Each week, our writers nominate and describe their favorite moments of the week in reality television.
10. Paging Ms. McLeod
FOX must be furious with their chosen host for Joe Millionaire. No, not the butler. The host is actually one Ms. Alex McLeod. I know, as I saw the press release about the show. She is listed on their website. She IS the host! Unfortunately she's never there. Maybe it's all the wine in France. Perhaps she's busy trying to redecorate a room in the castle. Oh, maybe she was abducted. Whatever the reason for her disappearance, it seems as though FOX has had to have the butler doing most of the hosting, then when absolutely necessary (so they wouldn't be called liars for listing Alex in the first place) they bring out a somewhat lifelike humanoid cyborg with the vocalization ability of 10 words. "Alex" comes in says her line then disappears. I hope they find the real Alex soon. Maybe they should check the dungeon.
9. Eat Rat?
Since no one completed the first round on Fear Factor, they were all advanced to the second round, but the money was cut from $50,000 to $25,000.
There was a table full of dead rats waiting for this group. They did not actually eat the rats(thank goodness). They ONLY had to grab a rat with their teeth/mouths and run over and chuck it into a bucket from behind a barrier. Amazingly all six contestants chomped down on rigger mortis stiffened rat carcasses and raced to see who could get the most rats in the bucket before time was called. I can not believe we actually saw beautiful women flinging rats mouth wise into a big bucket. Not to mention the ribs those big burly men will get for snagging rat hair in their teeth.
8. Bad as I wanna be...
Where do we start with Corbin Bernsen? If he's not the most super-obvious Mole ever, then it's worse yet - he's the biggest jerk we've seen in a long time. Apparently not having worked in a while doesn't effect his opinion, that a $50,000 loss in the span of 30 minutes is no big deal. First, he convinces everyone to vote for Erik, and then when they all jump on the bandwagon, he changes his mind and says the only vote he'll ever place is for himself. And we all thought that whole Roger Dorn thing from Major League was an act. Little did we know he learned how to play the jerk too well.
7. Return of the Living Dill
Everyone’s favorite houseguest Jason Dill returns to the Osbourne household for his second tour of duty. After much belching, head scratching, smoking, drinking, and general buffoonery, he gets down to doing what he does best - annoy people.
While sitting in a room with 3 attractive young ladies he decides to go off on a political rant. After boring the women senseless, he takes a verbal shot at Jack, his "friend", the same friend that invited him to stay at the house. This leads to a shirtless sissy fight, and apparently Dill has worn out his welcome yet again. The next day, he packs his bags and heads out, and skates off into the sunset.
6. The Most Shocking Rose Ceremony Yet!
This week on the Bachelorette, Trista Rehn couldn't make up her mind about bachelor Brian. After their date, the two of them had a very strained, awkward conversation about why she should give him a rose. He honestly didn't know what to tell her, he just said that with him, 'what you see is what you get.' This answer didn't seem to be good enough for Trista. A little while later, during the MOST SHOCKING ROSE CEREMONY YET, cutie Brian decided to walk out! Props to him for knowing what he wants, and not getting in the way of another bachelor's 'hapiness' with Trista.
5. Please God... Save Me From This Demented Acting Teacher!
Yes, even 85-year-old women can get stuck on the blind date from hell...
This week on Star Dates, comedienne, writer, pianist, and painter, Phyllis Diller was matched up with Lenny, an acting teacher and small role TV and movie performer from Los Angeles.
During the date Lenny launched into the longest uninterrupted stretch of brain-to-mouth dumping on record since former US President William Harrison’s inaugural address. While Harrison caught pneumonia and died less than a month later due to his diatribe, Lenny’s actions did nothing more than kill the date.
In an impressive display of the type of logic normally reserved for the development of Dave Matthews Band lyrics, our friend Lenny covered a breadth of topics, including: Buddhism... his desire to live his life beyond the concept of "mere concepts"... the question of why God would create creatures that eat other creatures... his opinion that Phyllis is an "old soul"... that he is going to a "place" that Phyllis doesn’t believe in... and finally, reincarnation.
When none of these things seemed to charm Phyllis, he resorted to that old standby... a 54 year-old man using cartoon voices at the dinner table to tell the story of two pigs discussing vegetarian cooking.
Throughout the entire evening, Phyllis’ expression is one that seemingly begs for relief from the non-stop verbal assault. However, Lenny, when asked about the date says that he feels he held up his end of the conversation... yes Lenny you did, more than your share in fact...
4. The Two Faces of Brook
This week we saw Brook as never before. When Trista sat down with him and attempted to get to know him better, he got defensive about her minimal personal time with him. When she tried to explain why her allergy to horses might hinder their romance, he deemed her "Shallow". I cannot imagine what woman would not want to be made physically ill by her surroundings on a daily basis.
When Trista viewed the "please pick me" video, Brook seemed so sincere about getting to know her better and making a commitment. Too bad he was just being shallow. I was sure that Brook would walk out at the rose ceremony, but he hung around like a hopeful hanger-on. When Trista did not pick him he was steamed. Trista made an extra effort to say goodbye to him and explain how sincere she was about their previous exchange. Brook could not wait to just get out of there.
It is good that we got to see the two faces of Brook. Now he can go enjoy the true love of his life; his horse. Bye bye, Brook!
3. Did The Mole Reveal Himself?
During the Das Mole portion of Celebrity Mole Hawaii, Erik Von Deadhead may have revealed himself as the Mole. He knew there was not money in the Pearl Harbor casket and still went for the possible $25,000 instead fo the guaranteed $10,000. This is truely Mole-like behavior...or is it? He could be trying to convince people that he is the mole. Why throw away all that money if he is not the Mole. Very suspicious behavior.
2. MC Row the Boat Ashore...
Wow, whoda thunk that a midget and a playboy bunny could out row MC "Can’t Touch This" Hammer and Corey "Excuse me while I call my girlfriend" Feldman. Two grown men jump into a rowboat with the simple objective of rowing out to a buoy, turning and coming back to shore. It was a lake. It was a calm lake. It was a clear day. It was a perfect boat. It was apparently an impossibility. MC and Corey rowed in circles. They rowed backwards. They rowed air. They rowed in 25 minutes after the others. It was a 3-minute trip. Sad really, and yet oh so very fun to watch. And then laugh.
And now, our number one moment of the week...
1. Pardon Heidi's French
It seems that Heidi had more to say at the necklace ceremony than the hostess. She fondled the necklaces of the girls to each side of her muttering niceties as they received them, only to be left out in the cold as the last necklace went to a beaming MoJo. Heidi blurted out "Whatever" in a rude display of poor sportsmanship(After all, man hunting is a sport. Right?).
Next thing we know Heidi is in a more comfortable setting. She is down on the floor butchering the French language and bossing the help around. Paul(the butler) comments on how he cannot find that poor girl's bags fast enough, though it is a shame that she could not spend more time in France and learn the language better.