Supernanny Discussion Thread - Page 26

Snowbird · 02-27-2009, 03:59 PM

My husband & I watched this episode and he kept slinking further and further into his chair.

He has a hard time letting our daughter fall asleep in her own crib--she's just 2yo. He wants to hold her until she falls asleep, then put her in the crib. But once I explained that our little one needs to learn to calm down on her own to learn she has that control of her body, he agreed to try and only after 2 nights did she fall asleep with no crying (I thought for sure it'd take longer than that). We talked about it at dinner and she just looked so proud of herself for calming herself with her blanket & tiger. When parents over-do for their kids, they're really taking that self-pride away from their kids.

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prhoshay · 02-27-2009, 08:21 PM

And when parents overdo for their children, it's more about the parent, and not so much the child. I have a sister like that; she seriously blocked her daughter's maturity by overdoing. It is so important that our children learn that they can do things on their own, and get our beaming approval for their accomplishments.

tears.and.rain · 02-27-2009, 09:12 PM

Taken to the extreme, the "leave-em-sit-and-cry" technique can actually be quite psychologically damaging. Clearly, Snowbird, your daughter was totally ready, or she wouldn't have had such an easy time of it. However, it's a lot harder for kids who sleep in bed with their parents, or in the same room. Ideally, a child sleeps with his/or her parents for a limited time only, and then moves on to a crib, while a parent still rocks them to sleep. That makes a transition to falling asleep on their own much, much easier. I'm not saying that a kid should sleep with their parents until they want out, but I am saying that going from sleeping in with parents immediately to sleeping in a whole other room by themselves and putting themselves to sleep can be difficult.

Imagine being a child. One of your fears of sleeping in your own room is that no one will hear you if you need something, because you still mainly rely on crying. Now, imagine if your parent, the first night, takes the Nanny's relatively cold approach - your worst fears are confirmed.

Snowbird · 03-05-2009, 04:14 PM

Tears,
No, I totally hear you. I have an identical twin, so I never had to sleep alone so I feel like a bit like a hypocrite.

But I left out, for brevity's sake, a few points. Her crib is still in our room because of space/temperature issues where we live, so she wasn't forced to go "cold turkey". Also, she will fall asleep on her own when I'm in the room. Only when my husband is in the room, will she insist on being held until she falls asleep. I knew she could do it--because she does it when I'm there. She only cried for 3 minutes for 2 nights. She was ready to make that first step. Eventually, when we move and she's had time to adjust, I'd like to see her go to her own room, but I have a cousin who's 11 and still doesn't sleep in her own room.

Children really do need to learn to calm themselves if they're going to function. Parents may have an idea of how they want to raise a child but then may find the need to adjust that idea in their minds, depending on the personality/temperament of their children. It's frustrating as a parent to constantly hear conflicting stories/theories about discipline/development. I just want to be as supportive as I can, but allow her to do as much age-appropriate tasks as she can handle.

tapper01 · 11-07-2009, 07:01 PM

Last night, I felt that the couple was not going to stay together. The Dad seems to want to try different things, the woman seemed like she was always ready for a fight

JustJuls · 11-08-2009, 01:04 AM

That woman pissed me off. The fact that she couldn't see beyond spanking her kids. Why would you WANT to hurt them, especially if there is someone there ready & willing to teach you an alternative...THAT WORKS. I hope she sticks with it. Something tells me she won't.

J.D. · 11-08-2009, 05:14 AM

It's almost painful to watch what is going on in these houses! How did kids get so out of control? Biting, hitting, swearing, spitting? And one thing that is (probably intentionally) not addressed is where do these kids learn these behaviors?

I actually wonder how long any of the methods work. It seems Jo is there for such a short time, and these children have been acting like brats their entire lives - and the parents have, too. Is one week (or however long this goes on) really going to change anything? I doubt it. It seems like the "naughty bench" or "naught stair" is just a game to these kids. They laugh about it, then are conditioned that when they say "sorry" they can join the rest of the chaos in the house. (Can I just mention that when a child gets to the point where they have to remove the binky/passie/what have you from their mouths to speak - it's time to get rid of it!)

