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Thread: The Duggar Family

  1. #901
    FORT Fogey
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    Coming from the very traditional religious background that I do I also find the 'modesty"--for girls--issue to be very troubling.

    What a conflicting message--be "modest" but have sex at every opportunity.

    What kind of marriage do we think these girls will have if/when they find a guy who agrees with how they themselves were brought up?

  2. #902
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    Quote Originally Posted by Wind Dancer;3715425;
    Coming from the very traditional religious background that I do I also find the 'modesty"--for girls--issue to be very troubling.

    What a conflicting message--be "modest" but have sex at every opportunity.

    What kind of marriage do we think these girls will have if/when they find a guy who agrees with how they themselves were brought up?

    They don't teach their girls to have sex every second or every opportunity.

    I thinks it nice that after 25 years of marriage, they love eachother and show it to eachother.

    From my own family....i'm pretty sure my mother and father stopped having sex pretty much after i was a year old...and then divorced two years later, because my mother almost had a mental breakdown and my father couldn't understand her or what she wanted...I forget how she explained it to me.yes thinking about my parents is creepy....its giving my shivers.
    But alot of marriages they end up that way...that sex isn't important or required. Even Relationships especially long term ones. Whats that point of being in a relationship with someone if you can't even be bothered to turn up the heat at night.
    Yes i understand that sex doesn't define a relationship. And i definatly don't think teenager should go around having sex because quote 'its fun'.
    And i'm 21 and still waiting for the right guy to come along. I'm okay with that, I want to be love and i want it to feel right where i'm comfortable enough. i'm not exactly save it for marriage, but if the guy wanted to....maybe i would. But to me you don't buy a car with testing it out first.... why buy a man before knowing if your compatiable in that area

    But if there still getting it on, and evidently they are lol. I'm happy for them, because it shows to me that their marriage and candle of love is still burning bright.

  3. #903
    RIP Billy Mays:'( Trista's Avatar
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    And that is why I think that many couples could learn from the Duggars. They respect each other, they recognize that their committment is a lifetime and not just a "flavour of the week", and they treat each other with love and respect and it's very evident that they are as in love today as they were when they were married. I too think that you can have just as strong a marriage if you wait than if you don't-the people who say that you have to test drive the car before you buy it? What happens if your partner is unable to have sex? I may be a hypocrite because I have not waited, although I do intend to practice celibacy until I am married with any future men.

    And on the contrary, the Duggars teach courtship-I don't see it as "sex willy-nilly". I see it as a couple enjoying their marriage, although not in a way that I necessarily agree with (I am a pro-birth control Christian).
    "Congratulations, you just peaked. It's all downhill from here, honey"-Noah from TDI
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  4. #904
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    Trista---IMO but if Mr Duggar really "respected" Mrs Duggar he wouldn't expect her to waste her body away with all those pregnanices.


    I grew up with many such men who felt that "God made women for one thing--having children."

    How does Mr. Duggar differ from any of those?

    A "real man" wouldn't need to keep having to prove his masculinity by having all those kids.

  5. #905
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    They, as a couple, have decided to have all these babies. If she had stated she cannot have sex because getting pregnant would kill her he likely not have sex with her.

    He is not raping her and forcing her to have these children.

    We have to be careful to not transfer our own feelings about own upbringings and childhoods and paste them on this couple.

    It is an extremely healthy thing for couples in love to have sex. It's very healthy to have lots of sex in a monogamous relationship where you don't risk getting STI's. Many married couples in this country just can't find time for any sex and their marriages fail. Or women (and sometimes men) decide they got their partner so that means they don't have sex anymore.

    Sex is not an unnatural thing. Pregnancy is not unnatural. And if you want to complain about the trauma to a woman's body one pregnancy is enough to play havoc with a woman's body. And at least she is having them one at a time instead of artificially having litters at a time which is even worse for a body.

    And to say they could stop having sex when she's most fertile.... even on non-fertile days accidents happen. It's not foolproof and that assumes her periods are regular. Last I heard they did not discuss the regularity of her menstrual cycle in great detail on this show.

  6. #906
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    Quote Originally Posted by causingchaos;3715500;
    Last I heard they did not discuss the regularity of her menstrual cycle in great detail on this show.
    And I hope they never find the need to. (I don't think they would)
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  7. #907
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    Using birth control would be healthy too.

    Having been brought up in a very traditional religious setting where there were many different kinds of methods used to "pursuade" people to go along with the dominant ideas I know how people can be manipulated into doing what a few people think is "the right thing" to do.'

    For example a young member of our family was convinced by her extremely "traditional" parents that she had to get married at the age of seventeen because she was planning on travelling with her fiance and her parents decided that the young couple could "not be trusted" and could only travel together as husband and wife. And if she didn't get married her parents threatened to have nothing more to do with her because she would be a "sinner" in their eyes.

    Who thinks that getting married at 17 is "a good idea"?

    When children--especially girls like the family member--are home-schooled for religious reasons and kept out of the dominanrt culture, they can be somewhat naive and not know what is really going on in/with the rest of the world. And how much actual freedom (both personal and religious) other young people their age really have.

    So now she's an 18 year old married "woman."

