+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: The Osbournes "Bark at the...poop?" Season 2, Episode 8 recap

  1. #1
    JR.
    JR. is offline
    Drummer / Model JR.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    42° 22' N 71° 2' W
    Age
    43
    Posts
    6,937

    The Osbournes "Bark at the...poop?" Season 2, Episode 8 recap

    The Osbournes – Episode 8


    Life is back to normal at the Osbourne Estate, and by normal I mean chaotic. Various animals are making noise and/or getting into some kind of mischief, and Ozzy has had enough. It seems the little critters are working his last good nerve and he’s sick of their sh*t, literally. “I’m f***ing sick and tired of the f***ing sh*t, I live in a 9 million dollar turd” he exclaims, “they’re driving me f***ing mental”. After showing assistant Tony numerous dung heaps and pee stains out in the yard, Oz has a brainstorm, “maybe I should get a crocodile to eat all these animals”. That’s just what this show needs. Can you imagine the Prince of Darkness and the Croc Hunter co-starring every week?
    Steve Irwin: Aw crikey, isn’t she a beaut? Get a look at this Sui.
    Ozzy: F*** off Steve

    Oz voices his concern about animal germs to Sharon’s physician, who says that she’s agreed to keep the little guys off the bed while she’s trying to rest. He goes to the bedroom to banish the mutts, but Maggie pretty much ignores him. Then it’s off to the weight room to clean up a few surprises that were left on the carpet. We are treated to a few clips of animals, droppings, and people cleaning it up.

    Jack and adopted son Rob are in the kitchen preparing a snack of baked beans and toast, as if the place doesn’t stink enough already. Jack finally gets around to telling the story of how Rob came to be the adopted son. Kelly met Rob at school, and the two of them became good friends. The family learned of his mothers’ battle with cancer and took him in when she passed away. Quite a touching story considering the psycho factor of this family.

    Meanwhile back in the living room, Oz cleans up yet another pile and comments “I wish someone would create a dog that didn’t sh*t”. He then picks up Lola by the hind legs and begs her not to poop anymore while talking into her ass. “Is there a spot for where the dog sh*t picture goes” he asks while standing at the top of the stairs, “we should get rid of the dogs and just keep the pictures, they don’t stink”.

    Sharon find a bit of turd stuck to Minnie’s fur and Kelly wails. Didn’t we get enough of her last week? Sharon is quite amused as Kelly tries to remove it using CD cases, and after much yelling and carrying on, she is able to rid the beast of its little problem.

    We get further evidence of Jack being “out there” as he straps an Army helmet to his head and has adopted son Rob toss sneakers at him. We then get to see Jack dance around like a complete tool while still wearing his silly helmet. I really want to know how and why Mandy Moore ended up at his house.

    It’s now time for a shopping trip as Sharon takes Rob out to get a few things so he can get settled into the guest house. Their first stop is Shabby Chic, where they look at $5000 sofas, a $2500 chandelier, $1700 & $1800 chairs, a $1600 desk, and a bunch of ugly area rugs. Christ, that’s enough to pay my mortgage for 6 months!

    Jack displays a bit of “tude” when Sharon tries to go out with some friends. He says she should stay in bed and rest, but she’s having none of it. It’s like an odd role reversal:
    Jack: mom, you’re not going out
    Sharon: I’m going out
    Jack: No you’re not
    Sharon: Yes I am, I have an appointment
    Jack: F*** the appointment, it can be canceled
    Sharon: I’m not dying, I’m not crippled, and I haven’t been out in months
    Jack: Fine, f*** off then. See, that’s your problem, you never listen to us.
    Just when you think he’s completely lost it, he starts to make sense.

    Ozzy talks with nanny Melinda and assistant Tony about having a kennel built for the dogs, and they seem to agree. He goes into the yard with an unnamed assistant to go over the plans. A little later, unnamed assistant informs Sharon of Ozzy’s intensions and she responds with a simple “no f***ing way”. Apparently she enjoys poop all over the place.

    The doctor tells Oz that everyone that has regular contact with Sharon will have to get flu shots. The entire gang is gathered and they are forced to take a needle, “line up, butts out” Ozzy commands. Now I’ve never had a flu shot, but I’m wondering if this was just a way for everyone to show their ass on TV. Wouldn’t the arm be fine?

