The Best TV Lines From 2004
By Amy Amatangelo, Zap2It.com
HOLLYWOOD -- Here are picks for the best TV quotes of 2004:
"I don't really have one ready, but I suppose I could riff a list of things I care as little about as our last week together. Let's see: low-carb diets, Michael Moore, the Republican National Convention, Kabbalah and all Kabbalah related products, high definition TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hot spots, 'The O. C,' the U.N., recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans; the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys, Jeff the Wiggle that sleeps a lot, the Yankees payroll, the red states, the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show host, everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, and everything that exists, past, present and future in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions. Oh, and Hugh Jackman." Dr. Cox to J.D. on "Scrubs."
"Rex cries after he ejaculates." Bree to her dinner party guests on "Desperate Housewives."
"Well, personally, I kind of want to slay the dragon. Let's go to work." Angel in the final lines of the series.
"Denny Crane." A line William Shatner consistently managed to make hilarious on both "The Practice" and "Boston Legal."
"But the most exciting, challenging, significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well that's just fabulous." Carrie in the series finale of "Sex and the City."
"I have to check on Mr. Nielsen. You know, I don't see what the problem is. These numbers aren't that bad." Becker talking about a patient on the series finale of "Becker."
"We want to be the wedding equivalent of 'Cheers' and right now we're more like 'Coupling.'" Ed to Mike on the series finale of "Ed."
"This is pretty comfortable. I would have been okay with this." Martin sitting in Frasier's leather chair after Frasier finally got rid of Martin's beloved lounge chair on the series finale of "Frasier."
"They should probably have some counseling." Kris about Jonathan and Victoria on "The Amazing Race 6."
"I'd be willing to waive my exemption." Bradford to Donald Trump on "The Apprentice."
"Whatever you say Felicity." Keith to Lucas about his new haircut on "One Tree Hill."
"Not me. Give me a nerd with glasses any day of the week." Lois Lane describing her perfect man on "Smallville."
"Like a Sicilian woman's eyebrows, we could not be kept apart." Artemus (Will Arnett) to Jack about his relationship with Karen on "Will & Grace."
"Britney Spears has told family and close friends that she and her new husband Kevin Federline are expecting their first child. So far no word on whether it will be a pimp or a ho." Tina Fey during the Weekend Update on "Saturday Night Live."
"Britney Spears Federline, a gym," Jack finding a new way to express shock on "Will & Grace
"Do you know how bored I was today? I came this close to actually cleaning the house." Gabrielle to her husband on "Desperate Housewives."
"Oh, what do we have here? One jack, three queens and an old maid. I don't know what game we're playing but deal me in." Jack upon arriving at Will's birthday party on "Will & Grace."
"I think I'm in love with somebody else." Nina to Jake on "Everwood."
"So you fly half way around the world at a moment's notice to rush to a woman's bedside when the White House is facing a biblical apocalypse?" Colin to Josh about Donna on "The West Wing."
"That would actually make that romantic triangle more of a romantic rhombus," Seth to Ryan about Ryan, Eddie, Teresa and Marissa on "The O.C."
"You want to de-Mensa that reference?" Lorelai to Rory on "Gilmore Girls."
"I've never been the smartest person in the room before. That's a lot of work." Joey on "Joey."
"We're like yuppies, but without the money, or the kids, or the hypocritical drug position," Joan about her relationship with Adam on "Joan of Arcadia."
"No one is that sweet and nice. She's like a Stepford hag." Grace about Vince's Grace on "Will & Grace."
"So Robin what's your number now that I can talk to you?" Raj to Donald Trump's receptionist after he had been fired on "The Apprentice."
"I'm afraid I just blue myself." Tobias after painting himself blue in an effort to become part of the Blue Man Group on "Arrested Development."
"Oh, yes, I'm very dangerous. Ask my maids." Emily to her date on "Gilmore Girls."
"I have to ask Nat the owner," Alex to Seth about the owner of the Bait Shop on "The O.C."
"Beats the hell out of Beverly Hills." Alexandra (Shannen Doherty) when asked how she likes Hawaii on "North Shore."
"They reran '90210' on FX and the Walsh's went to live in Hong Kong. I thought it was pretty believable." Hannah to Amy on "Everwood" about why she said her parents were in Hong Kong.
"She's been such a big part of my life. It feels like when 'Melrose Place' got cancelled." Chandler about Rachel moving to Paris on "Friends."
"What's up with you coming over unannounced? You're like a sitcom character." Grace to Joan on "Joan of Arcadia."
