The June 30th airing of Anything For Love was so uninspired that it confused our regular re-capper, Firegirl, into thinking that it was a repeat, when in actuality it was only half a repeat. Who knew? A certain fellow re-capper who has an unhealthy fixation with Mark L. Wahlberg spotted Wally in a new shirt, as otherwise this scheduling quirk may have gone completely unnoticed by the FORT staff. For some unknown reason, Fox has always aired two back-to-back episodes of this show every Monday. This week the first episode was “new” while the second was a repeat, which is just like Fox has aired Cops for decades now. Maybe they’re hoping you won’t notice that the second is a repeat until after it’s too late to switch to anything else. Of course that’s a risky programming move when NBC is “bleeding” For Love Or Money into the first 8 minutes of Meet My Folks every Monday, but that scheduling technique is an issue for another forum (or two).Since I missed the new stuff stuck in the old stuff, Lurking Girl was gracious enough to do the re-cap this week. I am just adding my two-cents of sarcasm! In the "firegirl red" writing natch!
This week’s “all new” 30 minutes of Anything For Love featured recycled gimmicks from prior episodes. We have the “Love Detector” test resulting in a possible marriage proposal, which is not only recycled from episode one, but also largely derivative from Meet My Folks. Then there is “Love in an Elevator” where a girlfriend tests her boyfriend’s fidelity by watching him on camera while alone with a hot temptress in an elevator. Finally, the ever cringe-worthy “Secret Crushes Revealed” in which some poor schmuck spills out his guts to a shocked and confused friend who is pulled out of the audience. So, without further ado, here is the short recap of the “new” portion of last night’s show. For a recap of the second half an hour aired last night, please check the “Episode One” recap link.
Would You Lie To Me?
First up, Kevin and Cameron, two crazy kids who met each other and immediately jumped into hot sex, at a rate of seven times a night, only to later find out that Kevin had a girlfriend. Just wondering what drug Kevin was on and what was left over for the girlfriend? Cameron later let it slip “accidentally” over dinner that she was married. Again, what drug is SHE on and what is her husband missing? A slight slip of the tongue, I see. What a solid foundation for a serious relationship. I wonder why these two would have some trust issues regarding fidelity when contemplating marriage. According to Cameron, Kevin is a country bumpkin, fresh off the farm from the Midwest. He’s got the slack jaw “aw shucks” expression down, so I’d say this is accurate. Kevin has Keifer Sutherland hair, so that’s a plus, but not Kiefer’s super-sexy deep voice, but seems like a nice enough sort. As far as cheating red-necks go anyway. Cameron reminds me of someone, but I can’t place it. She’s blonde, perky, and very pretty in a plastic sort of way. Barbie perhaps? Or the action figure of Elle from Legally Blonde? She admits that sexual chemistry was the foundation of her relationship with Kevin, but says that they now tell each other, and I quote “Everything!” Well, the Love Detector will tell, as they both want to make sure that they way they started their relationship won’t occur during their relationship. As a non-novice in life, I can almost guarantee that it will happen eventually, but these kids are young and in love, so let ‘er rip. Awwww yes the innocence of young love... " why do birds suddenly appear..." Hey kids if they will do it with you they will do it to you.
We meet Joe the lie detector operator, who went to the Nick the lie detector operator from Meet My Folks school of acting. Joe says very little and is a big beefy guy that isn’t buying any of their bullshit answers.
1. Did you cheat on more than one ex-girlfriend? Yes – true
2. Have you spoken to your ex-girlfriend in the last month? Yes – true.
They only showed two of Kevin’s answers, and while they didn’t reveal super duper information about Kevin, he was honest and explained the answers to Cameron in a way that I at least bought somewhat. Maybe it’s that Midwest charm showing through, but I want to believe Kevin. And, I want to mess up his hair. Now you see how Bill Clinton got a lot of America wanting to believe him! It's that good ole boy routine at it's best!
1. Are you going to answer all of these questions truthfully? Yes – true.
Please note that this is the only question that Cameron answers truthfully, so I have to wonder how on earth it was accurate. Maybe she decided to lie on all of her other answers after answering this one truthfully.
