This week, there were plenty of nominations to our Top 10 list. Sadly, we could only pick 10, and 4 of them couldn’t be the fuel mishap on TAR3. That said, here’s our list for this week:
10. Ted – “Goldmember” Auditions Were Last Year!
That sneaky Mark Burnett knew what he was doing when he gave the Survivors body paints for an activity to be aired on Halloween. The Survivors really got into the spirit of the event and went all artsy-craftsy on their human canvases, none more so than Ted, who painted his entire head a shimmery gold tone, causing folks at the FORT to wonder where this could lead Ted in his entertainment industry future, either as a live Oscar for the next Academy Awards ceremony or, if this whole acting thing doesn't pan out so well, Ted can be a living Buddha standing outside a Chinese restaurant. Either way it was a frightening sight for any kids back from trick-or-treating early enough to catch Survivor this week.
9. Forrest Pump
Ian isn't exactly the poster child for the gender equality, so we should not have been surprised that he brushed aside Teri's suggestion that their vehicle might take diesel when they pulled in to refill the tank.
While marveling at how deftly and calmly this "friend of the environment" drained a tank full of gas onto the highway we can only imagine with horror his reaction had Teri been the one to have the dumb-ass moment.
8. Ve Haff Vays ov Making You Tock
"Come in Aaron, sit down, I want to ask you a couple of questions.
You don't mind the sound of that water dripping now do you?
I'll just shine this angle poise lamp directly into your eyes.
Now Aaron, stop squirming, this is just a friendly chat".
Verdict "You're kind of superficial aren't you?"
A huge round of applause to Angela's roommate for summing up an entire series in one line.
7. Yes, We Have No Bananas
Though he's no gorilla, the Chuay Gahn "mascot" Magilla certainly made his presence felt this week. In a shrewd, cunning move, Magilla swooped into camp and helped himself to the tribes' rice noodles and bananas. Luckily, Banana Guard Ken wasn't around, or we might have seen a scene right out of "Cops". It looks like Magilla's thieving ways will continue next week as well...HELLO, if y'all have "shelves" inside the cave for your clothes, maybe y'all should think about putting your food up there, too?
6. What’s a Guy Gotta do to Get a Little Attention Around Here?
He's good looking, he can fly a plane, play piano, he's single and looking for love. I hope Aaron has a nice, shiny Rolex, because Angela's family certainly wouldn't give him the time of day.
During what has to be the worst family visit, not just in this show, but ever, Angela's family surely sealed her fate by being completely under-whelmed by their possible future son-in-law.
When "I'm VP of one of my family's banks", was met by, "perhaps you can balance her checkbook then", Angela must have known that rose was not coming her way.
5. I Feel Like Such a Fuel
Who else thought the we'd seen the last of childish tears of frustration when Heather and Eve failed to correctly interpret the hidden meaning behind the ambiguous word "walk" last week? Me too. Sadly not. This week we got to witness the rather embarrassing spectacle of Aaron blubbing by the road side after filling his SUV with the wrong gas. "We rock, we hate the twins" and "We suck, I wanna go home" are just different sides of the same fuel tank.
4. Go Outside and Cut Me a Switch
Brooke's step-daddy, JD has an entire room in his house devoted to his favorite football team, so we know he's obsessive. Add to the mix a Marine brother, with a life full of torment over being called "Randy" to avenge and you will find that breaking Brooke's heart just bought you a whole lotta trouble.
Of course the family did let a full minute of total silence go by before cracking up laughing to let Aaron know JD was only joking.
Aaron laughed along with them, but the "deer in the headlights” look in his eyes betrayed his true feelings.
We should probably add "part time blacksmith" to Aaron's list of credits because I feel certain he was about to make a bolt for the door.
3. What Do You Do With a Drunken Tribemate...
Everybody sing now... After the two tribes on survivor started sharing one beach, they threw themselves a party. With plenty of Thunderbird and Cheezwhiz to go around. Brian showed everyone what he learned at his first guitar lesson (one week prior to coming on Survivor) and Jan welcomed fall, by taking a trip. Ralph.... er... I mean Brian, thought it was a good idea to fertilize the beach and shared his wine and Cheez with all the remaining bat embryos. Jan was so tipsy, she didn’t seem to care, or perhaps notice that she killed two bats while taking her stumbling fall around the campfire. This is why Tribemates don’t let Tribemates walk drunk.
2. Waaaaaa! But Ricky...I can't do it! Waaaaa!
Zach and Flo decided to rappel down the cliff at Cabo de Roca. Cover your ears boys and girls. You know what's coming! Once again we are exposed to the nasal whining of Flo. After rappelling just a couple of steps down the cliff, Flo starts wailing like a banshee. Oh my ears! Even the dogs all the way to England ran for cover after hearing that horrendous high-pitched cry. Nothing could calm down Floshee! Not even, Michael, Mr. Laid Back himself, could quiet her down. Zach decides to forget the rappelling and hike it instead. Not that he had a choice, but at least he didn't bitch-slap her like we all wanted to. Zach is such an unbelievable patient guy to put up with all that, but better him than me. Bless his soul!
And our number one moment of the week…
A merge is just a merge... (or is it?)
In the ultimate Homer Simpson "D'oh" moment of the week, Mark Burnett shocked the Survivors and the viewing audience alike in the biggest twist this game has seen since tribe-swapping was introduced in Africa.
Early in the evening Jeff Probst called the teams together for a meet and greet, and then informed them that "The two tribes will now live together on one beach, and the four ambassadors will decide which beach that will be." With the exception of Penny, whose sour look could have further curdled cottage cheese, the happy Survivors feasted heartily on an assortment of food and wine waiting for them at their "new" home, Chuay Gahn beach. Shii Ann fit right in with the CG'ers, and did nothing to hide her glee at the possibility of ditching nemesis Penny at the next TC.
The next day at the Immunity Challenge, Jiffy dropped the bomb -- "Merge? Who said anything about a merge?" A quick recheck with the Tivo verified Jeff was right, and indeed nothing was ever said about a merge of the two tribes. The "what have I done" look on Shii Ann's face said it all, and no one was surprised that she was the one to get the book after SJ lost the challenge.
Moral of the story - don't f--- with the Jiffster. When he says, "make no assumptions" you should listen to him.
”Top 10 Moments in Reality TV” is a compilation effort of our staff. Comments or suggestions can be e-mailed to John at firstname.lastname@example.org