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So here’s the thing, as Monk would say. I have been hanging with Project Runway since the start and, even with the move to Lifetime, the insane LA location change, the wildly inconsistent judging, and the Gretchen win, I still keep the faith. To put the proverbial cart before the horse, I am fairly disgusted with this episode and the general tone this season has. Thus, on with the recap and reliving the nastiness.

Drop Outs.

Some probably under-paid PAs snuck into each apartment overnight and left “care” packages for the designers consisting of t-shirts, running shorts, and New Balance sneakers from Heidi’s line of sportswear. They are directed to head to the New Balance indoor running track in Washington Heights. Cecelia is not happy. She doesn’t want to get out of bed. She doesn’t want to be there. She looks like she’s been bitten by a zombie overnight. Ugh, why didn’t she go home last week?

Becky eventually cajoles her to get dressed but when they all turn up at the running track, she looks like she has food poisoning. Heidi and Tim greet them with the news they have another team challenge—four teams of three—and the team captains will be chosen by the top four runners around the 200 meter track. Cecelia then decides to tell Heidi and Tim she’s done, doesn’t like the competition, and wants out, while the other designers look on, waiting to start the race. After a little bit of back and forth, she leaves. Thank the reality tv gods, because her sour-puss attitude was making me angry.

Then it’s off to the races. Josh is way, far out in the lead. Olivier was doing okay then fell, like all his bones suddenly became jelly. Josh, Bryce, Bryce, and Victor came in tops, so they will be team leaders. The medic comes to check on Olivier; he has a giant bruise on his knee and passes out on the track. Oh dear lord, what now? A little spill makes him pass out? Hell, I fell and broke my nose in my own house and didn’t bother with a medic. Just suck it up, dude!

Fiiiiigggghhhttts! Ugh.

The team choosing starts with Josh picking Anya, Bryce picking Kimberly, Anthony picking Laura and Viktor picking Olivier. For the second round of choosing, Josh picks Becky, Bryce picks Danielle, and that sticks Anthony with the god-awful Bert. Viktor gets to pick anyone who has been eliminated to come back to be on his team and in the competition. Everyone clamors for Josh C. and that’s whom Viktor picks. Oh great, I now have to use initials again! Argh!

The challenge for the teams is to create three looks for Heidi’s New Balance sneakers. The looks can be anything, not just athletic wear. Or so she says now. The looks have to incorporate the dowdy denim and/or grey and black suedes of the sneakers. In other words, we’re going to have the ugliest, most boring colored group of fashion ever seen on one single episode of Project Runway. Just brace yourself for that. In any event, whatever wins will be sold on Amazon under Heidi’s line.

The designers are sent off to caucus about their designs, and this is where things start to go off the rails for me. I just CANNOT stand Josh M. He could spit out McQueen level of awesome designs and I’d still want to slap the over-tweezed eyebrows off his face. Yeah, he is right—leggings are not cool, not ever cool really—but the eye rolls and the dismissive tone he takes with Becky is offensive. Viktor and Olivier collaborate with no drama. Bryce tries to sell his team on a cowl neck, after failing to sell Nina on the idea last week. Anthony and Laura shoot down Bert’s ideas, but not nearly as dramatically as Josh M. shot down Becky. Plus, I like Becky and Bert is an old fart, older than his years by far. Pretty much the same attitude issues prevail at Mood, then it’s back to Parsons where they’ll have until 11 p.m. to finish all three looks.

Josh C. triumphantly returns, much to the delight of everyone, and it’s off to work. Josh M. relegates Becky to sewing detail, freezing her out of the design process. On Viktor’s team, Olivier is doing a long skirt, which Viktor thinks looks Amish. Anthony tries to keep the peace and get Bert’s input, but Bert can’t be bothered to remember Anthony’s name.

Heidi and Tim stop by to check on the designers. Bryce explains his cowl-hoodie and Heidi questions whether if it is cool, so he ditches it. Bryce needs to walk away from hoodie/cowl combinations altogether. Kimberly’s dress gets the “boxy” criticism, so the team starts fresh. Viktor explains his denim and leather jacket which gets no feedback, but Olivier’s long skirt is too “Auntie Em”. Anthony’s group seems to be all over the place and a bit too dressy. Tim says that it is a rarefied woman who would work out in these cloths. Now, not that I’m one to often challenge Tim, Heidi did say the outfits could be anything—from dresses to suits—as long as they worked with the sneakers. You don’t have to work out to wear sneakers. Heidi calls Josh M. out on using the same basic panel dress he’s made before. They ask Becky what she’s done, and it’s pretty much sewing. Tim cautions her to not put herself in that position to later be thrown under the bus by Josh M. and Anya.