One bonus: I am incredibly grateful for the children and grandchildren I have in my life.

gabriel · 11-08-2009, 08:15 AM

J.D. - I need to agree with your post and add that my Mother tried watching one of these episodes and got so mad she changed the channel, with the comment : IF YOU BEGIN teaching and saying no and disciplining when the chils is born, you generally don't have these problems. - back to my post: Since "reality" tv is scripted, is it possible that a lot of this is "hey kids you get to act really bratty" and that some of these kids are not half as bad as we see it?

MizDaisy · 11-08-2009, 01:27 PM

I'm always amazed with the families who have several young children, all of them completely out of control, and the parents are clueless. Why did they have so many kids if they're not interested in doing the hard work to parent them? Did they think just having them would be enough and the kids would figure out how to behave without any discipline from them?

It's also mind-boggling when the clueless parent tries to defend or argues about what they've been doing (or not doing) for discipline. Obviously it hasn't worked since the kids are out of control and they were so desperate they needed help from Jo!

Some of the kids who have been on this show have been little monsters and I can't believe they were transformed by Jo's brief interaction with them. Changing behavior takes time, and the commitment from the parents to stick with it when the going gets tough. While some of the parents on the show seemed to have the determination to change, I've had doubts about others.

prhoshay · 11-08-2009, 01:30 PM

gabriel, I see that your mother and I have the same idea about children. I swear, no matter how cute they may be, it's best to start looking at these little gherkins as pre-teens from the moment you meet them! Letting them get away with bad behaviors is doing them a disservice and setting up your household for trouble. It gets harder, not easier. I am a huge fan of the word, "No!"...we are not friends.

02-27-2009, 03:59 PM	#251
Snowbird FORT Regular Join Date: May 2006 Location: Twin Cities Posts: 73	Re: Supernanny Discussion Thread My husband & I watched this episode and he kept slinking further and further into his chair. He has a hard time letting our daughter fall asleep in her own crib--she's just 2yo. He wants to hold her until she falls asleep, then put her in the crib. But once I explained that our little one needs to learn to calm down on her own to learn she has that control of her body, he agreed to try and only after 2 nights did she fall asleep with no crying (I thought for sure it'd take longer than that). We talked about it at dinner and she just looked so proud of herself for calming herself with her blanket & tiger. When parents over-do for their kids, they're really taking that self-pride away from their kids.

02-27-2009, 08:21 PM	#252
prhoshay Signed, Sealed, Delivered Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Right Here, Right Now Posts: 13,800	Re: Supernanny Discussion Thread And when parents overdo for their children, it's more about the parent, and not so much the child. I have a sister like that; she seriously blocked her daughter's maturity by overdoing. It is so important that our children learn that they can do things on their own, and get our beaming approval for their accomplishments. __________________ "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer You are the only person responsible for your happiness.

02-27-2009, 09:12 PM	#253
tears.and.rain FORT Fan Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 317	Re: Supernanny Discussion Thread Taken to the extreme, the "leave-em-sit-and-cry" technique can actually be quite psychologically damaging. Clearly, Snowbird, your daughter was totally ready, or she wouldn't have had such an easy time of it. However, it's a lot harder for kids who sleep in bed with their parents, or in the same room. Ideally, a child sleeps with his/or her parents for a limited time only, and then moves on to a crib, while a parent still rocks them to sleep. That makes a transition to falling asleep on their own much, much easier. I'm not saying that a kid should sleep with their parents until they want out, but I am saying that going from sleeping in with parents immediately to sleeping in a whole other room by themselves and putting themselves to sleep can be difficult. Imagine being a child. One of your fears of sleeping in your own room is that no one will hear you if you need something, because you still mainly rely on crying. Now, imagine if your parent, the first night, takes the Nanny's relatively cold approach - your worst fears are confirmed.

