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Thread: The One 7/19 Recap…Workin’ Hard, Playin’ Hard, Bombin’ Hard

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    Being VIP Yardgnome's Avatar
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    The One 7/19 Recap…Workin’ Hard, Playin’ Hard, Bombin’ Hard

    Well hello everyone. I assume if you are watching this show tonight it is because your TV is on the fritz and this is the only channel coming in and you are too lazy to turn the TV off. Well I am glad you are here to join me in my misery because frankly any singing show that is not Idol or RockStar is usually not good. I think my theory will prove me right after this show is over tonight.

    I am going to warn everyone, I just came out of two hours with America’s Got Talent. My brain is a little fried and my tolerance for poor talent is slim to none. These kids better show up ready to perform and wow me or they are going to receive bad reviews from me. Now that is a huge threat. I hope they realize 10 maybe 12 people will read this recap and 1 or 2 will take it to heart. So lets all dig out our earplugs and get ready to find out who is going home.

    The Man with a Stupid Name & Some Other People
    George Stroumboulopoloulos greets us on the stage to welcome everyone to the show tonight. I’m not going to lie, I had to pause my TV so I could get the spelling of that name correct. He really should get an agent who will advise him to shorten his name to become something like George Stupid. Heck, he could pay me $100 and use that name I just suggested.

    Tonight on the show 3 people will be placed in the bottom from the results of America’s voting last night. Each of the bottom 3 will perform a new song. The judges will then select one person to save and then their peers will select one person to save as well. The one who is not saved will be kicked off the show and hopefully never heard from again. Who am I kidding, the winner of this show will never be heard from again. Those are just messy details we don’t need to think about right now.

    It’s time to meet the judges. First up we have a man who thinks he is young and hip but frankly looks ridiculous with his food coloring dyed goatee, Mark Hudson. Next up is someone from Motown, Andre Harrell. I can back him because I am from the state where Motown was started. The last judge is someone I took no time to learn anything about Kara DioGuardi.

    How Do You Get Lower than the Bottom of the Barrel?
    After the judges are introduced we get a nice recap of last nights show. I will assume you all watched it and spare you the energy of reading it. We also get a little insight into what happened when the show ended. We get to see all the kids back at the house talking. They all agree they are not going to make alliances and vote only on performance. There goes any chance of good ratings this show thought it might get.

    After the montage is over and I awake from my coma I see we are back to the live show. All the kids gather to the middle of the stage and George greets them. He says some stuff but I can’t understand a word he says. He starts calling names and I now understand, those left standing are in the bottom three. People keep getting called and sitting down and we are left to 4 people standing. The last name is called and I feel a bit let down. This was so anti-climatic. Someone needs to tune into Idol and take some notes on how to make their show more exciting. The last three standing are Jadyn Maria, Michael Cole, and Jackie Mendez.

    Another Girl Dreams of Being Mariah
    Jadyn is very surprised she is in the bottom three because Mariah Carey is her Idol and that means she can sing just like her and should not be in the bottom. She comes on stage and George mumbles to her and she answers him with some odd one-word answers. My suggestion to her is to find a personality really quick like. The judges suggest to her to be dangerous if she wants to stay. We will see if they feel that same way if she pulls out a knife during her performance and threatens to cut them.

    For her performance she is going to sing, “What’s Love Got to do With It?” by Tina Turner. I am happy to see that she has been consulting with an 80-year-old woman stylist. Her outfit looks like something shown on the Golden Girls back in the 80’s. She sounds really bad while she is singing. I can’t believe she was even a finalist on a singing show.

    My Toughness is Measured By the Height of My Hair

    Up next we have Michael, another contestant shocked to be in the bottom 3. He is considered the bad boy and sounds like he has an attitude problem. His hair has got to be in line for some record with the height it is free standing right now. I can tell he is a tough guy because he chooses a nice camo jacket to wear with a camo necktie tied around his head. I haven’t seen that much-mismatched camo since going to see Ted Nugent in concert.

    Michael is going to sing a song called “Standing on Shaky Ground.” I have no idea what this song is but he is doing a fine job yelling it. The audience does not seem to be enjoying it as much as he thinks they are. During his yelling performance a harmonica player joins him on stage, and then he is gone. I would have like the harmonica player to stay, the performance would have been tolerable.

    I Will Hopefully Survive
    Well we are down to the last contestant and I couldn’t be more thrilled. Jackie is the last contestant to be shocked to be in the bottom three tonight. The judges tell her she needs to bring it tonight if she wants to stay in the competition. I wish she had yelled at them “it’s already been brought.” I would have at least been entertained during this show.

    Jackie comes on stage and sings, “Last Dance” by Donna Summer. She is proving that disco will never go away, even though some of us have been ready for it to go away for a while now. She is wearing a very short little rainbow concoction of a dress. She sounds the best of the three tonight and should definitely stick around for another week.

    Closed Caption is a My Secret Weapon

    Our good friend George thinks he can trick me up this whole show by mumbling but I have got him now, I turned on the closed captioning so I won’t miss one witty thing he has to say. After about 5 minutes I realize he has nothing witty to say and turn it off.

    Now we are ready to find out who is going home. The judges have all selected whom they want to stay and now have to vote. Kara wants Jackie to stick around for another week. Mark thinks that Michael should stay and he will help him to form Hanson, part 2. Andre thinks that Jackie should stay. Jackie is safe and unfortunately will be stuck returning next week to perform on this soon to be cancelled show.

    Punching Your Friends While They are Down
    So now we are down to Jadyn and Michael. Who stays and who goes? Only a jury of their peers can determine that. There are nine contestants left to vote so that means someone only needs 5 votes to stay. See I can do math as well as write. We go through each contestant as they say their vote and then apologize profusely to the other. I am so ready to jam the remote in my eyes so I don’t have to watch this anymore. With a vote of 5-1 Michael will be sticking around for another week.

    Jackie walks to the center of the stage to say her goodbye to George. The rest of the crew joins her and sings “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me.” I find that an odd choice.

    Next Week
    If this show is still on next week make sure to tune in Tuesday to see the contestants perform or save your time and read a recap by MotherSister. I know I will!

    If you are a Carnie or a Drifter, please email me at Yardgnome77@fansofrealitytv.co m.

  2. #2
    REMAIN INDOORS MotherSister's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yardgnome
    I am so ready to jam the remote in my eyes so I don’t have to watch this anymore.
    Nooo! Stay strong; I have a sneaking suspicion this'll all be over soon. . .

    Excellent job spinning gold from straw, YG!

  3. #3
    Donato Mafia Veggieviewer's Avatar
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    Watching this show is like making it with a cheese grater...

    Interesting at first, and then rapidly painful.

  4. #4
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    I tried watching this show but it's too painful. I am however interested in seeing who was the first one out. I'm confused though. Who left? You wrote "Jackie is safe" and then wrote "Jackie walks to the center of the stage to say her goodbye to George." Did Jadyn leave? AAHHH!! This show is horrible!

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