Each week our team of writers compiles the most memorable moments in reality TV. Enjoy, and don't forget to vote in this week's POLL!
Oops, Was That Out Loud?
On the premiere of I Want to Be a Hilton, JW and Jabe were sent in to eat dinner with Rick and Kathy Hilton and some "celebrity" guest judges including Ted from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy." While JW and Jabe had been out shopping for appropriate hostess gifts, their teammates had been coached on proper etiquette, a word that had both its pronunciation and usage butchered by several of our wannabe Hiltons. During their command performances, JW and Jabe were each fitted with an earpiece into which their teammates watching on a monitor could impart directions. Team Park, smartly assigned the soothing voice of Vanessa to guide JW through the mine field of a fancy New York dinner. Team Madison, on the other hand, chose to shout a cacaphony of confusing advice to Jabe. The dinner culminated with each having to give a toast. JW got up and ad libbed a fine toast while his silent teammates held their collective breath. Jabe, on the other hand, proved to be quite literal when he ended the toast being hand fed to him by Latricia by saying, "Say Thank You." It was like a remake of Cyrano gone terribly wrong.
The Risotto Blues
The Blue Team seemed well on its way to victory on Hell's Kitchen this week when they fell into two bowls of soupy risotto. Mary Ellen had started the evening well by turning out a tuna appetizer that had even Chef Ramsay offering a compliment. It all went wrong for her when two patrons called over JP to inspect their subpar appetizers. Ramsay took a taste and then demanded that Mary Ellen and Ralph also try the dish. Ramsay declared the risotto insufferably bland. Mary Ellen never recovered and screwed up the replacement order by producing three admittedly better risottos and a frog legs instead of what the patrons had ordered. Her flub stopped the Blue Team dead and allowed the Red Team time to catch up and win the challenge. Despite her obvious contribution to the loss, no one was more shocked than Jessica who had nominated her when Ramsay sent Mary Ellen home instead of Andrew declaring that she was inconsistent and that was unacceptable. Wonder how Mary Ellen feels about risotto these days?
Good Etiquette Starts At Home.
The contestants of I Want To Be A Hilton were let lose on a well stocked bar and buffet in the series opener, and proceeded to tuck in unaware that Kathy Hilton had them under her beady eye.
They slurped, burped, crammed, cussed and supped and a couple even Irish danced in micro mini-skirts while Kathy shook her head, stunned by their lack of refinement.
They went on to be taught better manners, but as always in these shows one team has to lose and someone has to get booted.
When Kathy asked if anyone on the losing team had anything to say before she made her decision who was to be cut, Ann raised her hand and inexplicably thundered out a line from Kelly's Clarkson's "Moment Like This", which was met by complete silence and slight bewilderment from her team mates and Kathy alike.
Recall all copies of every ettiquette tome ever printed and make sure "do not burst into song in social situations" is listed as a strict faux pas.
Kathy looks a little daunted by some of the raw material she has to work with in the form of the contestants.
Still, a few more weeks under her watchful eye and maybe they too can be caught on a security camera stealing a copy of their own sex tape.
Princess’ Poetry Slam
She may call herself Princess, but as a child this contestant from The Cut must have skipped out on her royal etiquette lessons. On this week’s episode, Tommy Hilfiger took four wannabe designers to an exclusive industry party in the Hamptons, giving them a chance to make an impression on people who could potentially boost their careers. Princess’ strategy was to “be herself” as she floated through the party. Parking the royal hinder on a sofa with her legs artfully arranged, she regaled the guests with a poem about her favorite subject - Princess. As you might guess, Princess talking about Princess was only interesting to Princess herself. But you can’t deny that the listeners perked up when she included a few phrases alluding to her sexual prowess that sent the censors into a bleeping fit. Sure, hearing Princess describe herself as “J-U-I-C-Y” left an impression on the stunned industry professionals, but it wasn’t the kind of impression that leads to job offers. At least, not the kind of job offers a Princess should be considering. Where did Princess go wrong? It turns out that “be yourself” advice only works on interesting, witty and talented people.
The Legend of Sir Richard, the Chaste
For those of you who haven't yet had the "pleasure" of meeting Richard from Beauty and the Geek, I highly recommend you rectify this as soon as possible. After all, it's not every day that you meet a Richard who is more annoying than Mr. Simmons, and you all want to be a part of history . . . don't you? On this week's episode, the guys were charged with the task of collecting phone numbers from strange women out on the street. (No, not those kind.) While the other "geeks" won some breaking-out-of-the-shell victories and won some numbers, Richard found it difficult, to say the least. Not because he's a geek . . . simply because he's obnoxious. Rejected by young, old, single, and married alike, Rich only managed to gather six numbers, tying for last place. Unfortunately, he never ran into any ladies with an outRAGEous French accent, but I'm sure he heard "Now go away before I taunt you a second time-uh" plenty of times. Oh, and he's stilll in the competition, by the way. Maybe he'll tone it down next week. *choked laugh*
It's morning- would you please get up and cook?!
With three dinner services (and one puking customer) behind them, neither team had successfully managed to serve all of their tickets in an evening. So Chef Ramsey decided it was time to make that the very goal of this week's kitchen challenge: the first team to serve all of their tables wins. To make things harder, he also decided to add two new items to the menu: frog legs and pigeon.
After an early-morning roll call, Ramsey demonstrated how to chop off the wings, rip out the feathers and remove the pigeons innards, while everyone moaned about how putrid, horrible and nasty the things smelled. Despite these misgivings (and one small incident of frog-juice-in-the-eye) both teams rose to the occasion and managed to serve more tables that night than they had on the three previous challenges combined.
Also rising to the occasion earlier that day, Ralph proved that it takes more than a rude awakening with air horns to get him down.
Strap Poppin' With Kelly Monaco
This week on Dancing With The Stars, the audience almost got an eyeful when General Hospital star, Kelly Monaco took a fast spin, and her dress straps were sent straight to skeez costume heaven. Luckily for her, nothing popped out, but the sassy soap star did have to hold her "goodies" in place for the remainder of her performance. Kelly and her dance partner, Alec, went on to score a 26 out of 30 from the judges, the highest of any couples competing that night.
Pimping: The Scholarly Way
Forget about the children, or a free ride to college, Max, from ABC's The Scholar, has other things to worry about. Two of his fellow scholars, Melissa and Alyssa, are burning for some attention from the self described "ladies man." This week, the students headed to the club to shake their near illegal booties, and Max put the moves on Alyssa. Melissa was not a a happy camper, and when questioning Max, all she got was a vacant stare. How will this love triangle progress, and when will both girls realize that they are tarnishing their image and ruining their chances of becoming "The Scholar." The real question, however, is if Davis will also fall for the smooth talker that is Max. I can't wait to see!
Many thanks to this week's contributors, in alphabetical order, Burntcrow, Fluff, Hepcat, Mantenna, Mariner and Totoro