The top 10 moments in reality TV is a compilation of all the shows currently on the air. Moments are written by our moderators, and then arbitrarily ranked by me and posted here.
10. The Ugly American Rears Its Head
When Teri and Ian go out for a meal, I wonder if Ian bellows his order from the doorway. After seeing and hearing him demand a cab driver come to his aid when he'd barely set foot from the plane in Portugal, it wouldn't surprise me. Proving that anyone can be an ugly American with a little practice, Ian once again shows why his picture is next to the phrase in the dictionary. Can I get a “Hoowah”?
9. N'yuk- n'yuk-n'yuk!
Oh look! The three stooges are on Survivor. My bad. It's only Brian, Clay, and Ted searching for their missing boat. You have one stooge, Clay, using a water container as a floatie, and thinking about taking a nap once he got to the island. "Forget the boat. I'm soitnly taking a nap!" Then you have another stooge, Ted, who is swimming on his back. All the while, he is daydreaming, and he starts drifting away from his amigos. "I can't see. I can't see. I've got my eyes closed." And last but not least, you have the third stooge, Brian, trying to lead the other two to safety. "Quiet, you numbskulls! I'm trying to think for the both of you". Needless to say, Larry, Moe, and Curly came up empty-handed. Woo-woo-woo!
8. Jumpin’ Jumpin’
No story line. No plot. No funny bloopers or outtakes. Just surrealism at its finest as the viewers of the Bachelors are given a full minute of Gwen and Heather bouncing along on the trampoline in silence. It was a very hypnotic moment. Viewers nationwide were glued to their sets hopeful of a "double jump" or a foot through the springs, but nothing ever happened. It was just Gwen and Heather... jumping.
7. The search is over...for Team USA's next goalkeeper
Teams gathered at a local stadium for the final pre-pit-stop challenge of this week's episode of The Amazing Race 3. In order to receive the next clue, one member of each team had to deflect a shot from one of the local football pros. The gasping, lunging Americans were totally outclassed by the giggling toddlers and pre-teens opposing them. When the kids finally grew weary of toying with the funny American, they'd serve up a super-slow-mo bunny that your average six-month-old could repel. The only team member who seemed to deflect anything even remotely close to the kids' best effort was John Vito, who half-stumbled into the path of a shot and rejected it with his face. As he and Jill left the stadium, John Vito was more excited than at any other point in the race so far. Rubbing the little hexagons and pentagons imprinted on his cheek, he marveled aloud, "Did you see how I stopped it? With my face!" Little realizing that her boyfriend had just secured the title for the episode with that comment, she offered a half-hearted, "Mm-hm, yeah, that's nice, Sweetie" sort of reply. She's already mastered "That's nice, Dear." I hear wedding bells in their future!
6. World Renowned Philosopher
Oh Gwen, you seem so sweet in your Cinderella dress and conehead crown with Prince Charming on your arm. And Aaron, you seem so dumbstruck in the wonder that is Gwen. However, when Aaron asks Gwen what drives her, her answer is only one step up from the Alcoholic’s Anonymous motto, and the personal mission statement of every heartbroken woman. Gwen claims, “Work like you don’t need the money, love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like no one is watching.” Now, I don’t know about you, but I’ve received this in an email about a million times, and I was SHOCKED to learn that (1) Gwen wrote it and (2) Aaron had never heard it. I can’t wait till Aaron breaks down in tears when Gwen throws out her “If you love someone, then set them free…” line. That should get her an engagement ring for sure!
5. I Loved That Dude Like a Bro!
Come on, admit it. You got a little weepy when Robb got drunk around the campfire with his buddies, and started talking about his papa. It’s alright, bro, nothing to be ashamed about! But did he ever imagine that the same tribe that cried with him would also vote against him in the upcoming council vote? Dude, I was totally surprised!
4. Which One's First? (with apologies to Abbott & Costello)
"Which one's first?" GEERRRRKKKK!!
"I'm trying to find first." NEEEEERRRR!!!
"Find what first?"
"The first thingie on the stick." VROOOM!!! BRRRAOOO!!!
"Yeah, that. Which one is it?" KRUG-A-KRUG-A-PHHHLLAPPP-HOO.
"Oh, you stalled it."
"Should I be going forward or backward? I can't do this! Can you carry my pack?" CHUV-CHUV-CHUV-CHUV-VAROOM!
"Yes, I'll carry your pack. Just put it in first gear and go forward." GRAAAACCKKK!! "You'll need to put in the clutch."
"Which ones the clutch?" SHHRRRAAAAPPPPP!!!
"The one of the left. There you go. We're inching forward again. Now put in the clutch and find second." GREEP-ERCH! "That's the brake."
"I can't do this! Oh, look. There's Andre and Damon. Let's box them in so they'll carry our stuff." PPPRFFFFTT!
"Brilliant! We're stalled again, anyway."
"OK, nice and easy. Let's get out of here."
"Reverse or forward? I can't do this! My back hurts! Which one's first? What does 'walk' mean? Let's go beg some more! Please, no more skydiving!"
"Eve! Look out for the p-" SKREE-SKREE-SKREE-KAAAA-BLOWWW!! "Pole."
"Do you think Harvard's going to call and ask for their law degrees back?"
3. We are Gathered Here today...
To say goodbye to our beloved embryonic bat. Ah how we loved him. Jan went right over the edge this week in her tearful memorial to her friend the bat. It is one thing to be upset about the loss of life, it is another thing altogether to have a memorial service for an animal you A) never knew and B) is a wild creature that died in its natural habitat. The fact that no one attended her service will hopefully clue her in.
2. Heather Crowned Queen of the Crazies
Upon Christi’s dismissal from The Bachelor last week, a space has opened up for the second runner up: Texas Heather!! Heather repeatedly throws herself at an obviously uninterested Aaron while in confessionals she claims, “I can’t describe how this feels. He is everything to me right now. I can see my life with Aaron with me as his wife and a Mother to our children, and Aaron coaching our boys’ soccer team.” All the while Aaron is telling the camera that he isn’t feeling a damn thing and through his obvious facial expressions, everyone watching the show knows this to be true. However, since delusional Heather is unable to pick up on ANY of Aaron’s nonverbal cues, she asks him, “Aaron, are you trying to score?” Aaron’s response, “Definitely not.”
And our number 1 moment of the week…
1. They told me to WALK this way, walk this way...just gimme a kiss (Na-Na-Na-Na, Hey-Hey-Hey, Goodbye!)
Fans watched eagerly this week to see what would happen to team legal beagle when they cheated in the final leg of the race this week on The Amazing Race 3. Instead of walking to the pit stop as the instructions clearly stated, Heather and Eve, giving in to their wimpiness exuded throughout the show, decided instead to take a taxi. The editors had us holding our breath as we watched Phil greet Aaron and Arianne as the last place team, but not speak the familiar words "you have been eliminated." The scenario of one of these two teams being eliminated was a win-win for viewers. In the end, no amount of legal maneuvering could undo the punishment imposed (a 37 minute time penalty) and Heather and Eve were on their way back to the U.S. (hopefully their panhandling days behind them).