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Thread: The Osbournes "Radio On" Episode 13

  1. #1
    JR.
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    The Osbournes "Radio On" Episode 13

    The Osbournes – Episode 13

    We start off this week with Ozzy in the middle of his workout along with Trainer Pete. They are preparing for Oz’s big day, his 54TH birthday. He usually runs 4 miles, but as a present to himself, he plans on running 5. He does his crunches, hits the heavy bag, and finishes up with the elliptical machine. It turns out he’s also getting a new car – a BMW 760Li, I think.

    The car arrives and he hops in with assistant Tony to go for a spin. He’s admiring all of the new gadgets and is shown the voice recognition system. He is truly baffled, and gives it a try:
    Ozzy: Turn on please
    VRS: Select a destination first. (the guys get a good chuckle)
    Tony: Radio on (radio turns on)
    Ozzy: Radio off (no response)
    Tony: Radio off (turns off)
    Ozzy: Radio on
    VRS: Telephone menu
    Ozzy: Shut the f*** up

    He’s now off to visit Sharon at the doctor’s office, and bring her some flowers. As he’s walking up to the door he passes some people on the sidewalk and mutters “stolen from the f***ing cemetery”. Sharon is sitting there with Jack and is happy to see him. He lets her know that he’s planning on running 5 miles tomorrow, and tells her a few times just in case she didn’t hear him. One of her monitoring machines starts to beep much to Ozzy’s dismay, so goes over to it and attempts to shut it off with his icy stare. I don’t think it’s afraid of him.

    Well, the big day has arrived and Oz, Tony, and Pete head out to the track. Once again, Ozzy has a bit of trouble with the VRS. Tony seems to be able to work it without any problem, but it’s not so easy for the birthday boy.
    Ozzy: Radio on
    VRS: Radio menu
    Ozzy: I don’t want the f***ing menu
    VRS: Please make a selection
    Ozzy: F*** off
    VRS: Pardon me
    Ozzy: F*** of hahaha

    They arrive at the track, and Pete goes over the plan: 1 walking lap and then 20 running. They do a bit of stretching, and Tony gets a phone call…and another…and another. “Throw that f***ing thing away” Oz shouts. Tony tosses it over on the grass and Oz runs over to step on it, but luckily Tony scoops it up before any damage can be done. The men have finished there walking lap and after a quick “1 potato – 2 potato” start to run. Pete shouts encouragement the whole time, as a women’s volleyball team runs past. That should get him to move faster. Oh no, there seems to be a problem. Ozzy complains that his foot hurts and he’ll have to stop. He seems bummed that he only made it 1.75 miles. He thinks it might be the shoes, so he’ll try again tomorrow.

    On the ride home, the pesky VRS strikes again. I have to give the guy credit for sticking with it, I’m surprised that he didn’t put his foot through the thing. Tony gets it working and Oz starts to fiddle with the stations. Pete is still spouting positives, so Oz turns the volume up loud.

    They get back to the house and Oz opens a few gifts. Then the topic turns to Pete. “Pete never shuts the f*** up, never stops”, he says to Tony. “He never sweats, never takes a piss, never eats or drinks…he’s not human” he continues, “he talks all the f***ing time, he’s a f***ing alien”. He sees Sharon stretching her leg by using the railing and goes over to join her. Bad idea. “I’m stuck Sharon, I’m permanently here…I’m not f***ing joking” he says.

    The family gathers outside and Sharon points up to the sky, and tells Ozzy to look up. She’s hired a plane to write his name in the sky. “What is that crap” he asks. “It’s not crap, it says Ozzy” she replies. “Oh Sharon, you’re so beautiful” he says and leans in to give her a kiss. Jack mentions that he has fireworks for later on. That should be interesting.

    Everyone sits down to eat, and Ozzy blows out the candles on his cake. All of a sudden, the dogs start fighting under the table. Sharon jumps under, and after a bit of yelling and some barking, pulls Lola out Baby. Hey, what better time to go light fireworks?

    Everyone heads outside, with Jack directing traffic. “Ok, everyone stand by the pool, in case we have to jump in”, he instructs. Adopted son Rob joins him to begin the festivities, and they start off with rockets. Ozzy grabs one of the balloons, sucks the helium out, and lets out a munchkin-like “Rock & Roll”.

    The next day, he’s back at the track with Pete right along side him talking as usual. They’re making good progress, and even get shouts of encouragement from the volleyball team. “Run, run, run for your life” Oz shouts, “5 miles”. He is able to finish, and is quite proud of himself, and has another round of “potato” with Pete.

    They get back in the car for the ride home and guess what – yep, that damn radio again.
    Ozzy: This car f***ing argues with me
    VRS: Telephone menu
    Ozzy: I don’t want the f***ing telephone menu you f***ing moron
    VRS: Pardon me
    Ozzy: Oh don’t start, you’re giving me a hard time this morning
    VRS: Please repeat your entry or say options
    Ozzy: F*** off
    VRS: Please say telephone on
    Ozzy: I don’t want the f***ing phone, will you shut the f*** up. Take 5 man, I’ve got the wife that nags me, now I’ve got a f***ing car that nags me.

    What a great episode, about 5 seconds worth of Kelly. Perfect.

    Next week: Oz and Sharon take a vacation in Hawaii and leave the kids at the house.


    Profanity Count 27

    VRS - 4
    Ozzy - 0

  2. #2
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    I'm not digging the shoe as much...is it me?

  3. #3
    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    That sounded like a great episode. One I actually might have liked, with very little of the kids.

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    Evil Slash Crazy Miss Filangi's Avatar
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    Great recap JR!

    I'm glad there is more Ozzy, less Kelly. I don't mind Jack though..
    If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker.
    It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.


  5. #5
    JR.
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    Thanks guys, it was a rather enjoyable episode. Best one in a long time.

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    Soccer Kicks Balls cali's Avatar
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    I was completely rollin' reading about his adventures with the VRS... Too freakin' funny!!
    Great job, as usual JR
    "Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something' -- Mitch Hedberg

  7. #7
    eny
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    Ozzy: F*** off
    VRS: Pardon me
    I have to start watching again . This sounds like a great time .

    Thanks JR , great recap. It's like having cliff notes for when I do see it

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