Here we go again.
The Top Ten may be a little late this week, but I’m sure you’ll agree the wait was worth it. Have a fun read!
10. Is it good or bad things that come in three’s?
In Russian it’s called the Gorynynch, a three-headed serpent. In Persian the term is Dahak, a 3 headed, 3 jawed, 6 eyed dragon. In Big Brother land it’s HOH.
This week we watched as Jack fell early, and other original alliance members followed, leaving the HOH win to Justin. No one really understood that when Justin won, so did Jee and Robert.
The self-described dream team, not-so-lovingly referred to as The Three Stooges by the others, were walking around proud as Peacocks (oops, wrong network… perhaps just proud as regular cocks?). Many see this as their undoing, but some see it as three guys having fun. No matter how you view the threesome, it’s something we’ve never seen in a previous Big Brother; therefore it earns itself a slot in this week’s top ten moments.
9. People are stupid….
…..and someone always has a video camera. Guess which network decided to air a program called Stupid Behavior Caught On Tape? If you guessed PBS someone will be catching you on tape next week.
It was, of course, FOX.
A person with a video camera is Reality TV in its most raw form.
Some of the clips were quite funny:
A man sprays manure all over “City Hall” to protest the fact that he was denied a building permit… problem? It wasn’t City Hall.
A man locks himself in his car and the police need to break a window for him to get out.
A matador wanna-be lets the same bull run into him three times before deciding to leave it for the day.
Then there was the bank robber. Yes, he was stupid for the simple fact that he wants to rob a bank, but FOX took it a little too far… even for FOX.
He is shown entering the building. He gives the note to the teller. The teller pushes a button bringing some type of gate down between her and the would-be robber. This causes him to attempt to flee. Only he can’t get out of the door. It is funny watching, but narrator Stacy Keach tells us he can’t get out because he’s pushing when the door says, “pull”. This makes the robber look even more foolish.
The fact? When the teller pushed the button the doors were locked. When the robber entered you could clearly see the door closing behind him, meaning he should have pushed to get out. You could also see the robber pushing and pulling trying to escape.
Shame on you FOX.
8. Isn't That Special?
From the first moment we saw Dave Mordal and Rich Vos sharing a tub on Last Comic Standing, we knew they had developed a close friendship. Still, we didn't know just how close until the show's season finale. As the final five comics sat on stage, the cameras panned the audience to show us the comics' loved ones who had come to lend their support, complete with a caption to identify each of them. Tess Drake's sister-in-law. Ralphie May's girlfriend. Dat Phan's mom. When the camera settled on the familiar face of Dave Mordal in the crowd, the caption read "Rich Vos' Special Friend."
7. No Time for Gideon
Gideon, the hapless waiter who was the first in line for a job at The Restaurant and was served a steak dinner on the sidewalk by Rocco himself, has fallen on hard times lately, literally. On opening night, he was carrying a huge tray of dishes, when he slipped and crashed to the ground, injuring his arm badly.
After spending hours at the Emergency Room, he reported to work the next day, and was anxious to make himself useful. He was shunted from one person to the next and was finally asked by Rocco to answer phones in the downstairs office. At the very last minute, Rocco changed his mind and said that Gideon wasn't needed and sent him home.
Next, we see Gideon sitting in his lonely apartment which has a wall full of big clocks behind his sofa. Just as I'm beginning to wonder if this is a hobby, an aberration, or a weird decorating touch, the phone rings and Gideon is being summoned back to Rocco's restaurant. He painfully gets into a suit and returns to work only to be told for the second time that he is just getting in everyone's way and not needed after all.
This is gratitude shown to the man who was so enthusiastic about working at The Restaurant that he sat on the sidewalk for 26 hours before the doors opened. Makes me wonder if any of those clocks were showing the right time.
6. Send in the clowns
Bad advice from a travel agent, foggy conditions and flight delays are stressful enough for the average traveler, but even more so for teams on The Amazing Race. When these things combined to put clowns Jon and Al at a disadvantage, the pair used humor and shtick to keep the tension at bay. Their impromptu performances to entertain fellow travelers, the telling of bad chicken jokes and the sight of Jon stalking through an airport terminal grumbling about their plight - all the while wearing a big red clown nose – served to put the race in it’s proper perspective: maintain a positive attitude, never give up, have fun - and above all, keep your sense of humor.
