August 6, 2005 -- "The Girls Next Door" Tomorrow at 9 p.m. on E!
A rich old man. And she won't have to worry. She'll dress up all in lace and go in style.
The theme song for the new reality show, "The Girls Next Door," starring Hugh Hefner — and the three (or maybe nine) dyed-to-match concubines who live with him and service his Viagra-fueled passions — should be "Lyin' Eyes" by The Eagles.
But it's not. Instead, it's "Come On-a My House," a happy-go-lucky song promising that if you go-a my house "I'll give you everything."
And Hef will. He'll give you everything except the normal, healthy life that a 20-year-old should have.
Instead, these young women are in servitude to this old creepy guy, and the show, which is supposed to appeal to guys' fantasies, ironically enough presents a nightmarish trip instead into the lives of young women — who service a 79-year-old in exchange for room, board, and all the hairdressers they could ever dream of.
It is as repulsive as life, but sort of fascinating as television probably because it's not like anything remotely American. It's more like watching life in some sicko Asian brothel.
Why is it fascinating? Because these women are the worst of the American dream. Let's be honest — who but the laziest women with the least sense of self-esteem could do this. They've sold them selves to this old fogey in exchange for living on Easy Street.
Sure, on the show they all claim to love "Hef" and want to be with him for ever, but let's face it, how long can a nearly-80-year old Viagra popper last? Maybe no one ever told these ladies that there is no free lunch. Like other non-competition reality shows, "The Girls Next Door," simply follows these women around as they basically do nothing except play games, hang around in bikinis, pet the dogs and wait to be summoned.
What most female viewers with any self-esteem will come away knowing is that no amount of money is worth it when the lights go down.
Like Anna-Nicole Smith, Hef's live-in "pets" who call themselves his girlfriends, allow this 79-year old man to climb all over them. And they act all dreamy when they speak of sex with the old codger. Eeew.
This show is just Hefner's latest desperate, relentless attempt at self-promotion. The girls come across as half-wits, and even the one who claims to have a Master's degreesounds and acts like a dingbat.
Sorry Hef, nobody's buying what you're selling anymore. And that P.J. getup? It was freaky when you were younger — now it's just downright scary!