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Thread: Things I Learned From "MAN VS BEAST"

  1. #1
    Come Along, Pond phat32's Avatar
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    Things I Learned From "MAN VS BEAST"

    Things I Learned From Watching Fox's "Man Vs. Beast"
    (With a nod upstairs to Cronan Thompson)

    http://www.holyducttape.com/cronan/

    1. By my watch, the Armageddon ought to be along, oh, any minute now.

    2. Kobyashi must mean "I give up!" in Japanese cuz my granny could eat more hot dogs than he ate--and she's dead.

    3. Speaking of the Japanese, they might beat us in electronics, autos and utter wackiness of their cartoon characters--but they sure can't beat our animals in an eating contest or tug-of-war! We're #1! We're #1!

    4. The quote of the evening: "This zebra can win this [foot]race...as long as he keeps his focus."

    5. If we ever go to war against all the chimpanzees in the world, just send in a bunch of Navy SEALs to challenge them to an obstacle course. The chimps don't stand a chance.

    6. It's good to see little people can find work outside of circuses, rodeos and George Lucas and Mike Myers films--there's always a job waiting for them at Fox.

    7. If you lose in a contest against an animal using a talent you've trained for all your life, don't demand a rematch because if you lose twice, you're going to be America's number one fool.

    8. People who give themselves nicknames boasting of their talent level (such as "Cheetah Man") will only go on to fail and embarrass themselves. Therefore, I am going to give myself the nickname "Really Poor, Unsuccessful Guy Who Cannot Earn the Respect of His Peers and Has No Sexual Prowess with Attractive Members of the Opposite Sex." Bizarro logic ought to work in my favor here.

    9. In Hollywood, even an orangutan can apply for (and get) a SAG card.

    10. Not only is television a commercially-motivated wasteland where true talent are suppressed and unique voices silenced to satisfy the corporate fatcats, that saps any ability between modern families to communicate meaningfully outside of a scripted entertainment context, but it is also the medium by which normal, everday people will degrade themselves to ever downward-spiralling depths to aspire to a disenchanting, disillusioning, misleading "fame" which they mistakenly hope will enliven their dead, unexamined lives but only mark them with scarlet letters that attract the attention of those who wish to examine every facet in the lives of these people they consider societal anomalies.

    That having said, I cannot WAIT for "Bridezillas"!! It's going to be RILLY, RILLY cool!!

  2. #2
    Princess
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    Great comments phat! I can't believe I just watched this show, btw!
    Yeah, that runner was so stupid thinking he could beat the zebra - he obviously didn't get that the zebra was just keeping him at distance, not running faster than it needed.

    The top moment (of mostly very bad moments), was watching the oragutan leisurely pull the sumo wrestler down in the mud, and the smile on her face and raised arms afterwards. I was laughing out loud!

    That having said, I cannot WAIT for "Bridezillas"!! It's going to be RILLY, RILLY cool!!
    ! lol

  3. #3
    An innocent bystander nlmcp's Avatar
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    Re: Things I Learned From "MAN VS BEAST"

    Originally posted by phat32
    Things I Learned From Watching Fox's "Man Vs. Beast"
    (With a nod upstairs to Cronan Thompson)

    8. People who give themselves nicknames boasting of their talent level (such as "Cheetah Man") will only go on to fail and embarrass themselves. Therefore, I am going to give myself the nickname "Really Poor, Unsuccessful Guy Who Cannot Earn the Respect of His Peers and Has No Sexual Prowess with Attractive Members of the Opposite Sex." Bizarro logic ought to work in my favor here.

    That having said, I cannot WAIT for "Bridezillas"!! It's going to be RILLY, RILLY cool!!
    Your whole wrapup was funny phat.
    but I loved this comment. I hope the bizarro logic works in your favour.
    I could go east, I could go west, it was all up to me to decide. Just then I saw a young hawk flyin' and my soul began to rise. ~Bob Seger

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    Combat Missions Fan Wolf's Avatar
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    So did the Navy Seal guy win against the chimpanzee? Did he make an ass of himself? I heard that Helvenston from the show Combat missions was the guy going against the chimp?

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    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    WOLF.... THE NAVY SEAL GUY WAS SCOTT HALVENSTON
    He won but the chimp wasn't even trying. Scott proved he's still an @$$. (yes, lingering hatred is bad for the soul, but I can't help but hold onto it )

    Great wrap up Phat
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

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    Come Along, Pond phat32's Avatar
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    Me Vs (In)Humane Society

    cali:

    I know Navy SEALs have to go through some serious [bleep] to get where they are, but, never having seen this Scott guy on anything else, he made a serious ass of himself. One of my favorite parts was when he stood around cheering, "Yeah, YEAH! I won, and the chimp lost because it has no honor, no discipline, no self-respect!" etc. etc. (Paraphrasing again, but this was the gist of it.) Meanwhile, the chimp's just kinda standing around posing and scratching its privates.

    I thought, "Uh, dude, US military's got a coupla things going on right now. Why don't you apply some of that self-discipline and go lend a hand?"

    Modesty:

    I think you're right--it's almost like the zebra just ran enough to out-distance the sprinter. The animals who lost didn't seem like they were trying that hard. The ones who won seemed to do it effortlessly.

    And when you think about it, I wouldn't try that hard either if my opponents got a limo ride to the event and a gift-basket worth $10,000, and all I had to look forward to was an electric-prod up my butt, a shackle around my foot and screaming kids throwing stuff at me through my cage. Come to think of it, since I'm engaged, I DO know what that feels like...

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    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    Phat... I like you

    Scott Halvenston was on a show on USA called COMBAT MISSIONS. I loved the show, but grew an unhealthy dislike (total hatred for a man I've never met) towards Halvenston

    The memories this show brought up were too much... I need help
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

  8. #8
    JR.
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    Drummer / Model JR.'s Avatar
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    It looked like the sumo wrestler took a dive, I'm calling shenanigans.

  9. #9
    Combat Missions Fan Wolf's Avatar
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    Originally posted by cali
    WOLF.... THE NAVY SEAL GUY WAS SCOTT HALVENSTON
    He won but the chimp wasn't even trying. Scott proved he's still an @$$. (yes, lingering hatred is bad for the soul, but I can't help but hold onto it )
    So he's still the same immature baby! Why would he stoop so low to do something like this? I still would've love to have seen it.

    I'm with Phat, that Scotty, should re-enlist if he thinks he's such a tough guy. :rolleyes

  10. #10
    Princess
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    Re: Me Vs (In)Humane Society

    Originally posted by phat32
    One of my favorite parts was when he stood around cheering, "Yeah, YEAH! I won, and the chimp lost because it has no honor, no discipline, no self-respect!" etc. etc. (Paraphrasing again, but this was the gist of it.) Meanwhile, the chimp's just kinda standing around posing and scratching its privates.
    Oh, that was just hilarous! He was making such a fool of himself, and he didn't even seem to realise it! (And I'm not talking about the chimp here.... )

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