Heidi is worried so she gives the designers until 4 a.m. Then the crap hits the fan on Team Josh M. They have to re-work Josh M.’s repeat dress and Becky offers a suggestion. Josh M. tells her to stay out of it since she is dowdy. Becky goes off to sew and Josh says that her style is from 40 to death. He ought to know, as he’s pushing 45. (I don’t, for one single minute, believe he’s 25. No way!) He then confronts her in the sewing room, claiming that “dowdy” isn’t an insult, which no one buys. Becky says he shouldn’t blame her for sewing what he designed. Then he gets in a snit and tells her to take a nap if she’s so tired. Anya half-assedly tries to comfort Becky, and it’s off to the Ladies’ for Becky, where the camera man follows. Anya comes in to see if she can help, then Josh M. comes in and half-assedly apologies.

The models come in and Team Viktor now likes the long skirt; I have to say, I do too, but I can’t get in the sun for long without starting to fry like a vampire on True Blood. Bert has a big muslin top that looks like a pillow case on his model and Laura doesn’t buy the whole miniskirt with sneakers look, but he’s like “it is what it is, whatevs, bitches!” but in a grumpy old man way. Team Bryce is just scrambling.

The next morning, Anthony is not feeling well—he’s got a fever and is not happy with his design. Team Bryce is still scrambling with Kimberly suddenly decides to scrap her skirt and make a suede one and Danielle goes to make a chiffon henley tank. Josh M. and Bert get into a “drop dead” fight over a sewing machine, but I don’t care. I want them both gone.

Judicial Conflict.

It’s time for the runway show; on the panel are Michael, Nina, and Erin Wasson, model and designer, and of course, Heidi.

Team Viktor shows Viktor’s grey jersey dress and motorcycle jacket, Josh C.’s denim pants with a grey t-shirt with a shoulder harness leather detail, and Olivier’s long grey skirt with a denim tank.
Team Bryce shows a really cute dress with snaps, some shorts, a tank, and a cool jacket, and a black skirt with a chiffon green/blue tank.
Team Anthony shows Anthony’s horrible gym shorts and oversized slouchy top, Laura’s shorts, tank, and sleeveless vest, and Bert’s black mini and asymmetrical off the shoulder fitted top that is all kinds of dressy.
Team Josh M. shows Josh’s black shorts, patterned grey tones tank, and some kind of shredded vest, Becky’s mini and grey tank, and Anya’s maxi dress in the same patterned print as the tank. All designs have the “pop” color of hideous neon orange in them, most prominently down the front of Anya’s dress. Frankly, it looks like something you would put on to reflect light if you were jogging in the dark.

Since the looks were all over the place, the judges need to talk to everyone. They start with Josh M.’s and Anthony’s teams—the contentious teams. They start with Anthony’s team, and he explains who did what and admits he’s not happy with his gym shorts. Then it’s a whole lot of who said what and accusations of lying and it is obvious that the team didn’t work. Bert enjoys Anthony’s failure and him getting the only praise out of the group. Anthony admits that he got caught up in the drama. Josh M. then explains who did what as well, and Heidi thinks that they spent the extra time bedazzling the collection. The maxi dress is liked, the shredded vest causes split on the panel, and the tank top is too short. Josh M. does kinda/sorta take ownership of the design, but it comes out that he and Becky did not get along.

The other two teams come out on stage; Viktor says he did the dress and jacket, while Olivier did the top and designed the long skirt, which Josh C. sewed, and Josh C. designed the leather trimmed t-shirt and Olivier did the pants. The judges love the jacket, hate the long skirt, and love the t-shirt. Bryce says he did the dress, Danielle did the jacket and the chiffon tank, and Kimberly sis the skirt and shorts. The judges like the dress, but hate the tank. The jacket is saleable, and probably should have been put over the tank.

The judges discuss how ridiculous the fighting was and how much Anthony fell apart. The judges think that Josh M. was smart for picking one girl for vibe and one girl for skill and they did a good job. Viktor’s team, except for the long skirt, did the best. Bryce’s team had a great vibe and made clothes wearable with sneakers, but Danielle is problematic with her chiffon addiction. Erin and Heidi think Anthony was the worst. Nina and Michael argue potential over last performance. They think that Anthony has the most potential, while Danielle has never really delivered.

After long last, the decision is in and Heidi has changed up the rules again. She names Viktor for his dress and jacket the winner of the challenge AND Josh M. for the maxi-dress Anya designed. FOUL!!!!! I call FOUL!!!! How can Josh M., the biggest ass on the show, win for ANOTHER DESIGNER’S DESIGN?!?!?! Everyone else is in except Anthony and Danielle. Anthony is allowed to stay, but wouldn’t have been had it been up to Heidi. Danielle is sent home for boring the judges with chiffon. Well, I guess I’ll stick around and recap since Anthony is still in and he’s my hometown contestant. I just hope someone got him some Theraflu for after the show.

Next week the designers work with kids. Yipes!