Todd TV: 1/21 Episode - The Paperboy Monologues

[Bill]

Todd TV
1/21 Episode – The Paperboy Monologues

Welcome to the premiere episode of the new reality show, Todd TV. The premise is simple. Todd Santos is a 30 year old waiter / wanna be songwriter who loves the So Cal beach and babes lifestyle. Todd is happy and content. Heck, we all like that lifestyle Todd, so what is the problem?

Well, it seems that Todd is widely considered by friends and family to be unmotivated. To that point I say… so what? Hey, if I could slack all day, flirt with women at work while getting them drunk, and then party all night long, I would not consider myself unmotivated. I would consider myself died and gone to heaven.

Sadly, the real drawback to that career path is the recurrence of something I like to call a negative differential of sufficient monetary units. Todd calls it being broke.

So rather than simply waking up one day and going about changing his life, Todd needed another answer. He decided that someone else would be better served making these pesky life decisions for him, and he applied to be on the show. After all, who has time for those hassles? He was selected from a cast of thousands to be the first man to turn his life over to the viewing audience.

First of all, it was a little scary to see the assembled montage of slacker applicants. I mean, I have seen enough Star Trek to know that these TV show signals eventually travel through space, and somewhere out there is an intelligent species that might make an invasion decision based on this footage.

“Hmm, Gorzak, look at this! These humans are idiots!”
“You are right Sssssthou. They are ripe for invasion now that their supreme leader, the one they call Ozzie, is injured. The time to strike is now!”

If they see this footage, we are screwed! Oh, and don’t try to tell that can’t happen. I saw Independence Day. That documentary laid out the whole true story of what happened in the past. Will Smith would never lie to us. Besides, I think it is no small coincidence that the Mars Sprit rover broke down right about the time this show aired. No small coincidence at all.

So if I end up in an alien forced labor camp somewhere in the outer rim, I am going to be mighty upset and I will blame this damn show.

Todd’s Birthday

So who is this guy Todd Santos?

Well our host is George Gray, and speaking of aliens, this guy is a little suspicious. He is one of those people who is a little too “up”. Just a bit too happy all the time, if you know what I mean. Yeah, about half way through you basically just want to slap him. Better living through chemicals I suppose.

George walks us through the background of Todd and his contract with America. Todd will be filmed 24/7 as he goes about following the instructions the audience gives him. At the end of each show, we will be make choices for Todd in the form of either/or questions. Votes are placed online, or by phone.

Further, the Todd TV production team will roll around town in what could only be described as a second hand utility van with a Todd TV magnetic sticker on the outside.

In other words, this show is going to be just like the movie Ed TV, with a few exceptions. First, as noted, we get to vote on choices in Todd’s life. Secondly, the movie sucked. Thirdly, despite sucking, the movie might just be better than this show. Jury is still out on that last point.

So Todd is a 30 year old man with a communications degree who wants to write songs. Instead he is wasting away his life (in the opinion of his friends) by partying and flirting with anything female in the vicinity.

Todd’s mom notes that “my son is hot”. Yeah, she said that, which conjured up unpleasant memories of Colby and his mom spending the night in the back of a Pontiac Aztec during Survivor. No, the disturbing image is not just the Aztec itself, but I agree, that is pretty scary. For Todd’s part, he makes it quite clear that his mother drives him nuts.

We meet up with Todd at a big birthday party. He knows what he auditioned for, and he knows he was selected. What he supposedly doesn’t know is the show begins that night.

George arrives at the party, and requires Todd to sign the contract on the spot, after which he is spirited away into the kidnap… er… Todd TV van. They race over to Todd’s place of work, a nice little restaurant called Michi.

At Michi we meet Todd’s manager, and the head chef. The manager seems like a pretty laid back guy who likes Todd, and wants what is best for him. The chef seems to feel the restaurant would be better off financially if Todd was no longer there mooching free food and drinks for his ladies.

Well, we all can guess at what happened next. George produces an email that was sent in before the show began (probably from someone on the production team) and the first instruction from the “audience” Todd gets is that he must quit his job immediately. The manager wishes Todd the best, while the Chef breaks out into tears of joy.