    Oz is seen climbing up on a chair and taking a glass from the cabinet. I thought he’d take a header for sure, but he completes his mission without incident. He then pours a tall glass of Guinness. But fear not, he informs us that it’s not for him, it’s for Sharon. “It’s got lots of iron, in English hospitals they used to give this to patients” he tells us, “a Guinness a day keeps the doctor away”. Man, I know where I’m moving to, all we get is crappy food.

    He then moves to the kitchen to prepare a meal, and one of the cats is on the counter eyeing a slab of meat. “Now f*** off Guy-Gus-Jim-Bill, whatever your f***ing name is” he warns, “your name is going to be dead if you touch my chicken. Don’t go near my chicken, you understand, don’t even go there. F*** off”. Amazingly the cat obeys as he goes outside to fire up the grill, “we have lift-off” he says as the flames shoot up. “And you can f*** off too” he snarls at one of the dogs sitting at his feet.

    Sharon comes home from a trip to the doctors’ office, and lets the family in on the good news. Her blood work has come back clean, and she’ll finish her treatments this month. Oz wants to know what changes she’s going to make once the treatment is over because he’s worried about all of her stress. Trying to ease his concern, Sharon puts her head in his lap and tells him that she’ll be alright.
    Oz: When can we have sex again?
    Sharon: 9 months.
    Oz: F*** off 9 months.
    Sharon: You’ll get chemo in you
    Oz: I don’t mind having a glowing d***
    Sharon: It won’t glow, it will just be tired
    Oz: Are you f***ing joking? I’ll just dress Tony up like a woman then.
    With that last comment, Tony whips around in his chair with a rather nervous look on his face. I guess life is tough for a personal assistant, but hey, I’m sure he’s paid well.


    Next time: Kelly’s birthday in Las Vegas; and a drunken, underwear clad Sara falls off a table while dancing.


    Profanity Count: 71

    Poop Count: 17



    To contact the author, send mail to jr@fansofrealitytv.com

  2. #2
    FORT Newbie
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Posts
    8
    I nearly died when Ozzy said, "I live in a $9 million turd!" Was a great programming alternative to the State of the Union address...and equally as comical!

  3. #3
    The race is back! John's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    On the mat
    Age
    43
    Posts
    40,432
    “It’s got lots of iron, in English hospitals they used to give this to patients”
    Uh, yeah, before penicillin maybe.

    Great job, JR!

  4. #4
    everyone's a critic... holly71's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    The Lone Star State
    Age
    43
    Posts
    4,495
    The poop count was only 17?! It seemed like a lot more! I can't imagine what that house probably smells like. I have 2 dogs & a cat, & they DON'T go potty in the house, but still sometimes I feel like my house smells like animals.
    Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

  5. #5
    Starbucks is your friend Bill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Orygun
    Posts
    12,166
    I LOVE the profanity count and the poop count!

    "George Oscar Bluth II, aka GOB, featured magician in the best selling videotape, "Girls With Low Self Esteem" invites you to enter his world.
    -- Arrested Development, Season III

  6. #6
    JR.
    JR. is offline
    Drummer / Model JR.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    42° 22' N 71° 2' W
    Age
    43
    Posts
    6,937
    Yeah 17, I counted twice. Not much poop in the past few shows so it seemed like more, that and the fact there's only about 20 minutes of actual show.

    I love animals, but I could never live like that.

  7. #7
    Magus
    Guest
    With rampant homosexuality among the pets, I wonder how it is that they seem to multiply from one episode to the next.

  8. #8
    Evil Slash Crazy Miss Filangi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Looking for a place to happen
    Age
    40
    Posts
    11,376
    Great job JR! Been reading your recaps religiously..
    If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker.
    It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.


  9. #9
    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    43,485
    Jack and adopted son Rob are in the kitchen preparing a snack of baked beans and toast, as if the place doesn’t stink enough already.
    Just brilliant JR

    your recaps are seeing me through perfectly until this series is shown in Canada.
    "That's Numberwang!"

  10. #10
    everyone's a critic... holly71's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    The Lone Star State
    Age
    43
    Posts
    4,495
    Originally posted by JR.

    I love animals, but I could never live like that.
    Same here! It's just too many. You can't give them the attention they need & deserve when you have that many of them running around. Obviously~ they can't even get them housebroken!
    Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.