Each week, our staff come up with some of the best, worst and always memorable moments in reality TV. To get the whole scoop, click on the links in each moment. Enjoy!
Put Down The Pipe, Paula!
We’re used to American Idol’s Paula’s nonsensical babblings but she threw us all for a loop this week. After the contestants sang their first song, the judges were asked to give their first impressions before the contestants sang a second selection. A rushed and confused Paula started reading her notes and told Jason, "The second song, I felt like your usual charm was missing for me. It kind of left me a little empty and the two songs made me feel like you're not fighting hard enough to get into the top four." The problem: Jason had only performed once! The audience laughed, contestants looked confused, and Nigel was no doubt backstage having on-site EMTs restart his heart. “Oh my God, I thought you sang twice,” and “This is so hard.” was Paula’s defense. Ryan quipped that Paula was seeing the future. Seeing the bottom of a booze bottle is more likely.
As You Can See, There Is No Rabbit In My Hat
We might have thought trickery couldn't get any better after two Survivors in a row had the hidden immunity idol and, duped into thinking they were safe, didn't play it and got booted. But this week, the trickery went the other way. Amanda, targeted for eviction by women who smugly claimed it was because she was just such a good player, played the hidden immunity idol the way it was intended, springing it on a surprised tribe at tribal council and saving herself. Shocked trickster Alexis got the boot instead. The paranoia in the remaining tribe members has got to be running deep now. We can't wait to see the backlash, meaning that this is Survivor as (we think) it was meant to be played.
Blinded By The White…Stomach
On The Bachelor, the Fantasy Date episode is always rife with moments to snark on and this week was no exception. From Amanda calling Matt a word that begins with "d" and ends with "bag" at her elimination to Shayne showing off her gymnastics skills on a trampoline to a leering Matt and Chelsea stripping down to her bedazzled "pretty" panties while changing into lingerie. Yet, the biggest highlight had nothing to do with any of the women. On his date with Chelsea, the Barbados breeze lifted Matt's shirt just enough to expose a glimpse of white that has Bachelor fans everywhere wondering does the man wear a girdle? Is his support garment the result of a rugby injury or because of vanity? Enquiring minds want to know.
Run To The Hills
This week on MTV's faux reality show, The Hills, we saw Lauren go to new levels of immaturity and meanness. Ever since she reunited with her old high school friend Lo, she has turned into a whiny bitch. Lo and Lauren tormented poor Audrina in every way possible and sadly Audrina's eyes just rolled back and forth in her head as little was comprehended. Audrina should be thankful that she's stuck in the guest house and not in the main house with those two catty brats. The highlight of the show was the return of Lauren's old high school crush, Stephen Colletti. He took Lauren out for dinner and you could see the excitement in Lauren's eyes at the thought of them getting back together. The well executed, "I'm so glad we can hang out as friends" speech by Stephen twisted the dagger in Lauren's heart making us all cheer a little knowing that karma was dealing Lauren a well deserved blow to the ego.
Delivering Pies In The Shaggin Wagon
Hell’s Kitchen debonair Jean-Phillipe was styling in a three wheeled chick magnet that doubled as a pizza delivery wagon. Yes, of the thousands of gourmet items that Chef Gordon could have added to the menu, he added a lowly pizza. And then, through some fancy mind reading, people actually called in and ordered it and whipping boy Ben had to deliver it in the chick magnet. As an aside, and this may just be me, but if I am getting all dolled up and going out to a fancy restaurant, I am not going to order pizza nor am I going to pay a premium price for one to be delivered to me in a cartoon car. And while were on it, I am not ordering a $90 hamburger either. Just saying.
One Part Skin + Two Parts Happy Feet = A Party!
