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Top 10 Moments in Reality TV, March 8-14
Each week, our writers nominate and describe their favorite moments of the week in reality television.
10. Jacko bad!
Well, there we were - watching the premiere of All American Girl and wondering just how bad can it get? It didn't take long to get an answer. As the girls were trying out for the "coaches" - I want to stop here a moment and ask does anyone (else) have a problem with a British Judge picking the All AMERICAN Girl? Anyway, the talent portion was in action and there were some with genuine talent and some who genuinely thought they had talent, then along came the dreaded "dramatic interpretation" or as she called it her Michael Jakson impression.
Well, impression... hmmm ok, she was wearing black, a black hat over one eye, and she did walk backwards, I wouldn't call it a "moonwalk" exactly. Maybeeeeeeee a backslide at best. There was a teddy bear draped in a blanket, I think it was the infamous "baby dangle" but then it could have been bubbles shrouded for the cameras too. Either way it didn't go well and went from bad to worse when Suzanne De Passe, the judge, revealed her close personal relationship with the Jackson family. At that point girl did her impression of poo on the bottom of a shoe! Let's just say it was Jacko Bad, and the reason it made this weeks top ten!
9. Party Balloons and Pretty Presents
This week on Meet My Folks we got to see the Date My Mom version where three sons would do the choosing for their single mom. As the three victims/contestants arrived in the driveway, they were handed an envelope and instructed to open it immediately. The instructions revealed that each was to present Mom with a gift. There were three to pick from and they were to decide amongst themselves who arrived with each package. There were beautiful, red roses, a heart shaped box of chocolates and an elegantly wrapped box of condoms. After a brief elimination display of Rock, Scissors, Paper; Darrow was stuck with the condoms wrapped in purple. The other two guys went one after the other to the front door as Darrow hung back to figure out a plausible story for his offering. The meet and greet session was held in the kitchen, and as the straggling Darrow arrived, he pulled Mom aside to tell her that the purple box he handed her had fallen out of Greg's bag before he walked into the front door. The sons wanted to know what the gift was and razzed Darrow sufficiently as the condoms were revealed. Since no one but Mom heard the comment about Greg dropping them, Darrow looked like a jerk. Then came the beep of the fax machine that revealed the stunt and let Darrow off the hook. Everyone in the family was relieved that this man was not trying to flag his intentions in such a tacky display. No one was as relieved as Darrow.
8. Look At Me, I'm Julia D...
The theme for Tuesday night's American Idol performance show was "The Sound of Motown". Julia DeMato, singing in the middle of the line-up, turned in a so-so rendition of "Where Did Our Love Go?" and heard judge Simon Cowell tell her, "I wasn't that impressed." Taking a page out of the Diva Wannabe Handbook, Julia snaps right back at Simon with, "Well, your opinion doesn't really matter." Well, here's the fly in that ointment, Julia. Seeing as how Simon will be signing the winner of the competition to his record label, his opinion most certainly does matter. Justin Guarini pulled the same stunt last season, and he ended up in the bottom three for the week. What happened to Julia when the results were announced the night after her performance? Why, she ended up in the bottom three! Justin went on to finish second in last season's competition, but he seemed to have learn from his mistake. Only time will tell if Julia has learned the same lesson.
7. You put your left hand in, you put your left hand out....
Well, Married by America does not disappoint! This week the couples got Engaged by America, and it was hard to decide which couple should be in this weeks top ten. Maybe we should have just ranked them one through five. But, I chose Billy Jeanne and Tony's engagement moment. First, Billy Jeanne was having fits of laughter as Tony approached the screen. I thought it was nervous laughter, but now I just think she was either high or she just has a condition that causes her to have bursts of laughter. Tony took the ring and knocked on the screen like he wanted to know if she was home. Knock knock, whose there? Oh, its only the stranger who is going to marry you. Finally he dropped to one knee and in between fits of laughter Billy Jeanne kept thrusting her hand in and out of the hole in the screen. I wonder if Tony thought this had become sort of marrying challenge or carnival, get the ring on her finger and you win! Eventually he got the question out and she said yes, and I thought we were done with them - but nooooo.