5. I know I make people feel tense and uncomfortable, but people want me to STAY!
The Survivors may have had to provide for themselves, but none of them ever had to live with Big Brother's Dana. After a couple weeks in the house, Dana grew increasingly paranoid. And irritating. And delusional. And hypocritical. After her attempt to get arch enemy Alison out of the house failed, the tables quickly turned when Alison became head of household. When Alison inevitably nominated Dana, Dana was outraged. She made the house a living hell for every single person, including house boyfriend and bedmate Justin. A fighter to the very end, she even tried to campaign against best buddy Jun after Robert failed to come through for her with the veto. Despite the fact that her fellow houseguests were going to great lengths to avoid her and the tension she creates, Dana believed that people really liked her and wanted her to stay. Dana's delusions hit a peak though, when she insisted to Julie upon her exit, that being voted out unanimously was her idea... and the way she wanted to go out.
4. Later, Dude.
As soon as Holly chose Scott as her room mate on Paradise Hotel this week, it was obvious Toni was leaving.
Clad in a red jumpsuit, looking like a "sexy" mechanic in a porno movie ("Oh, I think your big end's gone, Sir") Toni made her exit, claiming she was keeping a promise she made to Zack to look out for Amy.
An extended montage of Toni hi-lights was shown before we got to see the emotionless faces of her "friends" bid her farewell.
They might not have been sad to see her go, but fans of this crazy, unpredictable stack of emotion surely were.
On the bright side, hopefully it won't be too long before we see her on the cast list for a fourth reality tv appearance.
3. How'd Dat Happen?
The best moment from Last Comic Standing this week actually took place on Comedy Central's Tough Crowd. Collin Quinn's guests were LCS comics Rob Cantrell, Cory Kahaney, Rich Vos, and Dave Mordal. If you've followed LCS, you've seen enough of winner Dat Phan to know he replied on a somewhat limited set of material. When Quinn asked the comics about Phan, Rob quipped "I just got back from LA and I saw Dat Phan on the Sunset Strip with a sign saying, "Will work for material." Mordal casually replied "I wonder who wrote that sign for him?"
2. The Rise and Fall of Aunt Donna
The Family's reigning matriarch, Aunt Donna, has instilled fear in everyone's heart. Well, almost everyone. Then there is Cousin Mike. He is not afraid. There are several reasons for this but the most pertinent one is that he is "not a blood relative" according to Aunt Donna.
The family is thrilled at the prospect of an outing when the Hummer limo arrives in the sweeping driveway of the mansion. They all pile in full of anticipation. Host HAMilton rolls down the partition and says they are going nowhere until they decide who should be put up in front of the Board of Trustees for the big D which stands for Denial. Once the Board votes you out, you will not be eligible for the million dollars. This is a weighty issue.
As Uncle Michael and Aunt Donna are glowering at their blood relatives, Mike comes up with a great suggestion. Why don't either Aunt D or Uncle M put themselves up alongside one of the other peon relatives and it's sure to work in everybody's favor.
Imagine Aunt Donna's face when it turned out that she was the one who was voted ineligible by the Board who said victoriously, "We've got the Queen Bee!"
1. Going, going, gone!
The heart of bachelorette Erin came up for bid this week on For Love or Money 2, as the remaining five contestants were given the chance to take a cash prize to opt out of competition in a bizarre blindfolded silent auction. As soon as the 'starting bid' was announced, one of the suitors dropped their ring without waiting for a higher bid.
Million Dollar Checks Box: $100.00 (actual auction price on eBay)
15 Matching Silver Rings: $1,750
Bribe to ditch Erin: $10,000
The broad smile on Vic's face as he dropped his ring: The Number 1 Moment on the FORT Top Ten List
The FORT would like to thank all the writers who contributed this week. They are, in alphabetical order: Bumpkin, Cali, CaliGirl, Fluff, Miss Filangi and Wayner