Project Runway 9/15 Recap: Trouble with Mammaries

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Here we are at about the half-way mark and the only real stand out is Joshís waxed angry eyebrows, much in the manner of the brows Elaine drew on Seinfeldís Uncle Leo. Anthony, Anya, and Viktor are pretty okay, but in a Bravo season, theyíd have been toast inside of the first five episodes. Eh, whatís the use? Itíll never go back to Bravo, Tim will be forever muzzled (or at least until his contract runs out), and Michael remain forever orange.

Nine Dudes on the Runway

Heidi meets the designers on the runway to announce the next challenge. She informs them that they wonít be working with their usual human hangers but will have to use regular people as clients. Out walks nine guys of various shapes and sizes, and this freaks the designers out. Menswear? Oh noes! Not only is the fear because of lack of menswear skills, but there are several who voice concern about the size of the guys. Not one single guy up there is morbidly obese. Some are bigger guysótall, maybe a bit of a beer gutóbut nothing that would make you think they had to cut a hole in their house to get out of it. Because Anya won the last challenge (and has immunity, though thatís the last of the immunity for the season), she gets to pick first, and then it goes on from there. Anthony picks the burly guy with the long hair and huge Ďstash, while Olivier grumbles about how fat all the guys are that are left on the runway.

Breaking News: Women Have Curves!

In the workroom, Tim says the guys are their clients, but they will be making a look for their wives or girlfriends. The production will provide the ladiesí measurements, and the clientsí SOs will walk the runway. The guys come in to collaborate, and most of them donít really have a clue. Seems like an act to me on the part of the guys, as they KNEW they were coming on Project Runway to get an outfit for their partnersóitís not like they were just plucked off the street. Bertís client is all about showing off his wifeís boobs, Bryce learns that his clientís wife is a pink girl, and Anthony is helping his client recreate a vintage dress he lost. Laurenís clientís wife also has big boobs, as does Olivier, who just finds the notion of large breastsóor any reallyóto mess up his design and ruin the line of the garment. I wonder if thereís a way to sic Christina Hendricks on him, in full Joan-bitchiness mode?

Itís off to Mood where the designers and clients have a mere 30 minutes to chose fabrics. With all the fabric mishaps lately, and the added burden of bringing guys who probably never set foot in Mood before, why not give them an extra fifteen minutes or so? Olivier asks Tim what a DD size is. He says itís a bra size, but thatís all he can say. The girl at Mood explains itís a larger cup size; Olivier remains troubled by boobs.

Luckily the designers have two whole days to work on their design and the wives/girlfriends will come in before the end of the first day. Bryceís client puts him in a loving mood while Bertís client is still going on about his wifeís boobs and motorboats the mannequin. Olivier then commences complaining about having to work with a living, breathing client. The ladies enter and Laura is ecstatic that her clientís wife wants to be an adult Barbie. Bertís lady is indeed busty and picks Bertís favorite sketch over her husbandís. Anthonyís lady is happy that sheís getting a dress like the one her husband lost in the airport. Josh is perplexed at how simple his clientís wife wants to go. Olivierís lady doesnít like the primary color of the outfit; sheís a bit Jill Zarin bossy, and Olivier gets confused and just wants them to shut up and accept he knows best. Bryce now hates the pink he got so heís going to dye it fuchsia; heís choked up on the love story and misses his boyfriend. Everyone is worried about Bryce, but itís a competition so they canít really help him too much.

The next day arrives and itís back to work. Bryceís material is now bright pink and he worries about making a whole dress out of the pink material. The clients come in for a review. Olivier still wants his clients to shut up and take what he gives them. Tim arrives to check in on things. Viktorís work is nearly done and Tim loves it; Viktor lucked out and got a skinny hipster client. Anya shows her modified kimono dress with one sleeve, which concerns Tim a bit, but sheís not done yet. Bert says he wants to go simple and modern; Tim wonders about how much cleavage is going on, but the dress isnít quite done yet either. Tim talks with Olivierís group; the lady likes the top but wants a different pant. Tim is concerned the colors are too crayon; he suggests making the top in a different material, but points out Olivier has a time management issue. Lauraís draped up some messy teal gown and her client is wearing it with sparkly silver platform heels, which Tim questions saying itís full-tilt-Barbie. Tim stands silently looking at Kimberlyís look and moves on. Anthony has some polka dot dress material, but Tim cautions against Minnie Mouse references. Tim is impressed that Josh edited himself away from the parade float aesthetic he usually has and likes the dress. Bryce has constructed the dress with one pink panel and mostly light grey; he could still go all pink.

