Welcome once again to a great countdown of the best moments in Reality TV this week. Enjoy the read!
10. And the Nine Year Old Robbed A Bank
Some people love him, others hate him, but on the Friday edition of Star Search, host Arsenio Hall made many people laugh with his subtle jabs at the competition. He explained that the producers at Star Search were now looking for some criminals to compete on the show. Telling us it has done wonders for the ratings of American Idol. While some will argue that American Idol has had stellar ratings throughout it’s run, it has been documented that the best ratings for the series came on the night where America would learn the fate of Corey, a contestant kicked off the show for not disclosing his arrest in October. When announcing the first act of the evening Arsenio let us all know that the sweet nine-year-old we were about to hear sing, had just robbed a bank.
9. Fadder of duh Bride
Kevin referred to his fiancé Jill as sweetie, while her father kept
jumping to his feet demanding her "call her Jill".
Each time, Kevin would start his next sentence with a stammering sweetie and the whole thing would start over again.
Quick cut to Kevin’s parents and the shocked frozen look on their faces. Fresh from the Southern Baptist Convention on boycotting porn vendors and television shows with swear words, were beyond offended they were catatonic. I am sure visions of their potential daughter in law and her Playboy expose' along with her father and his constant bleeping conversations were piercing through their dreams of holding office in the aforementioned SBC.
As Jill’s dad continued to rant, we notice he sports his own hair sweater, is involved somehow in some lower social form of the mafia, and he hates terms of endearment.
"My Big &%&^** Mafia/Jerry Fallwell groupie $&%^& Wedding and would be the perfect subject for "My Life As a Sitcom".
8. Lizard Man
On the opening episode of Scare Tactics this week we got to witness what will probably be the funniest moment this series has to offer. While most segments feel flat, the very first one was hilarious. A guy and a girl are set up on a date by some friends. The friends are driving them to a “rave” in the middle of the desert. All of the sudden there are lights in the sky, the car dies and the radio starts going crazy. The girl is already scared. Out of nowhere an Alien, who really looks like a lizard man, shows up and rips the drivers door off, dragging him out of the car. The guy half of the date takes the hell off leaving everyone, his date included, in the dust, much like Michael Johnson on race day. Ahh, how fun it was to laugh at their fear. Too bad the rest of the segments left me yawning.
7. The Two Headed Monster
On this week's Survivor Rob assured us he was thinking with the right head and even though rubbing sticks and twigs together sure would get his fire started, he has still got his head in the game. What does all of this mean? Well, even though Jenna and Heidi are getting to him he will still be playing the game for himself. After all of this assurance we see that Sticks(Heidi) gets to him a little more than Twigs(Jenna) does. Rob Does not like the fact that Dave and Sticks snuggle so closely at night. He wants to be the only one having pillow talk with Sticks and feels like Sticks is playing him instead of playing Dave as they had planned. Rob also revealed he would have a better chance at having Stick's arms around him at night if Dave were not around. Did I miss something. Were Heidi and Rob exchanging smoldering glances and talking of how they could finally be together if not for that pesky Dave? Not likely! Back to reality. Be careful Rob. If she starts snuggling with you at night that is surely your ticket to the loser hut. Just don't let her "stick" it to ya.
6. I said Bye Week, Not Buh-bye Week
In only one week, the American Idol 9 were about to see their number shrink to 7. In a week littered with surprises, from Corey's sudden exit to Simon being in a pissy mood okay, maybe that's not so surprising nothing was more shocking than uber-talented Trenyce winding up in the bottom 3. Rickey and Josh looked on from the couch at Carmen, Kim Locke and Trenyce while trying to figure out exactly WHO Simon was referring to when he said that someone was lucky that night. Then Ryan, in his best 'Jeff I certainly didn't say anything about a merge Probst' impression announced that all 3 girls were also lucky and thanks to Corey's exit, no one was going home. Across America, over 15 million telephones went flying at televisions.
5. “Moronic Moments With Jenna”.
