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Thread: Banzai – “Get That Grip Big Boy & Shake It, Shake It, Shake It!” – 7/20

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    Smiling again... Zhora's Avatar
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    Banzai – “Get That Grip Big Boy & Shake It, Shake It, Shake It!” – 7/20

    It’s time for another edition of Banzai, the American parody of a British parody of a Japanese game show. For those of you that have yet to witness the spectacle that is Banzai, I’ll give you the general gist before diving head-first into the technicolor splendor. If you’re looking for political correctness, perhaps you should check out an episode of South Park, you might have better luck. Speaking in broken English, the announcers talk us through a maze of challenges, all of which are open for entertainment betting by online viewers at the Banzai website. Each betting segment is sandwiched between wild and crazy flashing colors and two men, (who I’m still calling Old George and Young George, for no particular reason), doing karate moves and yelling Banzai.

    Well, I’ve finished all my laundry and covered my couch with a rubber sheet, so I guess I’m ready for another fun-filled episode. Get ready to place your bets because with no further ado…

    BANZAI!

    Men of Fire – War of Water
    Woohoo! Firemen! I just love men in uniform. Ken and Peter are dressed in full fire-fighting regalia and are standing next to an old fire truck. They each have a big hose, and they supposedly know how to use it, (wink, wink). It’s a hose off. When the Banzai lady says go, Ken and Peter will let loose with their hoses and the last man standing wins. “Who is going to be? Ken or Pete, Ken or Pete, Ken or Pete?!?!?! Place your bets now!!”

    Hmmmm…I’m not too sure I’d want Ken putting out any fires at my house. Perhaps he needs a visit to his opthamologist. Although he put up a mighty fight under the intense pressure of the water from Peter’s hose, his water came nowhere close to hitting the mark. I guess the old adage is true, it’s not the size of your hose, it’s what you do with it that counts. Did you guess that Peter would win?

    “BANZAI!” – Young George

    Mr. Shake Hands Man
    It’s the return of Mr. Shake Hands Man. Last week he managed to corner Frasier’s Kelsey Grammer in a handshake that lasted 40.7 seconds. Not too shabby…but do you think he can beat it this week as he takes on comedy legend, Bill Murray? Mr. Shake Hands Man grabs his microphone and cameraman and heads down to some sort of predetermined celebrity event. He lines up next to a plethora of other reporters and waits for his ambush opportunity. How long do you think Mr. Shake Hands Man can interview Mr. Murray while clutching him in a handshake? A) 0-30 seconds, B) 31-60 seconds, C) 61-90 seconds, or D) 91-120 seconds? Place your bets!

    Bill Murray seems to really be enjoying himself. He’s just shaking up a storm with Mr. Shake Hands Man. Talking, talking, shaking, shaking. Nice work Mr. Shake Hands Man! Uh oh. What’s this? Some nasty little snoot from CNN has interrupted the Shake Hands Master…but to no avail! Mr. Murray may be answering CNN questions, but he’s still firmly in the grasp of Mr. Shake Hands Man doing his shake-hands-thing. “Mr. Shake Hands Man not bothering asking any questions now, he know what he here for and that to shake his hand. Get shaking Mr. Shake Hands Man, get that grip big boy and shake it, shake it, shake it!”

    Boy, I tell ya, that Bill Murray is as smooth as 60 year old unblended Scotch whiskey. At 89.2 seconds he gracefully and naturally pulls away without a moment of discomfort or a look of displeasure. It was a joy to witness, and I had a difficult time picking my laughing ass up off the floor. Did you bet on C?

    “BANZAI!” – Young George

    The Michael Jacksons’ Reverse Race Rendezvous
    Yikes. Banzai has assembled 3 of the scariest Michael Jackson impersonators I’ve ever seen for a moon-walking race. Oh, but this won’t be any ordinary moon-walk race, no sir. The Michaels will be moon-walking from one end of an ice-skating rink to the other. They are calling these guys: A) Military Michael, B) Thriller Michael, and C) Bad Skin Michael. Who’s the fastest Michael? Place your bets!

    Bad Skin Michael was so fast, you’d think his plastic surgeon was offering discounts for the fastest time. “Congratulations Bad Skin Michael. Your mother must be so proud of you…or maybe not.”

    “BANZAI!” – Old George

    The Man Dog Stick Question
    So, for those of you that thought Todd Bridges was still in prison…guess again! Good ol’ Willis will be jumping into a swimming pool with Mojo the Dog. Apparently, “they both like to chase sticks that are thrown by young women”. Hmmm…who would have guessed?!?! It’s a race for the stick, and I’ve got to say…I like Mojo’s chances.

