The Real Housewives of New York City

[Margaritaville]

I thought I had to be the only person who missed it! But when I was reading the blogs - I saw the Statue of Liberty clip was available. I want to say it was in 2 or 3 parts. Don't know why. Let me tell you - the kids could not have cared less!!! Hysterical

[Google]

 

[Beezers]

You know... it's only been a week, but I just can't be Bethenny anymore. Every night I'm up pacing, biting my thumb, strategizing, (sctrach that), PLANNNG my life and who it will be with. Will he love me enough to handle my neurosis? Can I possibly trick him into sex (egg planting)? How am I screwing up his kids so I know what not to do for my own perfect (non-existent) child? What would Jill say??? It doesn't matter. I won't take her advice, I'll just mimick her for stress relief. What would Alex say? Oh, who cares! Her and Simon are probably related somehow anyways, which is why Frankie talks funny. Hey! Maybe if they're climing the social ladder, they can take some of my "healthy" muffins, cakes and cookies with them with my business card. I might as well use them too. See??? I can't handle the stress of being ME!!!

[Poohtz]

Originally Posted by Beezers

You know... it's only been a week, but I just can't be Bethenny anymore. Every night I'm up pacing, biting my thumb, strategizing, (sctrach that), PLANNNG my life and who it will be with. Will he love me enough to handle my neurosis? Can I possibly trick him into sex (egg planting)? How am I screwing up his kids so I know what not to do for my own perfect (non-existent) child? What would Jill say??? It doesn't matter. I won't take her advice, I'll just mimick her for stress relief. What would Alex say? Oh, who cares! Her and Simon are probably related somehow anyways, which is why Frankie talks funny. Hey! Maybe if they're climing the social ladder, they can take some of my "healthy" muffins, cakes and cookies with them with my business card. I might as well use them too. See??? I can't handle the stress of being ME!!!

Oh Beth, just go to Ramona's to talk, she will calm you down!

[onei0091]

Originally Posted by Beezers

You know... it's only been a week, but I just can't be Bethenny anymore. Every night I'm up pacing, biting my thumb, strategizing, (sctrach that), PLANNNG my life and who it will be with. Will he love me enough to handle my neurosis? Can I possibly trick him into sex (egg planting)? How am I screwing up his kids so I know what not to do for my own perfect (non-existent) child? What would Jill say??? It doesn't matter. I won't take her advice, I'll just mimick her for stress relief. What would Alex say? Oh, who cares! Her and Simon are probably related somehow anyways, which is why Frankie talks funny. Hey! Maybe if they're climing the social ladder, they can take some of my "healthy" muffins, cakes and cookies with them with my business card. I might as well use them too. See??? I can't handle the stress of being ME!!!

(Voiced as Bethenny immitating Jill): So you're saying you want to be Bethenny, but then you're running. You want to be her but you're packing a bag, and you're running, and you're saying you can't be her anymore, you're running away...

So it's NOT just me who never saw the Statue of Liberty bit. They are so full of themselves - they live in NYC and make a point to go look at the Statue like they've never seen it before, just so they can point out (to Bravo viewers) that their great great whomever had something to do with the process of presenting the Statue to the U.S. If the cameras weren't there so they had someone to brag to, they never would have bothered to go, you know it's true!!!

[Poohtz]

Originally Posted by onei0091

(Voiced as Bethenny immitating Jill): So you're saying you want to be Bethenny, but then you're running. You want to be her but you're packing a bag, and you're running, and you're saying you can't be her anymore, you're running away...

So it's NOT just me who never saw the Statue of Liberty bit. They are so full of themselves - they live in NYC and make a point to go look at the Statue like they've never seen it before, just so they can point out (to Bravo viewers) that their great great whomever had something to do with the process of presenting the Statue to the U.S. If the cameras weren't there so they had someone to brag to, they never would have bothered to go, you know it's true!!!:nod

Why are you being so hard on my friend the Countess? Come on, she gives and she gives and she gives, then people like you just cut her down. Well if you ever need a mock interview, don't call her. You can just get someone else to tell you that you look like Conde.

[lvmykds]

Originally Posted by Beezers

You know... it's only been a week, but I just can't be Bethenny anymore. Every night I'm up pacing, biting my thumb, strategizing, (sctrach that), PLANNNG my life and who it will be with. Will he love me enough to handle my neurosis? Can I possibly trick him into sex (egg planting)? How am I screwing up his kids so I know what not to do for my own perfect (non-existent) child? What would Jill say??? It doesn't matter. I won't take her advice, I'll just mimick her for stress relief. What would Alex say? Oh, who cares! Her and Simon are probably related somehow anyways, which is why Frankie talks funny. Hey! Maybe if they're climing the social ladder, they can take some of my "healthy" muffins, cakes and cookies with them with my business card. I might as well use them too. See??? I can't handle the stress of being ME!!!

Advise from "The Countess"......

Now Bethenny, pour yourself a skinny girls margarita, sit down and listen to me!

First off, you must immediatly stop calling your boyfriend "Jason" and begin referring to him as "my unemployed significant other".

