The return of Bravo’s “Million Dollar Listing” will confirm every nasty suspicion you ever have had about Realtors.
This revamped unscripted series (Tuesday night at 11; the show moves to its regular 10 p.m. time slot next Tuesday) centers on three high-powered agents in Los Angeles who specialize in selling million-dollar homes.
The first season, which aired in 2006, showcased older, less attractive sellers. Given the foreclosure crisis afflicting the nation, one would think Bravo would work overtime to find some sympathetic sellers. Sure. These guys are endearing like an outbreak of termites.
Josh Flagg uses the death of his friend Jay Bernstein (the one-time agent to Farrah Fawcett) as an opportunity to score a new listing. Making a profit truly is the only way to work through grief.
(In a bit of bad timing that seems like divine comeuppance, Flagg was arrested last week for allegedly stealing valuable artwork from the estates he represented.)
Chad Rogers is a standout in any room. He could pass for one of the lost Jonas brothers and wears his hair in a cross between a moptop and a helmet. His bangs almost obscure his eyes.
“I love myself. I think, actually, a little bit too much. I have a gorgeous girlfriend because image is everything in real estate,” Rogers says, speaking with a flat effect you might associate with the heavily tranquilized.
He looks 13 but is actually 30. When one client questions his youthful appearance, he says, “I never age. It’s hilarious. Who’s Dorian Gray?”
As he tells his trophy, I mean, girlfriend Victoria (a Heidi Montag clone with shaggy hair), he decided to become wealthy to avenge the bullying he suffered in junior high.
Madison Hildebrand, the one holdout from season one, seems to be using the show to stick a foot out of the closet.
The one scene in which the three men cross paths (at an open house) was almost certainly staged by a producer. The men don’t know each other.
With “Date My Ex” and now “Listing,” Bravo is speeding down a sleazy alley. The camera fetishizes all three guys. It follows two of them into the shower and observes them zipping up for the day.
No matter how Bravo slaps on the paint, nothing can save this fixer-upper.
Time to call in the demolition crew.