2. Are you concerned Kevin is cheating on you? No – Lie
This answer baffles me, as obviously she is concerned, which is why they are ON THE SHOW, but she’s too much of a liar to even be honest about this question.
3. Are you still partying like you did while you were in Vegas? No – Lie.
Uh oh, once a party girl, always a concern for Kevin.
4. Since you met Kevin, have you had sex with anyone else? No – Lie.
Kevin asks that she explain this, and she said, it was the truth. Well ok it wasn’t, I slept with my ex one time, but otherwise is was truth. Another one of those slip of the tounge moments or other body parts. You have to believe me sweetheart. I have no reason to believe her, as she’s clearly the female re-incarnation of Jon Lovitt’s Pathological Liar, yes, just ask my wife, Morgan Fairchild, That’s the Ticket!
Cameron lied on all of the substantive questions. Kevin says “I can’t believe you! What have you been doing?” Cameron says “I was nervous. I was telling the truth. Well, ok, a couple of them were lies, but only because you’re such a sensitive guy. I haven’t been 100% truthful with you, but I haven’t spoken with any of my exes.” Hisss, she goes after Kevin for telling the truth. At least he was honest about that. I don’t like Cameron. Send Kevin back to the Midwest. I’m sure we could find some nice farm girls who would be interested in making love seven times in one night to a hot young guy like Kevin. Honey pull out the hay bales! I am braiding my hair and pulling on the daisy dukes!
So what happens next? Cameron gets down on one knee and proposes to Kevin. And he accepts, saying “of course, baby.”. What the hell am I missing there? Apparently Kevin’s lower brain took over and started making the decisions for him. Because the couple is kissing and talking as the segment ends, this is what’s know as a “happy ending” on Anything For Love. I’m wondering if there is any way I can “cut and paste” their definition of “happy” and apply it to my own life, as I’d love to be “happy” despite obviously bleak prospects for their future relationship. Yes, well see next seasons show premiere of " Anything for a Divorce"
Going Up! First Floor, Paid Temptress. Second Floor, Suspicious Girlfriend.
It was obviously recycling day at the FOX studio when they were scripting this episode of Anything For Love, as we now return to the Elevator of Temptation where we meet Janna Lee and Richard, a dating couple who live 5 hours apart while attending different colleges. Janna Lee seems like a nice enough person, but she’s suspicious enough of Richard to drag him on this show to put him through a fidelity test. Is Janna Lee insecure because Richard is quite a bit more attractive than she is? Perhaps, and in case there was any doubt, our hostess Claudia drives that point home by commenting about what a cutey Richard is. Janna Lee seeks comfort in a bucket of Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey. Because packing on pounds is always helpful in the making oneself more attractive department. Ok, that was probably mean of me, but Janna Lee put herself out there when she dragged her boyfriend on this show to make him prove his fidelity to her on national TV.
Richard doesn’t know why he’s at this office building, as he thinks he’s auditioning for “a reality TV dating show.” What? That’s the ruse, he thinks he auditioning for a reality TV dating show without Janna Lee? OK, why on earth would a guy in a committed relationship audition to be on such a show? No clue, but moving on, as no-one besides me thought that was an odd excuse for his being there. What the heck to I know, I’ve just been a reality TV dating show re-capper for several years now, but this sound reasonable to Richard and Janna Lee, so let’s listen in. I am waving my hand and nodding as I am speechless to this fact, you have got to be kidding? Where do they get these people? The labotomy exit door?
