Project Runway 9/15 Recap: Trouble with Mammaries

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Here we are at about the half-way mark and the only real stand out is Josh’s waxed angry eyebrows, much in the manner of the brows Elaine drew on Seinfeld’s Uncle Leo. Anthony, Anya, and Viktor are pretty okay, but in a Bravo season, they’d have been toast inside of the first five episodes. Eh, what’s the use? It’ll never go back to Bravo, Tim will be forever muzzled (or at least until his contract runs out), and Michael remain forever orange.

Nine Dudes on the Runway

Heidi meets the designers on the runway to announce the next challenge. She informs them that they won’t be working with their usual human hangers but will have to use regular people as clients. Out walks nine guys of various shapes and sizes, and this freaks the designers out. Menswear? Oh noes! Not only is the fear because of lack of menswear skills, but there are several who voice concern about the size of the guys. Not one single guy up there is morbidly obese. Some are bigger guys—tall, maybe a bit of a beer gut—but nothing that would make you think they had to cut a hole in their house to get out of it. Because Anya won the last challenge (and has immunity, though that’s the last of the immunity for the season), she gets to pick first, and then it goes on from there. Anthony picks the burly guy with the long hair and huge ‘stash, while Olivier grumbles about how fat all the guys are that are left on the runway.

Breaking News: Women Have Curves!

In the workroom, Tim says the guys are their clients, but they will be making a look for their wives or girlfriends. The production will provide the ladies’ measurements, and the clients’ SOs will walk the runway. The guys come in to collaborate, and most of them don’t really have a clue. Seems like an act to me on the part of the guys, as they KNEW they were coming on Project Runway to get an outfit for their partners—it’s not like they were just plucked off the street. Bert’s client is all about showing off his wife’s boobs, Bryce learns that his client’s wife is a pink girl, and Anthony is helping his client recreate a vintage dress he lost. Lauren’s client’s wife also has big boobs, as does Olivier, who just finds the notion of large breasts—or any really—to mess up his design and ruin the line of the garment. I wonder if there’s a way to sic Christina Hendricks on him, in full Joan-bitchiness mode?

It’s off to Mood where the designers and clients have a mere 30 minutes to chose fabrics. With all the fabric mishaps lately, and the added burden of bringing guys who probably never set foot in Mood before, why not give them an extra fifteen minutes or so? Olivier asks Tim what a DD size is. He says it’s a bra size, but that’s all he can say. The girl at Mood explains it’s a larger cup size; Olivier remains troubled by boobs.

Luckily the designers have two whole days to work on their design and the wives/girlfriends will come in before the end of the first day. Bryce’s client puts him in a loving mood while Bert’s client is still going on about his wife’s boobs and motorboats the mannequin. Olivier then commences complaining about having to work with a living, breathing client. The ladies enter and Laura is ecstatic that her client’s wife wants to be an adult Barbie. Bert’s lady is indeed busty and picks Bert’s favorite sketch over her husband’s. Anthony’s lady is happy that she’s getting a dress like the one her husband lost in the airport. Josh is perplexed at how simple his client’s wife wants to go. Olivier’s lady doesn’t like the primary color of the outfit; she’s a bit Jill Zarin bossy, and Olivier gets confused and just wants them to shut up and accept he knows best. Bryce now hates the pink he got so he’s going to dye it fuchsia; he’s choked up on the love story and misses his boyfriend. Everyone is worried about Bryce, but it’s a competition so they can’t really help him too much.

The next day arrives and it’s back to work. Bryce’s material is now bright pink and he worries about making a whole dress out of the pink material. The clients come in for a review. Olivier still wants his clients to shut up and take what he gives them. Tim arrives to check in on things. Viktor’s work is nearly done and Tim loves it; Viktor lucked out and got a skinny hipster client. Anya shows her modified kimono dress with one sleeve, which concerns Tim a bit, but she’s not done yet. Bert says he wants to go simple and modern; Tim wonders about how much cleavage is going on, but the dress isn’t quite done yet either. Tim talks with Olivier’s group; the lady likes the top but wants a different pant. Tim is concerned the colors are too crayon; he suggests making the top in a different material, but points out Olivier has a time management issue. Laura’s draped up some messy teal gown and her client is wearing it with sparkly silver platform heels, which Tim questions saying it’s full-tilt-Barbie. Tim stands silently looking at Kimberly’s look and moves on. Anthony has some polka dot dress material, but Tim cautions against Minnie Mouse references. Tim is impressed that Josh edited himself away from the parade float aesthetic he usually has and likes the dress. Bryce has constructed the dress with one pink panel and mostly light grey; he could still go all pink.

