Top Moments In Reality TV (5/5 - 5/11)
Each week, our staff come up with some of the best, worst and always memorable moments in reality TV. Enjoy!
Hell Hath No Boredom Like the Women Scorned
You'd think that a show with 23 rejected women facing the sole male who dumped them all would be a juicy bit of deliciousness rife with sniping, cat fights, crocodile tears and generally good TV. You would be wrong. What the Women Tell All really brought was another opportunity for Marshana to demonstrate her crassness (as if anybody doubted it), and a chance for assorted other ladies, and I do use that term loosely, to flap their jaws between commercials delivering nary a juicy tidbit or even an amusing anecdote. Second runner-up, Amanda, she of the annoying hiccups, who smacked good ole' Matt with the "douchebag" label after she was unceremoniously kicked to the curb last week, talked about how shocked she was by that because she thought they were going to get *snort* engaged! Yes, I was shocked too... that she was shocked. Matt himself showed up, all Beckham-ized and full of himself declaring - with a straight face no less - that he will spend the rest of his days with his chosen one. Of course.
If It Looks Like a Rat and Smells Like a Rat, Give It Cheese (and Then Vote It Out)
Can someone say GULLIBLE? This week on Survivor, Erik very easily made the dumbest move in Survivor history. For some ridiculous reason, Erik felt safe in the hands of the four remaining girls. Smooth-talking Cirie convinced him that he needed a grand gesture to win back the trust of the ladies. Erik thought if he gave away the immunity necklace, his lay-days would have his back. Guess again, Leif Garrett. Erik gave the immunity necklace to Natalie, and in turn was voted out by all four women. The jury even had a good laugh over his stupidity. James, I’m sure, is more than happy to pass the idiot torch along. I guess the Ice Cream Man is still the Ice Cream Boy. Sucker.
A Queen and his Toupé Disappear
This week on Celebracadabra, Ant was one phone call to his lawyer short of a Dustin Diamond (of Celebrity Fit Club infamy) meltdown. The participants first had to find a costume for their challenge at a local store which was the home of an allegedly phobic Ant's hissy fit at seeing the clowns. When the celebragicians had to perform for a crowd of children, Ant decided to turn it into kiddi porn by a somewhat questionable placement of a prop on a young girl. He followed that by inciting a near riot when he invited the children to raid his candy covered costume. His fellow celebragicians, the class teachers, and the judges were shocked and understandably appalled at his behavior. At the judging after claiming sabotage and another pissy meltdown moment, Ant disappeared and even his magician mentor was happy to see him go.
Tonight's Special: Rocky Mountain Oysters, Extra Small
While viewers have become accustomed to hearing Chef Ramsay call his underlings anything from donkeys to four letter words that are unprintable here, this week he decided to branch out and launch a verbal attack on Matt's manhood. Or, lack thereof. Matt, who has a fondness for throwing raw meat on a plate and calling it dinner, wimpily let Bobby take over his station during dinner service after proving that he couldn't cook a simple piece of fish. Gordon let him have it, telling the world that diminutive Louross has bigger gonads than hefty Matt does. This led to much whining and bleating by Matt, who got his wish to work with the women's team from now on instead of the guys. Watch this week as the women eat Matt's testicularly challenged self up and spit him out. Be careful what you wish for, buddy.
How Old is He Anyway?
This week on Top Chef the cheftestants had to pull an all nighter in order to cater a wedding for a lucky bride and groom ( and frankly, they should be gambling in Vegas if they are going to take that kind of risk!). After the two teams spent hours in the kitchen and then serving their creations there was bound to be a bit of drama and tension. During judging, Dale simply broke down and threw a hissy fit when Spike tried to lay some blame on him for some over cooked meat. Dale was just short of stomping his foot and throwing his body down onto the floor proclaiming he did everything in the entire kitchen for the meal. He was Super Chef! In the end though, long over due Nikki was put under the chopping knife and sent home.
Have you every wondered what would happen if an eliminated reality show contestant just decided NOT to leave? That’s exactly what happened on Farmer Wants a Wife when Farmer Matt attempted to send Josie packing after her monstrously embarrassing performance at the town bingo game. While her chauffeur waited for Josie to bring her bags out to the
limo pickup, Josie sat inside, demanding a parting gift and refused to leave until she got it. As the other girls giggled uncomfortably, Josie waited. Eventually, reality (ha!) set in, Josie declared Matt a “bastard” (it wasn’t the first time she’d called him that) and we saw her flounce off in a cloud of dust.
Hot Tranny Mess = Fierce. NOT!
On this week’s episode of America’s Next Top Model, we finally learned that yes, there is such a thing as too much makeup. Dominique, who’s never been the freshest or prettiest, had her makeup put on with a garden trowel and channeled Divine in her photo shoot. While the result was dragalicious, this isn’t America’s Next Top Middle-Aged Transexual and Dom was sent packing, but not before viewers were treated to approximately 45 minutes of her personal affirmations and bragging about her great self-esteem. The only question is this: how on earth will the producers fill an hour without all that hot air?
Choking Away A Million Dollars. Again.
Long-time Survivor viewers were treated to a bad case of deja vu when Amanda, the perceived favorite before the finale, again did miserably before the jury and let the person beside her walk away with a million dollars. The girl may have set an all-time endurance record on Survivor due to two straight runs to the end, but she seems to get a sudden case of foot-in-mouth disease whenever she has to talk in front of the jury.
To Vote or Not to Vote, That is the Question
Last week on American idol a small controversy was started when Jason Castro appeared to voice the words "Don't Vote" when Ryan Seacrest was reading off his telephone voting numbers after Jason's dismal performances. The water cooler talk extended all the way to the Ellen Show as she spent two days talking about it (she was firmly in the "don't vote" camp). When young Jason was a guest on her show a few days later, he somewhat cleared it up by saying he did say "Vote, vote" with a rather lame explanation accompanying it, but short of calling the lad a liar, what can one do?
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