"There's always something good on TV. That's been my motto since I was a kid." Bright to Ephram on "Everwood."
"You are never closer to God then when you are on television," Karen on "Will & Grace."
"The Lord really wants us in the game," Brandon when he and Nicole get a reprieve in a non-elimination round of "The Amazing Race 5."
"Lots of people believe in God who are not crazy. Isaac Newton, Bono, pretty much anyone who wins an award," Joan to her therapist on "Joan of Arcadia."
"My brilliance now is becoming somewhat of a burden -- get back to me." Dr. Cox praying on "Scrubs."
"It's a wonderful day. The Lord has risen and now my brunch." Marie to her family on Easter on "Everybody Loves Raymond."
"I would have at least liked my own cab," Wes after being fired along with Maria on "The Apprentice."
"Mr. Young, sometimes evil drives a mini-van." Mr. Shaw to Paul on "Desperate Housewives."
"It's 11 o'clock at night. Who are you hoping to hook up with now? Spike and Drusilla?" Rory to Paris on "Gilmore Girls."
"I've got 12 vampire slayers behind me and none of them has ever dated you," Andrew to Angel on "Angel."
"You know if this were 'Survivor' we would have voted Lucy off the island days ago." Ruthie about her sister on "7th Heaven."
"He enjoys sunset walks on the beach, punching people and not smiling." Seth pitching Ryan on "The O.C."
"Once again the fickle fingers of fate has diddled us." Don on "The Amazing Race 6."
"Oh, she thinks I'm too critical. That's one of her faults." Lucille about Lindsay on "Arrested Development."
"The man has more lives than a cat." Ramon Salazar about Jack on "24."
"I firmly believe marriage should be a contract between two cute people." Jack on "Will & Grace."
"I love you with all my heart. Will you marry me?" Rob Mariano proposing to Amber on the "All-Star" reunion.
"I was a virgin boy on prom night for those kids," Troy on meeting the Fab Five on "The Apprentice."
"Nothing that says virgin. I have a child. The jig is up," Miranda about her wedding dress on "Sex and the City."
"You remind me of when Christina Aguilera was nice," Simon to Diana DeGarmo on "American Idol."
"You picking up what I'm putting down?" Warrick to Greg on "CSI."
"Do you have any idea what it's like to play the same character for 20 years?" Nanny G to Frasier.
"Is heaven fabulous? Do they let gay people in? No wait I want to be surprised," Jack on "Will & Grace."
"While questioning Condoleezza Rice during Thursday's hearings, Democrat Bob Kerry mistakenly addressed her as Dr. Clarke and then even more embarrassingly as Omarosa," Tina Fey during the Weekend Update on "Saturday Night Live."
"No, it's National Baptism Day. Tie your tubes," a soaked Paris when a girl asks her if it is raining outside on "Gilmore Girls."
"Holding that thing, you almost look like you've reached puberty," Vaughn to Sark on "Alias."
"For those of you who don't know me, I'm Barry Manilow and I'm what Clay Aiken will look like in 20 years," Barry Manilow on "American Idol."
"But she's not finished baking yet. I've got to wait 'til she's done baking. You know, 'til she finds herself, because that's the drill. Fine. I'm waiting patiently. Meanwhile The Immortal's eating cookie dough." Angel discussing Buffy's new boyfriend on "Angel."
"You know what they say: revenge is like serving cold cuts." Tony getting the cliche slightly wrong on "The Sopranos."
"It was rather like a dinner with Paula Abdul. Sweet but forgettable." Simon to Jasmine Trias on "American Idol."
"In addition to disposing of bodies, you'll need to know how to use Power Point and Excel." Steven Van Zandt on "Late Night with David Letterman" as one of the "Top 10 Things Never Before Said on 'The Sopranos.'"
"Chloe, I'm getting really tired of your personality." Tony to Chloe on "24."
"I hate you, but I love Sydney more. That's the only reason you're not dying tonight." Vaughn to Lauren on "Alias."
"Will you just stand still?" Lorelai to Luke and vice-versa before they kissed on "Gilmore Girls."
"I've made a lot of enemies through the year Ruth. You take the back-stabbing world of academia, throw in a controversial field like geology. You've got real trouble." George on "Six Feet Under" after he receives a second package full of excrement.
"I can't wait to see Phil. He's so gorgeous." Charla to her cousin Mirna on "The Amazing Race 5."
Have a question, seen a familiar face, have an inside scoop or want to nominate a quote of the week?
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.