    Willis is actually a decent swimmer, but the young lady threw the stick directly in Mojo’s path, leaving Todd high and dry. Well, perhaps not dry, but high and wet just didn’t read well.

    “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!” – Young George

    Lady One Question
    I’m glad to see Lady One Question again. Last week she cornered AI’s Simon Cowell for her one question and managed to hang on for 77 seconds while I laughed my patootie off. Can she top that this week with Antonio Banderas? She meets up with Mr. Banderas, (with his wife Melanie and child in tow), along the red carpet at the Spy Kids 2 opening. Lady One Question will ask him one question, stick her microphone in his face, give him a solemn look, and see how long it takes him to walk away in confusion. How long do you think it will take? A) 0-30 seconds, B) 34-45 seconds, C) 46-60 seconds, or D) 61 seconds and over? Place your bets!

    The one question is…“What’s the difference between the first film and this film?”

    Antonio answers, blah blah blah. Oh sorry, I hope you weren’t looking forward to reading his answer. I kept being distracted by Melanie’s needy hand on his arm. Once Antonio feels that he has answered the question, he pauses for about 3 seconds, looks at Lady One Question, looks at the microphone she still has in his face and says, “I finished, I finished already. OK, bye.”. Then he reaches out and pats Lady One Question on the back and leaves at 58 seconds. I nearly died laughing. I guess Antonio has a lot of experience with needy crazy ladies, because he wasn’t phased at all. Did you guess C?

    “BANZAI!” – Young George

    Gone in 60 Seconds
    Meet Summer, a lovely blonde whose “parents like to make love, not war, in the 60’s. Summer not like her mom and dad though, ‘cause all she really want in life is lots of lovely money”. Laid out on the table in front of Summer are 50 crisp new $1 bills. Summer will get to keep as many dollar bills as she can shove into her “big” mouth in 60 seconds. Place your bets…will it be A) 0-20 dollars, B) 21-35 dollars, or C) 36-50 dollars?

    “Munch, munch, munch you greedy lady!!”

    Well, perhaps she would have been better off going into this with some sort of strategy. As she shoves the 21st crumpled-up dollar into her mouth it’s painfully obvious that she won’t be taking home any more than $21. I guess she’ll have to move back in with her parents in the commune, and if you bet on B, you’re a bigger winner than she is.

    “BANZAI!” – Young George

    A Very Tricky Dicky Diana Doll Question
    “From beyond the grave Lady Princess Diana is able to answer simple questions of truth.” Ummmm, yeah. OK then. I hope they come up with a really good question for her, because I’m sure she’s oh-so-anxious for a Banzai-style after-life interruption.

    It seems they have a lovely little Diana doll. They are going to take her up in a hot air balloon, ask her a question, and huck her over the side. During her decent her “psychic parachute of truth” will open and she will land in either the Yes-Zone or the No-Zone. Ready for the question Lady Di? “Has Harry Potter done it proper with a lady?” What?!?! Um, yeah, place your bets or something.

    All the way down it’s looking like poor Harry has never gotten any. Di is headed straight for the No-Ladies-For-Harry-Zone. But wait…are the winds changing? “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, YES!” She landed in the Yes-Zone afterall. “Hold the front page! Mister Harry Potter Man has had his wicked wizard way with a lady!” Go Harry!

    “BANZAI!” – Young George

    The Vertically Challenged Vertical Challenge
    “Basketball Man Jason Seaman…he like a man mountain.” Or at least a really large ant hill. Jason is wearing a wacky looking hat with blocks of green foam mounted on top. Banzai has brought “2 mini-mountaineers” on the show to climb Mount Jason. I’m not sure what the politically correct term is for such short people, so I guess I’ll just stick with “mini-mountaineers”, or call them by their names: Mark and Darren. “Who will be the first to plant their flag in the summit of Mr. Seaman Man? Pick, pick, pick, quick, quick, quick!!!”

    Perhaps Darren got fogged in by some bad weather in Jason’s nether-regions, because he is nowhere to be seen as Mark proudly plants his flag atop Jason’s summit. Congratulations go out to Mark, tonight’s final Banzai winner.

    “BANZAI!” – Young George

    Once again, all is right with the world. From scary Michaels to greedy munchers to psychic parachutes of truth…you really couldn’t ask for much more. If you’re missing some kind of satisfaction in your life, check out Banzai, Sunday nights at 8:30 on Fox.

