Each week, our writers come up with some of the best, worst and always memorable moments in reality TV. Enjoy!
And Then There Were Three
This week on The Bachelorette Jenn went on hometown visits to see the families of the remaining four men. By the time they got to Wendel's the family had already been drinking for some time. Jenn said it was like walking into a room full of Wendels because they all sounded exactly same. After much loud, drunken talk in the living room Mom and sister, Wendy(was Dad's name Wendel too?), took Jenn into the kitchen for some more personal time. They sure did get personal by telling Jenn just how much they did not like Andrew Firestone. When all was said and done Jenn had nothing bad to say about the family. Mom could see clearly, even through her wine buzz, that Wendel was more into Jenn than she was into him. Though Wendel was initially stunned not to get a rose, his limo-ride-home reflections revealed that, looking back, all the signs were there.
Something Strange In The Neighbourhood.
After seeing an image float past her bedroom window last week, Traded Spouse Janet called a crack trio of Ghostbusters into her temporary home. They sensed pacing in the hallway, a distinct temperature cooling by the windows and ringing in the ears, probably while standing beside the telephone. Their spot on assessment of the happenings? An entity has come to protect the family from an evil intruder. The host families son's spot on assessment of the Ghostbusters? They're probably drunk.
In many ways, the couples who finished first and second in The Amazing Race 6 were a study in contrasts. Kris and Jon seemed to genuinely enjoy themselves and found something wonderful about every place they visited. Kendra showed her ignorance and intolerance for other ways of life by whining about having to travel in third world countries and making remarks about the locals “breeding and breeding.” She did decide ultimately that Freddy, Clark Kent glasses and all, was worthy of breeding with her. So many things can make the difference between winning and losing. In the end, the length of a train difference between first and second probably came down to the misinformation supplied to Kris and Jon by an American Airlines employee in Honolulu. The employee assured them over and over that the next available American flight was the fastest way to reach Chicago. He either lied or was just completely indifferent to the truth. Freddy and Kendra hopped on an earlier United flight which gave them the advantage they needed. Given Kendra’s eating disorder like reaction to having to eat two pieces of deep dish pizza, Kris and Jon probably would have smoked them if all of them had been on the same flight. American Airlines or aa.com owe Kris and Jon $1 million in travel vouchers.
That's What They Mean By Crazy Love
Hayden and Aaron looked strong as they entered the final stages of the The Amazing Race. Sure Hayden was a first class complainer, but that's how you get RESULTS! However, their strategy seemed to wear thin in China as whining and complaining was failing to get the job done. Faced with horrible luck, bad cab drivers and a broken key, Hayden and Aaron couldn't catch a break. Our girl Hayden was consistant though, and kept yelling and screaming through it all, even yelling at her boyfriend to do something and get angry too. Running out of time and frustrated with her inability to find a lock to unlock, Hayden told Aaron she wanted to quit and risk the 4 hour penalty. Almost immediately, Rebecca found her lock, thereby sealing their fate. Despondent, depressed and worn out from yelling at all the locals, Hayden and Aaron headed to the pitstop to make it official, in more ways than one. In front of Phil, Adam and Rebecca, Aaron got down on one knee and proposed to his Banshee girlfriend. She said yes. At least he knows what for better or worse means.
There Can Be Only One
On this week's Road to Stardom with Missy Elliott, the wannabe MCs were tested on their ability to cut their competition to the quick, the bonds of friendship be damned. The contestants pile into a limousine and begin to sing, rap, and play guitar together. Pretty soon the limo slows to a stop, and the real challenge begins; they must vote out the one who performed the weakest. Even though they are in a random strip mall somewhere in the sprawling suburbs around Las Vegas, the one voted out must leave the limo. Soon they have whittled themselves down to Detrice and Jessica. Both women tearfully pledge that they admire the other's talent, but Deltrice is so overcome with emotion that she can barely force the words out that she's taking herself out of the running by stepping out of the limo. Would she have been so quick on the door handle if she'd known the winner would get $600 to blow in the casino? Yeah, probably.
