Join us once again for a countdown to the number one moment in Reality TV this week.
10. Where's the Trash Talk?
Part of the allure of Fear Factor is having that one big mouthed jerk who is trash talking everyone. Then watching Him/Her lose. This week on a very special edition we missed out. All the contestants were Miss America representatives. Not a trash talker, or extra ounce of fat, in the bunch. The support group attitude was boring. The gratuitous slow-mo pan from the feet up camera shots were expected, but came every 2 minutes. I didn't even get to see one of them puke. Where's the fun in that?
9. Tying the knot? Not in that dress!
This week on the bachelor we got a look behind the scenes and schemes of some of the bachelorettes. And while some have a good game plan to go with their game face, a few are way off the mark. This top ten moment goes to one paticular bachelorette who was packing her wedding dress. Well, let me re-state that she was trying on what I am guessing was her mothers wedding dress, and planning the big day. Now lets think about that dress where have I seen it before? The cover of Modern Bride? Nooooooo... The cover of Bride Magazine? Nooooooooooo... hmmmm did Trista try that on? Nooooooooo.... Oh yes it was featured in the Godfather when his daughter got married , you know the one,, it was made out of all the heirloom doilies passed down from generation to generation! They stitched them all together and wa-la a wedding dress fit for a ummmm antique road show bridal gala! It was just awful and then to make it even worse the girl's mom was almost in tears at the sight and imagining how the new Bachelor would know he had made the right decision when he saw her in that dress. Ok so now we know how to get the rose, wear an old wedding dress to the rose ceremony each week and you will be irresistible! Ok I can hardly wait to see her in the first week rose ceremony, but until then I will stitch some doilies together and laugh at this top ten moment!
8. The Surreal Wife.
The third incarnation of the Bachelor, with pasty Andrew with the very high hair in the lead role, hit our screens this week.
We got to briefly meet the ladies, which is more than Andrew did, so let this serve as a warning...
Kerri - Am I desperate? Yes, I'm desperate.
Christina - What better way to meet the perfect man? (How many ways do you want me to list Christina?)
Amy - My parents aren't supportive of me, they're from a different generation.
Elizabeth - She's in floods of tears already imagining her special day. Even her dad, sitting beside her, looks bemused.
And now for Stephanie...
She wants us to know she's competitive, yet not a typical pageant girl, as the camera cuts to a shot of her in gown, heels, crown and sash, peeling potatoes. Rubber gloves are added to the ensemble and we see her elbow deep in a sink full of washing up.
Typical pageant girls would definitely just use the dishwasher.
7. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall. Whose the Coldest of them All?
The Mirror all but yelled out that Jennifer was the coldest of them all. Well, it was actually Dr. Don Elium, psychotherapist on the Married By America panel of "experts" who said that, but I'm sure the mirror would agree.
This week, the panel of experts put a spotlight on Jennifer and Xavier’s relationship. Jennifer made it clear that she wasn't the touchy-feely type of person, and constantly kept rejecting Xavier’s attempts to show his affection. Don, the all-knowing compassionate expert that he is, blurts out that Jennifer's problem is that she is "cold, brittle, and distant”. I could've sworn the room turning into an ice box, when Jennifer shot an icy stare at Don and told him that his harsh words were unappreciated and that constructive criticism would be more effective. In the confessionals, she was still fuming about Don’s comment, and went on to say that if Don had been her psychotherapist, she would've fired him. I have to say that I agree with "Chilly"(Jennifer). As Xavier put it, "The Truth Hurts" and she just didn't like what she saw in the mirror. Here is where the loveless fairytale of the Ice Princess and the Suave Frenchman came to an end, much to their relief.
6. Look out Gregory Hines
On the premier episode of “America’s Most Talented Kid” hosted by Mario Lopez (NBC's "The Other Half"), we got to see Devin Downs "Wow!" all who watched. The 10 year old from Duluth, GA tapped to Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal trying to win a place in the finals for the 8-12 year old age group. He was wearing a portable microphone to amplify his taps and the mic pack fell off mid-performance. Devin never missed a beat and put on a great show. You would have thought that he did not even know the mic fell. It was swinging all over the place though; so surely he knew. The kid just never stopped. The audience cheered him on as he performed. He ended up winning and moving on to the finals. During the judge chat after he won; all three said how impressed they were that he kept dancing in such a professional yet laid back manner. He truely owned the judges and the crowd. Devin Downs could very well be America's Most Talented Kid.
