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Thread: The Duggar Family

  1. #2051
    FORT Fogey libgirl2's Avatar
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    Quote Originally Posted by AJane View Post
    I don't disagree, but there are a lot of other choices besides crappy foster homes (I have, however, known some very good, well-meaning people who fostered children), criminal parents or religious fundamentalists who already have a great deal of offspring. I assume the Duggars are not looking to adopt a special-needs or behaviourally-challenged child (who are generally the ones who end up in the system) as they hardly have time to attend to their biological children. Anyway, no adoption service in their right mind would consider a family already that large for adoption. I hope.
    there are alot of physically and mentally challenged kids they might consider for them. I have seen and read several stories of some families with more then 5 special needs kids. The kids have no where to go, the families are willing to take them in and most times adopt them and give them the love and care they need.
    "To err is human, to arr is a pirate"

  2. #2052
    FORT Fogey causingchaos's Avatar
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    I have a handful of friends who did international adoptions because it was easier than doing domestic adoptions (which is unfortunate). Anyhow, they all got kids from various international orphanages and the reality was to a person all those children are high needs children. After spending a good chunk of their lives in those places they have some attachment disorders. One of the kids was eventually placed in a residential facility after about 2 years of trying to integrate her into life. It just didn't work. So I could see an international adoption going either really well because of hte level of neglect the child is already used to or going really bad and needing more attention than they could ever possibly give the child.

    I agree with above that there are many other options than the duggars or foster care for kids. I know here the kids that sit in the system the longest are those who do have special mental health or physical needs. Healthy babies are snapped up almost immediately by either foster to adopt homes or just by individuals on the waiting list for "healthy babies." Sadly many places don't offer any support to adoptive parents with high needs kids and offer much more in support to families if they are simply doing foster care. We did a foster to adopt in my family with a high need person and it was a holy mess when the adoption went through and absolutely all supports were removed (and it's not even just the monetary issues... that was never an issue in our case it was all the other support).

    There are also lots of people waiting around in the private realm for adoptive children who are perfectly capable and potentially good parents but can never ever get a child because of how restrictive they are (hence why one of my friends did an international adoption).

    Between the perfectly capable people on the foster to adopt lists or the people kicked off these private lists for biases of the agency I just feel wrong about the duggars getting a child above all the other options out there.

  3. #2053
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    Quote Originally Posted by causingchaos View Post
    I have a handful of friends who did international adoptions because it was easier than doing domestic adoptions (which is unfortunate). Anyhow, they all got kids from various international orphanages and the reality was to a person all those children are high needs children. After spending a good chunk of their lives in those places they have some attachment disorders. One of the kids was eventually placed in a residential facility after about 2 years of trying to integrate her into life. It just didn't work. So I could see an international adoption going either really well because of hte level of neglect the child is already used to or going really bad and needing more attention than they could ever possibly give the child.

    I agree with above that there are many other options than the duggars or foster care for kids. I know here the kids that sit in the system the longest are those who do have special mental health or physical needs. Healthy babies are snapped up almost immediately by either foster to adopt homes or just by individuals on the waiting list for "healthy babies." Sadly many places don't offer any support to adoptive parents with high needs kids and offer much more in support to families if they are simply doing foster care. We did a foster to adopt in my family with a high need person and it was a holy mess when the adoption went through and absolutely all supports were removed (and it's not even just the monetary issues... that was never an issue in our case it was all the other support).

    .
    Causingchaos: thanks for bringing up Reactive Attachment Disorders which are seen more and more frequently among children in international adoptions.

    RAD arises from a failure to form normal attachments to primary caregivers in early childhood. Such a failure could result from severe early experiences of neglect, abuse, abrupt separation from caregivers between the ages of six months and three years, frequent change of caregivers, or a lack of caregiver responsiveness to a child's communicative efforts. Not all, or even a majority of such experiences, result in the disorder. It results not just in the child being unable to form bonds with the people they are closest to or care most about but can include violent physical behavior like attacking children/siblings, parents and pets or themselves.

