Here we go again. After another week of television has passed, writers at the FoRT have come up with another list of the Good, The Bad, and of course, The Ugly. Take a minute, sit back and enjoy the read.
Famous Last Words
This week on the Bachelor we got to see Bob come to his senses and boot a bitch. If you missed the show you will be happy to know that Leeanne griped her way out of a rose and Bob's further attention. Didn't she know it was the kiss of death to utter a statement such as, "I know I am getting a rose and I do not care what the other girls think!"? Well, she should have cared at least what Bob thought and stopped fussing about the other girls. She took it a little too far when she asked Bob if his friends thought she was a bitch too. Her worst display was at the botanical gardens when she moaned on and on about how difficult it was to go through her own personal Bachelor hell. Leeanne created her own drama and every good story has to have a casualty to complete the drama. This week Leeanne is the one who bit it.
The Butler Did It
While their judgment in bringing back the Joe Millionaire series is in question, the folks at FOX did at least one thing right, by bringing back the show’s butler, Paul Hogan. With an affable air, Hogan brings the right tough of humor and sarcasm to the show’s campy theme. Many viewers will tune in just to get a shot of Mr. Hogan. They may have gotten the bachelor right too: David Smith, who couldn’t have been cuter if he tried. It was a nice break from the back stabbing, lying and cheating reality contestants we are used too. With the inability to call Paul anything other than “Sir” and the actual giddiness he showed when he learned he could pick his own horse, he had mothers everywhere begging for him to pay their daughters a visit. One may wonder what will happen to his likeability when the real lies begin. Until then David works his way into the Good section of this weeks list.
But A Few Of Them Are Queens
It looks Like TV's Animals Planet has finally gotten into the reality TV game show business. Although the channel often shows reality at it's finest, now they have King Of The Jungle hosted by the adorable Jeff Corwin. Competitors are trying to win a job as a nature TV show host. The contestants are judged by a panel of experts (Including the host of “Shark Week” and the Co-Host of “Wild Kingdom”), it will be the panel that decides who "turns in their compass" for each elimination. King Of The Jungle makes it onto the FoRT's "good List" not only because contestants actually learn valuable skills like how to properly pick up an alligator, but because every contestant there is worth something and viewers will want to see them all advance.
Good Guys Finish First
In a classic case of Good vs. Evil, Survivor's Rupert found himself on the brink of eviction. After providing food, strength and friendship towards his tribe mates, some of his allies began to plot against him. Trish was so hellbent on getting Rupert out she even asked Jon if he was willing to sacrifice eating? Sandra, sickened by the plot, clued in Christa and Rupert to Trish's plan. A heartbroken Rupert knew they had to get Shawn on their side. He pulled him aside and shared what he knew and asked for his help. In the meantime, Shawn was also being approached by Trish and Jon. At Tribal Council, it appeared that the vote might be a little too close for comfort as no one truly knew which side Shawn would fall on. Shawn voted for Rupert and avoided a tie. In a game where rats and snakes have long been successful, it was nice to see one snake kicked out because of their backstabbing ways.
Did CBS have To Pick Big Brother Contestants?
CBS this week traded on its Big Brother ratings to try to save sinking-ship "Yes, Dear". Slacker Jimmy is picked to be on Big Brother, with special guest appearances from BB contestants from seasons 1-4. Marcellas had the most screen-time, and ironically was the worst actor in the group. But at least they all had fun, extended their 15 minutes, and hopefully saved Yes, Dear from the axe for a couple more weeks. And in the end, who can deny that they wanted to see Julie Chen one more time? Oh, never mind...
It’s Time To Hit The Gym
So, what's with Osten? Just how did he get those muscles? I have to believe he didn't get them by lifting weights in a gym, as the muscle bound guy couldn't hold up all of 160 lbs this week on Survivor. The truly sad thing is that while Osten couldn't do it, Christa held out for quite some time with the same amount of weight. A little "good" in with this "bad": You had to love the way Jeff called Osten on that very fact in front of everyone at the Immunity Challenge.
If Your Name’s Not Matt, Put Down The Machete
Osten, Osten, Osten. Only Matt can pull off sharpening a machete and not looking like a scared little punk. This week on Survivor Osten once again showed everyone what a truly non-deserving player he is. While Ryan, or Rhino if you prefer, was busy making friends with a pelican, Osten made it clear to everyone that he would have no problem chopping the “Pelican Pete’s” head right off. Seems our tough guy has been twice bitten, and will kill the next thing that bites him. Here’s to hoping that Rupert decides to make a lunch out of Osten, as it would be great fun to see Mr. Muscle Man try to take on the Pirate.
Never mind those ugly Americans
As the object of affection was described to the cast of European contestants on The Next Joe Millionaire as an American cowboy, they responded with laughter and derision. “When she said it was a cowboy, she could have said it’s Santa Claus as well,” remarked one contestant. Others termed cowboys ‘freaky’ and ‘redneck.’ Their collective tunes changed quickly as host Samantha divulged the existence of David Smith’s 80 million dollar trust fund. “Ah, I will live at the ranch and eat the ranch dressing every day,” remarked Linda.
Later they would drink their fill, rise late in the morning and wear sunglasses to breakfast to hide their hangovers. Say what you want about ugly Americans – this bevy of European beauties may just take the cake. Oh, and as a PSA to Olinda who checks in saying she’s in her 20’s while easily passing for 50 we should add: SPF 45 is not a bad thing Olinda, use it.
Too Close for Comfort
Things got ugly this week on Bachelor when Estella took a lighthearted comment way too seriously. Everything was going great on her private date with Bob until he mentioned that she had to share him with the other ladies. The realization that all the others were experiencing the same type of intimate moment hit Estella smack in the face. She became overly emotional and even had to excuse herself as she ran off to the bathroom to regain her composure. Bob commented that Estella seemed perfect until that moment. It is a good thing for her that he is not looking for perfect and she got a rose as an invitation to stay for more fun.
The FoRT would like to thank the following writers for contributing this week. In alphabetical order, they are:Cali, Bumpkin, Feifer, John, and Miss Filangi