If variety is the spice of life, then perhaps they've kept that dash of dastardly Pepper in the Final Three of Project Runway to provide a counterpoint amongst all the other really talented designers. I certainly couldn't think of any other reason when, this week, I watched, horror-filled, as Heidi "If I Was Any Stiffer I'd have Rigor Mortis" Klum announced that the deceitful, Cruella-coiffed Master of Frump Wendy was "In" for yet another week while the clearly superior Austin was "Out." Wasn't it bad enough that after weeks of conniving and backstabbing, Wendy projected her own evil intentions on her competition--accusing them of ganging up to eliminate her? No Wendy, they don't have to. They can actually design to save their lives. If it was the producers' idea to keep Wendy around thinking the drama factor would draw viewers, they might want to rethink the strategy, as this blast of noxious Pepper is just as repellant as her namesake spray.
So bad, it's.....good?
On this week's American Idol 4, many of the idols-in-training had a touch of amnesia when it came to remembering the lyrics for their group performances. The remarkably forgetful trio of John, J.P., and Kurtis gave one of the worst group performances ever shown during the audition process. Not one, not two, but all three of these gentlemen stuttered and stammered over the words when it came to their turn in the spotlight. The trio admitted that they had made a bad decision in picking a more "risky" song, and seemed to know their imminent departure was inevitable. However, in the most shocking twist ever! the judges decided to show the three amigos some mercy and granted them a second chance to redeem themselves for their poor song choice. The boys, shocked at their good fortune, woo-hooed, boo-hooed, and humped each other as they stumbled offstage, promising a better showing next time.
Now You See Her; Now You Don't
This week on The Entertainer Sarah is chosen to be Lance Burton’s assistant as he magically saws a woman in half (not literally, of course). She tells us she’s done so much performing and modeling in the past, she won’t even need to think twice about her part in the act. She believes it’s going to be a home run for her. Oh, poor, Sarah. Does she not know the rules of reality tv? You never sound too confident, because the minute you do, everything can and will go wrong. Sarah says she’s not nervous, just excited to be able to put on a beautiful dress. The curtain parts, and Lance brings a woman from the audience on stage to saw in half. She climbs in the box, he pulls the footrest off, and hands it to Sarah. But instead of simply holding it there, Sarah walks off stage with it, as Lance watches helplessly. Someone off stage tells her to immediately turn around and walk back to Lance. Titters from the audience can be heard. Lance is an amazing magician, however, because Wayne Newton lets her live another day, and decides no one will be eliminated this round.
Your Vote Counts
On SI: Swimsuit Model Search, it was up to the American public to vote for the winner of the million dollar contract… or was it really? Alicia, the semi-villain of the show was declared the winner even though the final voting numbers were never even revealed! One thing that was clear was that the judges wanted her to win. Nonetheless, Shannon, the runner-up, handled herself with grace and dignity. Nearly all the kicked-off contestants thought Shannon deserved to win. As another prize, Alicia will appear in the 2005 SI Swimsuit Issue. Will she make the cover, like so many experts throughout the show said she could? Only time will tell. I wish her the best of luck working with saggy-bottom hating Joel.
For the first time on Wickedly Perfect, the two teams shared the workshop at the same time. This lead to a dilemma for Clever Rodent Mitch. If it had only been him and the other Crafty Beavers with access to the workshop, I'm sure he would have just raided Team Artisan's tools and snagged their staple gun to complete upholstering his ottomans/storage units. As it was, Kimberly was there working on the TA headboard. When she refused to just bow down to his royal self and give him the staple gun, he reluctantly offered up some moulding to Kimberly in exchange for the staples. Mitch then spent the remainder of the challenge regretting his choice and obsessing over whether the moulding would put Team Artisan over the top and allow them to win. Much to Mitch's relief, the Crafty Beavers nonetheless prevailed, and Joan Lunden lookalike Denise was booted from Team Artisan.
Is That a Cucumber in Your Pocket, or . . .?
During this week’s Apprentice 3, Bren, the conservative prosecutor, appeared to be channeling a Skinemax producer when he came up with a concept for Magna’s Dove Moisturizing Body Wash commercial. Not only did the commercial involve a scene with a female chef and her male assistant stroking a cucumber while water was running over it in the sink, it also had a twist. The twist involved the assistant walking off into the sunset with another guy and a bottle of the body wash clutched behind his back. I wonder how Bren was received at church this week. Luckily for Bren, Kristen managed to screw up Net Worth’s commercial to the extent that we had an Apprentice first. Both teams lost and had to return to the boardroom. Kristen’s attitude was so glaringly bad that the vegetable porno king lived to screw up another day.
Many thanks to the writers who contributed to the article this week! In alphabetical order, Feifer, fluff, hepcat, Mariner, Miss Filangi, oneTVslave, rosekid, Silverstar and SnowflakeGirl.