    BANZAI!!!

    Questions or comments for the recapper? Email Zhora@fansofrealitytv.com.

  2. #2
    Sexy evil genius Paulie's Avatar
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    Great recap, Z! I actually watched the show yesterday, solely on the basis of your terrific recap the week before. What a crazy, silly show! Your recap is funnier, I think, than the real thing.

    I feel that I must point out, however, that on the replay, it was quite clear that the Diana Doll touched down in the "NO" zone before tumbling into the "YES" region. My wife and I watched it frame-by-frame just to be sure. I feel cheated. It should've been a "NO"!
    When you're ten years old and a car drives by and splashes a puddle of water all over you, it's hard to decide if you should go to school like that or try to go home and change and probably be late. So while he was trying to decide, I drove by and splashed him again. - Jack Handey

    Read Paulie's Precaps for Survivor:Vanuatu: 1-2-3-4-5

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    Starbucks is your friend Bill's Avatar
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    Love the recap Z!

    Well, I’ve finished all my laundry and covered my couch with a rubber sheet, so I guess I’m ready for another fun-filled episode.
    Wow... I have got to believe things are fun up at your house!
    "George Oscar Bluth II, aka GOB, featured magician in the best selling videotape, "Girls With Low Self Esteem" invites you to enter his world.
    -- Arrested Development, Season III

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    JR.
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    Great job Z! This is my new favorite show. These announcers need to be on all of the shows.

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    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    I enjoy the fact that they give you about 2.7 seconds to vote for each segment.

    Bill Murray was hilarious...answering questions from a different reporter, while still shaking Mr. Shake Hands Man's hand.

  6. #6
    Smiling again... Zhora's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paulie
    I feel that I must point out, however, that on the replay, it was quite clear that the Diana Doll touched down in the "NO" zone before tumbling into the "YES" region.
    Geeze...give the guy some LASIK and suddenly he's X-Ray Vision Man! Of course this means I'll have to go back and watch it again...Damn you!
    Quote Originally Posted by Bill_in_PDX
    Wow... I have got to believe things are fun up at your house!


    Um, gee, sure Bill.

    About those rubber sheets though...I received several PM's after the last recap that ribbed me about peeing on myself, so I wanted to put minds to rest that my furniture would remain unsoiled.
    Quote Originally Posted by JR.
    These announcers need to be on all of the shows.
    God that would be perfect, wouldn't it?!?! It sure would make the reality TV elimination speeches a lot more fun. "You are da loser, you go home now, go, go, go, hurry, hurry, we no want to see you no more!!"
    Quote Originally Posted by John
    Bill Murray was hilarious...answering questions from a different reporter, while still shaking Mr. Shake Hands Man's hand.
    That was my favorite part too. Can you imagine how much fun it would have been to see Bill Murray with Lady One Question too? I had myself in stitches just thinking about it!

  7. #7
    LG.
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    Fantastic recap, Zhora

    This was my favorite part of the recap, and I totally missed Needy Melanie in the shot, so transfixed by Lady One Question:
    The one question is…“What’s the difference between the first film and this film?”

    Antonio answers, blah blah blah. Oh sorry, I hope you weren’t looking forward to reading his answer. I kept being distracted by Melanie’s needy hand on his arm. Once Antonio feels that he has answered the question, he pauses for about 3 seconds, looks at Lady One Question, looks at the microphone she still has in his face and says, “I finished, I finished already. OK, bye.”. Then he reaches out and pats Lady One Question on the back and leaves at 58 seconds. I nearly died laughing. I guess Antonio has a lot of experience with needy crazy ladies, because he wasn’t phased at all.
    Help fight cystic fibrosis or just learn more about it at the cystic fibrosis foundation website, www.cff.org and help give my little guy a better future.

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    Play ball!! melpepinla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by John
    I enjoy the fact that they give you about 2.7 seconds to vote for each segment.
    I laugh at that every time...BET NOW...BETTING OVER!

    Fun recap Zhora! I can't see myself ever getting tired of this show...
    I think Johnny Damon has the SWEETEST mullet in major league baseball!

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    Brilliant recap

    Very entertaining show and a very entertaining recap of it.

    Can I ask who the face in the zhora picture is?

  10. #10
    LG.
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    I believe that Zhora's avatar pic is Julia Ormond, but I could be wrong.

    Welcome, Banzaifan
    Help fight cystic fibrosis or just learn more about it at the cystic fibrosis foundation website, www.cff.org and help give my little guy a better future.

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