Fun with Elevators, Moving Vans, and Dancing Girls
Anything For Love
6/24 Episode Recaps
Standing in for Firegirl this week, it is my honor to recap for you, the legion of Anything For Love fans out there, the two episodes from this past Monday.
Like many of you, I am a big fan of uplifting television shows that highlight the spirit of love, random acts of kindness, and celebrate the best that humanity has to offer. Sadly, those shows are boring, so we will have to rely on this program instead.
The hosts, Mark Walberg and Claudia DiFolco, stand before us like shining beacons of light in an otherwise confusing world of embarrassed people, willing to do just about anything stupid to get on TV. Tonight’s menu is a smorgasbord of the happy and sad, hopeful and pathetic. Can you tell that my thesaurus is working overtime here?
Movin’ In or Movin’ On
Trinity has been dating Mike for well over 11 years now, but things are tough, because they have been 500 miles apart for the past eight of those years. Trinity has decided to quit her job, move out of her house, and arrive on Mike’s doorstep unannounced. Oh, and she plans on bringing TV cameras with her, because nothing says I love you like a cameraman behind you.
Let’s step back for a moment and think about what she is doing here. Away from each other for eight years, and now, rather than discuss this with Mike, she feels like this approach will get her the final resolution she seeks. Okay, I am sure it will be resolved...
Meanwhile, Mike needed a cover story for why there were cameras in his house that morning, and they tell him that someone from his past, who is distant, is coming to see him. Gosh, how do we decode this riddle?
Trinity arrives and knocks at the door. Mike seems happy to see her. Good sign so far. Mike is also not afraid of being blindfolded and paraded around the streets of his neighborhood. These two are an interesting couple. Finally they arrive at the moving truck. The blind fold is removed, and he sees all of Trinity’s possessions loaded in the back.
Mike: *half joking* Are you moving in?
Well Mike… surprise! Trinity makes her case, but Mike has to confess, he isn’t ready for that level of commitment, so if it is an ultimatum, the answer is still no.
Trinity goes away mad. Mike goes away confused, thinking ‘all of this, and my cereal got soggy?’ Those of us watching at home are not surprised.
Ron and Danelle have been dating for several years. Recently Danelle let Ron know that it is time to move to the next level; yes the big M word. Ron initially said he was not ready for that, and Danelle has decided to move on.
Apparently Ron enjoys all manner of whipped products, for he immediately changes his mind, and decides he needs to ask Danelle to marry him. Not just a simple proposal though, oh no, instead he wants to have TV cameras, a jumbotron, dancing girls, and of course, the support of his bud, Mark Walberg.
The show finds a way to get Danelle off on a junket to Las Vegas. She and three friends are told that they are participating in a show that sends a group of girlfriends to sin city for fun and frolicking. Yeah, like that kind of trip comes without a catch Danelle. Once there, Danelle is whisked around town in a limo, drinking heavily, and probably taking time out for a Girls Gone Wild audition or two.
Ron catches a different flight, and begins to hatch his master plan. He goes ring shopping, flower shopping, and showgirl shopping! Despite all of that shopping, he forgot to pick up milk. Ron wants 12 Bally’s Jubilee Dancers to deliver the roses one at a time, and that isn’t all, he is using the Jumbotron to deliver his special message to Danelle.
The big moment arrives, and eventually Ron proposes. Danelle accepts, and finally we have an uplifting, if not over the top, story outcome.
Love in an Elevator – Part One
One of the staple bits on this show is the elevator temptation test. Basically, women who don’t trust their significant other can arrange to have the show secretly tape his reaction to being hit on by a woman named Katana. I personally believe that if you have that much doubt about your boyfriend, you probably should just get out, but that is me, and that kind of responsible adult behavior would result in we viewers missing out on some entertaining stuff.
Now, Katana brings the necessary assets to the table to be a temptation, so the only question remaining is who is our first victim?
Alano (and I apologize for butchering the spelling of names here, it seems the show cannot be bothered to put them on the screen) has been dating Angelique. They are getting to the point of being “serious”, or so says Angelique.
I am not so sure Alano sees it that way. Angelique describes how he never introduces her as his girlfriend, and that they get phones calls in the middle of the night from women. Women who want to know who she is.
Do we really need to do this test? Does anyone out there doubt what Alano is up to? This is TV though, and we are all wannabe professionals, so on with the test.
Alano is sitting on a couch, filling out an application for a reality TV show. I wonder if they actually get him to sign the release for this scene as part of that application. Very clever…
Katana arrives, and while Angelique watches on closed circuit TV, Alano gets to work. First he invites Katana to a party in the Hollywood Hills. He does admit to having a girlfriend, but that it is not serious. This news gets the tear pumps working overtime in the hidden camera room, but it does get worse.
In the elevator, Katana hits the stop button and presses Alano for dinner. He says no… is there hope? No silly. Alano cannot have dinner with Katana right away because he is heading to another audition. He further pontificates that his relationship with Angelique doesn’t even really exist, it is just for this show… and I am shaking my head thinking, what does he mean by that? He readily gives up the phone number, in fact, it is his double secret phone number he gives out, and Katana acts impressed.
