5/27 mini-cap: First Night Impressions or How Much Alcohol Will It Take?
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“Picture the best dream you’ve ever had and times that by ten and live in it. That’s where I am.”
Desiree says WOW! to a new bachelor pad in the Malibu Hills that comes with a powder blue Bentley GT convertible. While she and Chris Harrison admire the view, he does his poking and prodding into her motives and finds them pure in a Cinderella sense. The inquisition over (no dunking or burning transpired) Desiree repairs to her quarters to doll herself up for the anticipated night ahead. “I want to weed out the men from the boys because I do want a family.”
She ended her time with Sean in a short silver dress and starts her own journey in a long silver dress. Bon Chance, Desiree.
Desiree (Des) – lives in Los Angeles. She shows her artistic, down to earth side by sketching at the beach and scaring seagulls; all the while assuring us that the simple man will make her happy.
Bryden – lives in Missoula, MT. He is an Iraqi war veteran and discovered he could think about what he wants from life while he was there. He frolics with his German Shepard; the Rocky Mountains in the background. A fist pumps YES when they tell him Desiree is the Bachelorette.
Will – lives in Chicago, IL. He is a black man who is a banker as well as a practitioner of Bigram Yoga, the hot and sweaty kind. He high fives people on the street. He declares his love for Desiree.
Drew – lives in Scottsdale, AZ. He is a digital marketer who loves his life in the AZ. He reveals a divorced family life that forced him to grow up at an early age, especially when taking care of his siblings. He says that experience defines him.
Nick R. – lives in Chicago, IL. He is a tailor by trade and a magician at heart. As a professional, he plays magic shows whenever he can. He can see Desiree being a magician’s assistant.
Zak W. – lives on 15 acres in Mico, TX. Living peaceful can be lonely and a naked Zak takes coffee on his upper deck while ruminating about meeting a girl.
Robert – lives in Los Angeles, CA. His claim to fame is inventing sign spinning along with his marketing firm. He likes being active and assures his one-eyed Boxer dog that he is bringing home a good girl, a mom.
Mike R. – lives in Dallas, TX. He is a dental student who considers that he is a Renaissance man, always reinventing himself. He was born and raised in London, UK, but has lost his accent much to his regret as the accent would make him more attractive.
Brandon – lives in Costa Mesa, CA. He loves being outside all day long. Another sad childhood is revealed. When he was five, his father left him and his brother with an addict mom. His loving grandparents set the example of what life could be like if you work hard. Attitude is everything. If you are positive it makes you a better person.
Let the Journey Begin
The Limos disgorge:
Brad (produces a chicken wishbone which they snap, Des wins)
Michael G (reproduces her intro to Sean with the coins in the fountain)
Kasey (throws hash tags at her)
Will (gives her a high five and renames her, Athena)
Mikey T (older brother of a close knit family)
Jonathan (produces an envelope with a message that reads like an invitation to the Fantasy Suite along with a key) Des returns it and scrunches her nose.
Zak W (arrives sans shirt, showing off his abs – see video reference for his lack of inhibition)
James (stresses loyalty)
Larry (wants to teach her a dance move but bobbles the ending dip)
Nick R (sets fire to paper turning it into a white rose)
Zack K (arrives in tennis shoes and formal tuxedo)
Diogo (steps out dressed in full metal armor representing her Knight in Shining Armor)
Chris (fakes a bended knee full on proposal to tie his shoe) My Opinion: The best entrance of the night.
Mike R (wears his dental lab coat so he can play McDreamy)
Robert (strips off his tie; Des was hoping for more stripping)
Juan Pablo (helps her pronounce his name with a Venezuelan accent)
Brandon (arrives vroom, vroom on a motorcycle) Des thinks he’s cute.
Brian (wears a soft jacket)
Micah (wears a homemade tricked out suit to impress designer, Des)
Nick M (reads a poem he wrote for the occasion)
Dan (is happy to meet her)
Brody (gives her a flower and wants to stay for the party, but must return to his waiting Grandmother)
Ben (came with Brody)
There weren’t any really weird high lights like in previous seasons. One was when the whole party of men joined Des and Juan Pablo on the side patio for a game of soccer, thus breaking up quality time kicking around a ball; but even that was rather lackluster. A dare from Des and accepted by shirtless Zak to strip and jump in the pool has been done before. As before, the air was cold and he shivered.
The huge low light (if something low can be huge) was stalker Jonathan persisting in his twisted mind-quest to drag Des into a room he had set up as a Fantasy Suite. During his third attempt, with protective men looking on, Des emphatically declined by high order of creepiness and kicked his bum to the curb (or white van as is usually the result of being left rose-less.)
Roses for Shenanigans and Other Stunts
A precedent was set with Sean handing out more than one rose during the party rather than waiting for the Rose Ceremony. Des takes advantage of that precedent and hands out boutonnières as she feels it.
Of course, this doesn’t go unnoticed, and there is always a gang of guys following her around the house and patio all the while longing for a rose.
One down, 24 men left and 19 roses to hand out:
Ben (Brody/camping influence)
Zak W (jumping into the pool)
Bryden (story of child in Iraq)
Drew (stuff in common)
Mike R (not shown)
Michael G (just because, I guess)
Abrupt end at the Journey’s start:
This season the journey goes from hot to cold or from cold to hot. In other words, what’s a guy to pack? The Bach/ette rollercoaster is guaranteed to run at high velocity. Can they keep up? Can we?
Don’t forget your beverages of choice next week when we begin the dating cycles. Those are always worth a snarky toast or two or three. Please, though, keep your gag meters in check, unless, of course, you just can’t help it.