    That's the kind of emotional manipulation that goes on in the kind of setting the Duggars have created.


    I find it somewhat sad--knowing what I do about what really can go on in this kind of environment--to see this family being romanticized when they may very well be highly manipulative --especially in relation to their numerous kids.

    If you (the general you) haven't grown up in that kind of enviroment you have no idea of the kind of pressures that are put on the children every day to conform to a very narrow idea of what a "good person" is and how a "good person" behaves.

    How is this situation any different from a David Koresh-type cult?

  8. #908
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    Quote Originally Posted by causingchaos;3715500;
    They, as a couple, have decided to have all these babies. If she had stated she cannot have sex because getting pregnant would kill her he likely not have sex with her.

    He is not raping her and forcing her to have these children.

    We have to be careful to not transfer our own feelings about own upbringings and childhoods and paste them on this couple.

    It is an extremely healthy thing for couples in love to have sex. It's very healthy to have lots of sex in a monogamous relationship where you don't risk getting STI's. Many married couples in this country just can't find time for any sex and their marriages fail. Or women (and sometimes men) decide they got their partner so that means they don't have sex anymore.

    Sex is not an unnatural thing. Pregnancy is not unnatural. And if you want to complain about the trauma to a woman's body one pregnancy is enough to play havoc with a woman's body. And at least she is having them one at a time instead of artificially having litters at a time which is even worse for a body.

    And to say they could stop having sex when she's most fertile.... even on non-fertile days accidents happen. It's not foolproof and that assumes her periods are regular. Last I heard they did not discuss the regularity of her menstrual cycle in great detail on this show.
    I agree. They have talked about it multiple times on the show - Michelle LIKEs having kids and likes being pregnant. I remember interviews with her while she was pregnant with Jordyn when she talked over and over about how sad she was with the reality that she was over 40 and this might be her last pregnancy. I have seen nothing to show me that Jim Bob is in any way forcing her to live this lifestyle. She seems very happy. And quite frankly, when I watch the show - she seems to be the one in charge much more than he does!

  9. #909
    Trouble in my life just1paul's Avatar
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    Quote Originally Posted by Wind Dancer;3715519;
    Using birth control would be healthy too.

    Having been brought up in a very traditional religious setting where there were many different kinds of methods used to "pursuade" people to go along with the dominant ideas I know how people can be manipulated into doing what a few people think is "the right thing" to do.'

    For example a young member of our family was convinced by her extremely "traditional" parents that she had to get married at the age of seventeen because she was planning on travelling with her fiance and her parents decided that the young couple could "not be trusted" and could only travel together as husband and wife. And if she didn't get married her parents threatened to have nothing more to do with her because she would be a "sinner" in their eyes.

    Who thinks that getting married at 17 is "a good idea"?

    When children--especially girls like the family member--are home-schooled for religious reasons and kept out of the dominanrt culture, they can be somewhat naive and not know what is really going on in/with the rest of the world. And how much actual freedom (both personal and religious) other young people their age really have.

    So now she's an 18 year old married "woman."

    That's the kind of emotional manipulation that goes on in the kind of setting the Duggars have created.


    I find it somewhat sad--knowing what I do about what really can go on in this kind of environment--to see this family being romanticized when they may very well be highly manipulative --especially in relation to their numerous kids.

    If you (the general you) haven't grown up in that kind of enviroment you have no idea of the kind of pressures that are put on the children every day to conform to a very narrow idea of what a "good person" is and how a "good person" behaves.

    How is this situation any different from a David Koresh-type cult?
    I don't think this show would come off with all the good that it does if the Duggars were manipulative, and I think comparing this to a Koresh type cult is a bit harsh. I feel badly wind dancer that you apparently have had a very bad experience, but I and many others don't see it with the Duggars. If there was anything going on behind the scenes I really don't think those kids would be showing as well adjusted as they are. When stuff is happening and kids are told "put on a happy face" it usually shows. The Duggars are a totally happy together family of which I find it refreshing.
    - The Dean Martin Show -

    Petula Clark: You know they say you can't buy happiness.
    Dean Martin: No but you can pour it..

  10. #910
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    Wind Dancer

    Their kids may be homeschooled, but they know about the outside world, and their not wow look its a stereo..or look its a t.v They know there different, but they don't put judgements on the more dominant culture. I've read about LDS, and Polygamy, and hell even Amish people, and i find the duggars nothing like any of them.

    And if the duggars were a more 'traditional' family would all their daughters be married..? Yes michelle gotten married at 17, we all know that. But i'm sure they know times have changed and it not the 80's anymore. My own mother got married at 19 my dad 24 they met when she was 16 almost 17, and she still ended up regreting her decision, she would of rather had me and brother while living with my father 'in sin' as my joking family calls it. then have been divorced at 26, and went through she went though. While my dad didn't know what to do

    And it doesn't matter how you grow up. I had pressure to be a perfect daughter, To be a perfect child, Not to talk back, and do what they ask me. That i was told i'm never good enough, perfect enough, that I ate to much. to the point I was so depressed i wanted to die, and i starved my self to the point i almost passed out in classes. All the while dealing with my lecher stepfather, who abused me.
    Hows that for pressure

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