Next, don't bother wasting any of your time worrying about screwing up your non-existant child. His/her care will fall to the housekeeper. Your job will be to "manage" (ie IGNORE) the child, not take care of him/her.

Then, go and find yourself a 20 year old bohemian-hipster (maybe Jason's oldest child?) to be your new BFF so you can hang out at places that are completely inappropriate for a woman of your years.

Unfortunately, since you do not have an utterly useless, but important sounding and awe inspiring title like "Countess", you are going to have to keep Jill, Alex, Simon, and Ramona as friends. Kiss their a**es until you no longer need their "connections".

Finally, don't forget to buy my new book! It's not in stores yet, alls I know is it's available at: Amodernguidetomanners@ linemypockets.com

[Poohtz]

Originally Posted by lvmykds

Advise from "The Countess"......

Now Bethenny, pour yourself a skinny girls margarita, sit down and listen to me!

First off, you must immediatly stop calling your boyfriend "Jason" and begin referring to him as "my unemployed significant other".

Next, don't bother wasting any of your time worrying about screwing up your non-existant child. His/her care will fall to the housekeeper. Your job will be to "manage" (ie IGNORE) the child, not take care of him/her.

Then, go and find yourself a 20 year old bohemian-hipster (maybe Jason's oldest child?) to be your new BFF so you can hang out at places that are completely inappropriate for a woman of your years.

Unfortunately, since you do not have an utterly useless, but important sounding and awe inspiring title like "Countess", you are going to have to keep Jill, Alex, Simon, and Ramona as friends. Kiss their a**es until you no longer need their "connections".

Finally, don't forget to buy my new book! It's not in stores yet, alls I know is it's available at: Amodernguidetomanners@ linemypockets.com

Oh Countess, you are so wonderful, you are always so proper and right. What a thrill it is for me to know you, not everyone gets a chance like this in life to be with royalty!

By the way, is it good manners to pose nude in the motel where my husband works? I didn't let the bellhop address me by my first name.

[onei0091]

Originally Posted by Poohtz

Why are you being so hard on my friend the Countess? Come on, she gives and she gives and she gives, then people like you just cut her down. Well if you ever need a mock interview, don't call her. You can just get someone else to tell you that you look like Conde.

Oh crap, I didn't think of that. Who's going to help me land a job now? And tell me that I don't look like a 'drug person' - LOL! But, then again, she won't feel good from helping me (I love, btw, how she said to the 'drug person' that "it feels so good to help you" - way to assume you helped, Countess LuAnn).

Well, speaking as Alex, if there's one thing Simon and I L-o-O-v-E it's kissing a Countess' butt in hopes that it will get us snootier friends. Our station in life is not yet satisfactory. Of course, presently, our lives are as beautiful as Simon and the boys, but hopefully it will be as beautiful as Simon, the boys, me, my dress where all lines converge at my crotch, and my crazy naked pics. Yes, everyone, THAT beautiful. Don't get too jealous.

[Poohtz]

Originally Posted by onei0091

Oh crap, I didn't think of that. Who's going to help me land a job now? And tell me that I don't look like a 'drug person' - LOL! But, then again, she won't feel good from helping me (I love, btw, how she said to the 'drug person' that "it feels so good to help you" - way to assume you helped, Countess LuAnn).

Don't forget, the Countess was also shocked that this woman was clean, as in body wise clean. I remember thinking, was she shocked because she thought someone who used drugs would not normally bathe, or was it for some other reason that she was shocked that she was clean. Maybe she was Conde type clean.

[Jesper]

Originally Posted by Beezers

You know... it's only been a week, but I just can't be Bethenny anymore. Every night I'm up pacing, biting my thumb, strategizing, (sctrach that), PLANNNG my life and who it will be with. Will he love me enough to handle my neurosis? Can I possibly trick him into sex (egg planting)? How am I screwing up his kids so I know what not to do for my own perfect (non-existent) child? What would Jill say??? It doesn't matter. I won't take her advice, I'll just mimick her for stress relief. What would Alex say? Oh, who cares! Her and Simon are probably related somehow anyways, which is why Frankie talks funny. Hey! Maybe if they're climing the social ladder, they can take some of my "healthy" muffins, cakes and cookies with them with my business card. I might as well use them too. See??? I can't handle the stress of being ME!!!

Bethenny, Bethenny, Bethenny.....dear...(trying to compose) you need to market your muffins! Mix up a batch of skinny girl margaritas (I'm terrible with a jigger and can't measure, so I'll be happy to help make them) then start trolling the local LCCs (not exactly sure what it's an acronym for, but it's where people in CA buy marijuana legallly) and offer to do Beezer Bakes. They'll give you the weed, you bake the goodies and just make sure you do enough taste testing that you've forgotten how shriveled up and rotten your own lil eggs are - not to mention pickled with all the tequila...) - Dodging tomatoes - everyone has mentioned her age and a Downs baby - what about fetal alcohol syndrome?

Okay, I'm going to take my mean, stalky self and go do something productive. Like yell at people...