5. Will the Clay-ettes be Disappointed?
Probably not, but the proposal made for a fun moment on the American Idol Results show Wednesday. FOX decided they had enough crap to fill an hour of time. They were right… about it being crap. I must admit though that I am glad they decided to have a short question and answer session. Ryan wielded the mike and had audience members stand to ask their favorites a few questions. Finally a young woman stood and asked Clay who he would like to see play him if they ever made a movie about him. Clay smiled, you know that smile, the one that has a million little girls screaming and hugging their pillows each Tuesday and Wednesday, then said, “Are you available Ryan?”
Ryan, didn’t miss a beat “Would you like to rephrase that question Clay?”
Everyone let out a hearty chuckle. Clay fumbled a bit, turn a beautiful shade of pink, and laughed with everyone else.
4. This may hurt a little...
There were just 15 contestants left vying for the title of "All American Girl" at the start of this weeks show.
With the judges needing to eliminate one person each this week, it's time to get serious.
As if a martial arts fitness work-out with Daniel Kucan, a poor man's Billy Blanks weren't bad enough, they then have their every "flaw" hi-lighted during their beauty makeovers.
"Your lips are like a floatation device", "Your forehead is too big", "Your eyebrows look like a character from Sesame street", "Your nose is too pronounced".
Veronica Hinman has the nerve to make those comments despite a poor dye job and a spray on tan.
The contestants hit back.
"I don't want to take fashion advice from someone who I don't think looks that good".
Geri's still inspiring that Girl Power.
3. Yo, Dawg, Wassup? You did your thing, yo!
This week's American Idol results show kicked off with another blatant product plug. No, it's not Coke, Ford, or even AT&T. This week, it's the "Randy Jackson Dictionary for Dawgs". Now, I'm pretty sure this is the first time Ryan's ever opened a dictionary in his life, but let's not focus on that. Instead, let's make fun of a guy whose life goal is to spit out a sentence containing 14 "yo"s, 7 "dawg"s, 3 "wassup"s, and a "you did your thang". I was laughing too hard to figure out that last one, something about slipping on a vert or something. Anyway, it wasn't nearly as funny as the Kid 'N Play haircut from last week, but it was pretty darn funny. Funnier than Paula's shameless plug for Southern Comfort, that's for sure.
2. A whole new meaning to creamy vs. crunchy
Choosey mothers choose Jif!
Peter Pan, the peanut butter picky people pick!
Oh how I long for the days when peanut butter was just an innocent childhood treat.
First there were the peanut butter bikinis from "Big Brother." Now we have an all new generation of peanut butter bimbos courtesy of self-proclaimed "cute girls" Jenna and Heidi of Survivor, the Amazon.
Endurance challenges in Survivor are certainly nothing new. They've been around since Rudy's hand sadly slipped from the pole in the final immunity challenge in the original Survivor. It's a pretty easy concept, really. You stand somewhere or hold something for a very long time. The person that is able to do this for the longest period of time, wins. Periodically our very own "Jiff" will tempt contestants who are weak in an effort to get them to quit the challenge in lieu of food or beverage.
So either Jenna and Heidi are just incredibly dim, or they've been looking for an excuse to strip on national television since they've merged with the boys. Barely 30 minutes into the challenge, the PBBs (Peanut Butter Bimbos) not only are the first to quit the immunity challenge, but (for seemingly no reason at all) they actually strip prior to their legume indulgence. Um, that wasn't part of the challenge girls.
Coincidentally, March is National Peanut Month.
1. …And Now For Our Long Distance Dedication
The Top-Ten writers agreed that Rob’s speech at tribal council this week had to make the top ten. The problem comes when trying to make “funny” funny. We decided Rob could write his own Top Ten moment this week, so here it is:
Rob holds his vote for RODGER up for the camera, then in a decent Casey Kasem voice: “.....Here comes tonight's long distance dedication. It goes out to Rob from N.Y. he writes "Dear Casey there's a mean old man in my life that's is about to leave, can you please play something appropriate for me?
Well Rob, here's your request and please remember to remind your friend...keep your head in the sky and next time, keep your feet on the platform." Na na na na .... na na na na....hey, hey, hey, gooooodddd bye!”
Big thanks going out to this week’s contributors: Fluff, John, BravoFan, Wolf, Fiefer, FireGirl and Cali