Skimpy outfits met flowing Ballroom skirts on this week's edition of Dancing. Even as poor Marissa drew the short end of the wardrobe stick (again) with a matronly full coverage lace dress for the Tango, others, like Jason, went for the chest-baring less is more look, otherwise known as the I-don't-want-to-be-eliminated look. While nobody earned a perfect 30 this week, Kristi maintained a good position with two masterful routines aided by clever props such as an umbrella and gravity defying poofy hair. For the first time, however, Jason and Edyta vaulted to the top with a clever NFL themed Paso Doble routine and a smooth Quickstep. There was also a bit of drama to go with all the semi-nakedness and teased hairdos. During the Latin round, Cristian suffered a pulled muscle in his arm and had to leave for the emergency room. For those of you who are counting, this is the third injury on the show this season. Who knew the Samba was so dangerous?
*Sniff* Do You Smell That?
You know, it's not often that a cooking show hits it big with a theme of poo, but this week Top Chef was able to do just that. From the poo knock knock joke that Antonia told her daughter to the excrement that was served up to some of the kids (who were really rather brave to even try it), Top Chef delivered some excellent television. Especially if you're ten and can really appreciate the value of a good poo joke. Plus, our wonderful recapper got to use the word 'poo' in her recap. Always a good time when that happens.
Dynasty Meets DaVinci
This week’s episode of ANTM brought us the inevitable photo shoot with Tyra behind the camera. LaTyTy’s shoots are always a bit odd. Considering the fact that her past shoots have involved Vaseline and growling, this week’s photo shoot could have gone either way. Luckily for the remaining five models, all Tyra had to torture them with were bad wigs and 80’s fashions. Oh, and her ever expanding repertoire of très phony accents. Maybe Tyra’s looking for a new career as the next celebrity impressionist. Now if she could only find some celebrities who sound like Boris, Natasha and Pepe le Pew.
SWM Seeks Fun Lovin Farm Hand
Just when you thought reality TV had run out of weird premises for dating shows, the CW brought us Farmer Wants a Wife. Imagine The Bachelor, combined with Green Acres, with a little bit of Outback Jack thrown in for good measure. In this week’s premiere episode, we met Bachelor Matt (really, his name is Matt – maybe we should call him Farmer Matt to avoid confusing him with the other Matt currently breaking hearts on ABC) and his 10 potential mates. Because there’s no one in Middle of Nowhere, Missouri for poor Farmer Matt to date, the CW had to ship in some city girls for him. There’s the usual array of Ashleys and Staceys and Brookes. Really, they’re all about the same. Ah, all except for Josie, this show's answer to ANTM’s Jade, The Apprentice’s Omarosa and Bachelor Lorenzo’s Erica….all rolled into one. Our girl Josie introduces herself by announcing she’s perfectly suited to the farm life, which in her universe includes polo matches and maids to do all the work. This girl is a sound bite a second. Who knows how long Josie will stick around, but whenever she does get tossed off the farm, fans will probably cheer….and then wish she hadn’t gone.
Why Take A Cruise When You Can Go Muddin?
You'd think Renessa's bi-curious antics with Jackie on the lesbian cruise would be the talk of the weight room the next day but North Kackalackee's own, Brian Peeler, pulled out the moment of the week on Bravo TV's Work Out. After getting the rest of the male studs to join him in the Mud Run at Camp Pendleton, Brian gets a cramp about fifteen feet into the start of the race. Or, as Jesse mocks, "currrr-raaaaamp!" Only newcomer Gregg Plitt stuck around long enough to nurse Brian back to a walk before being told to sprint to the finish. This gave Gregg the opportunity to give viewers at home the chance to drool at his diamond hard pecs and chiseled abs as he frolicked in the mud and brushed the sand and dirt out of his dirty blond streaked mane. It was very Phoebe Cates-like ala Fast Times At Ridgemont High. As the rest of the team waited for Brian to arrive, yuk-yuks and hilarity ensued as they watched the blubbery and couch potato sitting Peeler join them to cross the finish line.
Many thanks to the contributers this week, in alphabetical order: Critical, iguanachocolate, lildago, lucy, Mariner, MsFroggy, speedbump and Yardgnome.