We’re re-introduced to Kitana from the prior two episode of Anything For Love, an actress paid by Fox to flirt with Richard and try to make a date with him and get his phone number. She tries to make eye contact with Richard, who concentrates very earnestly on his application form. She tells him that she’s new in town and hasn’t gone out much, and would he like to hang out with her. He tries to be polite, but doesn’t seem even remotely interested. Richard is doing well. Janna Lee is impressed. But will he survive *gasp* the Elevator of Temptation?!?!? Now, this elevator, while quite entertaining, has nothing on that elevator from the Taco Bell ads that introduced the new discount menu items in last winter’s ad campaign. Kitana’s nice and all, but Richard would rather be enjoying a Chalupa if he had his druthers. When pushed to give Kitana his phone number, Richard stammers that he’s “kinda seeing someone” and declines her offer to “hang out.” Next stop, an ecstatic Janna Lee, who greets Richard with hugs and kisses and a confession that she was tempting him on video tape. Richard’s initial obvious joy at seeing his girlfriend is tempered by his realization that the only reality TV dating show he’s going to be appearing on is this one. Bummer, Richard, as you seem like way to nice of a guy to have been put through that. I am wondering if Miss Kitana has some magic powers or something as she is always the temptress!
I’m once again saddened by this “happy ending” as this relationship doesn’t appear to be on a really solid foundation either. We now have 2 happy endings for this episode. Will tonight’s episode be a trifecta? It’s all up to the next segment.
Caution: It’s Not Safe to Go to the Filming
In the first episode of this series we were treated to the painful spectacle of Rannick, pouring out his soul to Sarah, whom he has admired from a distance for years, only to see Sarah recoil in horror and run for shelter. In case you missed it the first time around, that is one of the segments repeated in the second half of tonight’s airing of Anything For Love. I’m hoping that “Surprise Crushes Revealed: Part Deux” has a slightly more cheerful ending. In any event it won’t be as horrific as the Jenny Jones show tragedy from a similar set-up, as not even Fox is willing to take that risk. Mark L. Wahlberg knows what he’s doing here, right? After all, he’s hosted Temptation Island, for crying out loud. I’m suuuuuuuuuure they are appropriately screening these show participants.
Mark saunters through the audience, asking people where they are from, what’s there name. I’m wondering if Mark has slight amnesia and is confused into thinking he’s Jay Leno. Yes, you have a studio audience, and one poor sap in it is a young woman named Christina, who is actually part of our final segment. What Christina doesn’t know is that we’ve switched her coffee to Folgers Instant, well that, and she’s really here to be surprised by a friend who has a major crush on her.
Mark drags Christina front and center. She looks duly nervous, but is pretty and poised. Then they introduce Luis, a friend of Christina’s from college who is still in touch with her now. It’s taken Luis a while to get up the courage to make a move on Christina. Some other friends of Luis pointed out to him that his attention turned directly to her when she arrived at his birthday party last month. These friends pointed out the obvious to Luis, that he has a serious crush on Christina, but unfortunately they did not point out that a decent razor could take care of his ridiculous looking scrawny goatee. Luis seems like a nice enough fellow, and pours his heart out. Christina’s first words to Luis are “I’m going to kill you.” That’s not a good sign. Threatened with death, what does lovesick Luis have to offer as his explanation? “I brought you on here to embarrass you, and to let you know how much I respect and admire you, and to see if you would do me the honor of letting me take you on a date.” That’s really sweet, and Christina digs it, so she replies “I would love to go on a date with you.” Awwwwww ok all that to ask for a date? A date? Geeze this guy is going to have a lot to live up to if this relationship takes off! Wonder what he will do for a proposal?
Happy endings all around. Mark Wahlberg remarks that while Luis was as cool as a cucumber, he was sweating buckets. Ok, I didn’t need that much information, but I’d still gladly wipe his brow. Mark swoops in with a gift certificate for a restaurant for their first date. Smiles, abound and no-one left angry and alone from tonight’s episode. Here’s hoping that next week they come up with a couple new gimmicks for this show, as even three re-cappers in three weeks can’t keep making this stuff seem fresh.
If you’re interested in appearing on Anything For Love, call 1-800-945-7444 or email firstname.lastname@example.org and do it quickly before this show gets cancelled. If you do get on the show, be sure to touch Mark’s hair just for me. Firegirl will be back next week.
Yes, I promise to stick around long enough to weed through the re-play and look for new material hidden inside the Mark Claudia sandwich! Yes, please someone touch his hair and see if it is crispy!