Well, Angelique can’t take much more of this, and as you expect, she confronts her boyfriend at the elevator. She tells him that she saw and heard everything. She wants to know if there relationship really IS just for a TV show.
At this point, Alano is busted. There is no escape.
Back during the Clinton – Monica affair, there was concern that the President was setting a bad example for the youth of America through his lying and cheating and … well, just fill in the blanks. I think this show is a perfect example of how patently untrue those claims were. If such influence had actually occurred, Alano would have broken out the meaning of the word IS card. Instead, he stammers a lot, and finally keeps saying “oh lord, what are you doing here?” This guy would be meat in front of the Independent Counsel.
Later, after Angelique dumps his sorry ass, he claims that he feels like he did little wrong, and that he was merely networking. Yeah, that was it, keep working that angle…
Love in an Elevator – Part Two
The next half hour begins where the last one left off, and Katana’s elevator. I am beginning to wonder if they paid her by the hour.
In any event, the next victim is Jessie. He has been seeing Tandy for a while now, and it seems that she is afraid of getting hurt. In the logic of Jessie’s world, the best way to deal with that is to potentially embarrass her love in front of a national TV audience. Now that is caring!
The setup is the same, and Jessie is on the couch. Katana arrives, and starts making her move. She asks him about a girlfriend. He says yes. She asks if it is serious. He says it is getting there. Moreover, Jessie’s non-verbals show him acting pretty indifferent toward Katana. So far he is doing well.
Katana is not used to rejection, so she decides to play the cleavage card. She asks Jessie if her shirt shows too much cleavage. Okay, guys reading this now, what is the correct answer to that question?
What is ‘NO’ Bill?
Somehow this response draws groans from the crowd. I thought it was perfectly logical.
They move to the elevator, and Katana hits the stop button as planned. She wants to know if Jessie wants to just hang out. Jessie says that he believes in karma, and that it would be bad karma to cheat. Plus, he says that Tandy is “pretty cool”.
At this point, we return to the studio, where Mark and Claudia ask Tandy if she thinks Jessie passed the test. Jessie says she was very happy with the results.
However, Mark lets us know that there is more video yet to be seen. Back to the elevator we go. Katana is still pressing Jessie for a phone number, and finally he gives in . . . or does he?
Once again, back to the studio, where Jessie is introduced to the booing crowd. Instead though, we learn that Jessie actually gave Tandy’s cell phone number to Katana. Somehow this makes it all okay. Hugs and kisses ensue.
Take Me Back
Matt and Sarah broke up three months ago, after having lived together. It seems that Matt was pretty dedicated to his bike racing and his job that involved training others in racing. That left little time for spending every waking hour with Sarah.
Sarah feels that Mike is, “in love with his bike” and she wants to be “more important than that bike.” Meanwhile Mike would just like to continue doing the things he loves. Sorry Mike, if you want to be with Sarah, you are not allowed to have a hobby or job.
However, Mike’s life sucks ever since he broke up with Sarah, so he is now willing to “do anything’’ to get her back.
Both Sarah and Mike are brought on stage. Mike brings flowers. Sarah says “about time!”
Mike, he is a hint… RUN!
The penance Mike will have to suffer, to impress Sarah, is to saw his precious racing bike in half. That isn’t a small issue either, as he undoubtedly has several thousand dollars into that bike. At first, Mike says no way, but soon Mark has him convinced that sawing his bike in half is what he really wants. So he gets ready to do it.
Sarah’s response? “Let’s get it on!”
You can guess the rest. Mike saws the bike, Sarah takes him back, and the story goes on happily ever after, or until something else makes Sarah mad.
The Night I’ll Never Forget
Jennifer and Chris have known each other for 11 years. They dated in college. Apparently Chris has been in love with Jennifer ever since that time. They last saw each other five years ago, but tonight, on stage, Chris will make his pitch to get Jennifer back.
Jennifer is surprised to hear she has an admirer, and is even more surprised when she learns it is Chris.
He comes out and says that he has looked for 11 years for a gal with 1/10th the qualities that Jennifer has. He feels that they are connected. Is she willing to give it a try?
Jennifer smiles, then says she is “honored…”
“I am flattered…”
“I think you are a great guy…”
“but I am in love with someone else”
CRASH AND BURN
Chris is pretty well bummed. Jennifer feels bad, but I give her credit for handling it well. After Chris is escorted off stage, to be consoled by Claudia (and that finally answers for me the question of what she does on this show), Mark decides to press Jennifer further. Would she have taken back Chris if she didn’t have her current love?
Jennifer has to suppress giggles when she says no.
Thanks Mark, it was bad enough for Chris to have to endure that, but at least he had walked away with a face saving excuse. Now you have taken that away from him too. Anything for Ratings should be the name of this show.
Firegirl returns, and you will have a far superior recap to this one. However, if you want to comment on this one, please email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org