As the screen goes up and they introduced themselves and he revealed he is from Wisconsin she asks " So do you like cheese" in a voice right out of a Raising Arizona/Saturday Night Live sketch. He asks if she likes beer and well hell yes Billy Jeanne answers, she's a bartender! She proceeds to get him to try to bark like her big dog and he says they will get along great and save the barking for later! Then Tony and his cheese lovin', beer drinkin', big dog barkin', hokey pokey, laughin' snortin', new fiancee scooted off the stage to uh, well, I am not sure what was left.. but we will surely be here to let you know next week...
6. But it was TEN Dollars
This week on Meet My Folks, we met every parent's nightmare... well parents of girls anyway. Adam, our resident weather loving surfer boy was busted by his friend on the ever familiar "The Exes Speak" segment. Apparently some friends of Adam's thought it would be fun to give him TEN WHOLE dollars to make out with an "ugly chick" for ten minutes. Of course, being the adventurer that he is he took his buddies up on the proposal and broke a young girls heart. What a catch... in fact, the poster boy for "Throw Him Back, There's Plenty of Fish in the Sea".[/b]
5. Hey, Where's My Poodle?
This week on The Family, we were given a textbook example of what can happen when someone watches too much reality TV. After losing a game of Donkey Polo, the losers headed back to the estate for hamburgers and beer. Everyone loved the burgers. Everyone that is except for Dawn Marie. Despite assurances to the contrary from Chef Franck, the housewife from Staten Island was convinced that they were eating donkey meat. Clearly the woman has seen one too many Survivor gross food challenge. One can only hope that her family prevents her from ever watching the Vincent Price classic "Theater of Blood".
4. The Eyes Have It!
In round two of this week's Fear Factor Las Vegas we got to see three women and two men gamble to find out how many and what kind of eyes they would be eating. In the opulent surroundings of a high roller suite, complete with fine china, crystal and silver, there was a slot machine with revolving cow eyes, sheep eyes, fish eyes and Fear Factor (which would act as BAR). Each player had to pull the arm down to determine which combination of these they would experience. After testing their luck with the one arm bandit each player would have a lovely plate full of their recent winnings. As eyes popped and crunched and jelly oozed out, these five did their best to steer clear of the Fear Factor chuck bucket. Clearly fear was not a factor for any of them in this round as all five contestants choked down the nasty eyeballs and went on to round three.
3. What Not to Say When Sleeping with the Enemy
Jenna, swimsuit model extraordinaire, went on her first mission alone last week on Survivor. She met up with the youngest member of the Tambaqui tribe, Dave. Their mission was simple. Have fun, get to know each other, and maybe touch-up on strategies - and if Mark ever got his way, maybe a little romance would bloom right there on camera. Jenna proved that a job with the CIA is out of the question. Dave didn't have to do any prodding, because Jenna spilled all her tribe's secrets to him. That cost her big-time when they were asked to form a new tribe, and Dave, armed with all the necessary information, broke up Jenna's alliance.
2. The Nashville Star/Talent Show
The judges had a few occasions to chuckle during this first episode of Nashville Star, but nothing that would compare to the side-splitting laughter they experienced over a 5 second video clip of contestant, Kristen Kissling. Kristen’s on stage performance was competent enough to warrant them taking a second look at her as they deliberated the final 7 spots. After all 5 regional competitions had concluded, the judges got together to review tapes of the standout singers. Kristen’s video footage began with an off-stage clip. Through a beaming smile, Kristen belted out her rendition of "Heads Carolina, Tails California" with her legs wrapped behind her head. Although they had already seen that side of her, they hadn’t quite seen it from that angle before. Uproarious laughter ensued, leaving Tracy and Robert speechless. Only Charlie could form words…“She’s got my vote”. Congratulations Kristen, you and your behind made the final 12.
And now, our number one moment of the week...
1. From Coma to Party Girl
As Survivor started last night, we saw Shawna still withering away and moaning at every turn. Then some type of jungle magic was performed when three of the men arrived to join the Jaburu tribe. As Alex sauntered into camp Shawna rose from her death bed, and a smile grew on her face. She immediately greeted everyone, focusing on Alex. The other females from the tribe were dumbfounded as Shawna prattled off information about herself to get acquainted with Alex. I am sure the other guys wondered if she could really even see them beyond the glow of Alex's grin. The couple laughed and chatted as if they were at a cocktail party in San Francisco. Will a romance between these two bloom like a tropical flower in the Amazon? I guess we will just have to wait and see.
The Top 10 list is a collaboration of our writers. This week's list was authored by Feifer, Firegirl, Zhora, Lobeck, Wayner, Wolf, and Cali.
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