No, I Am Not Ewan McGregor
Featuring: Robbie Rist
Star Dates’ premise is to combine Blind Date, Elimidate, Disgusting Date, and any other dating show you can think of. The twist here is to set up dates between a B list actor and a normal (read: not famous, but probably trying to be) citizen.
This week, we catch up with Robbie Rist.
Yeah, that is what I said too, but he did play Cousin Oliver on the Brady Bunch in it’s last season. Remember the little blonde haired bespectacled boy now? That’s the one!
Today, Robbie owns a recording studio, plays in a band called The Andersons, and still works in entertainment. He has most notably provided voices for characters such as Michaelango in Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles and Mirada in the Final Fantasy movies. The robbierist.com website tells us that he has also worked in production of flash animation projects.
Now 39, Robbie turns to Reggie and the Star Dates team to find him a match. Whom shall he be dating?
The “Normal” Folks
Kelly is short and brunette, originally from Columbus, OH, but now out in LA seeking… well, we don’t know what she does. We do know that she likes dorks (which will come in handy here), weighs about 95lbs dripping wet, and knows how to use chop sticks.
Laura is tall and blonde. She is a professional roller derby participant and kick boxer. She likes things rough, or so we are told. She also has a weakness for musicians. Would that help Robbie?
Date #1 – Kelly
Reggie arrives at Kelly’s place and she opens the white envelope revealing her date. She does in fact recognize him, and says that she values who someone is, over their looks. Uh oh, that is usually a bad sign. I mean sure, it sounds good and all, but come on, we know that really isn’t true.
Robbie knocks on the door and Kelly answers. Her reaction is interesting; as I am not sure she could lean further away from him for a handshake without being a world class gymnast. You see, Robbie is not an athlete, and he chose to don sweatshirt and jeans for this date. It shouldn’t matter though to someone who values personality over looks right? Right?
In the car, Robbie is doing all the talking, and he is pretty funny. It appears he is more than comfortable with who he is, and what he does. He is trying to engage Kelly in conversation, but he isn’t sucking up. I am getting the impression that approach will not work on her.
In confessional, Kelly says that he would not be someone she would normally date appearance wise.
They go fencing. No, not building fences, but actually putting potentially sharp weapons in each other’s hands and go at it. Surely this would be more entertaining if this was a divorce show. All the low blows would be like a scene from The Longest Yard.
Reggie sees this is going bad fast. He calls for reinforcements, and we find a disguised Cindy Brady (Susan Olsen) fencing with Robbie and then revealing who she is. Hugs all around, and assurances from Cindy… er… Susan, that Robbie was not the reason that the show was cancelled. Darn, that shoots down the one thing I admired him for.
They go to dinner, and Kelly now describes her standard in guys as ridiculously picky. Hmmm… that can’t be good news for Robbie.
Robbie assures her that someday she will get what she “ultimately wants.” Where upon she quickly says, Ewan McGregor? He laughs out loud, and says, hey, he is Irish or Scottish isn’t he? That means he is drunk all the time. Better be careful there Robbie, you’ll bring Sean Connery down on your sorry butt, and that will be the end of Ninja Turtle voiceovers. Kelly is fine with that, she thinks that a drunk Ewan would make him “easy”.
They sit apart on the thankfully brief car ride home. The date ends quite quickly with a reluctant hug.
Afterward, Kelly says she is not interested in dating Robbie, and gets a few shots in regarding his wardrobe. So much for the whole appearances versus personality thing. Not to fear though, if only her mom didn’t already have a boyfriend, she would have gladly set him up. Wow… I am guessing there is a whole lot of therapy behind that statement.
This date was a crash and burn. Only one thing left to do, and Robbie asks Reggie to drop him where the women understand him… the topless bar.
Date#2 – Laura
Reggie hands Laura the envelope. She opens and looks. Her response? “Who is it?”
Reggie explains, building up Robbie in the process. Obviously the Star Dates producers are worried about keeping their near spotless record in tact.
They meet, and the first thing that strikes you is that Laura is about a foot taller than Robbie. Further, she has a lift kit on her truck, so it is probably a good thing they didn’t take her car, because nothing says “you aren’t getting lucky” like needing the use of a foot stool to get into your girlfriend’s truck.
Despite the differences, they seem to hit it off right away. The jokes flow early and often as they head to the Guitar Center to see some vintage guitars. Robbie sings her a song, and she loves it, and is into him.
I say again, what is it with musicians?
They go to dinner, and Robbie jokes about the corkage fee on the menu. They continue to communicate well. He likes her, saying that she is alive and aware.
Hmmm… alive and aware? What have your previous dates been Robbie?
Discussing careers, Laura says she might be looking to leave the roller derby circuit and get into law enforcement. That leads Robbie to tell an exceptionally gross story he learned from a friend of his, who is an EMT. Definitely was not dinner worthy. Yet Laura is unaffected, that damn song he sang earlier gives him a free pass.
They head for home, and in the car, they get into a pillow fight. Yup they do. These two like each other, but is it as friends?
The date ends with a hug. Laura tells Reggie that on a scale of 1 to 10, her date was an 11. She likes him, and can’t wait to see him again. Robbie is happy to have gotten a phone number.
Once again, a successful match.
Comedienne Judy Tenuta is next week’s Star Date. Until then, may your dinner not involve a disgusting story, or emergency room visit for that matter.
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