Each week, our writers select and compile our favorite moments from reality TV. Here's the list for January 5-11, 2003.
10. I'm Hip! I mean, I've broken my hip!
Naomi... what were you thinkin' girl? You're part of a country music group (strike 1), you're old (strike 2) you're white (strike 3). Watching Naomi try to act like she not only "got" rap, but was really into it to boot was down right embarrassing. Seeing a middle aged white woman trying to groove to the beat that is rap, had people all over America laughing out loud. Should we ask her to stop? No, letís have something to laugh at.
9. Losing our Breakfast at Tiffany's
'Sparkling Diamonds' ~Moulin Rouge
Diamonds are a girl's best friend
Cause we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl
The Satine of the week, Trista Rehn of the Bachelorette may not have received her diamonds yet, but bachelor Russell still won her heart with a Tiffany's bracelet. Trista, the blingin' material girl that every woman is at heart, fell for his bribe hook, line and sinker. While the other men shot daggers at Russell, Trista was completely captivated by his 'charming personality.' The suave bachelor obviously knows what a woman wants- he was the first to receive a rose from Trista during the 'shocking' rose ceremony. Will he last another week? And what other ridiculously extravagant trinkets may be in store for Trista?
8. The Fall Guys
A pilot, a hardware store sales clerk and a break-dancer were hanging upside down from a helicopter...
Despite claims of nerves of steel from the pilot and superior arm strength from the break-dancer, hell, the hardware guy should be good with locks shouldn't he? each of them failed in the task that had taken the first of the ladies a mere 15 seconds to complete. They were as frantic as lobsters dangling over a boiling pot.
NBC must have been secretly thankful the guys didn't get to the "eat horses ass" section, they really wouldn't want to face a charge of promoting cannibalism.
7. Tan Her Heidi
Rebekah from Bachelorettes in Alaska, Flo from TAR 3 and of course uberbitch Jerri from Survivor 2, every reality show has to have a female contestant you just want to slap.
Joe Millionaire didn't disappoint, on this level at least, by introducing us to Heidi.
She barged to the front of the line and quickly snared two dresses for herself when the butler put the kybosh on her "four groups of five" plan. Shame we never got to see which group she would have placed herself in. Her highly bizarre examination of "Joe's" hand when they were introduced did serve to get her noticed by the lying lunkhead. With the preview teaser of more bad behaviour to come, she might be examining a few more hands up side her head.
6. Lord of the Clowns
Well, Michael Flatley can rest easy knowing that his job as the lead dancer for Lord of the Dance is safe.
Bob, one of the guys vying to win Trista's heart in the Bachelorette, in a desperate attempt to get notice by Trista did his own silly interpretation of the Lord of the Dance. Trista, as well as everyone else, noticed him alright. Maybe he wasn't noticed for the right reasons, but he livened the party for sure. Bob's Animal House antics seemed to work since Trista offered him a boutonniere to stay at the house.
5. He was Barney Rubble for a reason
How very fun it was to hear about Stephen Baldwin's (that's the lesser known one) most embarrassing moment. Somewhere in America a woman was sitting watching TV with her husband and children as Steven told the world of her date with him. Yes, his most embarrassing moment was getting his schlong sucked by his date. Oh, I guess thatís not too embarrassing, until you throw in the part about his sister pulling him out of the car (yes car) and beating the crap out of him in front of his date. Yes, America, that was pretty funny, but the Laugh Out Loud funny moment came when Kathy Griffin told her most embarrassing moment: "I was busy giving this guy a BJ in his car, when his sister came out and beat the crap out of him... I donít remember his name..."
4. Would you be mine? Could you be mine? Won't you be my neighbor?
Mister Rogers' neighborhood may be the longest running and most popular show on PBS, but for residents of the posh San Fernando Valley neighborhood where the Surreal House is located, there was nothing neighborly about this week's episode.
What would YOU do if 7 celebrities and one dog showed up at your house with brownies in hand claiming they were your new neighbors? One would think that at least a few folks would be intrigued, or at least feign some sort of enthusiasm. I suppose if the WB had been able to get celebrities that people actually recognize, this little stunt might have had better results.
Mister Rogers, you may need to consider removing the "You can never go down the drain" song from your curriculum.
3. Feldman's Surreal Life
To the tune of "I Just Called To Say I Love You" by Stevie Wonder
It's been half an hour....or maybe two
It's hard to tell 'cause I can't be away from you
No treatment like kings
In fact we're really a pathetic looking crew
It's so mundane
I'll sit in gloom
I think I'll propose to you on the phone this afternoon
But whatever I do, just know I'm being true
And require at least 127 phone calls to you
I just called to say I'm bored without you
I just called so you could hear the sound of dead air
I just called (again) to say .... I miss you
And they've figured out that I'm not Corey Hart
.....Corey Hart....Corey Hart......
2. Erik Had A Little Lamb
Celebrity Mole decided not to pamper itís quasi-celebrities this week, and actually had them perform stunts that looked as though they could be difficult... unless you grew up near Wayner... where men were men, and sheep were scared. The celebrities did their fair share of twirling, jumping, running (away from), and diving towards the sheep as they tried their best to round up a couple of sheep wearing "Playing Card Capes" into a holding pen to win money for the "team". The only celebrity that was any good at this was Erik Von-whatís-his name from... that show... and that movie. Corbin Bernsen dived toward a sheep and got himself a cut. Frederique stood by the gate (very game show modelesque) Kim screamed, Kathy twirled, Michael watched the sheep, and Steven "the obvious mole" Baldwin watched them all. What a pathetic attempt at wrangling.
And our number one moment of the week...
1. Hiho Silver, Away! ...Doh! Let's Try that Again... Hiho Silver, Away!
John Wayne he's not. Evan the "horse Yeller" Marriott, had trouble mounting his stead when he first met his ladies. He hit his chin as he tried to galantly ride into the sunset. This may well have been the cause of his tongue not working when asked the simple question: "What's your middle name" by one of his suitors. I've never seen someone stumble so badly on what should have been a simple question to answer.