Todd seems pretty happy too, though he notes **insert ominous music here** that he has only $800 in the bank, so he hopes America has a plan for him.

Back at the Todd Estate

They head back to Todd’s house. There, George explains that Todd is being provided with a T-Mobile phone, which he promptly holds in The Price is Right display the product fashion for a good half minute. I was sitting there thinking, yup, that is phone… okay, I see the phone… please move on, I fully concede there is a phone there… FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE, I BELIEVE YOU, HE HAS A PHONE! MOVE ON!

So yeah, he gets this phone, and this show sets yet another first. The first time that a cell phone ring is lip-synched. Yup, the ring of the phone has to be dubbed in. I was kind of surprised they didn’t use a classic Milli Vanilli jingle for the ring tone. But then I realized that’s just crazy talk, we can’t soil the sanctity of those Milli Vanilli tunes.

In any case, Todd is tasked with answering that phone immediately, at any time, day or night. After all, there may be a telemarketer with an urgent business opportunity on the other end.

Todd’s apartment is completely wired, the cameras are everywhere, including the bathroom. Todd will have no privacy. Something he didn’t seem to grasp before agreeing to this gig.

George leaves him for the night, recommending that he get some sleep. Tomorrow is a big day. Todd takes that advice, and promptly decides to party until 4:17am.

Day One – 6:28 am

George arrives at sunrise, and commences knocking on the door. Todd is passed out though, so it takes quite a long time to get him out of bed.

When he finally gets to the door, he learns that another email suggestion was sent in, and Todd will be getting a new job today. In fact, he is already late for his first day work. He wants a shower, and despite all pleading to hurry up, he ignores that and gets into an argument with one of the producers.

Finally getting out the door, Todd learns that his new and exciting career path will be as a paperboy. Yes, for the next seven days minimum, Todd will be taking over little Anthony’s paper route, and fortunately Anthony is donating the use of what is supposedly his bike. Now, for Anthony’s sake, I really do hope that was a prop bike. You are never gonna pick up chicks in middle school riding up on that hog.

Todd stumbles through the neighborhood, throwing papers and hitting random objects in the process of doing so. I will say this for Todd, he seems like a genuinely nice guy. He takes the paper route issue in stride, and even jokes that has no more financial worries, as with this paper route, the money is going to come pouring in. I can see why Todd is popular with many folks on the beach scene. He is just fun to be around.

He also has a bit of a dry sense of humor. When questioned by friends about his choice to participate in the show, he said “If you can trust anyone, it would have to be reality TV.” At least I hope he was being sarcastic there.

Speaking of money… *queue ominous music* Todd goes to the bank to check up on his personal assets previously valued at .0008 million dollars. Todd is in for a shock though, as the bank informs him that he is overdrawn by roughly $429. Uh oh.

Todd calls his mom, begging for money. Yes the woman who drives him nuts. But mom says no, even though she presumably still thinks he is hot.

Todd is still trying to figure out why he is overdrawn. It just doesn’t make sense. He heads home, and low and behold the answer to this deep mystery is obvious. It seems those darn banks will not give you credit for deposits unless you actually give them the check! I know, I was shocked to learn that too! Damn banks and their rules.

So thanks to an exhaustive search, Todd remembers that he has not deposited a paycheck for roughly three months. When all is said and done, Todd learns to that he is $600 dollars to the good. Fiscal crisis resolved, he is ready for a nice peaceful sushi dinner with friends.

At dinner he runs into a friend, Nicole from Survivor – Pearl Islands. Nicole says she is worried about him. She knows how reality shows can portray you.

Really Nicole? As I recall, you weren’t even on Survivor long enough for your tube top dress to wear out. How exactly were you portrayed badly again?

Outside the bar, Todd is getting heckled, and one local lady in particular seems to have made it her life’s mission to follow Todd hurling insults. I never really learn why these people hate Todd. Maybe they make payroll checks for a living and think he has disrespected them? Todd starts to realize this not all going to be fun and games.

