This week was a tough one for us… not for lack of shows to pick from, but for lack of moments that truly stood out… then our magnificent writers got the creative bug and came up with ten GREAT moments. I hope you enjoy this weeks Top Ten as much as I did!
10. Who Wants To Be A Stripper?
FAME has been interesting this year. In week one we were… well, treated isn’t the right word… perhaps subjected? To Carnies nipples. In week two we had a teenager who thought the microphone pole was a prop for what could very likely be her next gig. I admit to missing week 3 part I, but in week 3 part II we witnessed yet another go at props. This time it was a dance bar on stage that our lovely young contestant danced around.
Seriously… a dance bar? I just want to hear them sing and watch them dance, in a PG or PG13 with an occasional R move thrown in. I don’t tune in to see the XXX dancing. Please FAME, no more props!
9. A Boot of Class
This week of For Love or Money, King Rob decided to see how far his stable of women were willing to go to become the chosen one. Aided by alcohol, Rob wanted to get comfortable, with a twist: the women could take off his boots. Christina was the first this privilege was bestowed upon, mainly to ensure that Rob would take a good long look down her low cut shirt and see the goodies she had to offer. Lauren was the lucky girl to take off that last one. In truly offensive fashion, even for reality TV, Rob told her to turn her back to him and grab the boot then he pushed his other foot against her butt until he eased out of the shoe. A hush fell over the group as they realized how easily he managed to demean them. On the up side, King Rob managed to give the girls a reason to take the money and run.
8. Dance Your Pants Off
This week on "Fame", we watched Eminem-style rapper Justin Jacoby perform an original 'song.' Of course, all of the judges loved it, while most of America still had their hands over their ears. However, the best was yet to come during an intricately choreographed group number. Justin, who must have watched a few too many Richard Simmons videos while practicing his dance moves, had trouble keeping his pants up! This is definitely worthy of being a top ten moment this week! While viewers everywhere checked to see if Jacoby's tighty-whities sported fire engines or toy trucks, he never missed a beat-- and danced his way into the "Fame" finals.
7. "Ticket, what ticket? Where? Outta my way!"
The intrepid Racers, on this weeks Amazing Race, had just arrived in snowy Vienna. Their first task involved trekking through the smelly sewers where we heard such scintillating remarks as "It stinks like ass," and "Is this potty water?" Undoubtedly true.
The next leg involved getting to the marker (pay attention here) getting to the Fiacres (horse drawn carriages), FIRST grabbing a ticket outside the Fiacre door and THEN getting in the carriage.
Either they were still under the effects of the sewer fumes or suffering from exhaustion, because most of the teams forgot all about the tickets and mounted the Fiacres ready to roll.
This had dramatic ramifications in the case of Reichen and Chip who were ordered out by the ticket-holding Jon and Al. In total desperation, Reichen and Chip moved on to the next carriage and made the "ticket grab" at the same time as the asthmatic Millie tried for the same carriage. Blood was shed and words were exchanged.
Millie claimed that Chip pushed her and clocked him in the mouth.
Funny thing was that nice little Virgin Millie got quite a kick out of her assertive behavior and she tried to hide her laughter by holding the map up to her face. She's a tough cookie all right.
6. GREASE IS THE WORD
After the last episode of Americas Next Top Model, Ebony was told she had a skin problem. Ebony decided to take it upon herself to become fully moisturized. Of course she didn't consult a dermatologist or even get some first hand advice from Tyra the Supermodel. Ebony got some over the counter remedies no, not Oil of Olay, Johnson and Johnson or Neutrogena. Nope, we are talking Crisco, Wesson, and Butter. Ebony spent the entire episode constantly greasing her entire body. All the roommates spent the week sliding off toilets, slipping of leather chairs and stuck in room they couldn't turn the doorknobs of because of the lubrication!
Eventually Giselle 'tactfully' asked Ebony to please wash her hands after she applies her " stuff" even she wasn't sure what she was using. I am thinking that Ebony thought that later she would have to get in some tight clothing and all she would need was a shoehorn since she was already greased. But, alas the grease didn't soak in and Ebony was eliminated. Watching her slide out of the apartment and the other girls get out the bottle of Dawn makes this a top ten moment.
5. Flyin’ high again
What started out as a routine trip to the dentist, on The Osbournes, turned out to be one hell of a trip. It all started innocently with a little nitrous, too little for Ozzy’s liking. The doctor even had a special “Ozzy level”, which wasn’t quite special enough, causing the nurse to make an adjustment…and another…and another.