Tim leaves and Bryce scraps everything and starts over in all pink. Josh and Viktor talk about Olivier in the break room—the critique didn’t go so well and he’s obviously struggling. The day of the show arrives, and it’s running into the workroom for last minute finishing. Tim starts the two-hour clock and notes there is still a lot of work to be done. Olivier’s client doesn’t like the pants going up her butt; he does not like this talking back. Kimberly is having a bit of trouble getting the garments to close on the zipper. Bryce is still working on the dress, but at least remembers to take his client to hair and makeup, unlike Olivier, who gets prompted by Tim. I really wish Tim were more vocal on the season; I only can imagine that he sometimes feels like he’s a playground monitor. Tim calls ten minutes on the clock and the ladies get free jewelry from Piperlime. Olivier runs around looking for his client who is in the designer’s lounge. Tim fusses at Kimberly and Olivier sewing in the hallway before the runway show.

I Went On Project Runway And All I Got Was A Department Store Dress

For the show, the designers sit with the husbands/boyfriends in the audience. Judging tonight are Heidi, Michael, Nina, and Malin Akerman.
Laura sends down a flowing teal, mostly strapless mess of a gown.
Anthony sends down a red skirt, a black and red sleeveless V-neck top, and an ugly white belt.
Bert shows a lacy black sleeveless V-neck top and a more pencil skirt short bottom.
Josh presents a simple black circle skirt with tulle at the hem, and a squared, deep V-back, not unlike the winning team’s deep square V backs from last week.
Bryce shows a bright pink sheath dress to which he’s attached large pockets at the hem.
Kimberly presents a shiny black short skirt and a dark pink one-shoulder shirt.
Olivier shows dark pants and a dark ivory one-shoulder top with a lot of busy construction.
Anya has a black and white print one sleeve kimono like dress that is long in the back and short in the front.
Viktor has a teal button up top with short sleeves, a high wasted grey pleated skirt with a wide gold band at the bottom.

After the show, Kimberly, Olivier and Laura are called forward; they are safe. How Laura and Olivier are safe, I’ll never know. It will be one of the mysteries of Project Runway that will remain unsolved. Heidi then divides the rest into top and bottom; she keeps Anya, Josh, and Viktor on the stage to talk to the higher score designers first. Anya talks about the meshing of Japanese and African work; she wanted to create something that the client can wear to an opening, as she is an artist and architect. Heidi thinks that it is new and different, but Nina doesn’t like the one sleeve. The client wants a sleeve, and Malin would prefer a sleeve as well. Josh talks about his struggle with the simplicity and Heidi is amazed he didn’t bedazzle it. Heidi likes the elegance and sassiness of the dress. Michael likes that Josh picked a shiny light blue platform stiletto. Viktor says it was easy creating his look, as her husband described his wife to a T. But everyone loves the look, except maybe she had a bit too many accessories. And allegedly the client lady is a lawyer. In all my years of practice, I’ve never run across a fellow female lawyer who dresses like a retro young Debbie Harry. I’m glad there’s at least one out there.

The bottom three designers then face the firing squad. Bert says he made the dress that his client wanted; she doesn’t know why she’s up there, as she loves the dress. Michael says it’s made well, it fits well, but it is safe and could be found at a store. Nina wants the skirt longer, but the client doesn’t. Bryce’s client loves pink, so that’s why they went with the color. Nina doesn’t like all the details, the band at the bottom, the pockets, the bands at the back, and the belt. There’s jut too much going on. Malin and the client likes the pockets, but Malin points out the fit is not right. Heidi thinks the pockets are too big and she could store her lunch in there. Michael has issues with the tailoring and it looks messy. Anthony explains his outfit, but Malin says it looks like a cheerleading outfit or a cigarette girl. Heidi thinks it lacks sex appeal and looks old. Nina doesn’t like the fit, and Michael sees superhero, and Heidi declares it super-safe and super-boring.

Debating the bottom three, Bert’s dress is fine, fit well, showed off the body, but it isn’t anything all that unusual. Bryce was only sorta saved by the color, but it isn’t fit well. Anthony’s was cheerleader, sailor, child, or a uniform. Josh did a good job in editing; Nina is over the moon for him. As for Anya, Michael says that it is the most fashion runway; Nina has an issue with a sleeve, but no one else does. Michael’s just glad that someone who is “going to a gallery opening” actually will be going to a gallery opening. Everyone loves Viktor’s look, but Michael says that he did get lucky on having the most fashion-interested couple. (For the record, the husband dressed a bit like a hipster version of Tim Gunn.)

The verdict is in. Anya is in, Josh wins which cinches MFWalkoff’s theory about the Lifetime Gretchen edit, and of course Viktor is in. Bert is admonished to turn up the volume but he’s in. Thus, it’s down to Anthony and Bryce and I was really sweating it for a minute that my hometown guy was going to be sent packing. However, Bryce is eliminated; at least he can go home to his boyfriend whom he misses so.

Next week, some shaggy haired dude band gets outfitted, so they really have to make men’s clothes.

A post-script now. I don’t usually share my dreams because (a) they are irrelevant and (b) that’s a weird and boring thing to do. But I had a very vivid dream after watching this show that, after Bryce was eliminated, Tim found out that Olivier once again glued his top to his client while in the designers’ lounge and was tossed off the show and Bryce was given another chance. Frankly, I’d prefer that ending.