure the holidays are triggers for her addiction issues already let alonehaving the bad stuff laying in front of her. Speaking of which I know many alcoholics who have a lot of difficulty going to family events at holiday time because they are also usually big drinking events for families.

    And like I said she is going to need to evaluate if these are actually her friends or if they are just hangers on trying to find ways to normalize their own behavior. If they can't respect her and her problems enough to at the very least plan a healthier eating holiday (which honestly wouldn't have killed them) then I certainly wouldn't consider them friends.

    That being said I have many friends who are alcoholics and I would not dream of letting the liquor flow at an event just because it's their problem and not mine. I respect them and their want to facilitate their healthiest possible life not throw up more road blocks to their recovery. I also have many friends on diets and I will then bring healthier foods to pot lucks etc. to support their choices. That is what friends do.

  2. #122
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    Re: Ruby

    I did say in my previous post that it was no doubt a tough place to get to -- in regards to anyone with an addiction to be around their former "drug." I knew shortly after I posted that, it wasn't a "good example."

    I still believe someone can be a supportive friend to someone with an issue, and not have to totally change their lifestyle. I don't think a sweeping generalization can be made that states someone isn't a true friend just because they don't give up something that isn't an issue for them. If you are around someone pretty much 10-16 hours/day, 7 days a week like Ruby's friends are, they can't be expected to completely give up what they want to eat or do. It would be easier for friends who only get together on holidays or events to give up something that another person has an issue with. Totally different story. There is one specific poster who always argues with my comments no matter what/where I post, and has to prove my opinion is "wrong" just because it differs with hers. I hope she can accept that we just see things differently.

  3. #123
    Bitten Critical's Avatar
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    Re: Ruby

    Quote Originally Posted by causingchaos;3881423;
    I agree Critical. If she is essentially "relapsing" with her food issues here due to the crap being put in front of her that's a problem. And I'm quite sure the holidays are triggers for her addiction issues already let alonehaving the bad stuff laying in front of her. Speaking of which I know many alcoholics who have a lot of difficulty going to family events at holiday time because they are also usually big drinking events for families.

    And like I said she is going to need to evaluate if these are actually her friends or if they are just hangers on trying to find ways to normalize their own behavior. If they can't respect her and her problems enough to at the very least plan a healthier eating holiday (which honestly wouldn't have killed them) then I certainly wouldn't consider them friends.

    That being said I have many friends who are alcoholics and I would not dream of letting the liquor flow at an event just because it's their problem and not mine. I respect them and their want to facilitate their healthiest possible life not throw up more road blocks to their recovery. I also have many friends on diets and I will then bring healthier foods to pot lucks etc. to support their choices. That is what friends do.
    Absolutely. I have friends who are vegetarian and I always asked - especially when we were first friends - if they minded me eating meat in their presence. Most didn't mind, but a few were uncomfortable. I've eaten more than a few all veggie meals because of that and it wasn't a hardship - it was for a friend.

    We do a fairly healthy Thanksgiving, although we do have a very fatty corn pudding. Luckily, it's so rich, you can't eat much of it. Brining the turkey makes it plenty flavorful and non-fat milk doesn't make much of a difference in mashed potatoes, imo. You can make minor changes to the traditional turkey dinner without sacrificing flavor.

    Really though, it didn't look like Ruby ate much of the healthy food. She was tasting everything in the kitchen. I can imagine that some of the weight she gained was water weight from all that salty food! Ultimately, what Ruby eats is her responsibility, but putting all that heavy, unhealthy food in front of her is just setting her up for failure.

    More than once on Biggest Loser we've seen the contestants go home for visits where their friends are clearly not happy with the changes the person is making. I particularly remember Matt Hoover's friends bagging on him and teasing him with drinks and food and basically implying that he USED to be more fun. I wasn't surprised that he left his hometown and moved to Seattle with Suzie.

    While I don't think Jeff and Georgia want Ruby to gain all her weight back, they don't seem very happy that her weight loss is requiring them to change. Georgia, in particular, seems resistant to any self-examination. It's not uncommon for a heavy woman to lose weight and then encounter jealousy and resentment from her friends. I wonder if that may happen with Georgia. Ruby is beautiful at 320 lbs - I can only imagine what a knockout she'll be when she gets to her goal weight. I wonder how that will affect Georgia. It will be interesting to see how her friendships change - especially with Georgia - as she continues to lose weight.
    Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.' - Isaac Asimov

    I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"

  4. #124
    FORT Fogey libgirl2's Avatar
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    Re: Ruby

    Quote Originally Posted by Critical;3881438;
    .
    While I don't think Jeff and Georgia want Ruby to gain all her weight back, they don't seem very happy that her weight loss is requiring them to change. Georgia, in particular, seems resistant to any self-examination. It's not uncommon for a heavy woman to lose weight and then encounter jealousy and resentment from her friends. I wonder if that may happen with Georgia. Ruby is beautiful at 320 lbs - I can only imagine what a knockout she'll be when she gets to her goal weight. I wonder how that will affect Georgia. It will be interesting to see how her friendships change - especially with Georgia - as she continues to lose weight.
    I wondered about that too. Georgia has been the thin friend.... even if she doesn't mean to do it, when they go out, she is the one who gets attention... etc.... she might be feeling slightly threatened. Subconciously of course. She loves ruby, but with Ruby getting to her goal, the dynamics change.
    "To err is human, to arr is a pirate"

  5. #125
    FORT Fogey Imperfect1's Avatar
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    Re: Ruby

    The other thing that would have helped tremendously, that I don't think anyone has mentioned, is that Ruby never should have been around the shopping or the PREPARATION of the food - at least not at this early stage of her recovery. She ate a ton of food she shouldn't have during the preparation -- and if the dinner had been at someone else's house, and she didn't participate in the cooking, that would not have been a problem. At least that would have minimized the damage. Perhaps she'll do better at Christmas, and let the others do the cooking this year.

    Thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthdays are huge 'eating' days. Perhaps, as a compromise, Ruby could just allow herself these 3 days a year to eat more than she usually is allowed to, and not fight it -- and yes, gain the few pounds, knowing in advance that that will happen, and to be ready for it. I think the gorging and the shame afterward -- coupled with those 5 pounds she gained, could become the triggers for derailing her diet. If she gives herself permission in advance, knowing the consequences, but allowing herself this small reward, then perhaps she would be able to go back to her diet the next day, and try to do a little more exercise to make up for those pounds she gained.

  6. #126
    FORT Fogey libgirl2's Avatar
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    Re: Ruby

    Quote Originally Posted by Imperfect1;3882114;
    The other thing that would have helped tremendously, that I don't think anyone has mentioned, is that Ruby never should have been around the shopping or the PREPARATION of the food - at least not at this early stage of her recovery. She ate a ton of food she shouldn't have during the preparation -- and if the dinner had been at someone else's house, and she didn't participate in the cooking, that would not have been a problem. At least that would have minimized the damage. Perhaps she'll do better at Christmas, and let the others do the cooking this year.

    .
    It's like asking an alcoholic to prepare the mixed drinks?
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  7. #127
    FORT Fanatic ElizabethG's Avatar
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    Re: Ruby

    Quote Originally Posted by Critical;3881438;
    While I don't think Jeff and Georgia want Ruby to gain all her weight back, they don't seem very happy that her weight loss is requiring them to change. Georgia, in particular, seems resistant to any self-examination. It's not uncommon for a heavy woman to lose weight and then encounter jealousy and resentment from her friends. I wonder if that may happen with Georgia. Ruby is beautiful at 320 lbs - I can only imagine what a knockout she'll be when she gets to her goal weight. I wonder how that will affect Georgia. It will be interesting to see how her friendships change - especially with Georgia - as she continues to lose weight.
    I'm sure this information can be found elsewhere, but I haven't seen it and I'm curious...what is Ruby's goal weight?

    Also, regarding the episode where Ruby has the consult for skin removal surgery....I've read she is going to have the surgery this fall...is she hoping to be at or near goal weight before having it?

    Edited to add: She really is a beautiful woman.
    I enjoy the escapism of reality television. Beats the heck out of worrying about your REAL life!!

  8. #128
    FORT Fogey libgirl2's Avatar
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    Re: Ruby

    Quote Originally Posted by ElizabethG;3882158;
    I'm sure this information can be found elsewhere, but I haven't seen it and I'm curious...what is Ruby's goal weight?

    Also, regarding the episode where Ruby has the consult for skin removal surgery....I've read she is going to have the surgery this fall...is she hoping to be at or near goal weight before having it?

    Edited to add: She really is a beautiful woman.
    I think her goal is under 200. And yes she is a beautiful woman. What a face she has!
    "To err is human, to arr is a pirate"

  9. #129
    FORT Fogey buttahfly's Avatar
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    Re: Ruby

    i don't know - that seems a bit ridiculous to me. my sister was a vegetarian for years and i would never ask her if ME eating meat made her uncomfortable. i would join her at vegetarian restaurants form time to time, but beyond that her food choices were hers and mine were mine.

    honestly i don't get what the big issue was . . . . doesn't make sense to me that she couldn't just indulge (within reason) in the holiday meal and get back to her healthier eating the next day. and also increase her workout. that's what i do - - - - - if i eat something that isn't the healthiest, i just put in some extra time on the hiking trail or in the gym.

    Quote Originally Posted by Critical;3881438;
    Absolutely. I have friends who are vegetarian and I always asked - especially when we were first friends - if they minded me eating meat in their presence. Most didn't mind, but a few were uncomfortable. I've eaten more than a few all veggie meals because of that and it wasn't a hardship - it was for a friend.

  10. #130
    FORT Fogey libgirl2's Avatar
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    Re: Ruby

    Quote Originally Posted by buttahfly;3882286;
    i don't know - that seems a bit ridiculous to me. my sister was a vegetarian for years and i would never ask her if ME eating meat made her uncomfortable. i would join her at vegetarian restaurants form time to time, but beyond that her food choices were hers and mine were mine.

    honestly i don't get what the big issue was . . . . doesn't make sense to me that she couldn't just indulge (within reason) in the holiday meal and get back to her healthier eating the next day. and also increase her workout. that's what i do - - - - - if i eat something that isn't the healthiest, i just put in some extra time on the hiking trail or in the gym.
    But I think a vegetarian diet you are happy being on vs. trying to break a lifetime addiction is different. If someone were to say no more bread to me and then I had to be around everyone eating bread I would go crazy, but I would cope. An addiction is a whole other thing.

    I do agree about the indulging part, but wasn't she supposed to do a spoon or two of the fattening stuff?
    "To err is human, to arr is a pirate"

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