Each week, our writers nominate and describe their favorite moments of the week in reality television. With all that is going on in the world now I hope you will take a few minutes out of your day, sit back, relax, and read some moments that have made this weeks reality TV a little more of an escape. Enjoy!
10. With a name like Ahmet…
This Top Ten Moment is more like an “I’ve-noticed-this-over-many-shows-and-want-to-add-it” moment, but here goes: This season on Star Search we saw the replacement of Carol Leifer as one of the regular judges by none other than Ahmet Zappa. I’ve never seen such a spaz, and I can’t help but love him. His enthusiasm is hard to fake, so unless a pharmaceutical company fronted him some happy pills, the man is having a great time. You know he loves someone when he smiles, points and yells “God, I HATE you man!” which is always followed with an explanation: “You have so much talent” bounce, point, smile “You’re awesome, I can’t stand you, God, Uhg, 5 Stars”. My son hates him, I love him, and I have a feeling the rest of the Star Search watching public may be divided the same way.
9. Nashville Star
This week we got to see the judges eliminate the first finalist from the competition. Nancy did her best to create some suspense by throwing in a dramatic pause before swinging the ax. As the audience collectively held it’s breath, the singers on stage tensed up for the announcement. Finally, we hear the name Anne Louise Blythe. Anne Louise maintained her composure very well. The other contestants seemed to have a harder time though. They surrounded Anne Louise in a tearful embrace. Apparently, the plan had been for Nancy to meet with the booted finalist immediately following the announcement. The only problem was that nobody would let go of her. After several attempts at a “Come Here, Anne” and “I wanna talk to you” Nancy was finally able to extract her from the huddle. It’s a good thing she did too...how could we let the show come to a close without putting Anne on the spot by asking her how she felt about being eliminated?
8. Who Sat On The Remote?
It really bothers me when I’m watching something intently and all of the sudden the channel changes. Survivor one minute, Diane Fossey Special on The Discovery Channel the next.
Wait, that ape looks just like ROB! No one changed the channel after all! We were treated to a wonderful de-evelutionized grooming party on Survivor last week. Watching Rob drool as the Queen Apes let him scrub their backs was at once sickening and strangely humorous. Sickening because, hey it’s Rob, he was in a speedo, and he wouldn’t shut up. Humorous because, hey it’s Rob, he obviously had never been this close to an almost naked, shaved monkey. I swear I saw him looking for the staples he was so used to seeing, and touching…..
7. What Every Man Wants To Hear
While I will admit that I have no love lost for the loss of Dunkleman from the hosting duties on American Idol, and for the most part have enjoyed Ryan Seacrest going solo, I have to wonder sometimes. What was the man thinking when he talked about Simons mom? Out of Ryan's mouth, on live TV came the words that made America cringe. While speaking to Simon he actually said "Your mom is HOT".... MILF anyone? For those not in "the know" MILF is Mothers I'd Like to F***.....Who says that? Simon's look spoke volumes when the ever-ready cameraman got a shot of him. I know Simon didn't say it, but he was thinking it, "Ryan, shut the hell up, that's my MUM for cripes sake!" Ryan, stick to the script, nothing good can happen when an uninspired man speaks on his own accord on live TV.
6. The Tale of The Tape.
"The Family" is definitely getting used to living the high life.
How they cheered when Franck, the chef, mentioned Italian sausage would be on the menu.
Speaking of which, the arrival of an attractive masseuse prompted Master Anthony to give us the quote of the night in saying, "if she'd touched my leg my backside would have risen eight inches off the table".
Looking at Anthony, I'm apt to interpret this comment as four inches, twice.