Day Two – Don’t Even Consider Fabric Softener

Todd finishes the paper route on time, and is home relaxing when the phone rings. It is his mom, and she tells him that she is coming to visit.

This prompts Todd to go into a laundry frenzy, and perhaps none too soon. Todd confesses he is on his 10th day of not wearing underwear. Thanks Todd, I really didn’t need to keep that dinner down.

Todd goes to the local Laundromat. In yet another coincidence (I am sure it must be a coincidence right?), another former reality TV contestant is there, and she too is a friend of Todd’s, in fact, they apparently used to share booty calls… er… dates together. Her name is Suzanne, and she was on one of the Bachelors. Not sure which one though.

They discuss why they stopped dating, and Todd claims that they just forgot to call each other one day. Suzanne launches into her theories on the matter, but we cut to a confessional where Todd says he never listened to anything Suzanne had to say. Clever editing there.

Todd leaves while his clothes are washing, and comes back later to find a note from Suzanne saying that he forgot to push start, so she did it for him. The mystery of Todd’s laundry challenges are becoming clearer.

A Shower, My Kingdom for a Shower!

Later, Todd returns home, and he has figured out that he can escape scrutiny by getting in the shower. He calls it his private place, and you are welcome to insert your own joke here.

The current producer on duty though is a lady who seems pretty fired up and motivated to get some good shower shots of Todd. She tells us as much too. This leads to a big blow up, filled with door slamming, and Todd remaining angry through most of the day. At one point he tells the crew that he is “very disappointed” in them. Join the club Todd, so far I am disappointed in the show.

All of this leads to the decision that Todd needs to spend time with a therapist. Yes, the producers had previously sent Todd to see a shrink so as to determine if he could take the pressure of the show. They want him to go back.

Okay, I hear you laughing there. Yes, I think we all know that they really had him see the doctor to ensure that he had a personality that was going to lead to compulsive behavior, and perhaps some well timed outbursts so that we would have entertaining television. His future mental health was a secondary question.

Based on what I see here, the doctor completely misdiagnosed Todd, and heck, even Todd himself knows that. He spends the better part of the session slamming on the doctor. I wonder if he will pay for that later?

Day Four, Mom is at The Door… Look at that, I can write lyrics too!

Mom arrives after Todd gets back from his daily route. The house is in general disarray, and as mom’s tend to do, she tries to clean up. Oh, and she throws in the always classic “he was not brought up like this” line to assure us that Todd’s general malaise and slovenly behavior have nothing to do with her or her abilities as a mother.

Todd and his mother spend most of the day bickering, especially when she wants to fix the failing upholstery in his car. Todd says he will be greatly relieved when she leaves. Oh, but if you need cash, she is great!

Finally, we come to Todd’s last task of the week, and that is to write and record the theme song for his own show. Oh, and he will have help, as legendary producer Don Was is coming in to produce the song. I have to admit that Todd really got into the project, and he came up with some decent ideas, given that he had until noon the following day to get it done.

In the end, he went with a song previously written called “Dope!” There is some subtle irony there is you look hard enough. Don helps Todd produce the song, and they even bring in the crew to sing backup, those rebuilding from the very disappointing events outside the shower.

Todd Hall

We come to our first Todd Hall, and George has assembled all the key players from this week’s episode. The manager and chef, Suzzane, Dr Pavlo, his mom, and several others. After some idle chit chat, we get to the point of this exercise. The questions for America.

Question One - Todd is going to get a new roommate next week, should it be:

a) His Mom
b) Dr Pavlo

Okay, no matter what, Todd is not going to like this outcome. His mom drives him crazy, and the doctor is just a little too excited about her chance to be on the show. I kept trying to push “c” and vote for Suzanne or Nicole, but those damn cell phones never work right.

Question Two - Todd is getting a new job. Should he take the job as:

a) A singing telegram guy (is that the official term for that job? I was thinking singing telegram engineer).
b) Personal assistant to Poison lead singer Bret Michaels

Now the singing telegram guy says that this job would be perfect for Todd to learn how to quickly write and perform lyrics. That is an angle I hadn’t thought of, but really the opportunity to get paid for wearing a gorilla suit is all I would need to jump at the opportunity.

