Each week, our writers nominate and write about our favorite 10 moments from all of the reality shows on the air. Welcome to this week's list:
10. Top Heavy
Question: When is swimming not really swimming?
Answer: When your name is Summer Papania.
Yep, I knew she had something special even before she took her shirt off. When Fear Factor host Joe Rogan asked her if she did any sports, she said yes. He then asked if she did any swimming, she replied with "laying out". Hmmm, I don’t remember seeing that in the Olympics. I must be out of the loop. That was quickly forgotten as she prepared for the stunt, and stripped down to her "swimming" attire. You know, now that I think about it, maybe this whole "laying out" should be made into a sport.
9. Are You Talkin' to ME?
This week, Clay got all up on Jake, for daring to claim that he does his fair share around camp while some others don't pull their height - I mean weight. After yelling at Jake for what seemed like all night, and after the biggest synchronized Chuay Gahn eye-roll in history by the rest of the tribe, Clay pattered off to Big Ted for approval. "How'd ya like that?" he asked Ted. When Ted said "that was messed up," Clay took it as a compliment, proving that not only can no one understand HIM, but he has a hard time understanding those with NO accent.
8. You can "Depend" on me.
Has Ian ever lied to us? I don't think so.
I would have been more than happy to simply take him at his word when he informed us that Teri had purchased paper underwear for their use while on The Amazing Race, I really don't think we needed the visual proof to back him up.
The camera got right in there with the standard "up the legs" shots though as Teri ripped off her clothes and plunged into the challenge with her usual enthusiasm.
Perhaps she's testing out the product as a literal "dry run" in preparation for Ian's dotage.
7. Déjà vu
Well, it sure looked like the Prince of Darkness was experiencing flash backs as he was attempting to feed the family bird. I thought the little fella was a goner when Ozzy took it from the safety of the cage and brought it up to his mouth. Oh no, think of the children! But luckily, it turned out to be one big joke. Oz was just playing the role of "Mama Bird" and was simply trying to feed it from his own mouth. So, no harm no foul. Tweety was spared (I think) this time.
Even though many knew it would happen, some still held out hope that Jake could stop the Pagonging. He couldn’t. Mark Burnett really should have learned by now, that we viewers figured out LONG ago that if he seems to be setting someone up to leave, we know they will stay. This week viewers knew Clay would stay and Jake would join the three unrecognizable jury members at loser lodge long before the torch was snuffed and the gong was heard. Have a nice shower and meal Jake, and know you played well.
5. I'm not playing anymore.
"We're last, I want to go home, this is pointless, an old retired couple beat us, I hate this race, we're losers, it's so embarassing, I hate it here, I hate you, put your pants back on properly, what did you take them off for, don't you know how bad this makes me look? I hate everything, it's not fair, why, why why?
Uh what did you say Phil?, Non-elimination leg?
Wooohoooo, I love you Zach, you're the best ever".
Whoever said "don't hate the player hate the game" had never met Flo.
4. A Bug's Life
This ain't no Pixar movie, folks!
Step right up and witness the freaks who will go though great lengths to spend a day with their loved ones. We've got your gourmet ants, your delicious squirmy grubs, your juicy water roaches, your boiled spiders, and your boiled big ass scorpions. Take your pick. They are all tasty. Don't try this at home kids! It can get pretty nasty!
This week, Survivor's reward challenge reminded me of a freak show. Burnett turned the tables on the old contestants eat-disgusting-food challenge. This time, instead of the contestants eating the bugs, their loved ones had to swallow their pride and down the nasty little critters. The reward for the winner would be to spend 24 hours at the camp with their loved ones. Folks, I don't know about you, but spending the night sleeping on the floor, eating more nasty stuff, and doing work doesn't sound like a reward to me, but to each its own.
3. Say Cheese
Cheese fans all over the world delighted in watching a stud-muffin and a foxy lady bind themselves with pounds of cheese. On the two hour episode that ultimately saw John Vito and Jill eliminated from The Amazing Race, they put their best feet forward to eat some feet smelling cheese, thus ensuring them a lead into the second half of the show. Too bad the cheese seemed to weigh them down, and they found themselves on the mat last to hear those infamous words no racer wants to hear "you’ve both been eliminated" We’ll miss you JV and Jill.
2. Burnin’ Down the House
Sharon, wanting to do something special for her man, decided to light a fire to welcome Ozzy home during a short break in his tour. She did a really good job, a little too good as the fire burned higher that normal. Attempts to tame the fire with a broom had little effect, and smoke starts to pour out and fill the room. A call to the "fire brigade" was averted when Fire Marshal Oz handled the blaze with a few pots of water. A charred broom handle, a soot covered mantle, and a puddle in the firebox were the extent of the damage from this little incident. That’s not too bad... considering who we’re talking about.
And our number one moment of the week...
1. Look at me, I'm Florinka P
(to the tune of "Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee" from the musical Grease)
Look at me I'm Florinka P
Lousy with hu-man-i-ty
I won't stop my whine til the hot twin resigns
I can't I'm Florinka P...
Damnit, I don't want to play...
Not unless I get my way
I sit and I pout -- and threaten to drop out
I'm like this every-day
I don't help, I don't care
I don't know much about air
"When we lose, it will be all your fault!"
Take your bag and mine, carry me over the finish line
Got a wound? Come here I've got my salt
Z, as for you, why don't you "shoo"
I have my own things I want to do
Selfish for sure, I'm just so immature
I'm just plain Florinka P
Zachary, Zachary let me be
Keep your kindness far from me
I think Drew is cool, and I'm starting to drool
Hey everyone....I'm Florinka Pee
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