5. Bizarre Love Triangle
This week on Survivor we got an up-close and personal look at Jabaru's love nest. Shawna was the center of attention as Alex and Matt used her as a pillow and personal follicle masseuse. Jenna let them know she felt left out and the rest just sat back and watched the show. Then it was bath time. Everyone joined in for some group scrubbing while Deena soaked it in from a distance. She was amused at how controlling the women could be with all of the monkey grooming. Back at the camp they all settled in for a little "who's voting who" chat and Shawna made the mistake of setting her head on the chopping block for the girls benefit. Everyone took her up on the offer except Alex who voted for Matt as Shawna did. Bye bye to Shawna as Matt and Alex are left to groom and cuddle each other with Jenna moving up to fill the beauty queen position. What's next at the love shack?
4. That Spotlight Belongs To ME!
That seems to be what Kimberly Caldwell is screaming after her actions on this weeks AI2 Final Results show.
Charles Grisby was eliminated this week, and had just taken to the stage to sing his song for the final time on AI2. All of a sudden, here comes Curly Locks (Kim C) rushing over to him! She tries to steal Charles' spotlight when she starts dancing as he sings his song. It almost seems like she's ready to take his mike and start singing herself. Whether her feelings were genuine or not is not the point. The attention-craving girl could've waited until Charles was at least half-way through his song before trying to hog his final shot in the spotlight. Charles song , "Can't win", was very approriate when it comes to Kim C's camera-hogging antics.
3. Can You Give Me a Hand Here?
Throughout human history, men and women have used various methods to identify traits in the opposite sex that would illustrate their compatibility as a mate. From the early days when Unk stepped outside his cave, brand new club in hand, to today, when many mating rituals begin with the purchase of a Lexus, men have looked for that one edge to help them land a wife. For their part, many women have relied on one tried and true method, and that is the size of the hands.
That takes us to this week’s Married by America, and a car ride up the Pacific Coast Highway. Billie Jean utilized her finely honed senses to immediately inspect Tony’s hands and found happiness in the results of her survey. Not to be outdone, Tony relied on sage advice from his grandpa, and determined that he too would feel quite fulfilled in this engagement. All of this may be an old wives tale, but that methodology is certainly some of the most accurate evaluation methods employed on this reality program, and therefore Billie Jean and Tony’s “hand holding” is a top ten moment this week.
2. Smiles for Miles
In this week's Survivor Reward Challenge the final spin of the log had Christy battling Jenna for savory spices and succulent fruit. Christy out-balanced that top-heavy swimsuit model for the second time in the challenge and won the reward for her tribe. A beaming Christy joined her tribe for a group hug and headed back to camp. Once everyone had some fruit, Butch gathered them all for an inspirational talk. He revealed that he had few defining moments in his life and two of those were because of Christy. One was when Christy realized that the tribe valued her because of her talents and the other was when Christy kicked Jenna's butt at the challenge and flashed her winning smile while doing her happy dance. Butch told them that those were moments he would never forget and he was sure Christy would not either. She was very touched as Butch went on to say that to him she had no disability. Christy let out a sigh of relief at meeting one of her life goals in being accepted for who she is instead of what she isn't. Congratulations to Tambaqui.
1. Dr. Not-Phil
This week Married by America sent their five newly engaged couples to a secluded resort so that they might begin to get to know each other. Unbeknownst to the contestants, an “expert” panel was assembled to watch their every move, and later determine which couple should be released from their torment. Being Fox, and given their history of ensuring that the highest professional standards are maintained at all times, they spared no expense on their panel. A Marriage and Family Counselor, a Psychotherapist, and of course, Ms P., whose qualifications far outweigh the others; she is a grandmother.
Dr. Jenn and Dr. Don pondered the deep hidden meaning behind Cortez’s failure to interact with ideal mate Matt, hmm… perhaps her childhood was difficult… maybe she is passive-aggressive… or it could be they just haven’t had enough quality bonding time yet. Ms P decided to forgo those lofty explanations and simply blurted out, “are you attracted to him?” Cortez’s negative answer quickly settled the issue.
Ms P’s actions were one of the few sane moments on this reality show, and was certainly a top moment this week.
The Top 10 list is a collaboration of our writers. This week's list was authored, in no particular order, by Feifer, Zhora Fluff, Bill, Cali and Wolf