On the other hand, Bret makes a good case for helping Todd break into the business. Todd clearly wants to take the job with Poison. The show ends with Todd pleading for America to grant him his wish.

Next Week

Todd learns who his roommate will be, and what occupation he will take on next. The over / under on past obscure reality show contestants appearing in the episode is currently set at one. Call your bookies!

Your comments are welcome. bill@fansofrealitytv.com

[Google]

 

[John]

Saving the second half for tomorrow morning, but this:

In other words, this show is going to be just like the movie Ed TV, with a few exceptions. First, as noted, we get to vote on choices in Todd’s life. Secondly, the movie sucked. Thirdly, despite sucking, the movie might just be better than this show. Jury is still out on that last point.

had me rolling. A good note to go to bed with. Thanks, Bill!

[Bumpkin]

Bill, you had me at "The Paperboy Monologues!"

Great recap!

[eny]

This prompts Todd to go into a laundry frenzy, and perhaps none too soon. Todd confesses he is on his 10th day of not wearing underwear. Thanks Todd, I really didn’t need to keep that dinner down.

Finally, we come to Todd’s last task of the week, and that is to write and record the theme song for his own show. Oh, and he will have help, as legendary producer Don Was is coming in to produce the song. I have to admit that Todd really got into the project, and he came up with some decent ideas, given that he had until noon the following day to get it done.

Oh , the humanity of just how ugly reality tv can get.

Thanks Bill for taking the bullet for us in having to watch this gem. I may even watch next time.

[museumguy]

Since this sounded like the Truman Show without script or Peter Weir to redeem it, I chose not to watch....

Whether you drew the short straw or volunteered, Bill thanks for providing an excellent and witty recap...Not sure I will watch episode II...but I will read the recap....great job Bill

[211300]

If those walls could talk...

First time watching "Todd Tv". I used to live in the hermosa strand house
"Todd" is now dwelling.

Absolutley pothetic program. Landlord/Owner must have sold out.. Was only
a matter of time.

Some good memories.. But difficult to view present..

Cheers,
211300

[georgegray]

Hey Bill-

So, I'm really that slappable, eh? (if that's even a word). Just thought I'd let you know that enjoyed your recap of the premiere episode of ToddTV. Sure, it would have been nicer without the reference to the show sucking, AND myself being annoying because I'm likely jacked up on something that's only legal in Amsterdam...but fair is fair, it's not like this site is for fans of reality tv.
Keep up the marginal work, and I'll try to do the same (hope you enjoy next week a bit more).

Peace-

George (yes, it's really the host)


John just edited this to remove the quote of the recap.

[John]

George, thanks for stopping in and rebutting the recap!

Of course, we try to inject some humor in our recap, usually at the expense of those taking part in the show. But at least we're watching, and writing about it, right? Right?

Come on back. Bill's recapped such shows as "Star Dates", "Joe Millionaire", and "Married By America", so I'm sure he's seen a LOT worse than this show.

[Bill]

Originally Posted by georgegray

Hey Bill-

So, I'm really that slappable, eh? (if that's even a word). Just thought I'd let you know that enjoyed your recap of the premiere episode of ToddTV. Sure, it would have been nicer without the reference to the show sucking, AND myself being annoying because I'm likely jacked up on something that's only legal in Amsterdam...but fair is fair, it's not like this site is for fans of reality tv.
Keep up the marginal work, and I'll try to do the same (hope you enjoy next week a bit more).

Peace-

George (yes, it's really the host)


John just edited this to remove the quote of the recap.

George!

Welcome to the FORT!

Not to worry sir, this show is not as bad as say Married by America, so there is hope. I suspect that if people hang with the show and get to know Todd (who is a likeable guy), then it has a chance to work.

You have to admit though, that compared to Todd, you are pretty fired up. Of course, grass growing is more fired up than Todd. So I will stand behind my assessment of the show, but if you would ever like to do an interview with us, and tell "your side". Just let me know!

[museumguy]

Wow I guess George didn't mind being compared to an alien......which probably justifies everything else Bill said.......