Itís that time again. The FoRT writers have come up with another list encompassing The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. Take a minute out of your day, sit back, and enjoy:
Whatchu You Talkiní About RalphÖ
After weeks of wondering how Matt would take the news that the Lap of Luxury was a sham, we got our answer this week on the finale of the Joe Schmo Show. The show picked up with Dr. Patís vote revealing that Hutch, not Matt, was the winner of Lap of Luxury as most suspected. Ralph announced that he had just been told that someone in the room was not who they claimed to be. Hutch revealed that he was really David Hornsby, an actor. Then Kip revealed that he was also an actor, followed by everyone else in the room minus Matt. Shocked, Matt seemed most bewildered that his buddy Brian was also an actor, quizzing him several times before breaking into laughter. Turns out that Matt didnít feel betrayed at all and ended up winning not only the $100,000 grand prize but all the other prizes offered throughout the course of the show as well as his commemorative plate. In fact, the only thing he wanted to know was if Kip was really gay. The show ended on a high note and proved that not all reality show contestants are the worst society have to offer, some of them are incredible people.
Toto, We're Not in Texas Anymore
The Joes of Joe Millionaireare expected to lie. Evan, last year's Joe, kept up the farce, his strategy being that he would be very honest and only lie if necessary. David, this year's Joe, is at an understandable disadvantage; the female contestants have pelted him with rapidfire questions, so it wouldn't be unreasonable for him to tell a larger set of lies than Evan had. What does the big lie boil down to? Act like you're rich, if only recently rich, and pretend that this palace is really your own home. Oh, and never let them see you sweat.
Keep in mind that there are all sorts of cultural conventions and behaviors that David and his European posse have to contend with. For example, at the ball when the European felines taught David their versions of "Cheers" and clinked champagne glasses, David said that where he comes from people just say, "I'm wasted," so the women all together exclaimed "WASTED!" *clink* Then, when David had to depart for the evening, Alessia dramatically called out "One kiss for all the girls!" David, understandably, wanted to return and comply with Alessia's request, but Paul, understandably helping David set a gentlemanly pace, urged him onward and away from the women.
In any case, just because the women are culturally different, that's no reason to expect a grandiose lie will land. Would Evan have been able to convince Zora that he flew his favorite horse to France? David, however, told the women that his favorite horse, Hurricane, was flown to Italy. Next, we should expect David to reveal his favorite dog Toto and, below his pants cuffs, ruby red slippers.
Saying goodbye to a television fixture
On Tuesday morning, we learned that television had lost one of its most easily recognized sidekicks. Rod Roddy, the gleeful and gleefully-dressed announcer for The Price is Right, lost his battle with cancer. We'll miss that trademark voice on the show, encouraging someone to "come on down, you're the next contestant on The Price is Right." Twelve words that he repeated hundreds of thousands of times, yet never seemed to get bored with. Roddy, we'll miss you. TPIR won't be the same without you.
Say It Isn't So
This week on Bachelor we were treated to visits with the families of the remaining four ladies. While it is nice to see how the bachelor engages with each family, it is always hard to see one lady eliminated at the end of the show. This week it was Meredith who left without a rose. She was very gracious upon her dismissal and even told Bob that if things did not work out with one of the other bachelorettes, he knew where to find her. Once in the limo she let us know that the woman Bob is looking for is not in that house; she is in the limo driving away.
What could keep Bob from giving Meredith a rose? Well, he is a happy-go-lucky guy and needs a gal to match. He was concerned that the recent loss of her grandmother might be bringing on emotions that were not genuine to their relationship with each other, but rather that they were simply grieving together and that might be their connection. Either way Bob felt that things were too serious and let her go keeping Mary, Kelly Jo and Estella until the next most dramatic rose ceremony.
Reel ĎEm In
We're not sure what 'hook' the producers of Joe Millionaire used to reel in their 14 European contestants, but the one they told Johanna must have been a doozy. Whether it was dismay at being subjected to a reality dating show, or just the appearance of one of those icky Americans, her utter disdain was never more apparent than during Monday night's elimination ceremony.
With the stance of a pissed off streetwalker, Johanna endured the distribution of pearl necklaces and later accepted the hugs and condolences of the other girls with the warmth of a real life Ice Princess.
A Texas tip of the hat to Johanna, whose exclamations of "But we're Europeans!" will be a welcome departure.
I've hosted hundreds of Tribal Councils, mentioned Jeff Probst, the popular and well-loved Survivor emcee. In all of them, he said, he had never seen a Survivor snuff out his torch completely on his own. We saw Shawna of Survivor 6 ask to be voted out. Once her emotional spirits were high, she was ready to play for the duration. We saw Michael Skupin carted off the game due to a nasty fall-in-the-fire mishap. And, earlier this season, Osten asked to be voted out, but the other Morgans convinced him to stick it out. This time the Morgan tribe wouldn't argue with Osten. When Jeff interrogated them at Tribal Council, all of Osten's tribe mates said that they wouldn't quit. They still have their eyes on the prize. Jeff questioned Darrah with regards to her weight loss. She was not ready to go. Other responses were that they didn't quite understand Osten, or that they recognized that Osten's trials were primarily emotional. The Fata Morgana, that castle-in-the-sea mirage named after shape-shifter Morgan Le Fay, is like Osten's body. Sometimes it is strong and muscular like a castle. Sometimes it is weak-willed, a disappearing act.
Osten, you didn't trust the resolute quality of your own body. You were afraid of bugs, you were afraid of the cold, you were afraid of pneumonia, you were afraid of hunger, you were afraid of the water. You came, you saw, you crumbled. You checked out.
The FoRT would like to thank the following writers for contributing this week. They are, in alphabetical order: Bumpkin, John, Miss Filangi, and Shayla