    I too know several people who did international adoptions and whose adopted children had such severe attachment disorder the kids could not stay at home but had to be placed outside the home in fulltime care. This serious situation is hardly ever talked about when adoption is mentioned and it can make life h*ll for the adopting parents and families. And in the most serious cases the child does not get better. Ever.

    For this and the many other reasons stated above in other posts, the Duggars would be wise to spend their time interacting with and raising their own somewhat neglected children and not bring any more vulnerable children into their lives. IMO.
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  4. #2054
    signed, sealed, delivered maude~flanders's Avatar
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    I wrote one response and changed it as I thought it through. I thought it would be nice if they adopted special needs kids or older ones, with all of their resources, but I just can't get past what they did to baby Jordan when they had Josie. Michelle completely dumped Jordan at less than one year old and lived away from her to be with Josie. She never attached to Jordan, and you can see it in their interactions. Jordan is attached to the girls as her mother, and Jim Bob as her father. Michelle only holds Josie, when she holds a baby, and that is sad. No matter how i look at this situation, I cannot see a way where it would be a good idea for the Duggars to adopt until they get it together and Michelle starts mothering her own children. Besides, those girls are bound to leave the nest within the next few years, and then they have several boys in a row. Who will raise the children then? Michelle will be in her 50's and 60's with a whole crop of new children that need to be cared for while only having boys in their teen years and early twenties. She will be stuck and out of luck, cuz you know they aren't having boys doing the "women's work". She is going to have to recruit granddaughters to come over and raise her kids.

    I truly hope that we do not see them adopt healthy babies that they would not qualify for, except for their celebrity status. There are plenty of people on waiting lists and that would be unfair.
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  5. #2055
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    I agree that the Duggars adopting would be their daughters adopting. I would think that a social worker would see this when inspecting the home. I do wonder if those older daughters will leave that home. Unless they are married, they won't leave. And as long as they are needed to do to free housework and child care duties, mom and dad are not going to promote them leaving or marrying.

  6. #2056
    FORT Fanatic lilymax's Avatar
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    I agree Debb, and it's really sad. If Daddy Duggar doesn't find the "right" husband for them, I doubt they will go. They probably wouldn't dream of finding a man their father did not approve of. I wonder if they ever think about it and feel very trapped by their situations. They've been raising their parents children for so long it must seem normal to them, along with all the housework. They are probably too busy to think much. I still hope the ones who want something more find a way to get out, get educations and/or careers if they want them, and live lives where they make the choices. It all seems so bleak to me. They seem so brainwashed.
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  7. #2057
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    If the older girls did leave, I don't see how Michelle and Jim Bob would be able to run the household and care for the younger kids. They aren't equipped to do it. They have actually raised kids in a long time.

    They really should be ashamed of bringing more work on those older girls and grandma Duggar. It's rather obscene, IMO.

  8. #2058
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    If I remember correctly from a report about them about a year ago the parents are "arranging" the marriages for all the kids.

  9. #2059
    signed, sealed, delivered maude~flanders's Avatar
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    Did anyone else watch the last episode? I was very pleased to see that Jana and Jill are now working outside the home every week. Jill is seriously training and studying to become a certified nurse midwife, which means she will have a degree and RN license, and Jana is training to be a doula which requires no specific certification. I had two of my babies with a certified nurse midwife. She did all of my prenatal care and delivered my children at a birthing center at a hospital. I got great care and there was a doctor who could step in if things got too complicated. It was wonderful. But, I'm just so happy that the girls are out there working! What a great improvement in their situation! Jessa still seems to be at home all day, though. And, Jinger of course.

  10. #2060
    FORT Fogey Debb70's Avatar
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    Re: The Duggar Family

    Thanks for the great news about the girls getting out of the house. Any education for them is also great news. I wonder why Jana doesn't want to get the education to actually be a midwife. Wouldn't you earn more money that way? I'm always confused when I see young people, ignore education opportunities. I guess when your parents don't support education, it has a big influence on you.

    Of course, the other daughters are now in charge of raising the younger kids and taking care of the house and family. I hope Michelle is still able to get her afternoon naps and daily exercise, like she has described before.

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