Star Dates - Dustin Diamond - 12/22
Better Known As: Samuel "Screech" Powers of Saved by the Bell (1989-93), Saved by the Bell: The College Years (1993-94) and Saved by the Bell: The New Class (1994-2000)
Astrological Sign: Capricorn
Honest-to-God Middle Name: Neil, as in Neil Diamond, who is not a relative. (Neither is Mike Diamond, aka Mike D of the Beastie Boys.)
Would-be Identity-Concealing Facial Hair Choice: Goatee
Height: 6 feet
Marital Status: Single
Living Status: Definitely not dead of a heroin overdose, as was once reported by the urban-legend mill. "That's all you need is a crackhead Screech," Diamond once said of the O.D. rumor.
Sitcom Archetype: The geekazoid with the tragically flawed fashion sense.
Plays Bass? Yes, in the band Salty the Pocketknife. Sample their tune "Red Panties 145" on MP3.com.
Pro Wrestles? Yes, a onetime tag-team partner of the Blue Meanie. "Things went surprisingly well, and everyone came out of it happy," Mr. Meanie remarked of their match.
Teaches Chess? Yes, with the help of "characters and antics [that] will keep your attention," according to the official Website for his four-hour instructional DVD, Dustin Diamond Teaches Chess.
Knows Urkel? Yes. "Jaleel White and I just did a film [Big Fat Liar] together," Diamond told The Onion A-V Club. "We both cameoed."
Meet the Real Me: A nice guy who is looking for a nice girl to marry, Dustin revealed in a tender moment on Howard Stern's radio show.
Quasi-Celebrities I Have Dated: The secretary of a Saved by the Bell producer, various SBTB extras and a Russian model, Dustin revealed in a less tender moment on Stern.
Real-Deal Celebrity I Tried to Date: Tori Spelling, a recurring SBTB guest star, 1990-91.
Celebrity I Have Seen Twirling Around on a Greased Pole: SBTB alum Elizabeth Berkley, who performed the pole routine for all the world (and Dustin) to see in Showgirls. "Wow, that was a bizarre [viewing] experience," he told The Onion A.V. Club.
Celebrity I Have Clocked: Ron "Horshack" Palillo, a second-round victim of Dustin's wicked gloves on the 2002 Fox special Celebrity Boxing 2.
The Wildest Urban Legend About Me Is: "One radio station I did [an interview with] said that they heard I was found face down in a bathtub in a San Francisco apartment building," Diamond once recalled.
The, um, Next-Wildest Urban Legend About Me Is: "[Supposedly] Mark-Paul, who plays Zack [on SBTB], and I were riding on his motorcycle when an earthquake hit, and as we were going under the overpass, it fell and severed our heads."
In My House, You'll Probably Find: Chess pieces, guitars, a karate black belt.
My Little Secret: Dustin really, really, really wanted to be Shaggy in the Scooby-Doo movie. "I sent in pictures--and me doing the voice, Oh, Scoooob!" Dustin told an Ohio radio station. Despite his best efforts, the part went to Matthew Lillard. All together, now: Zoinks!