Tim leaves and Bryce scraps everything and starts over in all pink. Josh and Viktor talk about Olivier in the break roomóthe critique didnít go so well and heís obviously struggling. The day of the show arrives, and itís running into the workroom for last minute finishing. Tim starts the two-hour clock and notes there is still a lot of work to be done. Olivierís client doesnít like the pants going up her butt; he does not like this talking back. Kimberly is having a bit of trouble getting the garments to close on the zipper. Bryce is still working on the dress, but at least remembers to take his client to hair and makeup, unlike Olivier, who gets prompted by Tim. I really wish Tim were more vocal on the season; I only can imagine that he sometimes feels like heís a playground monitor. Tim calls ten minutes on the clock and the ladies get free jewelry from Piperlime. Olivier runs around looking for his client who is in the designerís lounge. Tim fusses at Kimberly and Olivier sewing in the hallway before the runway show.

I Went On Project Runway And All I Got Was A Department Store Dress

For the show, the designers sit with the husbands/boyfriends in the audience. Judging tonight are Heidi, Michael, Nina, and Malin Akerman.
Laura sends down a flowing teal, mostly strapless mess of a gown.
Anthony sends down a red skirt, a black and red sleeveless V-neck top, and an ugly white belt.
Bert shows a lacy black sleeveless V-neck top and a more pencil skirt short bottom.
Josh presents a simple black circle skirt with tulle at the hem, and a squared, deep V-back, not unlike the winning teamís deep square V backs from last week.
Bryce shows a bright pink sheath dress to which heís attached large pockets at the hem.
Kimberly presents a shiny black short skirt and a dark pink one-shoulder shirt.
Olivier shows dark pants and a dark ivory one-shoulder top with a lot of busy construction.
Anya has a black and white print one sleeve kimono like dress that is long in the back and short in the front.
Viktor has a teal button up top with short sleeves, a high wasted grey pleated skirt with a wide gold band at the bottom.

After the show, Kimberly, Olivier and Laura are called forward; they are safe. How Laura and Olivier are safe, Iíll never know. It will be one of the mysteries of Project Runway that will remain unsolved. Heidi then divides the rest into top and bottom; she keeps Anya, Josh, and Viktor on the stage to talk to the higher score designers first. Anya talks about the meshing of Japanese and African work; she wanted to create something that the client can wear to an opening, as she is an artist and architect. Heidi thinks that it is new and different, but Nina doesnít like the one sleeve. The client wants a sleeve, and Malin would prefer a sleeve as well. Josh talks about his struggle with the simplicity and Heidi is amazed he didnít bedazzle it. Heidi likes the elegance and sassiness of the dress. Michael likes that Josh picked a shiny light blue platform stiletto. Viktor says it was easy creating his look, as her husband described his wife to a T. But everyone loves the look, except maybe she had a bit too many accessories. And allegedly the client lady is a lawyer. In all my years of practice, Iíve never run across a fellow female lawyer who dresses like a retro young Debbie Harry. Iím glad thereís at least one out there.

The bottom three designers then face the firing squad. Bert says he made the dress that his client wanted; she doesnít know why sheís up there, as she loves the dress. Michael says itís made well, it fits well, but it is safe and could be found at a store. Nina wants the skirt longer, but the client doesnít. Bryceís client loves pink, so thatís why they went with the color. Nina doesnít like all the details, the band at the bottom, the pockets, the bands at the back, and the belt. Thereís jut too much going on. Malin and the client likes the pockets, but Malin points out the fit is not right. Heidi thinks the pockets are too big and she could store her lunch in there. Michael has issues with the tailoring and it looks messy. Anthony explains his outfit, but Malin says it looks like a cheerleading outfit or a cigarette girl. Heidi thinks it lacks sex appeal and looks old. Nina doesnít like the fit, and Michael sees superhero, and Heidi declares it super-safe and super-boring.

Debating the bottom three, Bertís dress is fine, fit well, showed off the body, but it isnít anything all that unusual. Bryce was only sorta saved by the color, but it isnít fit well. Anthonyís was cheerleader, sailor, child, or a uniform. Josh did a good job in editing; Nina is over the moon for him. As for Anya, Michael says that it is the most fashion runway; Nina has an issue with a sleeve, but no one else does. Michaelís just glad that someone who is ďgoing to a gallery openingĒ actually will be going to a gallery opening. Everyone loves Viktorís look, but Michael says that he did get lucky on having the most fashion-interested couple. (For the record, the husband dressed a bit like a hipster version of Tim Gunn.)

The verdict is in. Anya is in, Josh wins which cinches MFWalkoffís theory about the Lifetime Gretchen edit, and of course Viktor is in. Bert is admonished to turn up the volume but heís in. Thus, itís down to Anthony and Bryce and I was really sweating it for a minute that my hometown guy was going to be sent packing. However, Bryce is eliminated; at least he can go home to his boyfriend whom he misses so.

Next week, some shaggy haired dude band gets outfitted, so they really have to make menís clothes.

A post-script now. I donít usually share my dreams because (a) they are irrelevant and (b) thatís a weird and boring thing to do. But I had a very vivid dream after watching this show that, after Bryce was eliminated, Tim found out that Olivier once again glued his top to his client while in the designersí lounge and was tossed off the show and Bryce was given another chance. Frankly, Iíd prefer that ending.