That last one seemed to do the trick, as Oz felt it was a good time to do his zombie impersonation. Apparently that performance took a lot out of him, so he decided to treat his forehead to a few sips of water while attempting to rinse.
Mama’s gonna worry, I’ve been a bad, bad boy…
4. High Stakes on the High Seas
The World Poker Tour took to the ocean this week for the second annual Party Poker Million tournament. Fully 177 players showed up for this cruise/tournament, including some familiar pros as well as a bunch of amateurs who earned a spot in the tournament by winning smaller, on-line tournaments. One player at the final table, in fact, put up just one dollar to get into the qualifying tournament and wound up finishing fifth with $53,000 in prize money. If you don't have a calculator at home, that's a profit of $52,999!
Action on the MS Zaandam (which rhymes with "Jean-Claude Van Damme," by the way) heated up right away. First to go was a college kid who thought he was smarter than everyone else because he watched "Rounders" on video. After him, the $1 entry fee guy was next to go, followed by an elegant grandmother of five, whose straight was foiled by professional player Chip Jett's flush.
In the end, only Chip Jett, former winner Howard Lederer, and a flamboyant amateur known as "The Cowboy" were all the remained. The Cowboy had boots on and a Stetson hat. Not sure how he got that nickname, though. Maybe he rode the mechanical bull at the bar. Anyway, even though the Cowboy pushed Howard's chip totals waaay down, Howard was just too much for him, and the Cowboy finished in third place. The final contest was won once again by Howard, who reacted with his usual pained "I really should be playing chess right now." grin.
Look for Chip in the big season finale in two weeks. Judging by all the frustrated table-banging he did when his luck dried up down the stretch, he'll be ready.
3. On A Different Paige.
If any of the ladies of For Love Or Money had any lingering doubts which was the better option, Love or Money, bachelor Rob's behaviour spelled it out to them pretty succinctly this week. Well to most of them. Actually, to all of them - except Paige.
As if the drunken leering, using Lauren's butt to help remove your cowboy boot and dropping trou in the lounge weren't bad enough, Rob sealed his fate by lecherously floating from lady to lady in the romance reality show mainstay, the hot tub.
One by one the ladies took their leave and convened in one of the bedrooms to discuss the events of the evening.
The challenge was laid down, "use one word to describe Rob". The answers came thick and fast "playa, disappointment, tramp, inconsiderate, typical".
Paige declined to answer, so the ladies suggested "dreamy".
The smile on her face, coupled with the admission to Rob that "you'll get further with me" tells us that was a pretty accurate assessment.
If it weren't for the cash, the other ladies would probably just let Paige have him.
2. To Gmund or Not To Gmuden?
Despite being the first out of the gate, on The Amazing Race this week, Team ATC, Dave & Steve, managed to find themselves in the back of the pack in rapid time. Dave & Steve started to face the cold hard reality of elimination and mused that only a colossal screw up by one of the other teams would save them. Meanwhile, Cindy & Russell were fading fast. The pair couldn't agree on anything and Russell even tried to argue that arguing wasn't hurting them. But disaster struck when a ticket agent misunderstood Russell's request and sold them a ticket to larger Gmund rather than Gmunden, the site of the pit stop. As time was running out, the two struggling teams were battling it out for the final spot and the audience was left guessing as to who would make it in time.... the uncomfortable, bickering twosome or the good-natured underdogs? Dave & Steve braced themselves for the worst as Phil did his usual unnaturally long pause before giving them the good news... they were the 9th team to arrive. The two were ecstatic with relief, managing to escape elimination for another week. As Phil laid the Philimination down on Russell & Cindy, the pair were surprisingly calm, uncharacteristic for this duo, perhaps relieved that they could finally go their separate ways.
1.Just Stay Where I Can See Yah.
Hilda Santo-Tomas is infamous among Trading Spaces fans.
She applied hay to the walls and glass rods to the fireplace of one set of homeowners with young children. She tore up a much loved Berber carpet in a bedroom and replaced it with sub-flooring.
She's stapled fake flowers to bathroom walls and screwed vinyl L.P.'s to the walls of a living room.
Hilda had her team paint their friend and neighbour's dining room walls and ceiling black this week. As she painted the table and chairs bright yellow with the female half of her team, she asked the usual designer small talk question...
Hilda - So, are you worried about what they're doing to your house?
Home owner - No.
Hilda - Why not?
Without pausing for breath, the homeowner summed up the feelings of fans everywhere when she responded, "because you're here".
The fort would like to thank the following writers (in alphabetical order) for their contributions this week: cali, CaliGirl, firegirl, fluff, JR., KylieGrant, Miss Filangi, Paulie