This week on Survivor we were treated to a very special segment I will call “Moronic Moments With Jenna”. This week she gave advice on how to achieve the perfect bag to haul your skeleton around in. Step one: When you lose your opportunity to eat some ice cream get petty and pretend you didn’t really want any to begin with. Step Two: Call the woman with the nice healthy, perhaps even a tad thin body now, a fat pig for wanting more to eat in a day than a scoop of ice cream and a banana. If you follow these steps you are sure to achieve a grotesquely thin body, AND feel better about yourself. Thank you SO much Jenna, you have no idea how you’ve helped me. Really, I have to fight the urge to vomit every time I see you!
4. An 'Amazing' Premiere!
CBS has surely understudied with Pavlov. They kept us drooling over the return of The Amazing Race 4 as long as possible, but the premiere definitely didn't disappoint! Leaving from the arches of St. Louis was a heartpounding start. As the 11 teams fought to catch a flight to Lisbon, Portugal, we saw the first signs of tension in several of the teams, most notably Linda and Dave - the season's token married couple. With a start like this, the season's sure to be another Amazing Race. And the return of Phil was worth the wait. "You've both been eliminated from the race."
3. If the Tiara Doesn't Fit
Prospective loves get tossed aside at a rapid rate in the first episode of the Bachelor series of shows, with 10 hopeful singles sent packing before they really even get a word in edgewise the the series "prize." Most contestants who fail to get a rose in the very first "most exciting rose ceremony" of the season take this "rejection" for what it is: they simply failed to catch his eye or didn't have a chance to make a memorable connection. My pre-sho favorite, Ginny, was quite gracious with this slight and walked over to Andrew Firestone and wishes him good luck. Stephani, however, was not quite so charitable about this slight and was practically in tears in a post-rose ceremony interview, in which she huffed, in all of her years in pagaents, even if is didn't win she was always first runner up! I take it she wasn't ever in he running for Miss Congeniality. Glad to know that she was this upset because she was so taken with Andrew in her 5 minutes with him, and not because she was hoping to be on the show to further her career as just another pretty face.
2. This stick up my bum can sing better than you!
What the heck was up with Simon on Tuesday's performance show of American Idol??? I'm a Simon fan, and I applaud his telling it like it is in most cases, but this week was over the top. With Corey ejected unceremoniously this week, I would have thought Simon would be grinning from ear to ear (or at least a half-smirk, in true Simon tradition). But no, he proceeded to tear up performer after performer, with no rhyme or reason. Clay suddenly sucks? Ruben should win? Someone get this guy some Midol, stat!
1. Brandi Trips The Bryan Adams Landmine
It was Pop Goes Country Night on Nashville Star this week. Each of the contestants is assigned to take a pop song and "make it their own." Brandi comes out with a pseudo-country rendition of "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You" by Bryan Adams. The crowd is into it. Brandi's voice is its usual amped-up powerful self. And then...the judges have their say. Forgetting for a moment that he is participating in a live television broadcast and not sitting on the couch in his underwear, ever-awkward Robert blurts out, "You're not a victim, Brandi! You're a strong woman! You shouldn't be singing that codependency shit!" That's Nashville-Star-speak for "I wasn't enthusiastic about your song selection."
Brandi, for her part, is confused as to whether she was being complimented or insulted and asks for clarification. Charlie helpfully drives the point home by pointing out that her performance was great pop, but it wasn't country. Realizing now that she's just been ripped by 2/3 of the panel, Brandi erupts into her trademark waterfall of tears. "I didn't want to do this song at all!" she babbles. "But The Bee Gees wouldn't let me do their song! Waah! Waah!"
Oh, my. So very embarrassing for everyone. What's the moral of this story? Not exactly sure, but if the answer involves both The Bee Gees and Bryan Adams, I'm not sure I want to know.
For those of you who made it through the entire list…. Yes, we played an April Fool’s Day joke… much to our dismay The Amazing Race has NOT debuted yet
Thanks to Fiefer, John, Fluff, Paulie, LurkingGirl, Miss. Filangi, Firegirl, and Cali for contributing to this weeks TopTen