03-05-2009, 04:14 PM	#254
Snowbird FORT Regular Join Date: May 2006 Location: Twin Cities Posts: 73	Re: Supernanny Discussion Thread Tears, No, I totally hear you. I have an identical twin, so I never had to sleep alone so I feel like a bit like a hypocrite. But I left out, for brevity's sake, a few points. Her crib is still in our room because of space/temperature issues where we live, so she wasn't forced to go "cold turkey". Also, she will fall asleep on her own when I'm in the room. Only when my husband is in the room, will she insist on being held until she falls asleep. I knew she could do it--because she does it when I'm there. She only cried for 3 minutes for 2 nights. She was ready to make that first step. Eventually, when we move and she's had time to adjust, I'd like to see her go to her own room, but I have a cousin who's 11 and still doesn't sleep in her own room. Children really do need to learn to calm themselves if they're going to function. Parents may have an idea of how they want to raise a child but then may find the need to adjust that idea in their minds, depending on the personality/temperament of their children. It's frustrating as a parent to constantly hear conflicting stories/theories about discipline/development. I just want to be as supportive as I can, but allow her to do as much age-appropriate tasks as she can handle.

11-07-2009, 07:01 PM	#255
tapper01 bb addicted Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,851	Re: Supernanny Discussion Thread Last night, I felt that the couple was not going to stay together. The Dad seems to want to try different things, the woman seemed like she was always ready for a fight

11-08-2009, 01:04 AM	#256
JustJuls Package Deal Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: California Age: 31 Posts: 9,914	Re: Supernanny Discussion Thread That woman pissed me off. The fact that she couldn't see beyond spanking her kids. Why would you WANT to hurt them, especially if there is someone there ready & willing to teach you an alternative...THAT WORKS. I hope she sticks with it. Something tells me she won't. __________________ When the Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power, the World will know Peace

11-08-2009, 05:14 AM	#257
J.D. Lucky Strike Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Ossining, NY Posts: 2,783	Re: Supernanny Discussion Thread It's almost painful to watch what is going on in these houses! How did kids get so out of control? Biting, hitting, swearing, spitting? And one thing that is (probably intentionally) not addressed is where do these kids learn these behaviors? I actually wonder how long any of the methods work. It seems Jo is there for such a short time, and these children have been acting like brats their entire lives - and the parents have, too. Is one week (or however long this goes on) really going to change anything? I doubt it. It seems like the "naughty bench" or "naught stair" is just a game to these kids. They laugh about it, then are conditioned that when they say "sorry" they can join the rest of the chaos in the house. (Can I just mention that when a child gets to the point where they have to remove the binky/passie/what have you from their mouths to speak - it's time to get rid of it!) One bonus: I am incredibly grateful for the children and grandchildren I have in my life.

11-08-2009, 08:15 AM	#258
gabriel Dorito, Nacho flavor Dad. Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: At home Age: 52 Posts: 8,235	Re: Supernanny Discussion Thread J.D. - I need to agree with your post and add that my Mother tried watching one of these episodes and got so mad she changed the channel, with the comment : IF YOU BEGIN teaching and saying no and disciplining when the chils is born, you generally don't have these problems. - back to my post: Since "reality" tv is scripted, is it possible that a lot of this is "hey kids you get to act really bratty" and that some of these kids are not half as bad as we see it?

11-08-2009, 01:27 PM	#259
MizDaisy FORT Fanatic Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 690	Re: Supernanny Discussion Thread I'm always amazed with the families who have several young children, all of them completely out of control, and the parents are clueless. Why did they have so many kids if they're not interested in doing the hard work to parent them? Did they think just having them would be enough and the kids would figure out how to behave without any discipline from them? It's also mind-boggling when the clueless parent tries to defend or argues about what they've been doing (or not doing) for discipline. Obviously it hasn't worked since the kids are out of control and they were so desperate they needed help from Jo! Some of the kids who have been on this show have been little monsters and I can't believe they were transformed by Jo's brief interaction with them. Changing behavior takes time, and the commitment from the parents to stick with it when the going gets tough. While some of the parents on the show seemed to have the determination to change, I've had doubts about others.

11-08-2009, 01:30 PM	#260
prhoshay Signed, Sealed, Delivered Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Right Here, Right Now Posts: 13,800	Re: Supernanny Discussion Thread gabriel, I see that your mother and I have the same idea about children. I swear, no matter how cute they may be, it's best to start looking at these little gherkins as pre-teens from the moment you meet them! Letting them get away with bad behaviors is doing them a disservice and setting up your household for trouble. It gets harder, not easier. I am a huge fan of the word, "No!"...we are not friends. __________________ "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer You are the only person responsible for your happiness.