November 27, 2004 -- "Love Is In The Heir"
Tomorrow at 10 p.m. on E!
JUST when you thought there was no room left for yet an other reality show, here comes yet another reality show.
This one, "Love Is In The Heir," is about an Iranian princess who has tragically exiled herself on our shores in the hopes of becoming, yes, a country-western singing sensation.
Soon there will be nobody left at home to watch reality shows because every last boring, relentless self-promoter in the world will be on TV while the rest of us will be throwing ourselves off buildings.
Anyway, in this one, Princess Ann Claire, supposedly a sheltered princess who grew up in England surrounded by her family, is looking for love and a career.
Princess Ann Claire is like Steve Martin in "The Jerk," where he was the white guy who grew up as a poor black kid in Mississippi; in this thing, Prince Ann Claire is an English woman with an American accent who comes from a family of Iranians with English accents.
No wonder they deposed the Shah — what a bunch of deadbeats. She's also, come to think of it, the only one in her family who looks like Tori Spelling.
Anyway, Princess Ann Claire, 31, lives in L.A. and is trying to make it big as a country star. Mind-boggling when you hear her sing and realize that A) she was born without any talent whatsoever, but B) luckily she was also born without the gene for shame.
Not only can't she sing songs, she can't write 'em either. Together it's a lethal combination.
Into this "reality" come her parents, who besides sounding totally scripted (they swear they weren't) conveniently decide during filming that Princess Ann Claire must find an appropriate young man and get a recording contract before what they call "the charity gala" — or they are cutting her off financially.
This scenario is about as real as Joycelyn Wildenstein's face.
In the premiere, the princess abuses her personal assistant, Michael, who sings her awake and rubs her feet, while she whines to him, or her mother or whoever will listen, "I can't let my dreams be taken away from me before I've really had the chance to make them happen!"
No wonder she stinks at writing country songs — even country songs aren't this corny!
E! calls this series a hybrid of comedy and reality which means, they say, that Princess Ann Claire's reality is funny. Really? Who knew? Enough.
If any of this were my reality, I'd be seriously upset every morning to find out that I hadn't died in my sleep.